Hey, Fat Bastards

Sweary.  Bewarey.

I was about to start lunch when I saw this article on the BBC.  'Oh,' I thought, 'this'll be good for a laugh.'

I still haven't eaten my lunch.

The problem isn't that people don't understand.  There's not a human alive in England who would be surprised to find out they're fat because they eat shit all day, and don't exercise.  Just because the BBC trot out the occasional obese moron to comment on how everything in life is just too difficult to understand, how life is too hard, how everything is just impossible.  Oh, life, woe is you.

No one really thinks it's too difficult to understand.  No one really thinks that they have metabolic syndrome, or their genes are at fault, or their hair colour is wrong for dieting.  Deep down no one believes any of that tripe.

They just don't care.  Fine, I say.  It is an absolutely legitimate response for you to not care.  I don't care about carrots.  Some people are mad about carrots.  I was told every single day during my formative years that carrots were the answer to every problem in life.  I didn't care then, I don't care now.  Fine.  That is an okay response.  Everyone knows the risks of smoking, yet they do it anyway.  Everyone knows the risks of eating your own body weight in fried chicken every day, but they do that too.  Let them do it.  If it gives them momentary happiness, fine.

The problem comes with things like medical expenses.  In certain regards, the tax people pay on cigarettes off-sets the expense of caring for their medical needs.  Lung cancer is expensive, but so are cigarettes.  Theoretically speaking, that extra expense would go towards their care (of course, in reality it just goes towards buying a dozen houses for MP's, and moats to put around them).  Fat people don't pay a tax on their weight, which means they take from the system without giving anything based on their usage.  Health insurance would be a good way of mitigating this; overweight people would pay higher premiums and things would balance out.  This, of course, is too obvious, too easy in fact, to implement, so it will never be done.  (Good luck reading that sentence).

What about class.  As indeterminate as class is these days, the northerners are definitely fatter than the southerners.  This is obvious to all those who go to somewhere like Hull.  It's a mighty fine place, in fact I have a near-infinite amount of time for the place - but it's still mired in poverty.  Fatties abound, I'm afraid.

Now, this raises the possibility of a two tier nation - one based on health rather than income.  It is perfectly possible for those on lower incomes to be healthy, in which case they will have every advantage in life (studies consistently show that healthier people are more likely to be offered jobs, versus equivalent fatties).  Now, this means the naturally sedentary middle class of today will fall by the wayside, and the healthier individuals, the 'go-getters,' as it were, will carry the torch of tomorrow.  So I absolutely advocate the continuing trend of obesity increase.  If you can't be bothered to keep healthy then it's a choice you made, just don't complain when you're judged by the actions you have chosen to take.

Alas, a trick is being missed.  While education is seen as the defacto exit strategy for the poverty stricken, increasingly health should be too.  This is a missed opportunity.

When you involve kids, people seem to think the equation changes.  It really doesn't.  A child depends on its parents for learning, behaviour, interests, values and the like.  If a child is born in Somalia, he/she/it will not have the same values/advantages as one born in Brazil.  If a child is born to a healthy family, it will have an advantage over a child born to a fat family.  If you are going to have a child, give it every advantage you can.  Do not feed it family chicken every day.  Do not bemoan the lack of vegetables in a school dinner, when it goes home and eats chips every day.  It relies on you to raise it; there is no one else.  It is not the governments job, nor a schools, nor a teachers.  It is your responsibility.  If it is fat, it is your fault, parent.  Do something about it.

I guess to summarise I would say this.  I don't care if you're fat.  I don't really care if your children are fat.  I do care if you blame someone other than yourself.  The fact that there are some extremely fit and healthy people around, shows that it's entirely possible to be such, if you just have an iota of self-control.

I do care if you're fat, if I have to harness you up to go climbing though.  That shit is just not on.

#EDIT#  I was just trawling through the fatties on the BBC website making excuses for their obesity (of course no one is blaming someone with physiological conditions, just like no one blames bulimics or anorexics - but that accounts for what, 1% of fatties?) when I found this
quote:

'The fattest people in my town are the Doctors and Nurses in my local Hospital (sic).  Hippocrasy?'

Best.  Line.  Ever.

BBC Bumper Edition

There's not much happening in Japan at the moment.  A couple of festivals I can't get to, a long weekend coming up - school nearly being finished for the term.

Therefore I've compiled a list of interesting BBC articles.

There's been a definite trend towards the English language as of late, and generally remarking on how the entire country will soon fall apart due to ipromper sellping.

This article from the BBC warns us that improper spelling will bankrupt the country, while this one reads like an angry oxbridge consultant, on the cusp insanity.  It starts reasonably, citing the long and varied history English cross-pollination, even saying it was necessary for English to become dominant.  Then he undermines it all by listing his own most hated words.

Then we walk away from the stupid, to the sublime.  I consider myself a member of the Jedi Order, so this pastafarian is as close to religious brethren as I will get.  Consider it stupid, but it's a fantastic expose of the ridiculous laws that pervade government institutions, and what constitutes rights for religious means.

It's a bit of a rubbish pasta strainer thing though - he should at least buy a chrome one for next time.  'Pimp,' it out a little.

This article is of a more practical vein, along the lines of the typical pub question, 'if a lift is falling, and you jump just before it lands, would you live?'  More accurately, the preceding question would be a statement in a pub, as alcohol not only clouds our judgement, but also our judgement, and it also clouds our judgement, and our minds. (sic)

A few coffees later and we would obviously see that, unless you are able to jump upwards at eighty miles per hour, you would die in an elevator.

If you're catching a baby, adhere to the principles of a wicky or goalie; apparently.  However, when it says you should fall while catching the baby, I can only assume it does not mean fall alongside the baby from the same height, while attempting to catch it.

I have attached a helpful picture to illustrate the correct catching technique.

Not to scale.  Any similarity to events past, present or future is entirely intentional, and you may experience epilepsy if viewed for too long.  Also, don't try this at home.

This is the extent of my artistic talent.

Then, there was an earthquake.  It caused quite a stir in the channel (sic) and will be remember for generations.  At least generations of haddock, of which there are none, so therefore it will not be remembered.  Confusing stuff.

A lot of expats always joke about how the quakes in England are pretty pathetic in comparison - but I feel they forget what life was like before they came to Japan.  If you were a caveman, you would crap your pants if you saw a car drive past.  (In this analogy, England is a caveman, and earthquakes are cars.)  I'm sure the first earthquake in Japan is a freaky event for everyone (it was for me.)

Then, finally, we come to the crux of my article.  The above is mere pre-amble for this article.  Fat fucks have yet another reason to continue being fat.  It's genetic, apparently.  And now we have a reason to be content that only westerners are fat.

It's not because we eat 60% of the worlds food between 15% of its population.  No, of course not.  It's not because we drink more beer than satan.  No, it's not that either.

It's not the fact that the population of England is comparable to a coma patient - we exercise our minds and muscles equally.

No, it's genetics.

Let's ignore the fact that England was not this fat forty years ago, or even thirty.  Let's ignore the fact that England gets fatter every day.

It's genetics.

I don't doubt that a very few people do indeed have problems.  Fat people have been a part of society for centuries, they're the well-fed friars, or Santa.  What they have not been, prior to the 21st century, is every goddamned person on the street.  Unless we have been genetically modified in one generation by a group of nefarious aliens to all be useless fat sacks, I can comfortably say that the real problem is not one of scientific pontification.

In the words of Oasis? (I can't remember the name of the band.)

GET SOME EXERCISE.

P.s  Plus one internet for whomever figures out the name of the song and band.  Three words, a billion songs. The challenge has been set.

Also:

GET SOME EXERCISE

P.P.s  I don't dislike fat people if they're A: happy and not shoving their fatness in my face (ala the BBC picture) or B:  Trying to lose weight.  (I mean actually trying.)

Who Made me Fat? You Did, you Fat Cow.

Thank you for giving me something to write about, dumb blonde BBC presenter.

The first half of that sentence is the name of the programme, and the dumb blonde in questions name is... Actually I don't care.  To give her name is to validate her existence.

Anyway; she was amazed to find that more offers are placed on junk food than other foods.  This is simple economics...  The thing that makes you the most money is the thing that goes fastest through your doors, volume is the name of the game in supermarkets, as it is with most industries.  To put offers on products that sell the highest volume (and are therefore most profitable) is merely catering for an obese market.

Morrisons was the butt of this particular programme.  In a presenter like tone, an amazing 62% of Morrisons products promoted in deals are high in sugar or salt!  Literally amazing!


Actually no it isn't.  38% of their products are not unhealthy, and these are the products no one buys, and are also presumably the perishable items.  Such a large percentage of healthy foods frankly, amazes me.  By percentage of food we actually eat that should be around 5%.

I wonder if this woman writes this stuff herself.  I would have more respect for her if she were simply a politician-like puppet, strings pulled by the BHA or somesuch health organisation.

AND APPARENTLY EATING TOO MUCH SUGAR CAUSES OBESITY!  That's amazing.  And that's also a direct quote.  She was amazed to find this out.  All I can say is this:

Jesus Christ.

Yeah she's moderately attractive, but still, she couldn't hold a conversation with a five year old.  To quote another fantastic and mentally stimulating televisual series, 'snog, marry or avoid,' she is a definite 'snog.'

She's goddamned stupid.

Jesus.

Seriously.

Oh and she is a normal sized person, blaming all of lifes problems on someone else, getting people to lobby against food giants, because all human beings are incapable of looking after themselves.

And I'm going to end with a direct quote: 'oh no, it appears the public health minister is leaving the responsibility of our diets in our hands.'

OH NO I CANNOT HANDLE THE PRESSURE, THE STRESS.  When I get stressed I usually eat junk foo... Shit.  I'm going to die of obesity.  Why doesn't the government make only healthy foods available for purchase.  Oh, and while you're at it, I want a government sponsored person to cut up my food... Oh wait, while they're there they can feed me too.  Brilliant.  Problem solved.

Bye bye.