Speech Contest and Photographs

So I've been given homework for the break.  I've got to read around 150 speech contest scripts and 'understand what level the students are at.'  I assume I will be judging the students at some point, and along with the other English teacher, I will basically decide who will represent our school at the competition.  I don't know what 'the competition,' is yet, but I assume there will be one.

Now, to put these entries into a semblence of context, 99% of these kids can't say 'my name is ...'  Those who can, only respond 'Bob,' or 'John,' when asked their names.  The level of English is around the same level as sub-Saharan tribes who have never encountered a European before.

Actually, that might be a little kind.

The level of English here is one below the tribesmen.

Therefore it makes me laugh when I see a script that has the following:

'Recently I hurt my shoulder.  While it was healing, I couldn't throw at all, so it was very hard for me.  But now that it has healed, I'm so happy to again be able to throw until my heart's content.'

Idioms and all!

If you think I'm being particularly biased, and merely showing the single best example, this is the first page of 150.  They're all pretty much the same.

I won't bore you with more contestants, but some of them are actually pretty interesting.  One kid talks about his/her parents divorce (I know, DEEP right?), one kid talks about going to Manchester to study music.  One kid talks about global warming, and gets all his facts wrong (which made me laugh, I must amit.)  For example, the earth will run out of oil in ten years, apparently.

Oh Japan, up to your old tricks again.

That aside, I'm halfway through them and haven't reached the second or third year entries yet.  This is at the middle school level, and I expect a commensurate improvement with age.  By the third years I expect quotes from Shakespeare and Marlowe.

Don't make me angry.  You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.

So the school commissioned a few photographs a while ago.  A man with an extremely expensive camera turned up, and these are the photographs we get.  What's the point?

Anyway, click the image and it will give you a full sized picture.  It's 5 megs, so it'll take a while before the picture appears fully.

The reason why I have such a low brow?  It was 30+ degrees, and we were looking directly into the sun.  To top it off, the guy with the extremely expensive camera also had a flash, which was promptly administered on every photograph.  The reason for this, bearing in mind nothing was illuminated by the flash (except the retinas of everyone there) is something of a mystery.

I must prepare you for this next photograph; it's the best picture you will ever see of another human being.  It really is.

It's also why I hate having pictures taken of me.

Without further ado:

No, no I am not.  Can we take that one again from the other side?

So what made me laugh, aside from my hair, my face, my eyes, my glasses and my demeanor - was the fact that the gym teacher, with whom I have an unspoken rivalry regarding such things as manliness and strength, was placed next to me in this header.

Jesus, the more I look at that picture the more queasy I feel.

That's all for today, feel free to tell me exactly what I look like in the comments...

Boy, What a Day

So as has been my custom since coming to Korea, I awoke at 5AM.  My routine is actually surprisingly healthy, as I've a lot of time to prepare food in the mornings.  Today however, I thought I'd push the boat out even further and do my first clothes cleaning; what a mistake.

I'll go right ahead and say it, I didn't check the washing machine outlet.  I assumed it would drain into the drain, which, in fairness, it kind of did.  The problem is that the drain in question was covered by a recessed plastic block, meaning twenty centilitres of fluid filled the recess, while the rest poured out all over the floor in the utility room.  This was happening while I was having a shower, and by the time I'd finished, there was water everywhere.  The room is quite small, and the washing machine is enormous; the resulting pool could have housed any number of aquatic animals.  They would have to be washing machine safe, of course, but I might well have kept an aquarium back there.

So this happened around twenty minutes before I was due to leave for school.  I didn't know whether the utility room was entirely waterproof (it is thankfully) so I started bailing out with the bin, (the only waterproof container I could find) running to the sink and back, getting almost as much water in my flat as in the sink.

So eventually I just gave up, and headed to school.

Sports day was great fun - the Korean teachers (and some children) played the English teachers; (also with some children) but the score was rather unsatisfactory.  I'm talking football now, by the way.  It was a 1-1 draw, and it is only in playing football that we are reminded what a loathsome game it is.

I was initially afraid of hurting the Korean teachers, being somewhat larger than they were - but I need not have feared.  They were throwing shoulders and barges while being nippy around the park.  The whole thing was good fun, and the kids loved it.

After school I had my customary hospital visit, for the health insurance scheme.  I had three blood samples taken, (I didn't pass out or vomit for the first time ever!) eyesight checked, (which was funny, because the woman only knew the numbers 4 and 7, and the letters X and C, so I had a 1/4 chance of guessing correctly anyway) hearing test, blood pressure taken, height measured, weight measured, (85kg, +5kg since Christmas, I think my new target will be 90kg) the pee in a pot test, (for what reason, I don't know (answers are welcomed)) a chest x-ray and a basic dental check.

The whole thing was pretty painless, except of course for them taking all my blood.  One of my colleagues even asked me what the hell happened after I'd come out of the hospital, because my eyes were sullen all of a sudden.  That's what drastic blood loss does to you.  Three vials.  Was that really necessary?

So I came back to the room, drained the utility room (it transpires that a simple bung removing operation was the solution to the flooding.  Wish I had known that earlier!) and am shortly going to take a shower.

After today (27 deg C Humidity unknown, but pretty high) with all the stress and running around, the lesson plans for next week can wait.