Oh Good Lord

So a few days ago, a rapist was loosed (by accident) upon the county.  This rapist went after young women of twenty or so years old, so obviously the young children at the school were at risk... (sigh)  Way to invalidate the work of forensic psychologists everywhere, Japan.

This led to a mild panic among staff, who re-organised the annual 'scare the holy bejesus out of the kids for no reason day,' to today - in light of recent events.

Now, I've noticed these poles with u-shaped prongs (not sharp) at the end of them, dotted around the office.  I always assumed they were for closing the windows in the hard to reach spaces that frequently crop up around school.

What they are actually used for, is mind boggling.  No doubt the quick-witted among you have worked it out, but it's only just struck me now.

Here is a picture of what they are for:

Absolutely fool-proof, I wonder why police forces the world over refuse to utilise such an amazing invention.

All joking aside, this is obviously fraught with massive difficulties.

Firstly, the men wielding these masterpieces of human ingenuity are around sixty years old.  They run around the school (as per the simulation I just witnessed) looking to hunt down crims.

These things don't lock onto the walls, they're not magnetic or sticky.  There is nothing stopping them from sliding down the wall, except a small rubberised end stop on each prong.

Hardened criminal versus frail old-boy.  Add one point to the criminal force.  Ridiculous implement, that requires the entire strength of the wielder to put into place, and simply maintain a position.  Chalk up two for the criminal element of Japan.  If the criminal is too big, or too small, they can escape, or aren't able to be caught in the first place (I don't fit inside it, due to my billowing, bulging belly).  Make that three in favour of the nasties.  The only trained pikemen in Japan appear to be the oldies, one was duly snatched away from me when I picked it up.  Obviously, should this fearsome weapon fall into the hands of the wrong kind (i.e foreigners) a power akin to godzilla would be unleashed, leading to mayhem and catastrophe of Titanic proportions.

This also means, given the inevitable strength imbalance between your average crim and schoolteacher, it is useless.

Four points to zero in favour of the criminal versus the criminal hook (or crimk, as I'm now calling it) points to a massive lack of planning in this department.

Obviously, these incidents occur infrequently enough for this ridiculous farce to be allowed through, having presumably never been tested in real life.  When it does happen, good luck to the poor sod holding the crimk - he has a childs life in one hand, and a bloody useless pole in the other, weighing him down.

In all honestly though, the more I think about this apparatus, the more bonkers it becomes.  Something must have been lost in translation.  I'm going to double check now, just to make sure.

... And I'm back.  That is exactly what they're used for.  That is their sole reason for being.  The crimk was obviously dreamt up in a meth lab, because this has zero practical real world application.  Seriously.  Just what?

WHAT?

I DON'T UNDERSTAND?!?!

The only people this thing could catch would be grandmas and small children.  The grandmas don't tend to be knifists, and the small children are already in the school anyway.  Holy crap Japan.

I wonder if these things are in all the schools?  Someone has made money from creating these useless bloody things.

Bemusement turns to rage, and that's the end of the post.