So there's another speech contest coming up. I say another, because I've almost certainly written about them in the past; they're a pain in the ass for myriad reasons, not least because they're pointless.
They don't prove who is the better speaker, merely who has spent more time practicing. They don't teach any valuable skills, besides patience. Then again, the best students are the ones who are inherently more patient, so it doesn't really teach that either. What on earth is the point?
Anyway, as chief whipping boy it is my duty to write the speeches, record myself saying them, then teach the kids the speech I've written. Of course they're meant to be written by the students themselves, but no one is naive enough to believe they actually are. One particularly tough speech was written for the second year student, overseen by my newly (self) appointed boss. The problem isn't the speech material, or length (everything is supposed to follow any number of rules (only some of which I'm privy to, which makes writing them an exercise in frustration as re-drafting becomes second nature)) but the overseer. The lordess (not lady) of propriety is a wicked proponent of ranks and social structure. Disregard the fact that I am both English, and an English literature graduate, if the teacher whose second language is English (in a country where second languages are regarded with roughly the same degree of respect as potatoes (much like England, for that matter)) says tomatoes, you bloody well write tomatoes. Now, while you might be thinking that last sentence perfectly illustrates why I shouldn't be writing anything for kids who are starting out on the voyage of ignorance that is institutionalised English Language education; I hasten to point out that I am capable of writing 'the cat sat on the mat.'
Anyway, this resulted in a speech that is fine, if unremarkable for the most part. I often come to loggerheads regarding almost every conceivable part of my day however, so some of the nascent frustration resulted in a compromise. The compromise in quality of the written word. It is unfortunate that this student should have two such obstinate teachers, but in the cold hard light of post-mortem, I've decided the text actually has more authenticity as one written by a learner of English. That, coupled with the fact that the other listeners (and indeed readers) will also be Japanese, means this isn't a hindrance to the students chances - quite the opposite in fact.
So I bring this up because I had to record three speeches, so the students would have an idea as to the correct pronunciation, cadence etcetera. The first and third speeches were recorded within one or two takes, being simple enough in their own right. The second took seventeen takes because I kept coming a cropper among the thorny Japanicised English that'd crept in.
At this point I'd originally planned to upload the blooper reel and let you laugh for yourselves at my failed attempts, but I can't edit them on work PC's, and I don't want to upload them wholesale because they have students names and whatnot in them. Therefore my parting shot won't be particularly funny, but will give you an indication of the problems I faced when reading this particular speech aloud, and why it took me so many attempts.
The title for this particular speech is simply:
A Wonder of Smile
What.
how on earth do you deal with it? boggling...
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