The Road to Disappointment.

Korea is a strange place.

So my first American football match was today.  I arrive at ten o clock, like I was supposed to.  I stayed all day like I was supposed to.  I trained and practiced with them like I was supposed to.  I reminded them that I'm awesome at rugby, and skinned tons of them in training, I nailed a couple of guys and made them regret  being opposite me.  I did everything an aggressive team sport dictates.

They got me suited and booted, which is just ridiculous by the way.  The pads don't weigh much, and the helmets are easy to see out of; but they quadruple your dimensions.  It's impossible to go through gaps, they just don't exist in american football.

Anyway, they put me in for a play, then took me out, then put me in, then took me out, (before the play began) they did the same thing to another guy, and we were both pissed so we threw our helmets on the floor; that's sacrilege in Korea, because, according to one of the coaches, 'the helmet is team.'  You can interpret that any way you want, but the upshot is that neither of us got to play because we were angry, and had adrenaline pumping through us.  Two things you don't want in a physical sport like american football.  Oh wait, did I get that the wrong way round?  Are you supposed to be psyched to play a sport like american football, or are you supposed to tickle the opposition players?  I forgot.

So I just wasted my Saturday for a bunch of assholes that wouldn't let me play, and who themselves are terrible.  Seriously, people were praising a player who managed to break a single tackle, that is a staple in rugby, and they couldn't do that.  There was one hit that was powerful, in the whole game.  These guys are bad.  Just give me one opportunity to sack the quarterback, or give me the ball once and let me run the whole length of the field.

Anyway, we got the adult equivalent of a time-out, and now I'm sunburnt, tired and, frankly, bored of the whole thing.  I think I'll find out more about the rugby team.

Then again, it would be pretty sweet to win a game for these guys, and then stick two fingers up at them halfway through the season, leaving them with nonrefillable shoes.  Revenge will be mine at the end of the day.  That and tons of touchdowns.

Who Made me Fat? You Did, you Fat Cow.

Thank you for giving me something to write about, dumb blonde BBC presenter.

The first half of that sentence is the name of the programme, and the dumb blonde in questions name is... Actually I don't care.  To give her name is to validate her existence.

Anyway; she was amazed to find that more offers are placed on junk food than other foods.  This is simple economics...  The thing that makes you the most money is the thing that goes fastest through your doors, volume is the name of the game in supermarkets, as it is with most industries.  To put offers on products that sell the highest volume (and are therefore most profitable) is merely catering for an obese market.

Morrisons was the butt of this particular programme.  In a presenter like tone, an amazing 62% of Morrisons products promoted in deals are high in sugar or salt!  Literally amazing!


Actually no it isn't.  38% of their products are not unhealthy, and these are the products no one buys, and are also presumably the perishable items.  Such a large percentage of healthy foods frankly, amazes me.  By percentage of food we actually eat that should be around 5%.

I wonder if this woman writes this stuff herself.  I would have more respect for her if she were simply a politician-like puppet, strings pulled by the BHA or somesuch health organisation.

AND APPARENTLY EATING TOO MUCH SUGAR CAUSES OBESITY!  That's amazing.  And that's also a direct quote.  She was amazed to find this out.  All I can say is this:

Jesus Christ.

Yeah she's moderately attractive, but still, she couldn't hold a conversation with a five year old.  To quote another fantastic and mentally stimulating televisual series, 'snog, marry or avoid,' she is a definite 'snog.'

She's goddamned stupid.

Jesus.

Seriously.

Oh and she is a normal sized person, blaming all of lifes problems on someone else, getting people to lobby against food giants, because all human beings are incapable of looking after themselves.

And I'm going to end with a direct quote: 'oh no, it appears the public health minister is leaving the responsibility of our diets in our hands.'

OH NO I CANNOT HANDLE THE PRESSURE, THE STRESS.  When I get stressed I usually eat junk foo... Shit.  I'm going to die of obesity.  Why doesn't the government make only healthy foods available for purchase.  Oh, and while you're at it, I want a government sponsored person to cut up my food... Oh wait, while they're there they can feed me too.  Brilliant.  Problem solved.

Bye bye.