BBC Bumper Edition

There's not much happening in Japan at the moment.  A couple of festivals I can't get to, a long weekend coming up - school nearly being finished for the term.

Therefore I've compiled a list of interesting BBC articles.

There's been a definite trend towards the English language as of late, and generally remarking on how the entire country will soon fall apart due to ipromper sellping.

This article from the BBC warns us that improper spelling will bankrupt the country, while this one reads like an angry oxbridge consultant, on the cusp insanity.  It starts reasonably, citing the long and varied history English cross-pollination, even saying it was necessary for English to become dominant.  Then he undermines it all by listing his own most hated words.

Then we walk away from the stupid, to the sublime.  I consider myself a member of the Jedi Order, so this pastafarian is as close to religious brethren as I will get.  Consider it stupid, but it's a fantastic expose of the ridiculous laws that pervade government institutions, and what constitutes rights for religious means.

It's a bit of a rubbish pasta strainer thing though - he should at least buy a chrome one for next time.  'Pimp,' it out a little.

This article is of a more practical vein, along the lines of the typical pub question, 'if a lift is falling, and you jump just before it lands, would you live?'  More accurately, the preceding question would be a statement in a pub, as alcohol not only clouds our judgement, but also our judgement, and it also clouds our judgement, and our minds. (sic)

A few coffees later and we would obviously see that, unless you are able to jump upwards at eighty miles per hour, you would die in an elevator.

If you're catching a baby, adhere to the principles of a wicky or goalie; apparently.  However, when it says you should fall while catching the baby, I can only assume it does not mean fall alongside the baby from the same height, while attempting to catch it.

I have attached a helpful picture to illustrate the correct catching technique.

Not to scale.  Any similarity to events past, present or future is entirely intentional, and you may experience epilepsy if viewed for too long.  Also, don't try this at home.

This is the extent of my artistic talent.

Then, there was an earthquake.  It caused quite a stir in the channel (sic) and will be remember for generations.  At least generations of haddock, of which there are none, so therefore it will not be remembered.  Confusing stuff.

A lot of expats always joke about how the quakes in England are pretty pathetic in comparison - but I feel they forget what life was like before they came to Japan.  If you were a caveman, you would crap your pants if you saw a car drive past.  (In this analogy, England is a caveman, and earthquakes are cars.)  I'm sure the first earthquake in Japan is a freaky event for everyone (it was for me.)

Then, finally, we come to the crux of my article.  The above is mere pre-amble for this article.  Fat fucks have yet another reason to continue being fat.  It's genetic, apparently.  And now we have a reason to be content that only westerners are fat.

It's not because we eat 60% of the worlds food between 15% of its population.  No, of course not.  It's not because we drink more beer than satan.  No, it's not that either.

It's not the fact that the population of England is comparable to a coma patient - we exercise our minds and muscles equally.

No, it's genetics.

Let's ignore the fact that England was not this fat forty years ago, or even thirty.  Let's ignore the fact that England gets fatter every day.

It's genetics.

I don't doubt that a very few people do indeed have problems.  Fat people have been a part of society for centuries, they're the well-fed friars, or Santa.  What they have not been, prior to the 21st century, is every goddamned person on the street.  Unless we have been genetically modified in one generation by a group of nefarious aliens to all be useless fat sacks, I can comfortably say that the real problem is not one of scientific pontification.

In the words of Oasis? (I can't remember the name of the band.)

GET SOME EXERCISE.

P.s  Plus one internet for whomever figures out the name of the song and band.  Three words, a billion songs. The challenge has been set.

Also:

GET SOME EXERCISE

P.P.s  I don't dislike fat people if they're A: happy and not shoving their fatness in my face (ala the BBC picture) or B:  Trying to lose weight.  (I mean actually trying.)