England vs The World (Cup)

So there have been a million column words written about how poor the England performance against both Wales and Australia were.  A few dodgy decision by the referee in the Wales match lost us the game, along with our inability to keep out of our own half.

A weak first half gave Australia the win (has anyone ever come back from a twenty point deficit in a world cup game?), despite a thousand line breaks and half chances.  We weren't clinical enough, we have no finishers.  We have no threats, no pace setting players.  England is a team of average players, working above their collective abilities.

Stuart Lancaster will probably get fired, but I would like to see a new backs coach, and another forwards coach to supplement Rowntree.  I doubt they have the money to hire two dedicated forwards coaches, so he'll probably get axed as well, which is a shame, because he's done well, bringing us from where were were, to where we are.

Anyway, I wasn't surprised to see the ribbing on facebook and the internet by the Australians, we do the same thing once every six decades when we beat them at a sport, but the vitriol from entirely unrelated nations is eye opening.  Everyone knows kiwis have no sense of humour, but the dog dirt they come out with on the internet - what's the antonym of classy?  Because that is them.

The islanders I can understand; they are the whipping boys of the IRB and their relative paucity of resources makes us a target for contempt (fair enough, I can't argue with that), so they're obviously laughing at our expense.

One or two Australians have gone overboard, relating the victory to death, cancer related death and  pope death (I don't understand either), but most have been cool about it.

The surprise winner in the humanity on the internet awards, the one nation you would never expect?  South Africa.  A lot of well thought out, insightful discourse about why we failed, and not a single comment relating our loss to school shootings or gods retribution.  Stay classy guys!

The Funniest Thing That's Not Very Funny But Will Probably Be Funny for You

So I just had a lesson with a teacher with whom I didn't have a previous lesson plan briefing - I relied on the teacher with whom I did converse to relay the pertinent information.  Obviously that didn't occur, because I asked her to write the classes timetable on the board, at which point she sent half the class to get a load of tables.  (This was after me demonstrating writing on the blackboard, no less.)

After I saw the kids coming in with tables, I laughed it off (while crying inside) and asked her to write it again.  The only part of that sentence I don't know in Japanese is timetable, otherwise I would have asked in Japanese and been done with it.  Before you ask; the locals are much like the Germans, one mistake in their native language and often they'll refuse to understand what you're saying.  If they're friends they'll puzzle it out, but in a workplace setting they've got an example to keep (for the children, of course) and won't be seen acknowledging anything other than perfect Japanese, lest the next generation grow tolerant of foreigners.  God forbid.

Anyway, after about five minutes of classroom re-arrangement we were good to go.  At which point I realised that I didn't understand anything she'd written on the blackboard, so had to get her to do most of it anyway (only after me bumbling through about four minutes of attempts myself).

#Edit#  I just found out that Ashton is leaving Saints.  He's leaving with a record of 105 games, 95 tries.  That's an incredible try scoring record, and it near enough a try per game as not to matter.  Amazing.  Unfortunately he's going to South Africa.  Sorry, I mean Saracens.  They're all still SA except for a couple of England players right?

Time for Change

Immediately after the France game, I was calling for the head coach to be beheaded.

After a few days of thinking, I have changed my mind.  I believe the scrummaging coach, defensive coach, attacking coach, kicking coach and coaches coach should bite the bullet, or rather, be made to eat the bullet by Jonno himself.

For some unfathomable reason, we gave the French a sniff in the first five minutes.  We let them get their noses ahead, and we couldn't reply.  We took the touchline instead of a possible 3 points, and we let France believe.  This was never a game going to be won by English flair, because let's face it, the French invented the word.  But we couldn't go into the game thinking we could grind out a win either.  Grinding wins are hard-fought, well defended and fraught.

You don't go into a match attempting to play that kind of rugby, it just happens.  If you go in with that mindset, you lose.  Just as we saw against Argentina and Scotland, going in with the intention of playing close, tight-knit rugby will net you a needlessly close result.  When you couple that mindset with a complete, total, unthinkable level of handling - the likes of which England hasn't seen since the amateur days - the fraught game won't go your way.  The whole reason you win games of the kind seen in world cups past, where one point separate both teams, is clinical finishing.  That doesn't just mean taking your opportunities, which is a pre-requisite in the modern game, it means never knocking on.  Unforced errors killed every single opportunity England had.  Every single time England were attacking, we knocked on.  Or threw a pass to no one.  Or turned the ball over.

Mark Cueto had a shocker.  He was responsible for four knock-ons alone.  Normally someone I rate, he severely let himself down.  It's a shame for such a player to suffer such an ignominious end to his career, because he's generally been underrated.

Of course, this is a game of many individuals, and I struggle to think of a string of three phases, where our ball would be called quick.  Come to think of it, I can't think of a string of three phases without an unforced error.

The referee was always going to favour France (see the previous post) but England need to wise up.  We lost entirely on penalties.  It is no longer acceptable to give away more then three penalties a game, in our own half when we're not turning points in.  This will result in nine points against us to zero, which is a deficit that can be overcome.  England did, in fact, put a number of points on the French in the second.  For the reason of repeated stupidity, the forwards coach must go.

The scrum is okay, it held for the most part.  It never looked threatening though, and for that reason the scrummaging coach needs to go.  Okay is not good enough in international rugby.

We need someone who can turn balls over, either in midfield or in the forwards.  B.O.D and the dreadlocked kiwi centre whose name I forget do this in the midfield, where teams like south africa have forwards who punch, bite and gauge their way to turnovers.  The closest we get to this at the moment is Tindall, but he is getting older, and he wasn't playing at the weekend.  Those who dislike Tindall are also the first to overlook his poaching and gain-line metres.  Maybe, in a few years, Tuilagi will have the ability to steal ball in the tackle.  That is assuming he learns how to tackle.

During the Sunday matches I spent my time counting the number of legal tackles (that is, tackles where the tackler has wrapped his arms around the player being tackled) and reached double figures part-way into the second match.  That's fine when the ref lets it go, but they don't for northern hemisphere teams.  Tuilagi is going to get sent off, along with lawes and stevens, and they won't know why.  Bye bye, defensive coach.  Please hire the Argentinian defence coach.

The kiwis are the pin-up attacking team.  They spent sixty five minutes doing nothing with all the ball while playing Argentina.  Then, in the last fifteen, they scored a boatload of points.

England need to learn from this.  New Zealand are patient.  They have the ability to wait the better part of an entire match to score.  England spread it wide, praying for the back three (one of the pockets where England is actually world-class) to do something.  It's irresponsible because, once again, this is a team game.  For those three to work, you need the rest of the team to front up and take the game to the opposition.  Run over the gain line, break tackles (even one will do!) offload, do everything England weren't doing.  England need a new attacking coach, to teach the entire team how to attack effectively.  There's no point having a game-plan consisting entirely of 'give it to the fast person on the outside.'  That's what you tell kids when they're ten, and it doesn't even work there!

I've a feeling Jonno will go, but the real culprits will be left behind, to continue without a care in the world.



In other, less important news, Jewish people are shit-stirring once again.

This is why nobody takes religion seriously.

In other, other news:  I am broke because I accidentally sent too much money back home - leaving me with fudge all.  I can't even remember when payday is, so I'm scrimping like a person has never scrimped before.

EDIT:  Check out this quite amazing video.  Turn your sound off though, as some stupid bint is in the background screaming and being needlessly dramatic.  The fact a massive amount of rock breaks in front of the camera, a one in a million event, isn't enough for the screaming woman.  Seriously.  Annoying.

The man is pretty cool though, 'I'm pleased I caught that.'  Nice.

Hello Grandad

First up, I hope you're feeling better Grandad.  Well enough to read this at least!

If the hospital offers you omelette for dinner, refuse.  Actually, if the hospital offers you any food whatsoever, ensure it's tested by someone else before you partake.  That information may well save your life.

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In a first for me, I'm leaving the title until the end of the post.  Hopefully I'll have thought of one by then.

If it's still blank, you know I completely forgot about it (hence why I always write it in first).

So I have a cold.  It's an annoyance as it's attacking my throat.  The very thing I need to speak, in order to teach, in order to make money.  It's a shame that it decided to attack me there, as I don't really need this many fingers, or toes.  Then again, I'd much prefer never being able to speak again, than never playing rugby well; which is an interesting segue into the next part of the blog - the Tokyo Gaijin are playing the Japanese national deaf team on Sunday (the segue was disabilities, by the way), and I'll be extremely interested in finding out how they get on.

I won't be playing, instead choosing to rest the unknown ass-muscle that's been causing pain and watching the various rugby matches at the weekend.  I'll be testing the viability of activity on said muscle, as sitting will be the primary orientation for watching said rugby.

In fairness, I was out running last night and it felt stiff, but fine.  It didn't hurt, and although I wasn't up to full speed, it wasn't the hindrance that I encountered last weekend.  I'm not taking any chances however, as there will be a few friends watching me next weekend at the Sano tournament.  Nothing is left to chance when I might look like a prize plum.

Why, you might asking, did I go out running if I have a cold?  Firstly, in my backwards world, everything has a life expectancy.  Whether you're an antelope or a flu virus, you can only live so long.  That said, if you exist in a warmer environment (as a single celled organism) you can expect to grow faster and spread quicker.  If we assume there is a point when the bacteria compete for nutrients and apartment space, getting them to that point quickly will surely cut down on recovery time.

If your body is ready to fight the infection, then speeding that process up can't hurt either, right?  Running around and getting the blood pumping is important.

But not if you've just had a heart-attack, so Grandad, please don't go running around.  Sit in the garden.

Then again, if you see something that needs dead-heading, you're likely to go and do it, which is probably bad for you at this point.  So maybe, just sit inside and look at the garden through the window.  Get one of the grandchildren to do the labor.

Onto some more rugby coverage then: and an interview with MJ that you can find anywhere on the interwebs.

Normally I don't pay much attention to these things, but one radical change to the makeup of the England back line stood out to me; I felt compelled to listen to this particular presser to see if any clues were given as to why.

The change I'm referring to is the placing of two fly-halves onto the pitch.  One at inside centre, in the form of flood, and the other actually playing at fly.  James Haskell has been preferred at number 8 in the scrum, despite not being a number 8.  This time around Johnno put him on the bench, giving a 'real,' 8 the chance to shine.  This would make sense against a team that traditionally likes biting, gouging and de-testicling, as the physical confrontation will require sturdy nerves at the set-piece.

Why, then, throw someone who doesn't know what he's doing at inside centre into the deep end of the blue pool?

He isn't big enough or strong enough.  He cannot tackle at his weight, let alone above it.  Prior to this arrangement, opposition teams needed to bring impact players into the ten channel via moves.  Now they can just plow straight over the top of him without needing to plan anything.  The french twelve will laugh as he leaves flood on his ass.

If they are sensible, they will have flood defending somewhere out on the wing, bringing a forward in to do the actual work.  Either that, or switch tuilagi into 12, and push flood out to 13.  This doesn't solve any problems however, it merely shifts the french focus of attack to 13.  We can only thank the lord that Matthieu Bastareaud isn't playing.  For those who have never heard of him, he's the french equivalent of Tuilagi.  Neither have an ounce of flair about them, but both are massive and relatively quick.  He would have minced Flood, but luckily he's not in the picture.

MJ was also quick to point out that Haskell was unlucky to be moved to the bench, a fact he reiterates a number of times.

I'm not sure this is the case, however.  He was chosen above an established number 8 to do an adequate job at the set-piece, and excel at the breakdown.  How many penalties have England given away, and how many times have we turned the ball over?  Lots to the first, not many to the second.  Then look at the second in reverse, how many times have we given the ball away?  A fair number, which suggests we're playing too far away from our forwards too early in phase play (i.e spreading it to the wingers and praying, allowing them to become isolated) or the loose forwards aren't working hard enough.

It's been aeons since an English pack were consistently competitive at the breakdown, so the likes of Haskell and Moody need to step up.

They might be great in broken play, but if we don't get some ball in areas and situations that allow for those off-loads and runs, they're essentially handicapped.

The other problem with Flood, aside from his lack of tackling ability, is that we've lost a hard runner.  Tindall doesn't have many fans at the moment, because all he does is run with his head down.  This may not be popular, but we rely on our wingers and full-backs to attack, it doesn't come from first phase midfield play (whereas the AB's rely on bosh from up front, flair from the midfield).  This means creating opportunities wide on the field, capitalising where possible.

With Flood we theoretically get that flair, the game-breaking plays other teams enjoy, at the expense of someone who sucks in defenders during phase play.

The problem is simple; this combination has not worked before.  It was tried a number of times and lacked punch.

If you want the flair of Flood, you play him at 10.  You will leak points.

If you don't want to leak points, you play wilko at 10 and hope he sparks into form.

You can't play both on the pitch and expect to get the best from both, with one out of position.