Monday 31 October 2011

NaNoWriMo

This great idea for an event was bought to my attention mere moments ago.  It's a challenge to write 50,000 words in one month, with the ultimate aim being, well, there doesn't appear to be any particular aim.  It's an interesting idea however, so I've signed up and am gunning to write.

It requires writing roughly 1750 words a day, which is a big task (especially as I've got to do the same for my degree).  I also don't have a clue what to write about, beyond it being a fantasy novel.  Fly by the seat of my pants, as per usual.

I've also completely monged my right hand.  I played rugby on Sunday (basically one handed), scoring two tries, and being penalised for a spear tackle (even though the guy landed ass-first).  It was a pretty unremarkable match apart from the hand hurting like all hell, and the bruising spreading from my palm down into my wrist.  That means I haven't broken any bones, but I've destroyed a ligament or two.  Whoops.

On the plus side, .

That's about 150 words, let's get writing the real thing.

Thursday 27 October 2011

In Response to Craziness

So I recently posted a thing about the locals pinning (I wanted to say skewering, but it's not technically correct.  Far more interesting to read, but not correct.) would-be assailants with giant U-shaped forks.

Grandad went one better, and mailed me this:

So the idea is not to be anywhere near the offensive crim.  How are you going to cuff him?  Look at how close everyone is to the suspect in this picture.  It makes even less sense in a military/policing role than in a school, where people are supposed to pin the baddy and wait for reinforcements.
It turns out the chinese have been paying attention to my blog, and have fashioned their own devices.  They are remarkably similar to the Japanese devices.  So remarkably similar, in fact, that they're the same.

I would normally, at this point, say they were copying the Japanese.  The defensive communists among you would berate me in the comments section (feel free) saying the glorious chinese empire came up with the idea first.

But I ask you this: with such a plainly idiotic system as the one demonstrated above, why did no one think to cancel the program?  This is so stupid, I can't even begin to fathom why this was allowed to continue.

In a very, very limited sense, it might be seen to almost be worthy of contemplation in a school, what with walls all over the place.  But this?  You're relying on the perp to fall over.  Trip him up!  Someone at the back yells.  Yes but with a ruddy great pole slowing you down, you're never going to catch him.  Have someone else trip him up!  Yes, but the point is not to go near the crim in the first place.  If you need to rugby tackle the guy in order to pin him, why use this stupid device in the first place?

It's fine to copy the world, china.  We all know you aren't collectively developed enough to contribute new ideas to the world, yet - but please only copy the sensible ideas.  You need better protocols for separating the wheat from the incredibly stupid chaff.

Tuesday 25 October 2011

I Want to be a Baker

Wait, what?

So Japanese kids are trend-led individuals (by individuals I mean sheep, hence why they're trend-led).

There is currently a drama doing the rounds, involving, you guessed it, sheep.  Wait, I mean bakers.  Bakers.  I was unfortunate enough to see ten seconds of the show (I cannot remember where however, and it may well be a brain melting hallucination formed from the slurry of dramas past.  Worse yet, it might even be korean.) and can say, without ambiguity or misunderstanding, it's shit.  It's so typical of the genre, that it becomes a stereotype before a word is spoken.  I can't quite believe they managed to embody the definition of stereotypical drama without running a few seasons.  Normally a show becomes popular enough to define terms - this took the terms and carefully sculpted a steaming pile around the definition, to the detriment of everything.  Without knowing a word of the lingo, indeed without a word even being spoken, the villain is obvious.  He's only shy of the Dick Dastardly moustache - and only then because asians can't grow moustaches.  It's a scientific fact.

So with this work of art currently doing the rounds, a massive number of girls in the classes want to be bakers.  Presumably so they can be knocked up by Dick Dastardly (hey you at the back there, stop snickering) and spend the rest of the show wondering who the father is.

To give you some statistics regarding youthful stupidity - of the (roughly) seventy papers I just marked, it's safe to assume (again roughly) half were written by girls.  That's (roughly) thirty-five.  Of those thirty-five, a full eleven want to be bakers.  In conservative countries women (willingly or otherwise) still tend towards secretarial duties, and the rubbish jobs men don't want.  Think human resources, and ironically, teaching.  What makes me laugh is this: Japan doesn't want to be seen as conservative.

At one of my other schools, I was talking to the head teacher about how I saw lots of women serving tea in Japan, but no men.  This isn't a one-off case, it's expected that the youngest members of an office do the subservient bullshit, but only those with too many chromosomes are expected to do the subservient serving roles (as opposed to the heavy lifting roles of the men).  In an effort to appear normal, the head said, 'no no, of course women and men are equal.'  He stood up, made tea for everyone, (at which point the office looked somewhat afraid, I could imagine the local farm animals sprouting wings) and sat down with a satisfied grin.

Ten minutes later, a woman went around picking up all the empties, and normal service was resumed.

Whoops.

I've not seen a man perform that task since he did.  Again, whoops.

I get really annoyed when people like germain greeeeeeeer go on television and verbally assault men, pretending to want equality.  The veil she hides behind is one of equality - while espousing the 'virtues,' of making women the superior class of citizen.  The often cited lines of 'if women ran the world there would be no wars,' while probably not attributable to greeeeeeeer, is often echoed by other feminazis.  Yes.  Run the world.  Equality.  Wait, what?

Here, women appear to have so little aspiration as to seem frightening, the exact opposite of world domination focused feminitis.  A sex genuinely devoid of ambition.

Even if it means they inadvertently spawn a Tamazaki greeeeer of their own (imported from australia, presumably), they need to show the young female population that bread is not a fulfilling career choice; at least not for one third of the entire population.

Besides, the last thing this world needs is more Japanese bread.  It's crap.

Sunday 23 October 2011

So That's the End Then

I didn't get to watch the match live, but through highlights, replays and re-runs (the glory of the internet) I have seen around thirty five minutes of play.

Luckily, I wasn't subjected to the commentary from either the English commentators, or the kiwis.  They were Italian mostly, and as the only Italian I know is 'pizza,' I'm free from bias in that respect.

Of course it doesn't take away the natural bias from years of life, but that's another matter.

Richie Mc caw, the great kiwi hope, should have been red carded.  Sam Warburton dropped a man on his head.  'Richie,' kneed him in the face when he was on the ground and defenceless.  He should be cited and banned for at least 8 weeks (subject to good behaviour) for an attack on the frenchman.  A punch and knee to the head (face, really) left the frenchman unable to stay on the pitch, with what must have been an almighty headache.  But I suppose a few decisions will go the way of the home nation.  That's life.

Then the kiwis were off-side at every ruck, basically being inches away from the french backs, before they even got the ball.  When the french did the same, they were penalised.  But hey, a few decisions will go the way of the home nation, that's life.

The kiwis were off their feet at every ruck.  They got penalised once or twice, but only when they were in their own half, or at the extremities of the pitch.  The french were penalised countless times for the same infringement, right in front of the post.  But hey, a lot of decisions will go the way of the home nation, that's life.  (And as a side-note, I haven't yet seen a ruck where the kiwis entered through the gate, choosing to just pile-drive the sides.)

The referee stopped play for two NZ injuries.  The referee did not stop play for the Parra injury, and indeed penalised the french for an injury just before a lineout.  But hey, every decision will go the way of the home nation, that's life.

The kiwis produced dozens of illegal tackles, some were high and blatant beyond belief, but the referee chose to ignore them (because you know, it's New Zealand, they're allowed to do that kind of thing).  But hey, every single possible factor that might help New Zealand will be exploited, that's life.

It's interesting to note how few people are saying this was a good world cup.  Usually, after an event of this magnitude, people holler to the rooftops about the 'greatness,' of specific sporting events.  Every Olympics is the best one ever, we wait a few years for the proverbial dust to settle, and we look back and think well actually, maybe not.

In this case a minority of people are doing the hollering, while the majority are simply saying 'meh.'

Refereeing caused a storm of controversy throughout.  England were penalised at every possible situation, just because they're England and they're all bastards.  New Zealand were not penalised at every single opportunity, because they're New Zealand and they damn well paid to win this world cup.  (I mean that in terms of them paying the referee, because it is impossible for him to be 'unbiased,' and yet ref that badly; and in terms of paying for the tournament.)  Every day, new revelations about cyclists cheating, cricketers throwing games and footy players fixing betting come to light.  You'd have to be morose to assume that kind of thing never happens in rugby.  When an official gets everything so horribly wrong (with a track-record of only being slightly wrong, which is the best a ref in rugby can hope to achieve) you have to assume foul play (see what I did there?).

The Welsh were hard done by - their captain stupidly (and illegally) attempted a spear tackle, thought better of it, then dropped a man on his head.  They were hard done by because the player is a moron, not because of the refereeing decision.  He got it spot on, that there ref.  Why wasn't he officiating the final?

So this tournament then - disappointing for fans of England, of course.  Disappointing for the fans of France, as they should be hoisting the trophy in Paris.  Disappointing for rugby fans, because they won't be able to shake that unnerving feeling that somewhere in the shadows, a syndicate just made a healthy profit off that game.

But, great for non-rugby fans, as it was an incredibly tense match.  Then again, seeing as rugby playing numbers are starting to fall in the developed nations, there were no non-fans watching.  With referees dedicated to spoiling matches as of late, I doubt there will be many converts this year.

IRB priority number one: fix the refereeing.  How?  I don't know, but I'm not a lord or earl, and I'm not paid hundreds of thousands to do that job.

If you want to hire me for that purpose, my e-mail address is on the right.  You know where to contact me.

Wednesday 19 October 2011

So, Apparently, Steve Jobs Died

It turns out that the following may come as a shock to many people who read this - but Steve Jobs was not a nice person.  Nor was he a visionary, or brilliant, or any of the other things we will eventually be renowned for.  It's a shame that a person like him will become so famous for being so great, as none of his achievements were born from his own brain.  Only in america can you become so rich and famous by stealing.  Some people call him an innovator, which is wrong.  A rough and ready definition of innovator stolen from google:


'To begin or introduce something new.'


Jobs created nothing new.  In his entire life, he has never made something new.  The believers in his cult will say, 'oh it's okay, he reinvented previous ideas, that's still innovation.'  Well according to our definition, no it isn't.  But let's humour the cult of jobs lifetime members for a minute.  In the article we quoted below, Jobs didn't actually make a single thing.  Not a single thing was created or improved upon by him, in his whole life.  He did no actual work.


Okay say the cultists, he provided the visionary leadership to facilitate such invention.  If you continue reading (assuming you've not stopped at this point in a rage that his Jobsiness has been criticised, and you're presumably writing an angry death/hate mail below, thus not reading any further) you will find out that in his early career, he wasn't a visionary leader.  He was kicked out of his own company for being the exact opposite.  He had earlier created his own company - apple - which, with a little research, was working on a machine called the 'Lisa,' as an alternative to the Mac.  The popular story goes that Jobs chose the mac over the lisa.  What actually happened: he was kicked off the lisa project and forced onto the mac.  Lucky being interpreted as visionary happens frequently, I'll admit.


(Interestingly, the above writing began as being an apology of sorts.  I know he's dead, and no one wants to besmirch the memory of someone who is deceased, but the more research I did into his life, the more disgusted I became with his cynical self-styling.  He promoted himself as being a saint of electronics, with a brand that is entirely style over substance.  His brand is the perfect reflection of Jobs himself.)


Anyway, onto the story:


So Steve Jobs is a well known bag of asses.  I don't idolise CEO's, nor do I care much to give them a second thought, but in checking out the history of the old apple computers, I came across a number of articles about Jobs.  It was interesting reading, and it turns out that Steve Jobs was a massive dick.  The kind of person you want to punch in the stomach and leave in a pool of his own vomit.


For a quick summary, read this article.  I didn't realise the world was so enamoured with this particular douchebag, but just reading the opening lines I was bemused.  Visionary and father are not two things I would associate with this man, so I read around the internet, and to my astonishment found people falling over themselves to praise this man.  I assumed it was simple coat-tails stuff, but people genuinely seemed to like him (and indicative is the fact that those who praise him most are those who had little, if any contact with him).  Let's see if we can't have a look behind the PR campaigns and veneer.


Reading along, we see:


'But he had a way with words, seemed to have a passion for technology, and probably lied about having worked at Hewlett-Packard.'


So he was a snake oil salesman and a liar.  Awesome visionary?


'But the young, abrasive Jobs didn't fit in. As the various stories go, complaints ranged from poor hygiene to an abrasive attitude.'


So he was not a nice person.


'...making several enemies at the company by openly mocking them and treating them like they were idiots.'


So he was actually really unpleasant as a human being.


'"So, we decided to have a night shift in engineering -- he was the only one in it."'


So the only way to keep him employed was to isolate him from others.  Really great sounding guy so far.


'It took years before I figured out that he was getting Woz to 'come in the back door' and do all the work while he got the credit.'


So he was a liar and a cheat.  A massive fraud.  He certainly is a perfect role model so far.


'After four sleepless days that gave both of them a case of mono (an artificial time limit, it turns out: Jobs had a plane to catch, Atari wasn't in that much of a rush), the brilliantly gifted Wozniak delivered a working board with just 46 chips.'


So the asshole disregarded the health of his colleague in order to create a device within a time-limit that was needless.


'Jobs made good on his promise and gave Wozniak his promised $350. What he didn't tell him -- and what Wozniak didn't find out until several years later -- was that Jobs also pocketed a bonus somewhere in the neighborhood of $5,000.'


I'm sorry, but Jobs stole five thousand dollars from Wozniak, the man who made everything, who engineered everything.


Other things of note: Jobs illegitimate daughter whom he disavowed any knowledge of, leaving her to a single parent (while he was worth billions, SUCH A NICE GUY) and being sacked from his own company for being a massive douchebag.  It takes a magnificent kind of douchebagery to be fired from your own company.


Basically, what we learn here is simple.  If you live in america you will become a hero if you steal, cheat and lie.  You will also become very rich.  When you die, people will hail you as king, while the people who created, invented and innovated are left unacknowledged.  At least some of the visionaries that Jobs stole ideas from are rich now (having worked at apple in high-level positions) but most will not be.  He stole more ideas than the whole of china, and is praised for it.  Imagine telling your children to beg, steal, cheat, lie and abuse your way through life.  In any other society that would be tantamount to establishing a prison sentence for that child - in america it's the glorious path to fame and fortune.  Christ almighty.


And no, I don't care that he died.  To be blunt - he was an asshole.  Yesterday tens of thousands of people in china, Algeria, Angola, Benin, Botswana, Berkina Faso, Burundi, Cameroon, Cape Verde, the CAR, the Comoros, the Ivory Coast, the DRC, Djibouti, Equitorial Guinea, Eritrea, Ethiopia, Gabon, Gambia, Ghana, Guinea, Guinea Bissau, Kenya, Lesotho, Liberia, Libya, Madagascar, Malawi, Mali, Mauritania, Mauritius, Morocco, Mozambique, Namibia, Niger, Nigeria, Rwanda, Senegal, Sierra Leone, Somalia, South Africa, South Sudan, Sudan, Swaziland, Tanzania, Togo, Uganda, Zambia, Zimbabwe, Chile, Columbia, Paraguay, Peru, Suriname and Venezuela died from preventable illnesses, or war, or lack of water.  I doubt every single one of those people was as terrible a human being as Jobs, but we're not parading around the streets celebrating their lives.


His company, under his direction, used resources, sweatshops and slave labour from at least some of these countries, while benefiting them not even remotely.


He lied, cheated, stole and abused his way to the top.


Well done Jobs, this is a tribute befitting your 'greatness.'


P.S  My old man worked on the apples back in the day, so this might irk him.  Then again, he's a relatively sensible human, and I doubt he is a cultist.

Monday 17 October 2011

Wargbl

So I just spent the best part of a day working on an annotated task for university.  It's basically what I was asked to do for my degree, in reverse.  That is to say, analyse a text for uses of specific patterns, which are given to us.  It's the linguistic equivalent of deriving a base sum from a particular equation, using a method taught previously.

It should be relatively straight forward - choose a text and analyse it.  There are several criteria for choosing the text; you have a few hours, be done with it.

The more I look at my chosen text, the less confident I feel about it.  On the one hand it fulfils the criteria they've listed.  On the other hand, I'm not sure that it does.

It follows the model (more or less, but then what model ever fully covers a real-world application in anything?) so I should be home and dry.  I only get to send one task in to be corrected (essentially to see whether I have the intellectual stones for the course) and I don't think this, my (arguably) strongest area should be the one to be evaluated.  Surely the work I'm least confident about would be great for that.

I may well be kicked off the course before I make it out of a single module!  Bummer!

Anyway, I'm just going to quietly Wargbl in the corner while I think about it.

Some More Rugby 7's

On Sunday I competed (with a team called Den Den something) in another 7's tournament.

This time, our win/loss ratio was 50/50.  We played four games, but were punished time and again for sloppy tackling and poor team fitness.

To be fair, it was a team of oldboys and youngsters, a strange mix of big and small, fast and slow.

I didn't realise it, but the pitch we were playing on was rather small.  I took one restart kickoff, and promptly put it over the dead-ball line.  Whoops.

That, and a couple of handling mistakes in our loss to the eventual winners, gave me roughly four errors for the tournament, or one a game.  Not too impressive when you consider the halves were only ten minutes long.

But I tackled.  Oh lord did I tackle.  Everything that moved was a target, and it annoyed some of the locals immensely.  On a number of occasions I tackled someone as they were passing, and they kept yelling out for a late tackle penalty.  They don't know how to play hard here, they just complain a lot.

The refereeing was also awful, which is a shame because two more 'mistakes,' (that I haven't included in my tally) came from terribad decisions.  In one instance I was tackled without the ball, which then hit me on the head.  The ref gave it as a knock-on.  Good job referee.

The second incident arose from being tackled, the tackler didn't let go of me so I couldn't release the ball.  The ref gave me as holding on.

I recently read an article detailing how a new universities league will revitalise Japanese rugby, except they're missing basic standards of refereeing, facilities and uptake.  Before you start planning the national team, how about ensuring a grass-roots base?

Way to build your pyramid with the spiky bit in the ground, Japan.

In total I scored roughly seven or eight tries (I think) and kicked 75% of the conversions.  I was at 100% until the last two, at which point I was so tired that I spooned them terribly.  I have no shame in saying that I was absolutely, positively knackered by the end of the matches, and could barely walk for a good twenty minutes. The highlight of the day was one of the old boys hunting down an opposition player on the wing, and tackling him with enough gusto to dislodge the ball.  The opposition in that game were university students.  Well done to that man.

It's now Tuesday, and I still ache.  Must.  Get.  Fitter.

Then again 15's isn't so challenging in that regard.  Good fitness training and experience all round I think.

Wednesday 12 October 2011

Oh Good Lord

So a few days ago, a rapist was loosed (by accident) upon the county.  This rapist went after young women of twenty or so years old, so obviously the young children at the school were at risk... (sigh)  Way to invalidate the work of forensic psychologists everywhere, Japan.

This led to a mild panic among staff, who re-organised the annual 'scare the holy bejesus out of the kids for no reason day,' to today - in light of recent events.

Now, I've noticed these poles with u-shaped prongs (not sharp) at the end of them, dotted around the office.  I always assumed they were for closing the windows in the hard to reach spaces that frequently crop up around school.

What they are actually used for, is mind boggling.  No doubt the quick-witted among you have worked it out, but it's only just struck me now.

Here is a picture of what they are for:

Absolutely fool-proof, I wonder why police forces the world over refuse to utilise such an amazing invention.
All joking aside, this is obviously fraught with massive difficulties.

Firstly, the men wielding these masterpieces of human ingenuity are around sixty years old.  They run around the school (as per the simulation I just witnessed) looking to hunt down crims.

These things don't lock onto the walls, they're not magnetic or sticky.  There is nothing stopping them from sliding down the wall, except a small rubberised end stop on each prong.

Hardened criminal versus frail old-boy.  Add one point to the criminal force.  Ridiculous implement, that requires the entire strength of the wielder to put into place, and simply maintain a position.  Chalk up two for the criminal element of Japan.  If the criminal is too big, or too small, they can escape, or aren't able to be caught in the first place (I don't fit inside it, due to my billowing, bulging belly).  Make that three in favour of the nasties.  The only trained pikemen in Japan appear to be the oldies, one was duly snatched away from me when I picked it up.  Obviously, should this fearsome weapon fall into the hands of the wrong kind (i.e foreigners) a power akin to godzilla would be unleashed, leading to mayhem and catastrophe of Titanic proportions.

This also means, given the inevitable strength imbalance between your average crim and schoolteacher, it is useless.

Four points to zero in favour of the criminal versus the criminal hook (or crimk, as I'm now calling it) points to a massive lack of planning in this department.

Obviously, these incidents occur infrequently enough for this ridiculous farce to be allowed through, having presumably never been tested in real life.  When it does happen, good luck to the poor sod holding the crimk - he has a childs life in one hand, and a bloody useless pole in the other, weighing him down.

In all honestly though, the more I think about this apparatus, the more bonkers it becomes.  Something must have been lost in translation.  I'm going to double check now, just to make sure.

... And I'm back.  That is exactly what they're used for.  That is their sole reason for being.  The crimk was obviously dreamt up in a meth lab, because this has zero practical real world application.  Seriously.  Just what?

WHAT?

I DON'T UNDERSTAND?!?!

The only people this thing could catch would be grandmas and small children.  The grandmas don't tend to be knifists, and the small children are already in the school anyway.  Holy crap Japan.

I wonder if these things are in all the schools?  Someone has made money from creating these useless bloody things.

Bemusement turns to rage, and that's the end of the post.

How to Fix Results

FIXED - Formatting and pictures, I don't know why it did that.

Don't read this if you're a grandparent.

Read this article by the BBC.

Read the whole thing, and now sit back while I demolish it.

First up, an opinion I voiced a few weeks ago that caused upright outrage in the comments section.  Check out the post I uploaded here; read the first few lines, become bored, then skip to the comments.  The gist is this: a chinese person was claiming that they don't copy others, and their education system is a unique flower uncorrupted by those Japanese dogs, or the damned meddling Western Pigs.  (By the way, doesn't that sound like an awesome american football or rugby league team name?)

Then feast your eyeballs on this quote:


.... willing to adopt the best educational practices from around the world to ensure success.


The BBC often get things wrong, as do I, as do the Great Chinese Peoples Republican Party members.  (That is probably a real title somewhere in china.)


In this case, the reporter is not wrong.  He is so far from being wrong, that he is in fact correct.


Alas, I will undoubtedly be listed to the chinese governments 'behead on sight,' list, which interestingly includes a large number of the BBC themselves.  That or they just won't let me into the country.






The thing that makes me chuckle about this situation, is that they see copying as a great national source of embarrassment - as if china hasn't stolen ideas for the last fifty years, and mass produced them on the cheap.  As if the entire economic foundation of china isn't based on 'finding,' plans for western developed electronics, then 'appropriating,' their designs for domestic and international markets, at a fraction of the original cost.


There are literally millions of examples, and if really needed, I will take it on my own back to list a hundred of these copies.  I will do it, if the internet starts getting uppety again.


(Please don't make me trawl the internet to find that shite.)


So here we are - after a paid up communist party member denies it, the BBC does some hard hitting research and finds that china actually copies people.


And wow, it works.  Why be ashamed of that?  Communists 0, privileged shanghai schoolkids 1, the rest of the world ???  Results yet to be confirmed.


So moving onto the rest of the article (thanks for persisting through that amazing rant).


Early on in the article we learn that the results are only based on two major cities.  Shanghai, the western centric (oh crap, I've lit another bonfire under someones ass with that intimation, haven't I) city of china (and to qualify that, it's western centric compared to the rest of china, as a traditional port for western and asian countries alike.  It was also one of the first economic development zones established by the commies, way back when.)  and Hong Kong, which was owned by Britain a decade or two ago.




Unsurprisingly, Hong Kong has solid foundations in infrastructure, housing, waste management, education and whatnot, thanks to the influence of imperial rule.  What HK has done so well, is take these foundations and apply good, communist work ethic to everything - improving things in a way its ex-rulers could only hope to accomplish.


What I didn't know until reading this article, is that some consider the Shanghai leading light and economic development zone to be elitist.



Shanghai controls who lives and works in the city through China's notorious "houkou" or permanent residency system, allowing only the best and the brightest to become residents with access to jobs and schools.
"For over 50 years Shanghai has been accumulating talent, the cream of the cream in China. That gives it an incredible advantage," says Ruth Heyhoe, former head of the Hong Kong Institute of Education, now at the University of Toronto.
Notice how I prefaced that statement with the word 'some.'  That's because I'm afraid of waking up with a horses head in my bed.  It's only a single after all, and there wouldn't be much pillow real estate.
The truth is this: china is a third world country.



It also has a behemoth of an economy, built on the back of a billion exceedingly poor chinese.
When you make a million people work, take all their money and pump it into a few cities, population totaling tens of millions, is anyone surprised when they turn out to be extremely strong in any discipline they wish?  Couple this incredible economic power with nazi style person management, that is to say; only the blonde haired blue eyed individual (in this case, the best and brightest) is allowed into the city, should they be proud of their achievement, or ashamed at the thousands who die every day in their countrysides from curable diseases, or lack of sanitation or clean water, or AIDS.
Congratulations china, your communist ideals are truly worthy of praise by one and all.
I no longer expect a shitstorm, more of a shitvolcano accompanied by a shithurricane and shittsunami.


I don't even have time to address the claim that the tests are inclusive of migrant labourer children, and the undesirables - despite the vast, vast majority of them being too young for their testing, making their claims false.  It's all in the article, read it again.

Monday 10 October 2011

Time for Change

Immediately after the France game, I was calling for the head coach to be beheaded.

After a few days of thinking, I have changed my mind.  I believe the scrummaging coach, defensive coach, attacking coach, kicking coach and coaches coach should bite the bullet, or rather, be made to eat the bullet by Jonno himself.

For some unfathomable reason, we gave the French a sniff in the first five minutes.  We let them get their noses ahead, and we couldn't reply.  We took the touchline instead of a possible 3 points, and we let France believe.  This was never a game going to be won by English flair, because let's face it, the French invented the word.  But we couldn't go into the game thinking we could grind out a win either.  Grinding wins are hard-fought, well defended and fraught.

You don't go into a match attempting to play that kind of rugby, it just happens.  If you go in with that mindset, you lose.  Just as we saw against Argentina and Scotland, going in with the intention of playing close, tight-knit rugby will net you a needlessly close result.  When you couple that mindset with a complete, total, unthinkable level of handling - the likes of which England hasn't seen since the amateur days - the fraught game won't go your way.  The whole reason you win games of the kind seen in world cups past, where one point separate both teams, is clinical finishing.  That doesn't just mean taking your opportunities, which is a pre-requisite in the modern game, it means never knocking on.  Unforced errors killed every single opportunity England had.  Every single time England were attacking, we knocked on.  Or threw a pass to no one.  Or turned the ball over.

Mark Cueto had a shocker.  He was responsible for four knock-ons alone.  Normally someone I rate, he severely let himself down.  It's a shame for such a player to suffer such an ignominious end to his career, because he's generally been underrated.

Of course, this is a game of many individuals, and I struggle to think of a string of three phases, where our ball would be called quick.  Come to think of it, I can't think of a string of three phases without an unforced error.

The referee was always going to favour France (see the previous post) but England need to wise up.  We lost entirely on penalties.  It is no longer acceptable to give away more then three penalties a game, in our own half when we're not turning points in.  This will result in nine points against us to zero, which is a deficit that can be overcome.  England did, in fact, put a number of points on the French in the second.  For the reason of repeated stupidity, the forwards coach must go.

The scrum is okay, it held for the most part.  It never looked threatening though, and for that reason the scrummaging coach needs to go.  Okay is not good enough in international rugby.

We need someone who can turn balls over, either in midfield or in the forwards.  B.O.D and the dreadlocked kiwi centre whose name I forget do this in the midfield, where teams like south africa have forwards who punch, bite and gauge their way to turnovers.  The closest we get to this at the moment is Tindall, but he is getting older, and he wasn't playing at the weekend.  Those who dislike Tindall are also the first to overlook his poaching and gain-line metres.  Maybe, in a few years, Tuilagi will have the ability to steal ball in the tackle.  That is assuming he learns how to tackle.

During the Sunday matches I spent my time counting the number of legal tackles (that is, tackles where the tackler has wrapped his arms around the player being tackled) and reached double figures part-way into the second match.  That's fine when the ref lets it go, but they don't for northern hemisphere teams.  Tuilagi is going to get sent off, along with lawes and stevens, and they won't know why.  Bye bye, defensive coach.  Please hire the Argentinian defence coach.

The kiwis are the pin-up attacking team.  They spent sixty five minutes doing nothing with all the ball while playing Argentina.  Then, in the last fifteen, they scored a boatload of points.

England need to learn from this.  New Zealand are patient.  They have the ability to wait the better part of an entire match to score.  England spread it wide, praying for the back three (one of the pockets where England is actually world-class) to do something.  It's irresponsible because, once again, this is a team game.  For those three to work, you need the rest of the team to front up and take the game to the opposition.  Run over the gain line, break tackles (even one will do!) offload, do everything England weren't doing.  England need a new attacking coach, to teach the entire team how to attack effectively.  There's no point having a game-plan consisting entirely of 'give it to the fast person on the outside.'  That's what you tell kids when they're ten, and it doesn't even work there!

I've a feeling Jonno will go, but the real culprits will be left behind, to continue without a care in the world.



In other, less important news, Jewish people are shit-stirring once again.

This is why nobody takes religion seriously.

In other, other news:  I am broke because I accidentally sent too much money back home - leaving me with fudge all.  I can't even remember when payday is, so I'm scrimping like a person has never scrimped before.

EDIT:  Check out this quite amazing video.  Turn your sound off though, as some stupid bint is in the background screaming and being needlessly dramatic.  The fact a massive amount of rock breaks in front of the camera, a one in a million event, isn't enough for the screaming woman.  Seriously.  Annoying.

The man is pretty cool though, 'I'm pleased I caught that.'  Nice.

Sunday 9 October 2011

Broken Keyboard, Going Insane

So right now I'm typing with an on-screen virtual keyboard which is incompatible with everything.  Can't even use the skype. GRRRRR.

Friday 7 October 2011

Hello Grandad

First up, I hope you're feeling better Grandad.  Well enough to read this at least!

If the hospital offers you omelette for dinner, refuse.  Actually, if the hospital offers you any food whatsoever, ensure it's tested by someone else before you partake.  That information may well save your life.

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In a first for me, I'm leaving the title until the end of the post.  Hopefully I'll have thought of one by then.

If it's still blank, you know I completely forgot about it (hence why I always write it in first).

So I have a cold.  It's an annoyance as it's attacking my throat.  The very thing I need to speak, in order to teach, in order to make money.  It's a shame that it decided to attack me there, as I don't really need this many fingers, or toes.  Then again, I'd much prefer never being able to speak again, than never playing rugby well; which is an interesting segue into the next part of the blog - the Tokyo Gaijin are playing the Japanese national deaf team on Sunday (the segue was disabilities, by the way), and I'll be extremely interested in finding out how they get on.

I won't be playing, instead choosing to rest the unknown ass-muscle that's been causing pain and watching the various rugby matches at the weekend.  I'll be testing the viability of activity on said muscle, as sitting will be the primary orientation for watching said rugby.

In fairness, I was out running last night and it felt stiff, but fine.  It didn't hurt, and although I wasn't up to full speed, it wasn't the hindrance that I encountered last weekend.  I'm not taking any chances however, as there will be a few friends watching me next weekend at the Sano tournament.  Nothing is left to chance when I might look like a prize plum.

Why, you might asking, did I go out running if I have a cold?  Firstly, in my backwards world, everything has a life expectancy.  Whether you're an antelope or a flu virus, you can only live so long.  That said, if you exist in a warmer environment (as a single celled organism) you can expect to grow faster and spread quicker.  If we assume there is a point when the bacteria compete for nutrients and apartment space, getting them to that point quickly will surely cut down on recovery time.

If your body is ready to fight the infection, then speeding that process up can't hurt either, right?  Running around and getting the blood pumping is important.

But not if you've just had a heart-attack, so Grandad, please don't go running around.  Sit in the garden.

Then again, if you see something that needs dead-heading, you're likely to go and do it, which is probably bad for you at this point.  So maybe, just sit inside and look at the garden through the window.  Get one of the grandchildren to do the labor.

Onto some more rugby coverage then: and an interview with MJ that you can find anywhere on the interwebs.

Normally I don't pay much attention to these things, but one radical change to the makeup of the England back line stood out to me; I felt compelled to listen to this particular presser to see if any clues were given as to why.

The change I'm referring to is the placing of two fly-halves onto the pitch.  One at inside centre, in the form of flood, and the other actually playing at fly.  James Haskell has been preferred at number 8 in the scrum, despite not being a number 8.  This time around Johnno put him on the bench, giving a 'real,' 8 the chance to shine.  This would make sense against a team that traditionally likes biting, gouging and de-testicling, as the physical confrontation will require sturdy nerves at the set-piece.

Why, then, throw someone who doesn't know what he's doing at inside centre into the deep end of the blue pool?

He isn't big enough or strong enough.  He cannot tackle at his weight, let alone above it.  Prior to this arrangement, opposition teams needed to bring impact players into the ten channel via moves.  Now they can just plow straight over the top of him without needing to plan anything.  The french twelve will laugh as he leaves flood on his ass.

If they are sensible, they will have flood defending somewhere out on the wing, bringing a forward in to do the actual work.  Either that, or switch tuilagi into 12, and push flood out to 13.  This doesn't solve any problems however, it merely shifts the french focus of attack to 13.  We can only thank the lord that Matthieu Bastareaud isn't playing.  For those who have never heard of him, he's the french equivalent of Tuilagi.  Neither have an ounce of flair about them, but both are massive and relatively quick.  He would have minced Flood, but luckily he's not in the picture.

MJ was also quick to point out that Haskell was unlucky to be moved to the bench, a fact he reiterates a number of times.

I'm not sure this is the case, however.  He was chosen above an established number 8 to do an adequate job at the set-piece, and excel at the breakdown.  How many penalties have England given away, and how many times have we turned the ball over?  Lots to the first, not many to the second.  Then look at the second in reverse, how many times have we given the ball away?  A fair number, which suggests we're playing too far away from our forwards too early in phase play (i.e spreading it to the wingers and praying, allowing them to become isolated) or the loose forwards aren't working hard enough.

It's been aeons since an English pack were consistently competitive at the breakdown, so the likes of Haskell and Moody need to step up.

They might be great in broken play, but if we don't get some ball in areas and situations that allow for those off-loads and runs, they're essentially handicapped.

The other problem with Flood, aside from his lack of tackling ability, is that we've lost a hard runner.  Tindall doesn't have many fans at the moment, because all he does is run with his head down.  This may not be popular, but we rely on our wingers and full-backs to attack, it doesn't come from first phase midfield play (whereas the AB's rely on bosh from up front, flair from the midfield).  This means creating opportunities wide on the field, capitalising where possible.

With Flood we theoretically get that flair, the game-breaking plays other teams enjoy, at the expense of someone who sucks in defenders during phase play.

The problem is simple; this combination has not worked before.  It was tried a number of times and lacked punch.

If you want the flair of Flood, you play him at 10.  You will leak points.

If you don't want to leak points, you play wilko at 10 and hope he sparks into form.

You can't play both on the pitch and expect to get the best from both, with one out of position.

Monday 3 October 2011

Actual Rugby 7’s

So yesterday I titled the post rugby 7's, without actually providing any news of my sevens exploits.  This was an oversight on my behalf, as I simply didn't have enough time to finish writing it.

The university academic year started yesterday, so I was busy filling in profiles and figuring out passwords, attempting to kickstart my Masters.  It appears that everything takes longer by correspondence (duh) so I'll have to wait a while longer, before I can start writing things.

On the flip side, this allows me enough time to continue writing about the world cup, and my own endeavours on the pitch.

To begin with the ego massaging portion, I participated in a small sevens tournament between five teams local to the Mito area.  I had tweaked my left ass-muscle a couple of days before (an injury that is still causing discomfort) so was only operating at 80%-85%.  It also hurt a fair bit, and I had to be dragged off in the third match after a big fat lump tackled me exactly where it hurt.  Bastard.

I iced the hell out of it and went back to play in the final match, but was particularly useless.

In total I scored around seven or eight tries, and kicked all of them bar two.  To underline the friendly, non-competitive nature of this event, everyone who scored was expected to kick their own goals.  This took me by surprise at first, and I completely fluffed the attempt.

From then on, even from a decent angle, I was deadly accurate.  This surprised me somewhat as I'm not the best place-kicker; but drop-kicking is something that I mess around with on occasion.  Everyone has their own routine when place-kicking, Wilkos' is infamous of course, but everyone has their style and preparation.  I was quick to formulate one, designed to give me breathing and recovery time, and let my team meander back at their own pace.  The routine was quite simple.  Check with the ref where it was to be taken from.  Go back a reasonable distance.  Tuck the gumshield behind my right ear (always my right ear for some reason).  Ask the ref if it was okay to take the kick.  Take a couple of breaths, bounce the ball on the floor a couple of times.  Take the kick.  In all, this little routine took about thirty seconds, but was pretty effective.  A 75% success rate is not world class, but it will do at this level!

I'll certainly be interested to see if that holds up in the next competition, in two weeks time (another 7's tournament, somewhat closer to home this time.)

The actual games were very much like sevens, and were extremely fun.  Japanese players are uniquely suited to playing 7's, as they're pretty quick, and quick witted.  Being tiny doesn't matter in 7's which is perfect.

The play was frenetic, and my favoured drift outside the defender and quickly step back inside worked wonders every time.  Our teams conversion from possession to points was almost 100% in all bar one of the games (which we lost to the subsequent winners, a university team no less).  When I did get caught, it was often by the bootlaces, allowing me to pass the ball on.  A couple more of those, and I would be back up on my feet and ready to help out.  Again, I wasn't at 100% but it was fun, and encouraging.  I will get onto some more fitness this week and next, and be in top shape.

There was an MVP award, which (deservedly) went to an oldboy who was the playmaker for another team.  He looked about sixty, but I suspect he has spent much of his life in the sun.  Fair play, he even scored one against us.

Of the internationals:  I'll start with England.

The last time I checked, this was a world cup.  I might be wrong, but it is my belief that the world cup is the biggest prize in international rugby.  Nervy and disjointed performances are expected in football world cups (often cited as one of the factors contributing to terrible English performances past) so why can't a team put in a performance that isn't great without being slammed by everyone.  We still beat the scotch.  Something France failed to replicate, I might add.

We are still playing the French in the quarters.  We are in the game.

If you didn't follow the 2007 world cup I suspect this may be shocking news to you, but we were godawful for large parts of that tournament too.  For the vast majority of pitch-time in fact.

What will actually happen when we play the French is a massive unknown.  The French are notorious for blowing hot and cold, and are a team where past form means nothing.  England also fulfil this expectation to some extent, especially during the world cup.  England and France are big game teams, and the games don't come much bigger than those on Saturday.

Whether this expectation of improved performance is realised - well.  That is another kettle of fish.  The ability of both teams to perform well with no prior form is well established.  Whether we'll see it.  Who knows.

Another team who have discredited form books the world over are Ireland.  How they pulled out a victory over Australia is impossible for me to understand.  The aussies weren't there for large parts of the match, and I'm torn as to whether it was because of the Irish, or because they simply didn't get off the bus.

What this now means however, is Ireland are one of the favourite northern hemisphere nations.  I believe my above stated rule of form meaning nothing is also applicable in reverse however, so I'm backing Wales to pull out a win over the Irish.  The guiness army had one big game in them, I doubt they have two.

An awful number of column inches have been dedicated to one man.  This man was prominent before, but now he is infamous.  Dan Carter (pronounced  Dein kya da) is/was the kiwis Jonny Wilkinson.  He kicked the goals, put the team in the right areas of the park, and let loose the likes of Nonu and Umaga, more recently Sonny Bill 'I love talking about myself' Williams and Israel Dagg.  Now he has torn a ligament I never conceived existed, he is out of the tournament for good.

Currently, Wilko is not on top form.  We do, however, have a replacement that can play well on his day (in Toby Flood).  The problem with Flood is that he can't tackle.  His defence is not good enough, and every team we play target him.  The other problem is that he isn't consistent.  He will play some games so well, he immediately warrants inclusion in the next.  He will subsequently have a shocker and exit stage right, with Wilko emerging from the left.  This situation of having two players for one position is fantastic, and a direct result of Wilko being injured for long stretches.  This necessitated a replacement, and having been through a few, Flood emerged as the next best.  He's not world class, but he's good enough that those around him, should they play well, will keep England in the competition (at least until the final, assuming we make it that far.)

Dan Carter has never been injured.  He was made of rocks, stones and metal.  According to the kiwi press, he is actually an artificially created human being, based upon the Wilko android - but upgraded to version 2.0.

This has led their second fly-half, a man named Colin Slade to have zero game-time in an all-blacks shirt.  The world was watching when he played in his first world cup rugby match, and he was found wanting.  He is the kiwi equivalent of Charlie Hodgson.  They might just forego the embarassment and put their second scrum half in at fly.  He has experience there, and he has the skills to pay the bills in that regard.

This is great news for the rest of the world, as he is pivotal in the all-blacks plans.  I still think the only chance for opposing teams is a typical all-black choke in the semis or quarters.  If they reach the final it's theirs; home crowd advantage, previous track record against the northern hemisphere teams, climate, the bizarre un-kickable balls they use down there.  All things point to them being unbeatable in the final.

#Edit#

I was unfortuante to read an article by this idiot.  It's unfortunate for two reasons.  No wait, make that three.

Firstly, he does nothing to counter the pernicious treatment of sportsmen within England, by the british press.  It's okay when the Welsh lose control and go drinking, stealing golf carts and the like; in fact it's all a bit of a laugh.  When a kiwi gets pissed off at three England players, it's almost the end of the world.  It's certainly the end of chivalry, they should all be hung, drawn and quartered.  By their testicles.

Grow up.

Secondly, it's disappointing because he takes himself, and his profession, far too seriously.  He is not a white knight, here to save us from morally unacceptable behaviour.

Grow up.

Thirdly, it's disappointing because; well read it for yourself:

I was upset by news that Kim Jong Il spends £120,000 a year on dog food while most of his countrymen starve. Given that the North Korean loony presumably defrays much of the expense by eventually eating those same pets, the reports were surely misleading.


No.  You weren't.  You weren't saddened, tearful or moved.  You didn't care, and you don't care.  You are sitting in your home office, with a cup of coffee, thinking of the next drivel leak onto the page.  At best, you were reticent.  At worst, you were callous.  Using the death and suffering of the North Korean people to evoke an emotional response from the audience, to further your own career and ambitions.


And why is it okay to stereotype North Koreans as dog-eating savages, whereas their South Korean brethren  are off-limits for such banter.  Oh wait, banter is between two equals.  In his own terms, he is a bully (read the article).


It's nice to see some good, old fashioned blind hypocrisy.


#And Another Thing#


The referee for the England France matchup is a known Anglophobe, who even served a ban for arguing with an England coach (who was later cleared of charges).  The rugby committee in charge of organising this tournament have proved to be quite inept in the planning stages, with the smallest nations having three and four days break between matches, while the biggest nations take full six and seven day rests.  The reason isn't conspiracy, it's purely marketing.  Most people pay the most money to watch the big teams, and they can't do that at work.  Hence the Saturday and Sunday matches for the big nations.


They have monumentally fucked up here, however.  kiwis aren't ones to let things go at the best of times, and this moron has proved in prior encounters that he is as stubborn and bent as any of his antipodean brethren.  His track record is one of hilarious ineptitude, having been kicked out of the kiwi refereeing group for three offences, serious enough for bans, he joined the aussies and is somehow officiating top level rugby again.


Either way, England are screwed.


Thanks kiwis, at least you fear us enough to dishonourably eliminate us from the competition, without playing us.

Rugby 7's

So I helped coach the Musashi University team on Saturday.

No one spoke any English (in a squad of over 30 players, in a university setting no less) which was rather disappointing to say the least.  It made things difficult, but we soldiered on.

They are (supposedly) in the same league as some other serious opposition, the likes of which professionals are picked from at a later date (they follow the american system where schools and universities are the primary source for new talent, not academies.).  As such, I expected an extremely competent display from the team.

I probably set my expectations somewhat too high, but overall I was disappointed with numerous factors in their play.  I fear I wasn't able to get across my feelings of encouragement, nor the simple ways they can improve.

In an added twist, the team we beat by sixty or seventy points while playing for the Tokyo Gaijin team, were the opposition for Musashi.  It was a training session, but one in which both teams competed.

Simple thing like turning their bodies towards attacking players when initiating switches, (leaving them chronically exposed to bone breaking tackles) or sending four players into the same defensive channel while in attack (meaning they slow each other down, and make it incredibly easy for the defence) were compounded by their lack of simple defensive patterns.  They knew only one form of defence, which was easily broken by a team three times their aggregate age, and one quarter their pace.

Perhaps I'm being somewhat harsh, but I honestly expected them to thrash their opponents ninety percent of the time.  Proceedings were decidedly equal among the backs, and only the pace of the youngsters gave them an edge.

I have since sent them a couple of extra defensive practices, along with a simple trick for offensive teams, that's become prevalent in the past couple of years (inside balls away from first and second receiver.)  This simple ploy has netted me a number of tries this year, and works (in Japan) from first phase ball (although the rest of the world uses it later, when defences are stretched.)

On the plus side, they had an exceptional scrum half who was able to feed the forwards balls that put them through gaps in the opposing line.  It's just a shame he can't replicate that in the backs.

I have no idea how strong the forwards are, as I was primarily concerned with the fast guys who spent as much time looking at themselves on shiny surfaces.

Too much hair-gel for my liking.