Not A Whole Lot

So there's nothing much to talk about recently, hence why there haven't been any posts in a fair while.

I started for Lion at the weekend, but I haven't got the video back yet.  We won by some fifty points, and it wasn't a particularly fulfilling game because it felt like any form of possession turned into some kind of points.  Having said that, I scored, which meant shaving the beard.  Considering the incredible length it had reached, it was an undertaking of significant proportions.

When I was going for a bouncing ball, one of their players pushed our hooker into me resulting in a swift head-butting.  This left me with a black eye, which has been dogging me all week.  My boss even suggested I might put an eye-patch on - for what purpose I'm not sure.  Perhaps to not worry the kids (it wouldn't surprise me if these 12-15 year old children have never seen blood, let alone a black eye; they're so precious).

On the Wednesday night, one of the students went around after school closed and smashed all the third year windows.

The violence inherent in receiving my black eye is obviously too much for these poor things to handle.

Anyway, here is a picture of it:

Unintentionally Facebook like angle.  Not deliberate, honest!

It spread out over a few days, becoming less angry as it did so.  Nothing compared to Robshaw though, if you haven't seen his then look here:

Just ow.  So much ow.

I might have worn my sungalsses if mine were that bad.

Anyway, I've had to start putting my hair up when I play; again.  It's getting into my eyes and generally cheesing me off.

It does result in me looking even more like a berk though:

Remember, the beard is gone now.

Frankly, I didn't know it was even possible.

Anyway, today we learned about the face in my fourth year class.  That meant drawing some pictures (none of which I now have - damn the transient nature of chalk boards!) and having the kids draw some too.

Here are a selection of my favourites:

Number 2 is Hitler after the sex change.

So the exercise was to teach facial features, like nose, eyes and whatnot; but also to teach adjectives like big/small or short/long.

I tried to make them draw women with moustaches and beards.  Progressive, liberal education at its finest!

Some of the kids were great.  They all draw better than me already.

I don't know how well it comes out, but this one is my favourite because of no.4

Some of the kids have actual talent when creating things.  One kid was unfortunate though - she appeared to be able to draw well, but when instructed to draw moustaches on the characters she'd drawn, she was unable.  I fear she's already started copying relentlessly, foregoing the creative aspect of art.  'Tis a shame.

Conical beards are all the rage in this kids household.

Others just scribbled on the page.  None of those ones made the cut here, but they're otherwise better than I could do at that age.  Better than I can do now, if I'm frank about matters.

And that's it for this edition.  We're entering a time of treadmilling, that is to say nothing new is approaching for a while so I fear interesting articles may be few and far between.

Check in from time to time - but if there are no updates then you can always chuckle at these pictures.

A Red Letter Day

So today is a bumper day for blog posts.  Having written about terrible chinese copies, I felt it impossible to append this post to the bottom of the last.

It is about Canada.

I have no idea what the news reports in England, but the internet is rife with pictures and videos of the riots in Canada right now.

First off, a prediction.  This will become a South Park episode.  That is a given.

A large number of commentators have ruefully noted that Canada is the home of progressive liberals (dirty filthy hippies, to the rest of the world) and such events should not have unfolded in a land of arts and free-love.  Obviously, those people are morons.  Even the most lovey dovey of countries will riot.  History has taught us that the more hippy a country becomes, the more ridiculous the reasons for rioting.  England is a testicle-free country, with enough bark to scare a country of say, Liechtensteins size - and enough bite to damage a country of, say, San Marino's size.  Now, as a hippy country with no power, following my rule of impotence, England should have riots of stupid matters.  And indeed, we see that England riots over things like football.  An unimportant and stupid situation.

Let's look at another country in the same boat as England.  The Netherlands are also an impotent country.  They couldn't impose their will on a whale in their territorial waters.  What do they riot about?  Football.

Ice Hockey (I think they lost an ice hockey match, anyway) is simply the Canadians football.  It's a simple equation with an inevitable outcome.

What is more fascinating is the extent of the riots.  According to Wikipedia (my ever unverifiable source of information) four people were stabbed, one hundred arrests were made and one idiot fell from a viaduct.

Yet there were no deaths.

In my mind; THIS fact alone makes Canada the most liberal of countries.  Even if your country consisted of twenty people, all of whom were artists, and who smoked marijuana and did other drugs every day, you would still have riots.  To distinguish these liberal countries from, say, the middle east, you only need to see the death toll.

And then there are the pictures.  Holy crap, some of them are funny.  These are all taken from:

http://news.nationalpost.com/2011/06/16/photos-riots-fire-destruction-after-vancouvers-loss/

 We begin, with this doosy.

The caption reads 'man rioting blah blah blah.'

What it should actually say is:

Man superglues foot to door during riots.  Can't get down.


Fixed.

Next!
The next picture probably won't get the kid arrested, because he's not actually pictured doing anything wrong.  Just standing there looking like an idiot.  Also, everyone knows that all asian kids play World of Warcraft (/sarcasm), hence the caption.

Bring it on!  I have the +5attack stick of destiny.

Looking for a good time?

Head to the Granville Entertainment District to turn your world upside down.

I hope this man is shopping for his girlfriend.

Because that bag doesn't go with his coat.

Free limb transplants for everyone involved in the riots.

But all the blood was taken by this guy.  Also, he looks like a viking.

Why does the police officer look like he has a chairleg, and not a baton or nightstick?

Why did the rioters re-animate a rocker from the 60's?

What happened next?  This is one of the few pictures that I rue being a single frame.  I really want to see who wins in this particular spat.






Ok, now to lower the tone.  I apologise in advance for this - I'm pandering.

Blue shirt:  Jesus dude, that stinks.

Hoodie:  *fixing belt*  Sorry dude, couldn't hold it in.

Once again proving that you don't need to be white to riot, these chinese descendants show a rebellious streak that their brethren don't.

All those years of rock band practice have finally paid off.

His form still needs work though.

The second best javelin thrower in Canada shows his resentment at being left home for the Beijing Olympics, and bids to put his name forward for the London 2012 team.

Cigarettes, not the only way to kill yourself in Canada.

I was about to place the words 'coolest woman ever,' between more words like, 'too cool for school.'

However, looking at this again, her demeanor is apprehensive, and she's obviously posing for this picture.  As such, I will not respect her participation, and merely state that she shouldn't be smoking in the first place.

Who knew two cars would create so much smoke.

 If Danny Boyle (?) had waited to shoot 28 Days Later, he could have used Vancouver as a backdrop.










I include this picture, simply because it's a police car that's on fire.  That's cool.

Canadians are not savvy shoppers.

 This bloody idiot has clearly missed the sale.

BUY TWO, GET ONE FREE, IDIOT.

Go and get yourself another couple of shirts.

Also, go raid a shoe shop on the way home - those things are damned ugly.

This guy is included on the wall of shame, not just for trying, and failing to light a police car - but for getting caught on camera doing so.

My years of setting police cars on fire suggests to me that he is going about this the wrong way.  Don't completely bung the entrance, otherwise there won't be enough air for the fire to spread to the petrol tank.

Also, your rag is long for a reason.  Light it at the end, not in the middle.

The annual Volvo flipping competition got off to a rocky start, as someone forgot to turn off the engine.









Now, before we look at the next picture in the riots.  I feel I should refresh your memories.

This picture is of Michael Jackson in his Smooth Criminal persona.

The next picture is of a man impersonating him.  The reason I add this second picture?  This guy is trying really hard to be Michael Jackson, but doesn't quite manage to pull it off.

Throw tear-gas at a man however, and he instinctively channels Jackson himself.  As evidenced by the picture below.

Presumably the same guy, after getting bored of being Michael Jackson, goes Soviet and emulates the Luna programme.  Let's just hope it doesn't end like Endeavour.

Someone raided the set of Free Willy.  What's up with that hair?  On a lighter note, the guy in the background, next to the car, appears to be picking up a beer.  Now, I'm led to question a number of things here.  Was the beer already in the car?  Did the car have a fridge in it?  Was the beer intact?  So many questions, so few answers.

Also, if you look to the right of the guy with a beer on the floor - there appears to be a man with the largest Abe Lincoln style top hat, ever.  So big that it requires the user to hold it all the time with both hands.  Then I realised that it was actually a bin, and he is going to smash it over the guy bending over getting his beer.  Now, I don't know if that flies in Canada, but I would have to sit the bin provoker down, and have serious words with him; if I were in the receiving end of that.

Now.  Now then.  What's going on here?  This is where my hypothesis about Canadians being the perfect liberals really kicks in.  Plainly, these two are high.  If they're not, then they're mental and should be locked up.  Of course they're not because everyone has equal opportunities blah blah.

It's just like the F1 paddock.  (Look on the portaloo.)

P.s  Toploader have reformed.  Awesome!

The Nami Island Bumper Edition

So I start this particular bumper edition with the note that Nami island is probably one of the top two nicest places in Korea.

The other, Jeju island, I've not been to.

I am told with genuine passion, that it is really nice however.

Interestingly, the photographs are all mixed up.

This will be interesting because you have to guess what this is, and I'm not going to tell you.

Amanda was my accomplice once again, and we rented a tandem bike on the second day on the island.

It was a dog to ride, but this made it all the more fun.  Especially when she took the helm, as fear induced hysterics could be heard echoing around the island.

It was fear that made me laugh.

This is like the one above, only slightly more  is showing.

There are wires.

This should be a clue for anyone trying to figure out what it is.

We met a couple of Taiwanese girls whom Amanda struck up conversation with.

We met them in the shop on the island; then again on the boat on the way back; then again waiting for a taxi.

These three (being chinese and superstitious) took it as a sign of fate, and ended up spending the whole day together.

They really were a lot of fun, and were amazed by UNO, which I managed to blag using our school book budget.  I said something about colours and numbers, but I can't really  remember.

So this is plainly another part of the metallic contraption above.

Wires are involved.  By looking at the photographs we can see that is massively (needlessly) complicated, and therefore bound to carry something heavy and/or important.

These are traditional Korean dancers, wearing the traditional Korean head thing that spins around.

It's rather difficult to capture movement in a still photograph, but I attempted to do just that in some later pictures.

They were rather good, I must say.

No videos this time I'm afraid, the camera I was using isn't able to capture footage.

More of the mysterious contraption.

The massive and unwieldy theme continues, with this huge suspended pylon.

This is at the top of the huge contraption.

The observant among you will notice the wires running down behind us.

Surely you've figured out what it is by now?

At the top of the massive unwieldy contraption, we had some time to kill, so started taking artsy looking photographs.

At this point, we've jumped back in time to riding around the island on the dog-of-a-bike.

I used fill-in flash (I think that's what it's called) to ensure the subject was lit well enough.

Fancy, technical photography stuff eh!

I'm a sucker for repeating patterns, and jumping back in time even further, we see a pattern adorning the wall of our hotel foyer.

This is real wood.  (At first I thought it was wallpaper, with a bizarre pattern.)

Ok, to explain this one I must let the cat out of the bag.

The giant metal doodads were all parts of a giant zip-line.

It started at 80 metres in height on the mainland (hence why we  were waiting at the top) and travels 940 metres onto the island.

This is a picture taken from above, looking down on one of the ferries you normally cross to the island with.  I didn't notice at first, but most eyes are looking directly at the camera.  Creepy.

This is the companion photograph to the earlier one, showing a sliver of the hell-bike.

It really  was terrible to ride.

This guy was preparing some glass for an exhibition.  He didn't look very good while I was peering in through the window taking pictures, but when we went inside things were completely different.  He has made some fantastic stuff.

This is while I was dangling on the island side, passing onto the landing.

These people were saying hello as I casually rolled past in my little hanging seat/harness.

The island had plenty of old things to take pictures of, and it really seems to be a great place to take photographs.  There were dozens of extremely rich people, toting cameras that made me feel somewhat envious.

They were all carrying tripods too, which makes me think I missed a trick somewhere along the line.

It took about twenty minutes to get onto the zip line, so I took this picture of shoes.

There may be feet inside them, I can't remember.

The island was full of places to sit down and enjoy the calm.

It's especially peaceful at night, after the last ferry leaves.  This is when there are the fewest people on the island, and it becomes extremely quiet.  There's not much alive on it besides trees, so you don't really hear any animal noises either.

Unfortunately it was cloudy when we went, so I couldn't see any stars.  It would have been extremely nice to see the sky without the pollution and light pollution you normally find in the cities.

Even though it hasn't snowed in a couple of weeks it's cold enough that the snow doesn't seem to leave.

The rivers surface was frozen at least a few inches thick, about halfway across.  You could easily walk at least ten metres onto it, but any more and you might find an impromptu arctic survival lesson being enacted.

This is a pictures quite near the start of the line.  Nothing is in focus, but I like the feeling of height it gives.  It really was extremely high.

This is one of the pictures with movement I attempted to capture.  You can see the cicular motion of the head spinny thingy, and this is pretty much what they did for the entire dance.

Couple this with some fancy footwork and loud drums, and you have a winning formula for interesting cultural happenings.

This place was dappled with snow, and it was quite fun to ride through it, hoping not to fall off.

Having said this place is one of the nicest in Korea, it's because of the artwork and various installations around the place, not necessarily the scenic beauty.  It is quite nice, don't get me wrong, but it's nothing beyond what you would find anywhere in England.

The place is lit up at night.  It took a while to find a suitable position to take photographs from, on account of me being one of the poor folk without a tripod.

More crazed dancing, with more head spinning.

This is the top of the great big tower, where two very friendly locals strapped us into the zip-line.

That's four nice Koreans I've met since I've been here.

That number is growing exponentially!

An alternative view from the top of the tower, showing the snow and the extraordinary height.

It's great to see the local views from.

This is the first half of the boat from before.  Notice how all these people are also looking upwards.

The noise from this thing is quite incredible, and having been underneath someone being launched, it feels as if most of the energy is directed downwards.  I imagine this is either a deliberate ploy to grab attention, or a nice side-effect of the design.

This guy is the glass maker from before.  He looks like a homeless man, but he's very good with the glass.

I can't figure out whether he's trying not to smile, or whether he's trying not to laugh at me asking for a photo.  It is kind of ridiculous in hindsight, but a nice picture nonetheless.

I bought something from him too, so he couldn't refuse my photo request!

This is one of the Tawainese (see:chinese) girls we met on the way back from the island.

She called me smelly (despite not emitting any odours, I can assure you!) and proceeded to make fun of me for the hour-long train ride on the way back home.

She was nice; her only flaw being a liking for Korea.  This is a mistake and, frankly, a character flaw.

I generally dislike anyone who likes Korea.

Rewind:  This is the path leading up to the hotel at night.  It was quite a nice walk, meandering around the island and slipping over on the ice.

Another quick fast forward, and this is the view from the top of the eighty metre tower.

As you can see, there is a ton of pollution in Korea at all times.  This effectively limits the view you can see, which is probably a shame in this circumstance.  Anywhere else in Korea, being able to see only a short distance is a boon, as there is nothing but debris to see anyway.

On a side-note, I learned recently that Koreans used to be able to drink the tap water, but years of excessive pollution have rendered the water incapable of sustaining life.  This is how Asians, and more specifically Asians of chinese descent decide to treat the world; not even caring about human life.  At least they build things really fast.

Hey mister jazz man, play us a song.  He was quite good, (not exceptional) but his speakers were devastatingly loud.  My ears were ringing for five minutes after passing his stand; much to the chagrin of my accomplice, as "WHAT?" was the answer to everything she said.

This is the starting station for the ride.  You can just see the island off in the distance.  It's obscured not by distance, but pollution.

The contraptions you sit in were surprisingly comfortable.  I say surprising because the other attractions and themed rides I've been on in Korea are four sizes too small, and tend to be ball experiences.

This is the accompaniment that supports the manic drumming of the other head bangers.

He doesn't bob around much, and there's certainly no head banging on his part.  I would imagine that hampers the flute playing somewhat.

At a guess, I imagine this is some hippy art installation.  I can't remember why I took this picture.

Another attempt at an artsy photograph.  I don't think it worked particularly well though.

The picture I took directly after this one ranks as one of my favourites in Korea.  This was the setup shot, where I figured there was potential somewhere.

This is that same Taiwanese (see:chinese) girl.  The other was particularly shy, and was taking pictures of everything.  Seriously, a communist spy inside a western nuclear facility would not take as many photographs as these guys were.  It was almost as if they'd heard about the Japanese penchant for excessive photographic habits, and were trying to outdo them.

And this is my favourite of the island photographs, and one of the top takes in Korea.  I'm sure lots of people don't like the black block at the top, and I'm sure it's not fully focused; the white light is a giant 'blown highlight.'  There are a million problems with it, but I think it's awesome.

This is a wide-angle version of the harness contraption.  How do you say 'over engineering,' in Korean?  It's actually not surprising, as an american company came up with the concept, and we all know how they like to over-develop their products.  (see:this)

The island had a number of particularly nice snow themed installations dotted around.  They were all reasonably interactive, and most lit up at night.

This was one of the more impressive features.

Without a tripod it take forever to find an angle that is both interesting and viable, as resting on beams, poles and posts becomes your only option.

I tried using the head of the living bipod following me around, but she couldn't stand still for long enough.

This place is so experimental, they don't even follow language conventions.

These girls were completely snap-happy.

They loved to take pictures of absolutely everything.

Ironically I had to persuade them to hold the cameras up for a shot of them actually taking pictures.  About fifty percent of their time was spent taking pictures of mundane objects, yet I couldn't take a picture of them while doing so.

I maintain that they are actually employed by the People's Security Service.

Then again, stealing state secrets from Korea is like stealing advanced aeronautics and space faring technology from North Korea.  You can work out how they're similar.

This ice flow is continually topped up with a spray coming from a gentle misting machine.  It looks like it's been built up over time, and is quite magnificent.

This is the whole apparatus we slid down on.

It's deceptively complicated.

Another ice sculpture at night.

A number of photography websites say, essentially, avoid working at night.

I think it gives a really nice effect.  It's difficult for sure, but it's an underused tool that is ripe for exploitation.  Especially given the insane ISO ratings of most modern digital cameras.  Even taken with a little noise, these pictures come out fantastically.  Even better if you can leave the camera open for a while (with no movement in the picture) the results are fantastic.

The splashdown zone.  It's a really gentle landing.

I was moving very slowly, but the layout of the springs ensures all the momentum is absorbed at a gradual pace.

This is the view from a quarter of  the way down the zip-line.  I don't know why cameras can't capture a vista as human eyes see it; the island was nowhere near this obscured.

It was, however, ruddy cold on occasion - a sentiment neatly captured by this picture.

I don't know whether you'll like this picture, being the internet and all, but I certainly do.  It's pretty much the view I see all the time as she runs off and does whatever she wants.

Natsukashi ne!

This is a completely bizarre close-up of the harness.  The reason it's bizarre?  If you can't see the demented hell-swing torture device style of the thing, (at least while devoid of setting and surroundings) hanging high up in the sky, then you probably don't get half the stuff I've written on my blog thus far, and probably won't from this point onwards.  I suggest you continue foraging in the murky abyss that is the internet until you happen upon something more to your tastes.

If you do see the resemblance to a crazy medieval torture device, sans smiles, then continue.

This is the braking system as demonstrated inside the building.  Having tested a few of the spring systems (they all seem to be closed systems, independent of the next or last) they seemed rather flimsy.  To get around this, they strung dozens, if not hundreds together to create an extremely soft, cushioned landing.

This row of trees marked the focal point for a famous drama filmed upon the island.

It's the primary reason why so many visit this island, and unbeknownst to me (at the time) was the reason my accomplice came to know of the place.

It's also the reason why so many foreign visitors accumulate on these shores.

(The drama that is, not this set of trees.)

And here is the disembarkation point.  Looking something akin to a Hindu god, Amanda sits waiting to be let off.  The process for heavies such as myself is simple; stand up, unharness, off you go.

For lighties like Amanda however, it requires the strain of a substitute heavy (the third and fourth arms of Vishnu, A.K.A the member of staff who is almost the exact opposite number of those who work for Top Events GB, now with an insane ropes course!)

This is the backup safety device.  If it all goes seriously pear-shaped, the loop is attached to the wire directly, which is attached to this braking system.  Should something fail further up the line that causes it to drop, the rubber pad (see the small square, top left of the picture) will fling upwards, instantly braking (if, as I suspect, somewhat slowly) the unfortunate Seoul (sic) attached to the line.  Clever?  Yes.  Overcomplicated to an unnecessary degree; absolutely.

This final picture is of the landing area looking towards the anchors that hold the other end of the line in place.  All things considered, it is a magnificent piece of  engineering, especially considering the rigors of a country whose daily temperature goes from 35+ in the Summer, to -10 in the Winter.  Those measurements are in Celsius by the way.