A Red Letter Day

So today is a bumper day for blog posts.  Having written about terrible chinese copies, I felt it impossible to append this post to the bottom of the last.

It is about Canada.

I have no idea what the news reports in England, but the internet is rife with pictures and videos of the riots in Canada right now.

First off, a prediction.  This will become a South Park episode.  That is a given.

A large number of commentators have ruefully noted that Canada is the home of progressive liberals (dirty filthy hippies, to the rest of the world) and such events should not have unfolded in a land of arts and free-love.  Obviously, those people are morons.  Even the most lovey dovey of countries will riot.  History has taught us that the more hippy a country becomes, the more ridiculous the reasons for rioting.  England is a testicle-free country, with enough bark to scare a country of say, Liechtensteins size - and enough bite to damage a country of, say, San Marino's size.  Now, as a hippy country with no power, following my rule of impotence, England should have riots of stupid matters.  And indeed, we see that England riots over things like football.  An unimportant and stupid situation.

Let's look at another country in the same boat as England.  The Netherlands are also an impotent country.  They couldn't impose their will on a whale in their territorial waters.  What do they riot about?  Football.

Ice Hockey (I think they lost an ice hockey match, anyway) is simply the Canadians football.  It's a simple equation with an inevitable outcome.

What is more fascinating is the extent of the riots.  According to Wikipedia (my ever unverifiable source of information) four people were stabbed, one hundred arrests were made and one idiot fell from a viaduct.

Yet there were no deaths.

In my mind; THIS fact alone makes Canada the most liberal of countries.  Even if your country consisted of twenty people, all of whom were artists, and who smoked marijuana and did other drugs every day, you would still have riots.  To distinguish these liberal countries from, say, the middle east, you only need to see the death toll.

And then there are the pictures.  Holy crap, some of them are funny.  These are all taken from:

http://news.nationalpost.com/2011/06/16/photos-riots-fire-destruction-after-vancouvers-loss/

 We begin, with this doosy.

The caption reads 'man rioting blah blah blah.'

What it should actually say is:

Man superglues foot to door during riots.  Can't get down.


Fixed.

Next!
The next picture probably won't get the kid arrested, because he's not actually pictured doing anything wrong.  Just standing there looking like an idiot.  Also, everyone knows that all asian kids play World of Warcraft (/sarcasm), hence the caption.

Bring it on!  I have the +5attack stick of destiny.

Looking for a good time?

Head to the Granville Entertainment District to turn your world upside down.

I hope this man is shopping for his girlfriend.

Because that bag doesn't go with his coat.

Free limb transplants for everyone involved in the riots.

But all the blood was taken by this guy.  Also, he looks like a viking.

Why does the police officer look like he has a chairleg, and not a baton or nightstick?

Why did the rioters re-animate a rocker from the 60's?

What happened next?  This is one of the few pictures that I rue being a single frame.  I really want to see who wins in this particular spat.






Ok, now to lower the tone.  I apologise in advance for this - I'm pandering.

Blue shirt:  Jesus dude, that stinks.

Hoodie:  *fixing belt*  Sorry dude, couldn't hold it in.

Once again proving that you don't need to be white to riot, these chinese descendants show a rebellious streak that their brethren don't.

All those years of rock band practice have finally paid off.

His form still needs work though.

The second best javelin thrower in Canada shows his resentment at being left home for the Beijing Olympics, and bids to put his name forward for the London 2012 team.

Cigarettes, not the only way to kill yourself in Canada.

I was about to place the words 'coolest woman ever,' between more words like, 'too cool for school.'

However, looking at this again, her demeanor is apprehensive, and she's obviously posing for this picture.  As such, I will not respect her participation, and merely state that she shouldn't be smoking in the first place.

Who knew two cars would create so much smoke.

 If Danny Boyle (?) had waited to shoot 28 Days Later, he could have used Vancouver as a backdrop.










I include this picture, simply because it's a police car that's on fire.  That's cool.

Canadians are not savvy shoppers.

 This bloody idiot has clearly missed the sale.

BUY TWO, GET ONE FREE, IDIOT.

Go and get yourself another couple of shirts.

Also, go raid a shoe shop on the way home - those things are damned ugly.

This guy is included on the wall of shame, not just for trying, and failing to light a police car - but for getting caught on camera doing so.

My years of setting police cars on fire suggests to me that he is going about this the wrong way.  Don't completely bung the entrance, otherwise there won't be enough air for the fire to spread to the petrol tank.

Also, your rag is long for a reason.  Light it at the end, not in the middle.

The annual Volvo flipping competition got off to a rocky start, as someone forgot to turn off the engine.









Now, before we look at the next picture in the riots.  I feel I should refresh your memories.

This picture is of Michael Jackson in his Smooth Criminal persona.

The next picture is of a man impersonating him.  The reason I add this second picture?  This guy is trying really hard to be Michael Jackson, but doesn't quite manage to pull it off.

Throw tear-gas at a man however, and he instinctively channels Jackson himself.  As evidenced by the picture below.

Presumably the same guy, after getting bored of being Michael Jackson, goes Soviet and emulates the Luna programme.  Let's just hope it doesn't end like Endeavour.

Someone raided the set of Free Willy.  What's up with that hair?  On a lighter note, the guy in the background, next to the car, appears to be picking up a beer.  Now, I'm led to question a number of things here.  Was the beer already in the car?  Did the car have a fridge in it?  Was the beer intact?  So many questions, so few answers.

Also, if you look to the right of the guy with a beer on the floor - there appears to be a man with the largest Abe Lincoln style top hat, ever.  So big that it requires the user to hold it all the time with both hands.  Then I realised that it was actually a bin, and he is going to smash it over the guy bending over getting his beer.  Now, I don't know if that flies in Canada, but I would have to sit the bin provoker down, and have serious words with him; if I were in the receiving end of that.

Now.  Now then.  What's going on here?  This is where my hypothesis about Canadians being the perfect liberals really kicks in.  Plainly, these two are high.  If they're not, then they're mental and should be locked up.  Of course they're not because everyone has equal opportunities blah blah.

It's just like the F1 paddock.  (Look on the portaloo.)

P.s  Toploader have reformed.  Awesome!