So today I sent seven letters into the ether. One was quite literally into the ether, as I had to e-mail a copy of the various university forms I must fill in every day. I am honestly surprised it's so difficult to sign up at university, everyone is so cash-light at the moment that I half expected that I fill in credit card details first.
The other letters are winging their way to England and Korea. My old boss is getting a letter, I started off at odds with her, but when nan died she did quadruple back-flips to ensure I got back to England in time for the funeral - from this point I realised that her heart was in the right place (I'll put the earlier disagreements down to cultural differences.) Family will get the rest.
The only problem is that I wrote half a dozen messages over the course of six weeks, all failing to adhere to typical chronological structures. They were a nightmare to piece together, and none of them read like a logical, coherent being wrote them. They look like the beginning of a P.K.Dick novel. In essence, indecipherable.
More embarrassing, I'm pretty sure I wrote about une fille charmant (my old housemate taught me how to say that around three years ago, thanks Josh. Just remembered it for some reason) who is rather endearing, as they tend to be. Alas, if that letter ends up with the wrong recipient, I will simply die of shock (in a desperate housewives voice).
However, in general, when I write letters I set out with an agenda, and then abandon it three lines in.
Much the same as this blog, if I'm honest.
If you're reading this Ria, this is both how to write a blog, and most certainly how not to write one. Take inspiration/heed from the messages within!
So today was busy because I had to rush out at lunch to dispatch letters on a combined journey of around 20,000 miles, madness when you think about it. 50 pence each. Utterly bonkers, but I imagine you can fit a large number of letter in a 747.
I also bid farewell to a pair of pants in the mail, but that is most certainly a story for another time!
My lunchtime finally over, I worked the final two lessons of the day, afterwards heading off to pay my insurance bill - only to find that they close at 4pm. Bearing in mind no one works after 9 am, or finishes before 5 here; just as in England. Opening at 9 am and closing at 4 pm is like driving an ice-cream van in front of a fat kid, just fast enough that he will never reach the infinite bounties held within. Needless to say, as I was the fat kid in this scenario I was not amused.
I am that kid. That poor, poor child. As the expert commentator says, 'Ice Cream Denied.'
I'll have to think of something tomorrow. Fat kids are devious, after all.
Talking of fat kids. In a month or so, one of the teachers at the mountain school is having an open day for parents and teachers alike (it really is the smallest school) involving ice cream and fruits. While I'm not too keen on the fruit idea, I'm all over the ice-cream. Alas, it's being held on a Wednesday, which would require rejigging my schedule. Now, obviously speaking, I'm all for that; and there is a precedent with such events. The teacher at the middle school who proposes such matters is part of the anti-fun league, Japan chapter. To be frank, he probably founded the organisation. He's so typically Japanese in that sense, and his general demeanour, and his look, and his habits, that he's basically a racist stereotype of Japanese office workers. Therefore, I doubt he'll grant leave, just for fun. Being the devious fat-kid-at-heart that I am, I will think of something. ICE CREAM, YES. Fruit, meh.
That's all I can think of for now. If you're family, expect some mail. It (probably) won't be lethal, it's okay.
Monday, 5 September 2011
Friday, 2 September 2011
The Morris Dance of Japan
Check out my previous blog entry here. I've added a few words to the pictures I unceremoniously dumped last night.
So the tiny school I work at is holding a school event in a few weeks.
They're doing a wickedsick dance. I can't fathom the reason for the dance, but the youngest (and fittest) teacher is performing with the kids. I was lucky enough to witness the dance, and I must say that it's impressive to say the least.
She uses a number of resources to practice, but this video is the one she used to demonstrate.
So this dance has a specific meaning - and it turns out that a lot of areas in Japan have them. This particular one is from Hokkaido, and assuming you've watched it, what do you think it represents?
This is a fishermans dance, and once I learned that it made perfect sense. The opening is him representing the waves. The tugging is pulling in the net. The scooping is him harvesting the bounties.
The female teacher showing me was extremely faithful to this guys representation, and she is extremely enthusiastic to boot. I can't wait to see the finished production.
I showed a number of the teachers the English equivalent. Of course, maypole dancing and morris dancing.
The rough translation for what they say while witnessing the spectale (not performed by my, mercifully. Youtube is your friend) was something akin to 'man that looks gay.'
I concur.
I guess some things that are so old, just can't be left alone to die out.
So the tiny school I work at is holding a school event in a few weeks.
They're doing a wickedsick dance. I can't fathom the reason for the dance, but the youngest (and fittest) teacher is performing with the kids. I was lucky enough to witness the dance, and I must say that it's impressive to say the least.
She uses a number of resources to practice, but this video is the one she used to demonstrate.
The reason he one-arm standing chest presses the air a number of times? To show how badass he is at lifting fish out of the net, that's why.
This is a fishermans dance, and once I learned that it made perfect sense. The opening is him representing the waves. The tugging is pulling in the net. The scooping is him harvesting the bounties.
The female teacher showing me was extremely faithful to this guys representation, and she is extremely enthusiastic to boot. I can't wait to see the finished production.
I showed a number of the teachers the English equivalent. Of course, maypole dancing and morris dancing.
The rough translation for what they say while witnessing the spectale (not performed by my, mercifully. Youtube is your friend) was something akin to 'man that looks gay.'
I concur.
I guess some things that are so old, just can't be left alone to die out.
Thursday, 1 September 2011
Tokyo Disney Sea
Before we start: check out the recently added 'This Stuff Writes Itself.' A website created by Ria Farrell. Apparently the title was chosen ironically, as she is struggling to come up with day to day inspiration. Perfect company!
So I've got a few HELLISHLY blurred photographs from Tokyo Disney Sea (it's a separate entity to Tokyo Disney Land). They're blurred because I can't hold those tiny pocket cameras, it was dark, the ground was shaking from all the rides. Essentially, every element outside of my control conspired to produce terrible quality photographs.
Before I upload them, there are none of me.
It's important to point out that I took around half of these photos (the blurry half) and the person I went with took the other half (the cutesy half).
As such, there is much inconsistency between photographs.
Nothing says Disney like Mickey Mouse flavoured windows. This reminded me of the tree Grandad cultivated in his garden, in this very image.
And here is the mouse himself.
My least favourite part of the day was watching the shows, not because I'm inherently against fun, but because they were identical to what you might expect to see in america. Therefore, giant burgers and chips were dancing around the stage half the time, with mostly nude faeries the other. Way to show cultural understanding through adaptation, america.
I had to cringe, or find something else to entertain me for most of these. Luckily we only saw a few in passing. (Five minutes of this is enough to melt the hardiest brain.)
On the flip side (you'll see why that's a pun in half a sentence) the choreography and effects were magnificent. They were doing somersaults (there's the pun) and high diving tricks all over the place. I can always respect someone who can perform physical feats that I'm unable to.
Here is a picture of the poor girl who offered to take me around the park. I'll probably never see her again; my childish screams of excitement are not very attractive - I couldn't help myself.
I also selected those glasses, turned to present them to her and swiftly poked her in the eye. Sorry about that...
So here begins the blurred section of proceedings. All the lights are floating around on barges, and all the effects are carried around by boat. The whole display was fantastic, not for the storytelling (I could give a rats-ass about a mouse) but for the technical prowess on display. There were probably 50k's worth of fireworks, at least a million pounds worth of floating implement, and another million in extra effects (like the giant LCD island below).
This island was really well conceived, but for one slight flaw. They were obviously still only running XP, because the animations kept sticking and desyncing. The top half would display something different to the bottom, and the display would pause for a moment.
It would well have been intentional, but I doubt it.
These balls were inflated halfway through the display, and have a projector embedded inside. They showed all manner of characters and funkadelic displays. The display was based on fantasia, and was itself called fantasmic (I guess it's easier to say for Japanese speakers?).
I don't know how to edit the properties of this, or the next photo, so you'll just have to turn your head.
The mirror from so many fables, was a projector screen surrounded by light. This gave everything a holographic feel that worked rather well. It was also about 40 feet high. They don't mess around, Disney.
That mountain in the background spits flames periodically.
Now, photographs aren't always the best form of conveying scales or measurements, but that mountain is 400 metres away (at the highest point) if it's a yard. When that thing belched flame, you could feel the heat. Let me emphasise that again. That fake-ass looking mountain with a tiny bubble of flame emerging, produced enough heat that you could feel it from virtually anywhere in the park. In fact, the first I knew of that mountain burping fire, was the heat I felt during a display earlier in the day. I thought it odd that in direct sunlight, I should be feeling warmer on my left side. I looked up just as the noise reached us, and it was periodically dispensing a million gallons of CO2 into the atmosphere.
A special invention!
This is a close-up of one of the floating orbs. This gives you a sense of scale, as those people are clearly indicative of the size Disney operates at. Then again, they might all be Japanese, which would mean the Western sense of proportion doesn't quite work here.
And that's it. Hardly a bumper edition of photographs, but they're more interesting than a post with no pictures, right?
So I've got a few HELLISHLY blurred photographs from Tokyo Disney Sea (it's a separate entity to Tokyo Disney Land). They're blurred because I can't hold those tiny pocket cameras, it was dark, the ground was shaking from all the rides. Essentially, every element outside of my control conspired to produce terrible quality photographs.
Before I upload them, there are none of me.
It's important to point out that I took around half of these photos (the blurry half) and the person I went with took the other half (the cutesy half).
As such, there is much inconsistency between photographs.
Nothing says Disney like Mickey Mouse flavoured windows. This reminded me of the tree Grandad cultivated in his garden, in this very image.
And here is the mouse himself.
My least favourite part of the day was watching the shows, not because I'm inherently against fun, but because they were identical to what you might expect to see in america. Therefore, giant burgers and chips were dancing around the stage half the time, with mostly nude faeries the other. Way to show cultural understanding through adaptation, america.
I had to cringe, or find something else to entertain me for most of these. Luckily we only saw a few in passing. (Five minutes of this is enough to melt the hardiest brain.)
On the flip side (you'll see why that's a pun in half a sentence) the choreography and effects were magnificent. They were doing somersaults (there's the pun) and high diving tricks all over the place. I can always respect someone who can perform physical feats that I'm unable to.
Here is a picture of the poor girl who offered to take me around the park. I'll probably never see her again; my childish screams of excitement are not very attractive - I couldn't help myself.
I also selected those glasses, turned to present them to her and swiftly poked her in the eye. Sorry about that...
So here begins the blurred section of proceedings. All the lights are floating around on barges, and all the effects are carried around by boat. The whole display was fantastic, not for the storytelling (I could give a rats-ass about a mouse) but for the technical prowess on display. There were probably 50k's worth of fireworks, at least a million pounds worth of floating implement, and another million in extra effects (like the giant LCD island below).
This island was really well conceived, but for one slight flaw. They were obviously still only running XP, because the animations kept sticking and desyncing. The top half would display something different to the bottom, and the display would pause for a moment.
It would well have been intentional, but I doubt it.
These balls were inflated halfway through the display, and have a projector embedded inside. They showed all manner of characters and funkadelic displays. The display was based on fantasia, and was itself called fantasmic (I guess it's easier to say for Japanese speakers?).
I don't know how to edit the properties of this, or the next photo, so you'll just have to turn your head.
The mirror from so many fables, was a projector screen surrounded by light. This gave everything a holographic feel that worked rather well. It was also about 40 feet high. They don't mess around, Disney.
That mountain in the background spits flames periodically.
Now, photographs aren't always the best form of conveying scales or measurements, but that mountain is 400 metres away (at the highest point) if it's a yard. When that thing belched flame, you could feel the heat. Let me emphasise that again. That fake-ass looking mountain with a tiny bubble of flame emerging, produced enough heat that you could feel it from virtually anywhere in the park. In fact, the first I knew of that mountain burping fire, was the heat I felt during a display earlier in the day. I thought it odd that in direct sunlight, I should be feeling warmer on my left side. I looked up just as the noise reached us, and it was periodically dispensing a million gallons of CO2 into the atmosphere.
A special invention!
And that's it. Hardly a bumper edition of photographs, but they're more interesting than a post with no pictures, right?
Tuesday, 30 August 2011
Statistics is Fun!
As a quick pre-amble, if you're reading this from america, the Ukraine, Australia or Japan, let me know why in the comments section. I'd be incredibly interested to know.
If statistical mathematics was all about website design in school, I would have probably paid far more attention.
I've just finished my last class for the day, and my final duties include stealing a number of massive rubbish bags for the myriad cans and bottles I've accrued (I will do that now actually).
..........
..........
..........
Done. Seamless.
Updating my blog (which I'm doing now) and enveloping the various letters I've written over Summer. It's come to around 35 pages in total, and they will be sent within the next week.
So I'm looking to change the blog around to make it more appealing. I chose the black b/g with white wording because it's easier for me to read. I've since been told that it is easier for no other human in the history of the earth, so I'm looking for a different layout.
In doing so, I came upon the statistics page of the blog, which logs myriad interesting stats regarding visitors to the site. It's been up for about half the length of time this blog has, and I've known about it (and have previously commented upon the fact that a lot of Russians like this site (why is a good question. My initial guess is something on this accidentally triggers something to do with Russian naked ladies, but that's just a guess) along with a number of other equally bizarre search strings) for a while. I've always been interested in drawing more people to the site for purely egotistical reasons, and have found that adding labels and tags draws in people who would otherwise miss my site. Of course they immediately leave, and I gain no new readership in this way, but the ol' hit counter ticks over nicely as a result.
Some interesting observations as of the 31st of August 2011:
Most people type in the blog URL directly, which means they've bookmarked the site, or know it by heart. These people are obviously family members.
Someone (mum) keeps typing the blog url into google.
As a result google is my top referring site, with over 500 referrals.
Facebook is my second largest referral site, with over 300. I post up photos and photo albums whenever I take some pictures, and link them to the site. It appears to be working.
The highest non-mum related search query is, bizarrely, 'kim jong-il's comedy club.' This links to an article I wrote about the documentary/movie I watched a while ago. Find it here. It's around link number 6 on google. Mental.
The search 'cute animated gif,' is the second highest forwarder of traffic to the blog. This is mental for two reasons. Firstly, I've put that tag in maybe three of the posts, which isn't many. Secondly, I have looked on google and can find my website NOWHERE NEAR the first five pages. I must be buried somewhere beyond oblivion, just before you reach futility. This shows how unknown this blog is, I suppose.
Also of interest are the countries who've accessed this website:
Ten countries are accounted for, by popularity and number of hits included:
UK 1785
US 1467
South Korea 1397
Japan 801
Australia 690
Belgium 269 (Thanks Freaksken!)
Russia 130 (Why are you visiting this blog?)
Malaysia 114 (WHY? I have never mentioned anything related to Malaysia... Ever!)
Canada 95 (Canada is nice and all, but there can't be much to do if you're looking at this)
Holland 80 (Maybe Freaksken went over the border to pick up some pot?)
That's the breakdown by country. The first is easy to explain. That's my family checking up on me.
The second is more puzzling. Maybe others default to US google as I do? But that still doesn't explain why the number is so high. Would going through US google even count as a hit from the US?
SK is easy to explain as I was there. Each time I write a post I usually look at it three or more times to check for spelling errors and grammatical mistakes. If you disregard the SK number, you will probably come close to the number of visitors the site has had without my input.
Japan is the same, I assume they're all me.
The rest? I have no idea. Literally not a single clue. I mean Malaysia? Really? I definitely want to go there now. Apparently what's great for the ego is also great for tourism.
I should have probably added a nerd warning tag to the top of this post, but I'm doing it now instead. If you're not a nerd, you can skip the next few paragraphs. If you don't, your brain might well explode.
Unsurprisingly Windows is the platform of choice. What I AM surprised about, however, is that a full 12% of my readership are homosexual, and willing to advertise that fact; a full 12% of people access this site using a Mac. Please identify yourself in the comments section, I would love to hear from you. I feel in this day and age - one of acceptance and social awareness, the internet is a dark void of homophobia. Feel free to come forward, you won't be mocked here.
Virtually none of the visitors use Linux. The page quotes a 5% usage rate, but I was using Linux for over a year, so those are all me.
Nineteen people have accessed from blackberries (definitely note me!), twelve from Android, eleven from an ipad and four from ipods. One hundred and ninety two accesses from iphones hints towards Amanda and dad. Hey guys, can you even read this? That screen is pretty small...
Browser breakdown is much more competitive, with 37% being IE, 29% being Firefox and 16% being Chrome. Unfortunately for google, their superior browsers' statistics are skewed, as I use their awesome box-into-internet for everything, so the above problems regarding my own pageviews applies.
I have 12 hits from something called 'Jakarta Commons HTTP client.' I don't even...
Seven hits from 'Gran Paradiso.' What in the...
Clicking away from the 'all time,' option, I see that I've had four hits from the Ukraine today. What in the world.
The reason I've geeked out in a major way today? I just received a few pictures (a couple good, most blurry as sin) from the trip to Disney Sea; I can essentially afford to bore you with this post because no one will read it, once the pictures post goes up above it!
Genius!
If statistical mathematics was all about website design in school, I would have probably paid far more attention.
I've just finished my last class for the day, and my final duties include stealing a number of massive rubbish bags for the myriad cans and bottles I've accrued (I will do that now actually).
..........
..........
..........
Done. Seamless.
Updating my blog (which I'm doing now) and enveloping the various letters I've written over Summer. It's come to around 35 pages in total, and they will be sent within the next week.
So I'm looking to change the blog around to make it more appealing. I chose the black b/g with white wording because it's easier for me to read. I've since been told that it is easier for no other human in the history of the earth, so I'm looking for a different layout.
In doing so, I came upon the statistics page of the blog, which logs myriad interesting stats regarding visitors to the site. It's been up for about half the length of time this blog has, and I've known about it (and have previously commented upon the fact that a lot of Russians like this site (why is a good question. My initial guess is something on this accidentally triggers something to do with Russian naked ladies, but that's just a guess) along with a number of other equally bizarre search strings) for a while. I've always been interested in drawing more people to the site for purely egotistical reasons, and have found that adding labels and tags draws in people who would otherwise miss my site. Of course they immediately leave, and I gain no new readership in this way, but the ol' hit counter ticks over nicely as a result.
Some interesting observations as of the 31st of August 2011:
Most people type in the blog URL directly, which means they've bookmarked the site, or know it by heart. These people are obviously family members.
Someone (mum) keeps typing the blog url into google.
As a result google is my top referring site, with over 500 referrals.
Facebook is my second largest referral site, with over 300. I post up photos and photo albums whenever I take some pictures, and link them to the site. It appears to be working.
The highest non-mum related search query is, bizarrely, 'kim jong-il's comedy club.' This links to an article I wrote about the documentary/movie I watched a while ago. Find it here. It's around link number 6 on google. Mental.
The search 'cute animated gif,' is the second highest forwarder of traffic to the blog. This is mental for two reasons. Firstly, I've put that tag in maybe three of the posts, which isn't many. Secondly, I have looked on google and can find my website NOWHERE NEAR the first five pages. I must be buried somewhere beyond oblivion, just before you reach futility. This shows how unknown this blog is, I suppose.
Also of interest are the countries who've accessed this website:
Ten countries are accounted for, by popularity and number of hits included:
UK 1785
US 1467
South Korea 1397
Japan 801
Australia 690
Belgium 269 (Thanks Freaksken!)
Russia 130 (Why are you visiting this blog?)
Malaysia 114 (WHY? I have never mentioned anything related to Malaysia... Ever!)
Canada 95 (Canada is nice and all, but there can't be much to do if you're looking at this)
Holland 80 (Maybe Freaksken went over the border to pick up some pot?)
That's the breakdown by country. The first is easy to explain. That's my family checking up on me.
The second is more puzzling. Maybe others default to US google as I do? But that still doesn't explain why the number is so high. Would going through US google even count as a hit from the US?
SK is easy to explain as I was there. Each time I write a post I usually look at it three or more times to check for spelling errors and grammatical mistakes. If you disregard the SK number, you will probably come close to the number of visitors the site has had without my input.
Japan is the same, I assume they're all me.
The rest? I have no idea. Literally not a single clue. I mean Malaysia? Really? I definitely want to go there now. Apparently what's great for the ego is also great for tourism.
I should have probably added a nerd warning tag to the top of this post, but I'm doing it now instead. If you're not a nerd, you can skip the next few paragraphs. If you don't, your brain might well explode.
Unsurprisingly Windows is the platform of choice. What I AM surprised about, however, is that a full 12% of my readership are homosexual, and willing to advertise that fact; a full 12% of people access this site using a Mac. Please identify yourself in the comments section, I would love to hear from you. I feel in this day and age - one of acceptance and social awareness, the internet is a dark void of homophobia. Feel free to come forward, you won't be mocked here.
Virtually none of the visitors use Linux. The page quotes a 5% usage rate, but I was using Linux for over a year, so those are all me.
Nineteen people have accessed from blackberries (definitely note me!), twelve from Android, eleven from an ipad and four from ipods. One hundred and ninety two accesses from iphones hints towards Amanda and dad. Hey guys, can you even read this? That screen is pretty small...
Browser breakdown is much more competitive, with 37% being IE, 29% being Firefox and 16% being Chrome. Unfortunately for google, their superior browsers' statistics are skewed, as I use their awesome box-into-internet for everything, so the above problems regarding my own pageviews applies.
I have 12 hits from something called 'Jakarta Commons HTTP client.' I don't even...
Seven hits from 'Gran Paradiso.' What in the...
Clicking away from the 'all time,' option, I see that I've had four hits from the Ukraine today. What in the world.
The reason I've geeked out in a major way today? I just received a few pictures (a couple good, most blurry as sin) from the trip to Disney Sea; I can essentially afford to bore you with this post because no one will read it, once the pictures post goes up above it!
Genius!
Monday, 29 August 2011
Summer Recap
SO this Summer was pretty interesting. I went to a water park, Disney Sea Land/World in Tokyo, and Universal Studios Japan. (In Osaka). I've been enrolled on my university course (2 grand to you sir) and made a couple of new friends.
SO to preface this, I've had the fortune of being to Thorpe Park (Sp?), Chessington, Alton Towers, Universal America, Busch Gardens, Sea World (Florida) and the German equivalent of Chessington (the name of which I can't remember). In citing this list of visited theme parks, it's come to my attention that I rather like visiting these places. It's also come to my attention that I much prefer visiting parks of an activity orientated nature. I go for the park, not for the theme.
I've also been to (what I would consider) a large number of them, so I've got some experience with which to compare.
First up, Universal Studios.
This was the hottest day I've experienced in Japan, so we hit all the water rides we could find. Being the Summer holidays, it was completely jam packed.
Take a look at these videos, and that was pretty much the scene. Every ride had at least a one hour queue, so we didn't get to go on many. I've probably mentioned this before, but the company you take to these places is what it's all about.
I've been on school trips to parks, where everyone is too cool to go on rides, and they just hang around looking at backsides all day, drinking coke in a 'on the weekends this is a beer,' fashion.
Sod that, I'm here for jollies of another nature. So I would pop in the headphones and join the lines - and while that's an acceptable way to pass the time in a line (at least if you're comfortable alone with your thoughts for that length of time) it really is more interesting with someone else.
If you couple this with the inevitable language barrier, you can cut right through the inane chatter that encircles the really interesting stuff. With difficulty comes reward, and I learned a number of interesting things about Japan both here, and at Disney.
For example, the younger generation still considers the war a major influence on Japanese culture, not just in the americanisation of the East, but in the way they view foreigners. They're forgiving of us, as if we controlled their destiny. I find it fascinating that they would forgive us, me, as that implies complicity on my part. This isn't isolated to a few individuals, a number of people have spoken similarly - the sentiment is shared.
Another interesting aspect of this is generational. If I speak to someone of my fathers generation, they consider their Western counterparts forgiven, but not exempt. Their children (i.e my generation) are exempt because it's 'in the past.' I'm pretty sure my father didn't have anything to do with the war, but as I keep insisting, we can only interpret events around us through our own experience; even events concerning others. Empathy, compassion, concern, respect - everything that relates to our communication with others is based upon ourselves first. These conversations seem to validate that, and show how simple (see: self-orientated, not necessarily selfish) we really are.
It's also interesting to see how willing some people are to talk about the war, and how reluctant others are. At first I thought the older people at work were more willing than the younger people, but I've since found younger people who relate their grandparents stories. One involved a grandparent training on a naval base near Hiroshima, witnessing the explosion, then passing through a week later. A lucky break for that man, not so lucky for the hundreds of thousands of others who died immediately, or were affected afterwards.
SO there I was, sweating my gonads off talking with my partner in crime, about her grandads involvement in the war. An interesting experience.
Of the park itself - it's more theme than park. There were a vast number of tiny snotbags running around, and I found it indicative that there were very few high impact thrill rides - with only one noteworthy rollercoaster. They're all about the show and spectacle here. They manage to cram a relatively large amount of park into the space though, as there were a number of multi-level areas, something I didn't really notice elsewhere.
I would probably go again, if I could guarantee shorter queues (i.e outside of Summer vacation).
Disney Sea was much bigger, but also attracted much bigger crowds. The same problems of overcrowding and heat were apparent. We opted for the shorter lines and therefore smaller rides, foregoing to tower of terror (the only thing I wanted to go on!). I'm sure I can pester my way to a picture at a later date, so I'll upload one when I get the chance.
The main difference between TDS (Tokyo Disney Sea) and USJ (Universal Studios Japan) is budget. That difference becomes apparent the moment you get off the train, as you immediately jump onto a park owned tram that takes you through the park, depositing you at the ticket office.
I should add that this isn't without a walk, and I was pretty tired by the time we got to the ticket gate (in fairness we made several long-winded wrong turns). The park is the same, built around an extremely large lake area, with an amphitheatre effect around the entrance. Interestingly, the shows they put on focus on the flat area, rather than the naturally steep walls (as I would assume to be the logical place for most people to see the displays). Obviously Japanese people like not seeing anything. Especially when they're standing behind me, as I cloud the vision of two people entirely, or three partially. This results in the normally docile natives becoming somewhat agitated, and me being pushed further and further back.
The budgetary differences are also apparent when the shows begin. At Disney, the displays are large, lavish affairs with fireworks and gigawatt sound systems. Gigawatt will not be far away from the reality either, I can assure you.
Of technical note is a giant volcano that emits massive flames during the various shows. We were at least 250 metres away, with it around 75 metres above ground level, and we still felt the heat from the emissions. I don't know about you, but that made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. The first I realised of this great, fake mountain being a prop was the heat it emitted. Not the noise (barely audible considering the sound systems) or the appearance (everything looks fake and plastic) but the heat from it actually working. And then I started thinking, what other interesting technical accomplishments were on display?
One of the rides takes you underground. Tunnel building is nothing special these days, even if the entire ride is underground. The tower of terror was ruddy tall, and impressive for that and the top-heavy nature of the ornamentation. Designed in a cartoon 1920's New York style, it had that uncertain toppling look (obviously the main ride is a simple free-fall attraction, but the facade was interesting). The monorail running around the park was efficient and ran every six minutes, although you had to pay for it, those cheeky bastards. The display at the end of the evening was a show for the technophiles and ten year old girls, whom my date ended up turning into when she saw all the cutesy nonsense.
They had a rather large (5m wide, 8m long, 6m tall (roughly)) floating island/boat that sprung inflatable flowers, shot water at everyone and floated around. It was all very heterosexual.
The night-time show was something else entirely, however.
Check out this link for a great photo that shows the madness.
There were dragons, fireworks, lasers, more loud sounds, volcanic activity, projections onto cascades of water fired across the lake; everything I'd never seen before. Pretty impressive stuff.
They had a rather large central island covered in LED's of sufficient density to present images for the audience. Taking Fantasia as their theme, they showed a number of scenes from the film, and had displays going on around this centre. There were a number of framerate hiccups during the display however, and I'm not sure whether they were deliberate, or whether the pilot was reading his e-mail when he shouldn't have been.
They had giant representations of dragons and whatnot, fully mechanised, shooting water and fire all over the place.
About 300+ metres away, outside the park, they had a large rig with projectors shooting images onto the sides of buildings and scenery. They were comedic because they were obviously massive, but they looked exactly like their scaled down brethren, like something you'd see in a meeting room or classroom. The only difference was the difference in dimensions. People were walking around in front of them (probably cooking themselves) and tinkering with things while the show was playing. All you could see were silhouettes, but I'm pretty sure they were adjusting the height of the projection with the twiddly feet things you find on most projectors.
So overall, this show was a million dollar ode to american excess, using (probably) Japanese tech. I don't really care about the contents of the show, but the technical aspects were impressive.
My impression of Japanese theme parks is rather simple - they're for kids and girls who like cute shit. For rides, stick with Europe and america.
The singing guy who had me in hysterics had a performance in front of one of the big shopping malls in Yokohama on the same day we'd planned the Disney Sea trip, so I couldn't see him. Next time... Next time.
Of other things that happened, I am <-- this --> close to enrolling at Aston university. I've been given a password and university e-mail address, I just need to send in a form promising not to cheat, and then I'm enrolled.
Funny story - I couldn't find a passport sized photo of me, so I photo-chopped a picture of me standing with a glassblower in Korea, taking only my face. Unfortunately it has a few bright gold chinese characters in the background, so I don't know whether they'll accept that particular picture.
This will also leave my wallet substantially lighter, but at the end of it I hope to be employable in jobs that are more interesting, namely those involving universities.
I spent the best part of four hours travelling to a rugby team in Tokyo, who are mainly foreigners. They weren't great, but then again there was a mix of newcomers and old-boys, so who knows how they'll perform on match day. They think they're pretty good, with a number of cups and league topping performances (they play around Tokyo). Of note, there was a south sea islander who weighed 102 kg's, and who plays in the centres at 12. Imagine playing outside him, that would be the easiest game plan ever, providing a free two on one every time he got the ball. He weighs damn near forty kg's more than the average Japanese man. Damn.
That's pretty much it for the recap. Other stuff happened that I found interesting, but I was pushing it with this length of post in the first place! I won't try my luck with your patience any further.
SO to preface this, I've had the fortune of being to Thorpe Park (Sp?), Chessington, Alton Towers, Universal America, Busch Gardens, Sea World (Florida) and the German equivalent of Chessington (the name of which I can't remember). In citing this list of visited theme parks, it's come to my attention that I rather like visiting these places. It's also come to my attention that I much prefer visiting parks of an activity orientated nature. I go for the park, not for the theme.
I've also been to (what I would consider) a large number of them, so I've got some experience with which to compare.
First up, Universal Studios.
This was the hottest day I've experienced in Japan, so we hit all the water rides we could find. Being the Summer holidays, it was completely jam packed.
I previously uploaded a picture to this blog, of this very scene.
Take a look at these videos, and that was pretty much the scene. Every ride had at least a one hour queue, so we didn't get to go on many. I've probably mentioned this before, but the company you take to these places is what it's all about.
I've been on school trips to parks, where everyone is too cool to go on rides, and they just hang around looking at backsides all day, drinking coke in a 'on the weekends this is a beer,' fashion.
Sod that, I'm here for jollies of another nature. So I would pop in the headphones and join the lines - and while that's an acceptable way to pass the time in a line (at least if you're comfortable alone with your thoughts for that length of time) it really is more interesting with someone else.
If you couple this with the inevitable language barrier, you can cut right through the inane chatter that encircles the really interesting stuff. With difficulty comes reward, and I learned a number of interesting things about Japan both here, and at Disney.
For example, the younger generation still considers the war a major influence on Japanese culture, not just in the americanisation of the East, but in the way they view foreigners. They're forgiving of us, as if we controlled their destiny. I find it fascinating that they would forgive us, me, as that implies complicity on my part. This isn't isolated to a few individuals, a number of people have spoken similarly - the sentiment is shared.
Another interesting aspect of this is generational. If I speak to someone of my fathers generation, they consider their Western counterparts forgiven, but not exempt. Their children (i.e my generation) are exempt because it's 'in the past.' I'm pretty sure my father didn't have anything to do with the war, but as I keep insisting, we can only interpret events around us through our own experience; even events concerning others. Empathy, compassion, concern, respect - everything that relates to our communication with others is based upon ourselves first. These conversations seem to validate that, and show how simple (see: self-orientated, not necessarily selfish) we really are.
It's also interesting to see how willing some people are to talk about the war, and how reluctant others are. At first I thought the older people at work were more willing than the younger people, but I've since found younger people who relate their grandparents stories. One involved a grandparent training on a naval base near Hiroshima, witnessing the explosion, then passing through a week later. A lucky break for that man, not so lucky for the hundreds of thousands of others who died immediately, or were affected afterwards.
SO there I was, sweating my gonads off talking with my partner in crime, about her grandads involvement in the war. An interesting experience.
Of the park itself - it's more theme than park. There were a vast number of tiny snotbags running around, and I found it indicative that there were very few high impact thrill rides - with only one noteworthy rollercoaster. They're all about the show and spectacle here. They manage to cram a relatively large amount of park into the space though, as there were a number of multi-level areas, something I didn't really notice elsewhere.
I would probably go again, if I could guarantee shorter queues (i.e outside of Summer vacation).
Disney Sea was much bigger, but also attracted much bigger crowds. The same problems of overcrowding and heat were apparent. We opted for the shorter lines and therefore smaller rides, foregoing to tower of terror (the only thing I wanted to go on!). I'm sure I can pester my way to a picture at a later date, so I'll upload one when I get the chance.
The main difference between TDS (Tokyo Disney Sea) and USJ (Universal Studios Japan) is budget. That difference becomes apparent the moment you get off the train, as you immediately jump onto a park owned tram that takes you through the park, depositing you at the ticket office.
I should add that this isn't without a walk, and I was pretty tired by the time we got to the ticket gate (in fairness we made several long-winded wrong turns). The park is the same, built around an extremely large lake area, with an amphitheatre effect around the entrance. Interestingly, the shows they put on focus on the flat area, rather than the naturally steep walls (as I would assume to be the logical place for most people to see the displays). Obviously Japanese people like not seeing anything. Especially when they're standing behind me, as I cloud the vision of two people entirely, or three partially. This results in the normally docile natives becoming somewhat agitated, and me being pushed further and further back.
The budgetary differences are also apparent when the shows begin. At Disney, the displays are large, lavish affairs with fireworks and gigawatt sound systems. Gigawatt will not be far away from the reality either, I can assure you.
Of technical note is a giant volcano that emits massive flames during the various shows. We were at least 250 metres away, with it around 75 metres above ground level, and we still felt the heat from the emissions. I don't know about you, but that made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. The first I realised of this great, fake mountain being a prop was the heat it emitted. Not the noise (barely audible considering the sound systems) or the appearance (everything looks fake and plastic) but the heat from it actually working. And then I started thinking, what other interesting technical accomplishments were on display?
One of the rides takes you underground. Tunnel building is nothing special these days, even if the entire ride is underground. The tower of terror was ruddy tall, and impressive for that and the top-heavy nature of the ornamentation. Designed in a cartoon 1920's New York style, it had that uncertain toppling look (obviously the main ride is a simple free-fall attraction, but the facade was interesting). The monorail running around the park was efficient and ran every six minutes, although you had to pay for it, those cheeky bastards. The display at the end of the evening was a show for the technophiles and ten year old girls, whom my date ended up turning into when she saw all the cutesy nonsense.
They had a rather large (5m wide, 8m long, 6m tall (roughly)) floating island/boat that sprung inflatable flowers, shot water at everyone and floated around. It was all very heterosexual.
The night-time show was something else entirely, however.
Check out this link for a great photo that shows the madness.
There were dragons, fireworks, lasers, more loud sounds, volcanic activity, projections onto cascades of water fired across the lake; everything I'd never seen before. Pretty impressive stuff.
They had a rather large central island covered in LED's of sufficient density to present images for the audience. Taking Fantasia as their theme, they showed a number of scenes from the film, and had displays going on around this centre. There were a number of framerate hiccups during the display however, and I'm not sure whether they were deliberate, or whether the pilot was reading his e-mail when he shouldn't have been.
They had giant representations of dragons and whatnot, fully mechanised, shooting water and fire all over the place.
About 300+ metres away, outside the park, they had a large rig with projectors shooting images onto the sides of buildings and scenery. They were comedic because they were obviously massive, but they looked exactly like their scaled down brethren, like something you'd see in a meeting room or classroom. The only difference was the difference in dimensions. People were walking around in front of them (probably cooking themselves) and tinkering with things while the show was playing. All you could see were silhouettes, but I'm pretty sure they were adjusting the height of the projection with the twiddly feet things you find on most projectors.
So overall, this show was a million dollar ode to american excess, using (probably) Japanese tech. I don't really care about the contents of the show, but the technical aspects were impressive.
My impression of Japanese theme parks is rather simple - they're for kids and girls who like cute shit. For rides, stick with Europe and america.
The singing guy who had me in hysterics had a performance in front of one of the big shopping malls in Yokohama on the same day we'd planned the Disney Sea trip, so I couldn't see him. Next time... Next time.
Of other things that happened, I am <-- this --> close to enrolling at Aston university. I've been given a password and university e-mail address, I just need to send in a form promising not to cheat, and then I'm enrolled.
Funny story - I couldn't find a passport sized photo of me, so I photo-chopped a picture of me standing with a glassblower in Korea, taking only my face. Unfortunately it has a few bright gold chinese characters in the background, so I don't know whether they'll accept that particular picture.
This will also leave my wallet substantially lighter, but at the end of it I hope to be employable in jobs that are more interesting, namely those involving universities.
I spent the best part of four hours travelling to a rugby team in Tokyo, who are mainly foreigners. They weren't great, but then again there was a mix of newcomers and old-boys, so who knows how they'll perform on match day. They think they're pretty good, with a number of cups and league topping performances (they play around Tokyo). Of note, there was a south sea islander who weighed 102 kg's, and who plays in the centres at 12. Imagine playing outside him, that would be the easiest game plan ever, providing a free two on one every time he got the ball. He weighs damn near forty kg's more than the average Japanese man. Damn.
That's pretty much it for the recap. Other stuff happened that I found interesting, but I was pushing it with this length of post in the first place! I won't try my luck with your patience any further.
Tuesday, 23 August 2011
Saturday, 20 August 2011
Friday, 12 August 2011
I'm No Movie Expert But...
So I've ended up watching a lot of movies lately; something to do with inordinate amounts of time and lots of running/gym means that when you sit down, you're likely to stay down for the count.
So I am basically watching random movies, for no rhyme or reason. I have seen the negative press surrounding the Twilight movies and frankly could give a rats ass (as it were). I was intrigued by the lambasting of the lead character (I have already forgotten his name) and decided to check out another of his films (like hell I'm going to watch Twilight). This resulted in a short search, upon the completion of which I stumbled towards 'Remember Me.'
Now, it's essentially a love story, but what makes it unique among Hollywood, (and sadly I mean quite literally unique) is that it does not end happily. It is incredibly sad. For the duration of the film, the viewer is entirely aware that something bad is going to happen. Bad is in the past, present and future. This script oozes foreboding.
Not only is it a shame that 'muricans can't watch anything that has any possible substance, it's a shame that we have to put up with the same shallow shit they do.
To this end, 'Remember Me,' follows the tried and tested Hollywood formula of boy meets girl, they fall in love, boy screws up, they hate each other - cue snowing boulevard and happy, tearful reunion.
As a solo narrative this is tiresome. Boring. Mundane.
What separates this film from the flock is that the home lives of both individuals is also explored; this gives real, tangible weight and cause to every action. Of course, everything finally ends up being okay (as it must in all 'murican films)
Except the film doesn't end there, and it reaches a conclusion that is, to spin an americanism, entirely out of left field.
Don't read further if you don't want the ending spoiled.
The use of the aeroplane attacks in america as a plot device is, well, crass. It could have been a car accident, a robbery, an infected toenail. Anything would have sufficed - but by choosing that specific attack, the film attempts to extend into gritty reality, and instead comes off looking inane and insignificant.
My main criticism of this film is exactly that. Everything is well executed, the script is solid, the acting fine, breaking from Hollywood cliche is exceptional; but it overextends. It tries, just a little too hard, to be something it isn't. Any of the aforementioned death sequences would have created the sense of tragedy without the face palm.
Good effort Hollywood, a few more attempts and I'm sure you'll create something that is entirely watchable for two hours, with no points at which we collectively cringe.
So I just IMDB'd the guys name, he is Robert Pattinson. As mentioned above, I've not seen Twilight (nor shall I ever) but he was excellent in this. Although he does look a bit like a ghost, so maybe those are the only characters he can play.
P.S Pearce Brosnan (the James Bond before the current one) (also I don't know if I've spelled his name correctly) is in it. Score.
8.5/10 Worth a watch if you want to see life kick someone in the balls.
So I am basically watching random movies, for no rhyme or reason. I have seen the negative press surrounding the Twilight movies and frankly could give a rats ass (as it were). I was intrigued by the lambasting of the lead character (I have already forgotten his name) and decided to check out another of his films (like hell I'm going to watch Twilight). This resulted in a short search, upon the completion of which I stumbled towards 'Remember Me.'
Now, it's essentially a love story, but what makes it unique among Hollywood, (and sadly I mean quite literally unique) is that it does not end happily. It is incredibly sad. For the duration of the film, the viewer is entirely aware that something bad is going to happen. Bad is in the past, present and future. This script oozes foreboding.
Not only is it a shame that 'muricans can't watch anything that has any possible substance, it's a shame that we have to put up with the same shallow shit they do.
To this end, 'Remember Me,' follows the tried and tested Hollywood formula of boy meets girl, they fall in love, boy screws up, they hate each other - cue snowing boulevard and happy, tearful reunion.
As a solo narrative this is tiresome. Boring. Mundane.
What separates this film from the flock is that the home lives of both individuals is also explored; this gives real, tangible weight and cause to every action. Of course, everything finally ends up being okay (as it must in all 'murican films)
Except the film doesn't end there, and it reaches a conclusion that is, to spin an americanism, entirely out of left field.
Don't read further if you don't want the ending spoiled.
The use of the aeroplane attacks in america as a plot device is, well, crass. It could have been a car accident, a robbery, an infected toenail. Anything would have sufficed - but by choosing that specific attack, the film attempts to extend into gritty reality, and instead comes off looking inane and insignificant.
My main criticism of this film is exactly that. Everything is well executed, the script is solid, the acting fine, breaking from Hollywood cliche is exceptional; but it overextends. It tries, just a little too hard, to be something it isn't. Any of the aforementioned death sequences would have created the sense of tragedy without the face palm.
Good effort Hollywood, a few more attempts and I'm sure you'll create something that is entirely watchable for two hours, with no points at which we collectively cringe.
 |
| They got almost everything. They were so close. And then the circumstances for the ending... |
P.S Pearce Brosnan (the James Bond before the current one) (also I don't know if I've spelled his name correctly) is in it. Score.
8.5/10 Worth a watch if you want to see life kick someone in the balls.
More Less Sleeping
So I've slept a cumulative 4 hours in the past forty-eight; I'm not even tired.
(No I'm not on crack)
In other news, I'm (hopefully) going to Universal Studios Japan (I didn't even know they had one in Japan) soon. I'll be able to directly compare and contrast with the american version, and I'll see if I can hijack a camera from school - I'm sure they won't miss one camera, they have thousands.
I'm also (hopefully) heading to Nara or Nikko too. I can't remember which (I have a terrible memory for names as it is, let alone names in foreign languages) but I've been assured a fun time, with deer.
I don't understand either.
(No I'm not on crack)
In other news, I'm (hopefully) going to Universal Studios Japan (I didn't even know they had one in Japan) soon. I'll be able to directly compare and contrast with the american version, and I'll see if I can hijack a camera from school - I'm sure they won't miss one camera, they have thousands.
I'm also (hopefully) heading to Nara or Nikko too. I can't remember which (I have a terrible memory for names as it is, let alone names in foreign languages) but I've been assured a fun time, with deer.
I don't understand either.
Tuesday, 9 August 2011
Sleeping
Oh no.
I couldn't sleep last night because it was too hot - so when I did eventually fall asleep around 7 am, it was with the help of the air-con (I finally got one working!). So I woke up at 5pm.
Oh dear.
My sleeping pattern is...
No time to mourn the loss of sanity, I'm off to the gym.
I couldn't sleep last night because it was too hot - so when I did eventually fall asleep around 7 am, it was with the help of the air-con (I finally got one working!). So I woke up at 5pm.
Oh dear.
My sleeping pattern is...
No time to mourn the loss of sanity, I'm off to the gym.
Thursday, 4 August 2011
Swimming
So I went to a water park, of sorts. I finally met up with Madoka again, and she managed to group four of us together.
The group was a rather interesting mix. Me and another guy, with two girls. Madoka is a serial casual employment pursuer, that is to say, she is forever accepting jobs that allow her flexible hours in order to continue with volunteer work, and helping her friends out with their myriad businesses. She essentially exists to help those around her - in my view she's amazing, if not for her lack of selfishness then for her ability to exist without sleep (she gets around four or five hours a day.)
The other guy in our group is a singer by profession. He also plays a number of instruments. He hadn't been swimming for a number of years however, and his shorts were too small by far. It took him a good ten minutes to finally fit into them, only for him to split them. Luckily I had a pair of non-swimming shorts handy to cover his embarrassment. One of the funniest things of the day was seeing him, ass-out, jumping around trying to get those shorts on. Goddamn I was close to wetting myself then.
On a side-note he has a fantastic voice, a great sense of humour, and is a massive perv.
The final person in our group (disregarding myself) is a self-proclaimed 'lucky weather girl,' (working translation) who works for Honda. She is an engineer who works to improve the efficiency of vehicles. Something to do with fumes is involved, as she was particularly insistent on that word. Maybe the Japanese for exhaust is fume? Who knows. She does volunteer work, can play the piano, violin and guitar, loves folk music and Ireland.
Oh, and she built a human-powered plane in university.
Yeah, I'm just going to let that sink in.
So amazing company and splitting pants aside, it was great fun. I had previously wanted to hit the beach on account of it being a bajillion degrees (and the Japanese do love dressing down for Summer beach wear) and what with me not having visited a beach for some months now (previous attempts in Korea were unfulfilling to say the least). It was a tiny 'park,' with a few pools, a few slides and a single hot-tub/jacuzzi thing - but it suited the requirement perfectly.
Testament (I hope) to the fun, we were there for hours. Just hitting a ball around, swimming, heading onto the slides and whatnot. While we were enjoying ourselves, a group of miscreant children approached.
Now, I have no prior experience with groups of Japanese children outside a formal school environment, but they were unusually boisterous. I have a feeling that should these children belong to one of my classes, they would undoubtedly fall into the 'possible ADHD patient,' category but I digress. What I found particularly interesting was the interaction between these boys and the women in our group.
Japanese people are notoriously awkward around those of the opposite sex, and I was expecting them to be somewhat shy around our group. They were absolutely contrary to my initial expectation, and I was amazed at how freely everyone interacted - considering we were in essence a random group of strangers, everyone got on swimmingly. Of course I've had experience like this from being a child on holiday, but I hardly expected the same from an asian country; Japan of all places.
The further you travel, the more things stay the same.
Overall the kids were pretty cool, although my inner teacher crept out as I scolded one of them for being a little too boisterous and endangering the dignity of the women within our group - as boys are wont to do I suppose.
There was also a hollywood esque moment where I realised that one of the boys had a crush on one of our party. I can only imagine that, in fifty years time, during a montage scene (hence the hollywood reference) he will recall the childish infatuation while recounting his lifelong adventures; possibly to his grandchildren, but more likely to his poker companions.
The small jacuzzi was a scene of comic relief throughout the day, as dozens of patrons would squeeze into an area roughly 2.5 metres in diameter. I literally mean dozens, too.
An hour or two before the park closed, however, the tub emptied and we jumped in. At this point we were serenaded by the singer, with his repertoire of Ghibli theme tunes, and dragonball. Ghibli is a studio that created cartoon movies such as 'Princess Mononoke,' 'Spirited Away,' and 'Ponyo.' Dragonball is a Japanese cartoon that has a cult following all over the world. I won't lie - I was impressed.
Listen to this, and imagine a spoof version sung by a man with torn pants in a jacuzzi with two girls and another guy, while the sun sets; you'll have a vague idea of the absurd situation, and why we were in stitches. This was pre-ceded by a word-perfect version of the dragonball theme tune, in its' entirety, sung by everyone in the tub except me.
People in Japan are, apparently, massive nerds regardless of gender.
As a side-note, I found out the Belgian way of pronouncing my family name today.
No! Ich wir Sam De Roeck, not you!
I wonder how the English pronunciation came into being, when it's so markedly different from the Belgian?
The group was a rather interesting mix. Me and another guy, with two girls. Madoka is a serial casual employment pursuer, that is to say, she is forever accepting jobs that allow her flexible hours in order to continue with volunteer work, and helping her friends out with their myriad businesses. She essentially exists to help those around her - in my view she's amazing, if not for her lack of selfishness then for her ability to exist without sleep (she gets around four or five hours a day.)
The other guy in our group is a singer by profession. He also plays a number of instruments. He hadn't been swimming for a number of years however, and his shorts were too small by far. It took him a good ten minutes to finally fit into them, only for him to split them. Luckily I had a pair of non-swimming shorts handy to cover his embarrassment. One of the funniest things of the day was seeing him, ass-out, jumping around trying to get those shorts on. Goddamn I was close to wetting myself then.
On a side-note he has a fantastic voice, a great sense of humour, and is a massive perv.
The final person in our group (disregarding myself) is a self-proclaimed 'lucky weather girl,' (working translation) who works for Honda. She is an engineer who works to improve the efficiency of vehicles. Something to do with fumes is involved, as she was particularly insistent on that word. Maybe the Japanese for exhaust is fume? Who knows. She does volunteer work, can play the piano, violin and guitar, loves folk music and Ireland.
 |
| This was my face (sans microphone) when hareohne (lucky weather girl) (christ knows if that's spelled correctly) likes Ireland and folk music. |
Yeah, I'm just going to let that sink in.
 |
| My face when she said she was team leader for the human powered flight project. |
Testament (I hope) to the fun, we were there for hours. Just hitting a ball around, swimming, heading onto the slides and whatnot. While we were enjoying ourselves, a group of miscreant children approached.
Now, I have no prior experience with groups of Japanese children outside a formal school environment, but they were unusually boisterous. I have a feeling that should these children belong to one of my classes, they would undoubtedly fall into the 'possible ADHD patient,' category but I digress. What I found particularly interesting was the interaction between these boys and the women in our group.
Japanese people are notoriously awkward around those of the opposite sex, and I was expecting them to be somewhat shy around our group. They were absolutely contrary to my initial expectation, and I was amazed at how freely everyone interacted - considering we were in essence a random group of strangers, everyone got on swimmingly. Of course I've had experience like this from being a child on holiday, but I hardly expected the same from an asian country; Japan of all places.
The further you travel, the more things stay the same.
Overall the kids were pretty cool, although my inner teacher crept out as I scolded one of them for being a little too boisterous and endangering the dignity of the women within our group - as boys are wont to do I suppose.
There was also a hollywood esque moment where I realised that one of the boys had a crush on one of our party. I can only imagine that, in fifty years time, during a montage scene (hence the hollywood reference) he will recall the childish infatuation while recounting his lifelong adventures; possibly to his grandchildren, but more likely to his poker companions.
 |
| Recounting tales of yesteryear while gambling his pension away - that kid in fifty years. Probably. |
An hour or two before the park closed, however, the tub emptied and we jumped in. At this point we were serenaded by the singer, with his repertoire of Ghibli theme tunes, and dragonball. Ghibli is a studio that created cartoon movies such as 'Princess Mononoke,' 'Spirited Away,' and 'Ponyo.' Dragonball is a Japanese cartoon that has a cult following all over the world. I won't lie - I was impressed.
Listen to this, and imagine a spoof version sung by a man with torn pants in a jacuzzi with two girls and another guy, while the sun sets; you'll have a vague idea of the absurd situation, and why we were in stitches. This was pre-ceded by a word-perfect version of the dragonball theme tune, in its' entirety, sung by everyone in the tub except me.
People in Japan are, apparently, massive nerds regardless of gender.
As a side-note, I found out the Belgian way of pronouncing my family name today.
No! Ich wir Sam De Roeck, not you!
I wonder how the English pronunciation came into being, when it's so markedly different from the Belgian?
Tuesday, 19 July 2011
Speech Contest and Photographs
So I've been given homework for the break. I've got to read around 150 speech contest scripts and 'understand what level the students are at.' I assume I will be judging the students at some point, and along with the other English teacher, I will basically decide who will represent our school at the competition. I don't know what 'the competition,' is yet, but I assume there will be one.
Now, to put these entries into a semblence of context, 99% of these kids can't say 'my name is ...' Those who can, only respond 'Bob,' or 'John,' when asked their names. The level of English is around the same level as sub-Saharan tribes who have never encountered a European before.
Actually, that might be a little kind.
The level of English here is one below the tribesmen.
Therefore it makes me laugh when I see a script that has the following:
'Recently I hurt my shoulder. While it was healing, I couldn't throw at all, so it was very hard for me. But now that it has healed, I'm so happy to again be able to throw until my heart's content.'
Idioms and all!
If you think I'm being particularly biased, and merely showing the single best example, this is the first page of 150. They're all pretty much the same.
I won't bore you with more contestants, but some of them are actually pretty interesting. One kid talks about his/her parents divorce (I know, DEEP right?), one kid talks about going to Manchester to study music. One kid talks about global warming, and gets all his facts wrong (which made me laugh, I must amit.) For example, the earth will run out of oil in ten years, apparently.
Oh Japan, up to your old tricks again.
That aside, I'm halfway through them and haven't reached the second or third year entries yet. This is at the middle school level, and I expect a commensurate improvement with age. By the third years I expect quotes from Shakespeare and Marlowe.
So the school commissioned a few photographs a while ago. A man with an extremely expensive camera turned up, and these are the photographs we get. What's the point?
Anyway, click the image and it will give you a full sized picture. It's 5 megs, so it'll take a while before the picture appears fully.
The reason why I have such a low brow? It was 30+ degrees, and we were looking directly into the sun. To top it off, the guy with the extremely expensive camera also had a flash, which was promptly administered on every photograph. The reason for this, bearing in mind nothing was illuminated by the flash (except the retinas of everyone there) is something of a mystery.
I must prepare you for this next photograph; it's the best picture you will ever see of another human being. It really is.
It's also why I hate having pictures taken of me.
Without further ado:
So what made me laugh, aside from my hair, my face, my eyes, my glasses and my demeanor - was the fact that the gym teacher, with whom I have an unspoken rivalry regarding such things as manliness and strength, was placed next to me in this header.
Jesus, the more I look at that picture the more queasy I feel.
That's all for today, feel free to tell me exactly what I look like in the comments...
Now, to put these entries into a semblence of context, 99% of these kids can't say 'my name is ...' Those who can, only respond 'Bob,' or 'John,' when asked their names. The level of English is around the same level as sub-Saharan tribes who have never encountered a European before.
Actually, that might be a little kind.
The level of English here is one below the tribesmen.
Therefore it makes me laugh when I see a script that has the following:
'Recently I hurt my shoulder. While it was healing, I couldn't throw at all, so it was very hard for me. But now that it has healed, I'm so happy to again be able to throw until my heart's content.'
Idioms and all!
If you think I'm being particularly biased, and merely showing the single best example, this is the first page of 150. They're all pretty much the same.
I won't bore you with more contestants, but some of them are actually pretty interesting. One kid talks about his/her parents divorce (I know, DEEP right?), one kid talks about going to Manchester to study music. One kid talks about global warming, and gets all his facts wrong (which made me laugh, I must amit.) For example, the earth will run out of oil in ten years, apparently.
Oh Japan, up to your old tricks again.
That aside, I'm halfway through them and haven't reached the second or third year entries yet. This is at the middle school level, and I expect a commensurate improvement with age. By the third years I expect quotes from Shakespeare and Marlowe.
 |
| Don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry. |
Anyway, click the image and it will give you a full sized picture. It's 5 megs, so it'll take a while before the picture appears fully.
The reason why I have such a low brow? It was 30+ degrees, and we were looking directly into the sun. To top it off, the guy with the extremely expensive camera also had a flash, which was promptly administered on every photograph. The reason for this, bearing in mind nothing was illuminated by the flash (except the retinas of everyone there) is something of a mystery.
I must prepare you for this next photograph; it's the best picture you will ever see of another human being. It really is.
It's also why I hate having pictures taken of me.
Without further ado:
 |
| No, no I am not. Can we take that one again from the other side? |
So what made me laugh, aside from my hair, my face, my eyes, my glasses and my demeanor - was the fact that the gym teacher, with whom I have an unspoken rivalry regarding such things as manliness and strength, was placed next to me in this header.
Jesus, the more I look at that picture the more queasy I feel.
That's all for today, feel free to tell me exactly what I look like in the comments...
Monday, 18 July 2011
Finally, Some News
Before we start, the song I couldn't think of last time was Blurs - Park Life. Thanks for the comments.
Unfortunately, the interesting news is only weather related. Bummer right?
If you look quickly at this website, you can see the typhoon working its merry way up the country, at a rate of about naff all centimetres an hour. It's not technically a typhoon, the wind speeds are not high enough.
If you look here, you can see a projected path. I'm nowhere near the actual storm, I'm just getting the offshoots and flak from the cloud. If it follows the projected path, I may well encounter some of the fifty knot winds, however.
The reason this is interesting news? I was awoken at 4 AM by the lightning preceding the storm. It wasn't quite raining yet, but the storm was brewing nicely.
A prototypical European high energy thunderstorm would contain a large number of flashes, with extremely loud bangs over the course of a short period of time. The rain would also follow a similar pattern, with heavy rainfall in short bursts.
The lightning here follows the pattern of - mayhem, followed by deafening noise and a helping of terror. The peal that woke me up had a three or four second delay between the flash and bang. The flash woke me up, with my curtains drawn. The thunder shook the house.
In all honesty, I thought something had exploded, because nothing else happened for about thirty seconds. By this time I was in the kitchen getting a drink.
Then, out of nowhere, god defibrillated Tochigi. This bang had a simultaneous lightning strike and thundering explosion. My intestines shook and my ears were ringing. At this point I shat my pants, I don't mind admitting as much, and as I opened the window to take a look outside (risking the obvious association with metal) the hairs on my arms stood up. It must have been exceedingly close, although I'll never know exactly where it struck.
If someone was struck in this storm, you wouldn't even know - they'd be vaporised.
So after a few more strikes some miles away, I went back to sleep. At this point it was raining quite heavily.
After the alarm woke me up, I could hear the rain pouring down. It had presumably rained non-stop since I went to bed, and it showed as I cycled to work. After donning as much waterproof gear as possible, I cycled through foot-high waters, being drenched by every passing car. They don't slow down or stop for individuals on the pavement or riding their bikes. Mannered people, indeed.
So the upshot is that, despite the best efforts of the Japanese people, I'm quite dry. Except for my socks, which I've been forced to take off. I didn't think far enough ahead to bring a spare pair with me. Also, their play area (I would call it a field, except there's no grass) is under a few inches of water right now. When do these people close schools?
I can't imagine all the trains will be running, this preponderance of weather would halt even an English train! Wait, our trains are notoriously hardy right?
Spare a though for the guys working at fukushima, not only are they killing themselves, but now they're doing it in the rain too. (At least it's still 30 deg C, at basically 99% humidity, eh?)
P.s I've just read this article about a publication being made/not made public, regarding the RFU. Someone fill me in, what happened to make the report necessary in the first place?
Unfortunately, the interesting news is only weather related. Bummer right?
If you look quickly at this website, you can see the typhoon working its merry way up the country, at a rate of about naff all centimetres an hour. It's not technically a typhoon, the wind speeds are not high enough.
If you look here, you can see a projected path. I'm nowhere near the actual storm, I'm just getting the offshoots and flak from the cloud. If it follows the projected path, I may well encounter some of the fifty knot winds, however.
The reason this is interesting news? I was awoken at 4 AM by the lightning preceding the storm. It wasn't quite raining yet, but the storm was brewing nicely.
A prototypical European high energy thunderstorm would contain a large number of flashes, with extremely loud bangs over the course of a short period of time. The rain would also follow a similar pattern, with heavy rainfall in short bursts.
The lightning here follows the pattern of - mayhem, followed by deafening noise and a helping of terror. The peal that woke me up had a three or four second delay between the flash and bang. The flash woke me up, with my curtains drawn. The thunder shook the house.
In all honesty, I thought something had exploded, because nothing else happened for about thirty seconds. By this time I was in the kitchen getting a drink.
Then, out of nowhere, god defibrillated Tochigi. This bang had a simultaneous lightning strike and thundering explosion. My intestines shook and my ears were ringing. At this point I shat my pants, I don't mind admitting as much, and as I opened the window to take a look outside (risking the obvious association with metal) the hairs on my arms stood up. It must have been exceedingly close, although I'll never know exactly where it struck.
If someone was struck in this storm, you wouldn't even know - they'd be vaporised.
So after a few more strikes some miles away, I went back to sleep. At this point it was raining quite heavily.
After the alarm woke me up, I could hear the rain pouring down. It had presumably rained non-stop since I went to bed, and it showed as I cycled to work. After donning as much waterproof gear as possible, I cycled through foot-high waters, being drenched by every passing car. They don't slow down or stop for individuals on the pavement or riding their bikes. Mannered people, indeed.
So the upshot is that, despite the best efforts of the Japanese people, I'm quite dry. Except for my socks, which I've been forced to take off. I didn't think far enough ahead to bring a spare pair with me. Also, their play area (I would call it a field, except there's no grass) is under a few inches of water right now. When do these people close schools?
I can't imagine all the trains will be running, this preponderance of weather would halt even an English train! Wait, our trains are notoriously hardy right?
Spare a though for the guys working at fukushima, not only are they killing themselves, but now they're doing it in the rain too. (At least it's still 30 deg C, at basically 99% humidity, eh?)
P.s I've just read this article about a publication being made/not made public, regarding the RFU. Someone fill me in, what happened to make the report necessary in the first place?
Friday, 15 July 2011
BBC Bumper Edition
There's not much happening in Japan at the moment. A couple of festivals I can't get to, a long weekend coming up - school nearly being finished for the term.
Therefore I've compiled a list of interesting BBC articles.
There's been a definite trend towards the English language as of late, and generally remarking on how the entire country will soon fall apart due to ipromper sellping.
This article from the BBC warns us that improper spelling will bankrupt the country, while this one reads like an angry oxbridge consultant, on the cusp insanity. It starts reasonably, citing the long and varied history English cross-pollination, even saying it was necessary for English to become dominant. Then he undermines it all by listing his own most hated words.
Then we walk away from the stupid, to the sublime. I consider myself a member of the Jedi Order, so this pastafarian is as close to religious brethren as I will get. Consider it stupid, but it's a fantastic expose of the ridiculous laws that pervade government institutions, and what constitutes rights for religious means.
It's a bit of a rubbish pasta strainer thing though - he should at least buy a chrome one for next time. 'Pimp,' it out a little.
This article is of a more practical vein, along the lines of the typical pub question, 'if a lift is falling, and you jump just before it lands, would you live?' More accurately, the preceding question would be a statement in a pub, as alcohol not only clouds our judgement, but also our judgement, and it also clouds our judgement, and our minds. (sic)
A few coffees later and we would obviously see that, unless you are able to jump upwards at eighty miles per hour, you would die in an elevator.
If you're catching a baby, adhere to the principles of a wicky or goalie; apparently. However, when it says you should fall while catching the baby, I can only assume it does not mean fall alongside the baby from the same height, while attempting to catch it.
I have attached a helpful picture to illustrate the correct catching technique.
This is the extent of my artistic talent.
Then, there was an earthquake. It caused quite a stir in the channel (sic) and will be remember for generations. At least generations of haddock, of which there are none, so therefore it will not be remembered. Confusing stuff.
A lot of expats always joke about how the quakes in England are pretty pathetic in comparison - but I feel they forget what life was like before they came to Japan. If you were a caveman, you would crap your pants if you saw a car drive past. (In this analogy, England is a caveman, and earthquakes are cars.) I'm sure the first earthquake in Japan is a freaky event for everyone (it was for me.)
Then, finally, we come to the crux of my article. The above is mere pre-amble for this article. Fat fucks have yet another reason to continue being fat. It's genetic, apparently. And now we have a reason to be content that only westerners are fat.
It's not because we eat 60% of the worlds food between 15% of its population. No, of course not. It's not because we drink more beer than satan. No, it's not that either.
It's not the fact that the population of England is comparable to a coma patient - we exercise our minds and muscles equally.
No, it's genetics.
Let's ignore the fact that England was not this fat forty years ago, or even thirty. Let's ignore the fact that England gets fatter every day.
It's genetics.
I don't doubt that a very few people do indeed have problems. Fat people have been a part of society for centuries, they're the well-fed friars, or Santa. What they have not been, prior to the 21st century, is every goddamned person on the street. Unless we have been genetically modified in one generation by a group of nefarious aliens to all be useless fat sacks, I can comfortably say that the real problem is not one of scientific pontification.
In the words of Oasis? (I can't remember the name of the band.)
GET SOME EXERCISE.
P.s Plus one internet for whomever figures out the name of the song and band. Three words, a billion songs. The challenge has been set.
Also:
GET SOME EXERCISE
P.P.s I don't dislike fat people if they're A: happy and not shoving their fatness in my face (ala the BBC picture) or B: Trying to lose weight. (I mean actually trying.)
Therefore I've compiled a list of interesting BBC articles.
There's been a definite trend towards the English language as of late, and generally remarking on how the entire country will soon fall apart due to ipromper sellping.
This article from the BBC warns us that improper spelling will bankrupt the country, while this one reads like an angry oxbridge consultant, on the cusp insanity. It starts reasonably, citing the long and varied history English cross-pollination, even saying it was necessary for English to become dominant. Then he undermines it all by listing his own most hated words.
Then we walk away from the stupid, to the sublime. I consider myself a member of the Jedi Order, so this pastafarian is as close to religious brethren as I will get. Consider it stupid, but it's a fantastic expose of the ridiculous laws that pervade government institutions, and what constitutes rights for religious means.
It's a bit of a rubbish pasta strainer thing though - he should at least buy a chrome one for next time. 'Pimp,' it out a little.
This article is of a more practical vein, along the lines of the typical pub question, 'if a lift is falling, and you jump just before it lands, would you live?' More accurately, the preceding question would be a statement in a pub, as alcohol not only clouds our judgement, but also our judgement, and it also clouds our judgement, and our minds. (sic)
A few coffees later and we would obviously see that, unless you are able to jump upwards at eighty miles per hour, you would die in an elevator.
If you're catching a baby, adhere to the principles of a wicky or goalie; apparently. However, when it says you should fall while catching the baby, I can only assume it does not mean fall alongside the baby from the same height, while attempting to catch it.
I have attached a helpful picture to illustrate the correct catching technique.
 |
| Not to scale. Any similarity to events past, present or future is entirely intentional, and you may experience epilepsy if viewed for too long. Also, don't try this at home. |
Then, there was an earthquake. It caused quite a stir in the channel (sic) and will be remember for generations. At least generations of haddock, of which there are none, so therefore it will not be remembered. Confusing stuff.
A lot of expats always joke about how the quakes in England are pretty pathetic in comparison - but I feel they forget what life was like before they came to Japan. If you were a caveman, you would crap your pants if you saw a car drive past. (In this analogy, England is a caveman, and earthquakes are cars.) I'm sure the first earthquake in Japan is a freaky event for everyone (it was for me.)
Then, finally, we come to the crux of my article. The above is mere pre-amble for this article. Fat fucks have yet another reason to continue being fat. It's genetic, apparently. And now we have a reason to be content that only westerners are fat.
It's not because we eat 60% of the worlds food between 15% of its population. No, of course not. It's not because we drink more beer than satan. No, it's not that either.
It's not the fact that the population of England is comparable to a coma patient - we exercise our minds and muscles equally.
No, it's genetics.
Let's ignore the fact that England was not this fat forty years ago, or even thirty. Let's ignore the fact that England gets fatter every day.
It's genetics.
I don't doubt that a very few people do indeed have problems. Fat people have been a part of society for centuries, they're the well-fed friars, or Santa. What they have not been, prior to the 21st century, is every goddamned person on the street. Unless we have been genetically modified in one generation by a group of nefarious aliens to all be useless fat sacks, I can comfortably say that the real problem is not one of scientific pontification.
In the words of Oasis? (I can't remember the name of the band.)
GET SOME EXERCISE.
P.s Plus one internet for whomever figures out the name of the song and band. Three words, a billion songs. The challenge has been set.
Also:
GET SOME EXERCISE
P.P.s I don't dislike fat people if they're A: happy and not shoving their fatness in my face (ala the BBC picture) or B: Trying to lose weight. (I mean actually trying.)
Tuesday, 12 July 2011
The Art of Selfishness
This article from the BBC pointed towards something unintended. The tradition in all Asian countries, has been for the subsequent members of family to provide for their elders. They don't have pensions, banking interest rates are measured in fractions of a percent, and general wealth has been hard to come by.
Japan has bucked this trend recently, with its' declining population and relative wealth, they do the western thing of providing for themselves with pensions, savings and occasional part-time work.
Watch the article and you'll see that china is still some way behind in this respect. The guy speaking ends his part by saying 'it will be difficult for him [the lone male child] to provide for the six of us.'
Now, when you are so selfish as to expect the child to provide for six people, without even considering the child in question, something must be inherently wrong. In fact, expectation is the wrong feeling. It's not really expected that he will do this; he will do it. It transcends expectation because there is an element of doubt related to expectation. It's a certainty in the mind of this man. When you elevate selfishness to the realm of certainty without reprisal, you have created an art form. Truly.
Poor kid.
Then again, the 'little emporer,' syndrome they talk about lives true and well within all of china.
Having met and spoken with a ton of the wealthiest 'little emporers,' in university, I can honestly say they can be obnoxious. This is not to say people with brothers and sisters can't be foul, obviously this is not the case - I just feel that this particular breed of chinese (dedicated to pouring their entire being into the new generation) has created a number of monsters. Just look at me as a prime example of the western equivalent (a term I'm now coining 'little king.') and become afraid. There is only one of me, but there are billions of them.
Time to get out of here before they all grow up and move abroad!
In other news: UK terror threat level has been downgraded from 'kiss your ass goodbye,' to 'rip your own eyeballs out, it'll be easier for you when they come and start shooting children.'
If you have any fears over your safety in the UK, just watch James Bond - he is badass.
Also, grow up.
One last thing about the terror warnings - they only ever raise them to the highest level after an attack has occurred, rendering all the 'I urge civilians to be cautious and alert,' bullshit moot, as we should have been alert prior to the bombing. Not after. Not exactly rocket scientist material heading government anti-terror units these days. That in itself is more a cause for concern than any fictitious terrorists.
On an unrelated note, I just visited a class for lunch (every day I have to eat lunch with a class. This is probably why I've lost weight. I just want to eat lunch quietly without seeing filthy children vomiting and spitting food at each other and flinging poo around like monkeys. It's disgusting.) and saw a kid eat his meal like a gannet. An otherwise impressive feat, it was somewhat disturbing for me to realise that all the kids were eating like that. It must be a fad or something. Literally no chewing occurred.
Then again, contrary to popular belief, Japanese people do not possess table manners. Sure, they kneel down and bow, say prayers of thank you (more on the prayers at a later date) before and after meals, and keenly observe proper chopstick etiquette - but once those formalities are overcome, it's all hands to the troughs. To see grown men, holding their chopsticks perfectly, dive head first into their bowls of food without using their hands is quite something. They can go through whole meals without actually using their perfected chopstick techniques, instead preferring the animalistic approach. Once they have finished troughing, they observe the etiquette laden formality of life once again.
Their children are umpteen times more disgusting to watch eating.
This is of course not to disparage all Japanese people. I find the women eat in a way that isn't fear-inducing, and some men are tolerable.
This is also coming from the only human being on the planet who feels that meal times are much better alone than shared with another, however, so my views may well be biased on this front.
P.s I just read a ten minute long back and forth internet flame war, arguing which is better: Western music or Eastern music. Not to put too fine a point on matters, while every country has patriots, Korea and Japan have attracted the anti-patriot. The 'weaboo,' is a common internet species, who think they're Japanese or Korean (the 'or Korean,' part is still yet to be added to the definition, but it's not long before it happens) despite being 14th generation English, French, German, Dutch or American - and never having left their parents' metaphorical or literal basement.
As such, the defence for the East-Asian music went thusly (to paraphrase): Western music is shit.
The rebuttal was: Japanese and Korean music is equally shit, except there is no variation that allows for the occasional breakthrough artist, or that caters for individual tastes.
The rebuttal is entirely correct. The only music in Japan is pop music. It's so generic, people have created computer programs that produce music indistinguishable from 'real,' music. I recently told the rugby guys that I like a Japanese rock band called 'maximum the hormone,' (another example of why Japan really needs to start taking English language teaching seriously) and they said, 'that's a bit weird.' They also advised me against telling any women that I like them, in case they thought I was weird too.
They're genuinely awesome, but they're not pop - in essence the reason why the West is better isn't the overall quality of music, (huge swathes of stuff produced in the West is dire, let's be honest) it's the fact that there is no music catering to differing tastes. If you don't like whiny, nasal pop, you're SOL (something out of luck) in Japan.
Unless you have the internet.
The internet beats the wheel as the best invention ever.
Using the above statement, begin a new flamewar at your own behest.
Japan has bucked this trend recently, with its' declining population and relative wealth, they do the western thing of providing for themselves with pensions, savings and occasional part-time work.
Watch the article and you'll see that china is still some way behind in this respect. The guy speaking ends his part by saying 'it will be difficult for him [the lone male child] to provide for the six of us.'
Now, when you are so selfish as to expect the child to provide for six people, without even considering the child in question, something must be inherently wrong. In fact, expectation is the wrong feeling. It's not really expected that he will do this; he will do it. It transcends expectation because there is an element of doubt related to expectation. It's a certainty in the mind of this man. When you elevate selfishness to the realm of certainty without reprisal, you have created an art form. Truly.
Poor kid.
Then again, the 'little emporer,' syndrome they talk about lives true and well within all of china.
Having met and spoken with a ton of the wealthiest 'little emporers,' in university, I can honestly say they can be obnoxious. This is not to say people with brothers and sisters can't be foul, obviously this is not the case - I just feel that this particular breed of chinese (dedicated to pouring their entire being into the new generation) has created a number of monsters. Just look at me as a prime example of the western equivalent (a term I'm now coining 'little king.') and become afraid. There is only one of me, but there are billions of them.
Time to get out of here before they all grow up and move abroad!
In other news: UK terror threat level has been downgraded from 'kiss your ass goodbye,' to 'rip your own eyeballs out, it'll be easier for you when they come and start shooting children.'
If you have any fears over your safety in the UK, just watch James Bond - he is badass.
Also, grow up.
One last thing about the terror warnings - they only ever raise them to the highest level after an attack has occurred, rendering all the 'I urge civilians to be cautious and alert,' bullshit moot, as we should have been alert prior to the bombing. Not after. Not exactly rocket scientist material heading government anti-terror units these days. That in itself is more a cause for concern than any fictitious terrorists.
On an unrelated note, I just visited a class for lunch (every day I have to eat lunch with a class. This is probably why I've lost weight. I just want to eat lunch quietly without seeing filthy children vomiting and spitting food at each other and flinging poo around like monkeys. It's disgusting.) and saw a kid eat his meal like a gannet. An otherwise impressive feat, it was somewhat disturbing for me to realise that all the kids were eating like that. It must be a fad or something. Literally no chewing occurred.
Then again, contrary to popular belief, Japanese people do not possess table manners. Sure, they kneel down and bow, say prayers of thank you (more on the prayers at a later date) before and after meals, and keenly observe proper chopstick etiquette - but once those formalities are overcome, it's all hands to the troughs. To see grown men, holding their chopsticks perfectly, dive head first into their bowls of food without using their hands is quite something. They can go through whole meals without actually using their perfected chopstick techniques, instead preferring the animalistic approach. Once they have finished troughing, they observe the etiquette laden formality of life once again.
Their children are umpteen times more disgusting to watch eating.
This is of course not to disparage all Japanese people. I find the women eat in a way that isn't fear-inducing, and some men are tolerable.
This is also coming from the only human being on the planet who feels that meal times are much better alone than shared with another, however, so my views may well be biased on this front.
P.s I just read a ten minute long back and forth internet flame war, arguing which is better: Western music or Eastern music. Not to put too fine a point on matters, while every country has patriots, Korea and Japan have attracted the anti-patriot. The 'weaboo,' is a common internet species, who think they're Japanese or Korean (the 'or Korean,' part is still yet to be added to the definition, but it's not long before it happens) despite being 14th generation English, French, German, Dutch or American - and never having left their parents' metaphorical or literal basement.
As such, the defence for the East-Asian music went thusly (to paraphrase): Western music is shit.
The rebuttal was: Japanese and Korean music is equally shit, except there is no variation that allows for the occasional breakthrough artist, or that caters for individual tastes.
The rebuttal is entirely correct. The only music in Japan is pop music. It's so generic, people have created computer programs that produce music indistinguishable from 'real,' music. I recently told the rugby guys that I like a Japanese rock band called 'maximum the hormone,' (another example of why Japan really needs to start taking English language teaching seriously) and they said, 'that's a bit weird.' They also advised me against telling any women that I like them, in case they thought I was weird too.
They're genuinely awesome, but they're not pop - in essence the reason why the West is better isn't the overall quality of music, (huge swathes of stuff produced in the West is dire, let's be honest) it's the fact that there is no music catering to differing tastes. If you don't like whiny, nasal pop, you're SOL (something out of luck) in Japan.
Unless you have the internet.
The internet beats the wheel as the best invention ever.
Using the above statement, begin a new flamewar at your own behest.
Sunday, 10 July 2011
Favourite Quotes
"Our youth now love luxury. They have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for their elders and love chatter in place of exercise; they no longer rise when elders enter the room; they contradict their parents, chatter before company; gobble up their food and tyrannize their teachers."
— Socrates
This made me laugh because of the obvious parallels with modern life, and the fact that life is always more terrible and dangerous now than it was 'when I were a lad.'
Of course England is safer now than it was fifty years ago, but let's forget that for now.
Anyway, I just administered about thirty students worth of speaking tests for a class. Let me put it this way, if they were stranded in England, they would be dead in under a week. 'What's your name?'
Student 1: 'uhm.'
Student 2: 'ah.'
Student 3: 'hmmm.'
Student 4: 'Like tomato.'
Student 5: 'sah ne.'
Generally, I am not surprised. Disappointed, but not surprised.
Then again, I should probably record some of these and have awesome quotes for the future.
— Socrates
This made me laugh because of the obvious parallels with modern life, and the fact that life is always more terrible and dangerous now than it was 'when I were a lad.'
Of course England is safer now than it was fifty years ago, but let's forget that for now.
Anyway, I just administered about thirty students worth of speaking tests for a class. Let me put it this way, if they were stranded in England, they would be dead in under a week. 'What's your name?'
Student 1: 'uhm.'
Student 2: 'ah.'
Student 3: 'hmmm.'
Student 4: 'Like tomato.'
Student 5: 'sah ne.'
Generally, I am not surprised. Disappointed, but not surprised.
Then again, I should probably record some of these and have awesome quotes for the future.
Wednesday, 6 July 2011
Humanely Culling Shit Teachers
So I work with twenty one Japanese teachers (not including the brass). That's a lot of teachers, and I feel it gives me a rather intimate view of teaching (particularly of elementary schools) within Japan.
I can honestly say, most are well-suited to the job. Those who are not well-suited, often try their hardest to make up for their obvious lack of ability. There is a fifth year class, whose teacher is the biggest pushover I've ever seen. The upshot? His class, (yes his) is one of the worst behaved in the school. He has been trying to reign them back in, however, and they have started to improve. He has two troublemakers, one of whom will be imprisoned within the next five years. Again, to point out the obvious, why is he in a comprehensive school? Obviously no one wants a world like the Batman metropolis (comic nerds, metropolis in this instance does not have a capital letter, so it's used as a generic term for big cities, not Supermans home. Sheesh.) where all the master criminals are locked up in Arkham Asylum, free to plot the destruction of mankind. Then again, no one wants a world where Two-face runs amok through the city either. The solution? Stop them from turning into supervillains, and catch them when they're young. Get to work, Japan.
Anyway, this pushover teacher is working his hardest, and he is a nice, if aloof guy.
What sparked this writing, is a class I recently finished. Basically, the fourth grade teachers are the worst in the school. They're callous, uncaring sub-humans (with the exception of one, who is just stupid) who have no right being teachers. Unusually, there are three of them. The fourth grade had a particularly large turnout for whatever reason, so instead of splitting the year in two, they divvied into threes. This had the effect of making each fourth year class relatively small (see: extremely small by Japanese standards) and I think, as a result, they've put the worst teachers into the classrooms with the smallest numbers of children. This is purely speculative, but they are truly terrible teachers, and I can't fathom a reason for them all to be in the same year. It could be coincidence, but on this large a scale? I don't think so.
Anyway, I taught two of these classes today. The first is the class of a chronic lifetime failure, whose only interest is in not doing anything. The other teachers help in whatever way they can - be it the occasional disciplinary action, helping individual kids with pronunciation; generally being useful. This guy sits around on his chair staring blankly out of the window, until the time is up. Then he jumps up and starts talking over me in Japanese. At this point I have to assume that's the end of the lesson, and leave. He doesn't help me take my shit off the blackboard, he doesn't let the kids do the same (which is customary in Japan, as certain students are assigned to such duties) and he doesn't say thank you or goodbye. He is, in essence, a waste of human life.
The second teacher, however, is more than that. She is malicious. She has an acutely disabled student in the form of a girl who can't really control herself. She occasionally squeels, always laughs and generally acts as any non-violent disabled student would. She is also the only happy kid in the class, and she always runs up to me and pushes me around, pushing me to the front of the class at the beginning, pushing me up and down the isles when I'm engaging kids individually, generally being a pleasant distraction from the blank faces I'm greeted with normally.
How she is still happy, is beyond my imagining. The other kids don't understand that she's different, so when she squeels they tell her to shut up. When she stands up, they physically push her back down. They bully her, and the teacher encourages it. When a kid shouts at her, she says in Japanese, 'listen to blah blah, he is quiet.' Far be it from me to dissuade such destructive, tortuous behaviour, but when the teacher starts manhandling said disabled kid because she won't sit down, you have to start looking at alternatives for that individual. For example, prison for the teacher, and a special school for the kid.
Why do I have such a downer on this particular teacher? Today, before class started, I told her 'wow Japan sure is hot,' in the kind of colloquial shallow way that indicates my tolerance of your existence, but nothing more. So she closes all the windows and doors, so there's no breeze.
Upon explaining a particularly challenging grammar point, the kids are failing to understand. To expedite matters I ask the teacher to explain in Japanese (something they are wont to do in all circumstances, requested, required or superfluous, as the case may be) to which she replies - 'this is English class.' After finally getting the kids to understand the point, some ten minutes later (sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and grind your way through a grammar point) she stands up, and in Japanese, explains what I just said. It took her fifteen seconds. Then she starts giving out instructions in Japanese.
I tell her that the class is too noisy, and I'm losing my voice because I'm shouting too much. She replies in Japanese, sorry, I don't understand what you are saying. She then eggs the class on during a game to make them produce more noise, and make it more difficult for me to quiet them down. When I am trying to quiet them, she talks to groups of students, diverting class attention and ensuring the noise takes an extra minute to die off.
I can only think an american naval officer did something terrible to her family, for her to have so much hate for foreigners.
P.s To bring balance to the force - next week I'm working with one of the nicest teachers on this earth, so, if I remember, I will write about how awesome she is.
I can honestly say, most are well-suited to the job. Those who are not well-suited, often try their hardest to make up for their obvious lack of ability. There is a fifth year class, whose teacher is the biggest pushover I've ever seen. The upshot? His class, (yes his) is one of the worst behaved in the school. He has been trying to reign them back in, however, and they have started to improve. He has two troublemakers, one of whom will be imprisoned within the next five years. Again, to point out the obvious, why is he in a comprehensive school? Obviously no one wants a world like the Batman metropolis (comic nerds, metropolis in this instance does not have a capital letter, so it's used as a generic term for big cities, not Supermans home. Sheesh.) where all the master criminals are locked up in Arkham Asylum, free to plot the destruction of mankind. Then again, no one wants a world where Two-face runs amok through the city either. The solution? Stop them from turning into supervillains, and catch them when they're young. Get to work, Japan.
Anyway, this pushover teacher is working his hardest, and he is a nice, if aloof guy.
What sparked this writing, is a class I recently finished. Basically, the fourth grade teachers are the worst in the school. They're callous, uncaring sub-humans (with the exception of one, who is just stupid) who have no right being teachers. Unusually, there are three of them. The fourth grade had a particularly large turnout for whatever reason, so instead of splitting the year in two, they divvied into threes. This had the effect of making each fourth year class relatively small (see: extremely small by Japanese standards) and I think, as a result, they've put the worst teachers into the classrooms with the smallest numbers of children. This is purely speculative, but they are truly terrible teachers, and I can't fathom a reason for them all to be in the same year. It could be coincidence, but on this large a scale? I don't think so.
Anyway, I taught two of these classes today. The first is the class of a chronic lifetime failure, whose only interest is in not doing anything. The other teachers help in whatever way they can - be it the occasional disciplinary action, helping individual kids with pronunciation; generally being useful. This guy sits around on his chair staring blankly out of the window, until the time is up. Then he jumps up and starts talking over me in Japanese. At this point I have to assume that's the end of the lesson, and leave. He doesn't help me take my shit off the blackboard, he doesn't let the kids do the same (which is customary in Japan, as certain students are assigned to such duties) and he doesn't say thank you or goodbye. He is, in essence, a waste of human life.
The second teacher, however, is more than that. She is malicious. She has an acutely disabled student in the form of a girl who can't really control herself. She occasionally squeels, always laughs and generally acts as any non-violent disabled student would. She is also the only happy kid in the class, and she always runs up to me and pushes me around, pushing me to the front of the class at the beginning, pushing me up and down the isles when I'm engaging kids individually, generally being a pleasant distraction from the blank faces I'm greeted with normally.
How she is still happy, is beyond my imagining. The other kids don't understand that she's different, so when she squeels they tell her to shut up. When she stands up, they physically push her back down. They bully her, and the teacher encourages it. When a kid shouts at her, she says in Japanese, 'listen to blah blah, he is quiet.' Far be it from me to dissuade such destructive, tortuous behaviour, but when the teacher starts manhandling said disabled kid because she won't sit down, you have to start looking at alternatives for that individual. For example, prison for the teacher, and a special school for the kid.
Why do I have such a downer on this particular teacher? Today, before class started, I told her 'wow Japan sure is hot,' in the kind of colloquial shallow way that indicates my tolerance of your existence, but nothing more. So she closes all the windows and doors, so there's no breeze.
Upon explaining a particularly challenging grammar point, the kids are failing to understand. To expedite matters I ask the teacher to explain in Japanese (something they are wont to do in all circumstances, requested, required or superfluous, as the case may be) to which she replies - 'this is English class.' After finally getting the kids to understand the point, some ten minutes later (sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and grind your way through a grammar point) she stands up, and in Japanese, explains what I just said. It took her fifteen seconds. Then she starts giving out instructions in Japanese.
I tell her that the class is too noisy, and I'm losing my voice because I'm shouting too much. She replies in Japanese, sorry, I don't understand what you are saying. She then eggs the class on during a game to make them produce more noise, and make it more difficult for me to quiet them down. When I am trying to quiet them, she talks to groups of students, diverting class attention and ensuring the noise takes an extra minute to die off.
I can only think an american naval officer did something terrible to her family, for her to have so much hate for foreigners.
P.s To bring balance to the force - next week I'm working with one of the nicest teachers on this earth, so, if I remember, I will write about how awesome she is.
Monday, 4 July 2011
You Gotta Get Up
Welcome to the annual music choice awards.
Wait, what?
So the teachers have been asked (at gunpoint) to select their favourite songs, to then be played at lunchtime for all the children to listen to. This is a vain attempt at staving lunacy, and one I fear will not work.
To put some perspective on matters, every school in Japan is identical. The buildings are identical, the classrooms are identical, the teachers are identical, the subject matter for every discipline is identical between schools, there is no variation. Continuing this theme, every day a jingle is played while eating lunch. The word jingle doesn't convey the filthy sweetness that pervades every note. I have cavities from merely listening to this shit. The number of italicised words in the preceding sentences serves to illustrate how much I loathe this act of insanity, and how much it destroys the soul.
At this stage, I feel it worth noting that I work with two very elderly teachers, employed in an advisory capacity (ala american military speak). One is/was an English teacher, the other a scientist. They are both completely indoctrinated in the world of schools and education. I suspect, without asking, that their entire lives have been spent in such formalised settings - seemingly without a glimpse at the outside world.
When the bell rings, they instinctively stand up and do something, whether it be cleaning or bowing, they have cornered the market in instinctive Pavlov reaction. The thing that I find curious is the evident lack of immediate reward. The dog received food and a test tube in the gob, what do these guys get?
They have even been trained to sit on the floor with the kids, come cleaning time. Now, ordinary teachers don't partake in that nonsense, so this pair are obviously seen as being less important than the 'real,' teachers. In an interesting foot-note, the principal teacher of the third years wanted me to sit on the floor with the kids, while he lorded over us. I flatly refused, which has caused polite ructions between us. I asked all the English speaking teachers whether I should sit on the floor with the kids, and they all said it wasn't the done thing, but I could see where pomposity might overtake reason - he has been at a relatively lowly position within the schooling system for his entire life and frustration must be setting in. A perennially overlooked lower management type, begrudgingly sharing his space with a stupid foreigner who invades my country etc. At least I've had the acknowledgement from other Japanese teachers that he's a dick. So it's not just me.
Why bring this up? If someone asked these elderly folks to mop the floor with their teeth, they would. I think the matrix famed idea of being 'inerged,' in a system is a perfect contemporary comparison to draw. They have spent their lives ordering and being ordered, and they seem so devoid of life and spark that I am genuinely worried. Everything about them screams 1984.
It begins with the education system, it continues through their working life, and even into retirement. Their pop music is the very definition of generic (whether you like it or not, it is empirically impossible to deny that the next song to be released will be as near-identical as it's possible to be to the song on the radio now, without technically infringing on copyrights and patents) with the sound not having changed in over a decade, they all eat watermelons in August, and cold noodles in September (dates pulled from my behind, but the principle holds true) with everyone working in private industry 'enjoying,' mandatory fun drinking sessions called enkai every week.
Even the rebels and societal outcasts dress the same and act the same way. They drive bikes with open exhausts, or cars without mufflers, or dye their hair red and wear makup if your a man, or none if a woman. That's it. That's the extent of rebellion. It's a socially accepted form of rebellion.
My point in all this? It's not negative, as it may at first appear. The simple fact that everyone and everything is the same gives rise to unfathomable opportunity. It's literally unfathomable for the average Japanese person, because they all conform.
Opportunity how, I hear you cry. Well, for one, what would happen if you came here with a hair dye that wasn't red? Pink hair dye would sell a million units in a month, and you would be a millionaire.
Or, if you were a retired worker earning 20,000 yen (150 GBP) a month advising teachers and said, nuts to this - if I worked part-time in a store I would earn four times this much, you would be much happier. There is life outside these here walls, you just need to go and find it.
P.s I happen to know that 20,000 yen is the going rate for the elderly advisors to teachers. They work two or three full working days a week. This ends up being 312 yen an hour. That's 2.40 GBP an hour, calculated to a 2 day working week.
UK minimum wage:
Wait, what?
So the teachers have been asked (at gunpoint) to select their favourite songs, to then be played at lunchtime for all the children to listen to. This is a vain attempt at staving lunacy, and one I fear will not work.
To put some perspective on matters, every school in Japan is identical. The buildings are identical, the classrooms are identical, the teachers are identical, the subject matter for every discipline is identical between schools, there is no variation. Continuing this theme, every day a jingle is played while eating lunch. The word jingle doesn't convey the filthy sweetness that pervades every note. I have cavities from merely listening to this shit. The number of italicised words in the preceding sentences serves to illustrate how much I loathe this act of insanity, and how much it destroys the soul.
At this stage, I feel it worth noting that I work with two very elderly teachers, employed in an advisory capacity (ala american military speak). One is/was an English teacher, the other a scientist. They are both completely indoctrinated in the world of schools and education. I suspect, without asking, that their entire lives have been spent in such formalised settings - seemingly without a glimpse at the outside world.
When the bell rings, they instinctively stand up and do something, whether it be cleaning or bowing, they have cornered the market in instinctive Pavlov reaction. The thing that I find curious is the evident lack of immediate reward. The dog received food and a test tube in the gob, what do these guys get?
They have even been trained to sit on the floor with the kids, come cleaning time. Now, ordinary teachers don't partake in that nonsense, so this pair are obviously seen as being less important than the 'real,' teachers. In an interesting foot-note, the principal teacher of the third years wanted me to sit on the floor with the kids, while he lorded over us. I flatly refused, which has caused polite ructions between us. I asked all the English speaking teachers whether I should sit on the floor with the kids, and they all said it wasn't the done thing, but I could see where pomposity might overtake reason - he has been at a relatively lowly position within the schooling system for his entire life and frustration must be setting in. A perennially overlooked lower management type, begrudgingly sharing his space with a stupid foreigner who invades my country etc. At least I've had the acknowledgement from other Japanese teachers that he's a dick. So it's not just me.
Why bring this up? If someone asked these elderly folks to mop the floor with their teeth, they would. I think the matrix famed idea of being 'inerged,' in a system is a perfect contemporary comparison to draw. They have spent their lives ordering and being ordered, and they seem so devoid of life and spark that I am genuinely worried. Everything about them screams 1984.
It begins with the education system, it continues through their working life, and even into retirement. Their pop music is the very definition of generic (whether you like it or not, it is empirically impossible to deny that the next song to be released will be as near-identical as it's possible to be to the song on the radio now, without technically infringing on copyrights and patents) with the sound not having changed in over a decade, they all eat watermelons in August, and cold noodles in September (dates pulled from my behind, but the principle holds true) with everyone working in private industry 'enjoying,' mandatory fun drinking sessions called enkai every week.
Even the rebels and societal outcasts dress the same and act the same way. They drive bikes with open exhausts, or cars without mufflers, or dye their hair red and wear makup if your a man, or none if a woman. That's it. That's the extent of rebellion. It's a socially accepted form of rebellion.
My point in all this? It's not negative, as it may at first appear. The simple fact that everyone and everything is the same gives rise to unfathomable opportunity. It's literally unfathomable for the average Japanese person, because they all conform.
Opportunity how, I hear you cry. Well, for one, what would happen if you came here with a hair dye that wasn't red? Pink hair dye would sell a million units in a month, and you would be a millionaire.
Or, if you were a retired worker earning 20,000 yen (150 GBP) a month advising teachers and said, nuts to this - if I worked part-time in a store I would earn four times this much, you would be much happier. There is life outside these here walls, you just need to go and find it.
P.s I happen to know that 20,000 yen is the going rate for the elderly advisors to teachers. They work two or three full working days a week. This ends up being 312 yen an hour. That's 2.40 GBP an hour, calculated to a 2 day working week.
UK minimum wage:
- £5.93 - the main rate for workers aged 21 and over
- £4.92 - the 18-20 rate
- £3.64 - the 16-17 rate for workers above school leaving age but under 18
- £2.50 - the apprentice rate, for apprentices under 19 or 19 or over and in the first year of their apprenticeship
These elderly folks are sure as hell not apprentices. Remember folks, criminal extortion doesn't just exist in drug rings, governments practice it too!
P.P.s While researching this entry, I googled 'inerged definition.' I suggest you do the same and look at the first link (and the second for that matter).
This makes me suspect that inerged isn't actually a word, just a matrix inspired stroke of genius. I will lobby in a quiet unassuming way for it to be included in the English Oxford dictionary, and I will continue using it whether it exists or not. The sound of the word encapsulates the meaning perfectly. Very rarely do I have the feeling that the definition of a word is inextricably linked to the sounds produced when saying the word, but this is one of those cases.
Inerged (adj.) - Description of a human being. Indoctrinated into any man-made system, parliamentary, scholastic, governmental etc. Ex. He was inerged in the system, and could not see its inherent flaws.
syn. Invested, (needs more synonyms, can't think of any (which, incidentally, bodes well for inclusion in the English language!)
Etymology - Science. Describing process of submerging solids, usually in liquids. Also describes unreactive materials. Origins unknown.
Sunday, 3 July 2011
Inspiration
So I'm struggling to think of anything to write about.
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I went rugby training on Sunday, just a quick mess-around really. Sunburnt my arms (again). Not too serious this time, at least.
The only time I seem to remember sun tan lotion is when I get that tingly/burning feeling, that signals late-stage stupidity.
My hair is the longest it's ever been. I can nearly pony-tail it. There's nowhere in my town to get a cut, and I'm sure as hell not travelling on the train to find somewhere that does cut hair. Getting the train anywhere takes an hour, because I inevitably arrive at the station just as the train I want to catch departs. This leaves me stranded on the station for the better part of an hour, while another train slowly pootles its' way towards me. I then hop on that one, travel for five/ten minutes and arrive at my destination. The percentage of inefficiency related to trains in my area is ridiculous. For a comparison, take a plane. You travel to the airport, wait for hours at the airport, fly, wait for hours at the airport, then arrive at your destination. Waiting and travelling to and from the airport is probably upwards of seven hours. A typical flight will be four or five hours. This results in a ratio of waiting to flying of 4/7.
My train travel: a ratio of 1/5. Then again, sometimes I don't have to pay, or at least not the full fare. Cool.
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I went rugby training on Sunday, just a quick mess-around really. Sunburnt my arms (again). Not too serious this time, at least.
The only time I seem to remember sun tan lotion is when I get that tingly/burning feeling, that signals late-stage stupidity.
My hair is the longest it's ever been. I can nearly pony-tail it. There's nowhere in my town to get a cut, and I'm sure as hell not travelling on the train to find somewhere that does cut hair. Getting the train anywhere takes an hour, because I inevitably arrive at the station just as the train I want to catch departs. This leaves me stranded on the station for the better part of an hour, while another train slowly pootles its' way towards me. I then hop on that one, travel for five/ten minutes and arrive at my destination. The percentage of inefficiency related to trains in my area is ridiculous. For a comparison, take a plane. You travel to the airport, wait for hours at the airport, fly, wait for hours at the airport, then arrive at your destination. Waiting and travelling to and from the airport is probably upwards of seven hours. A typical flight will be four or five hours. This results in a ratio of waiting to flying of 4/7.
My train travel: a ratio of 1/5. Then again, sometimes I don't have to pay, or at least not the full fare. Cool.
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