So I went to training on Saturday with more than a dozen gumshields, sent to me courtesy of dad. What I didn't do, was use any of them. Now you might find this strange, or peculiar, or simply bad form - but in training sessions you are rarely put into a position as to require their use.
I should have put two and two together when I was first kicked, then punched in the testicles, however. The first was painful, the second was excruciating, both were accidental. After these unfortunate events, I should have seen that the rugby gods were not favouring me on that day, and put in one of the veritable collection I now own. After these events, I tripped over and was folded backwards, having a prop sitting on me while precariously balancing upon two other forwards. That was extremely painful, and should have been further indication of what was to come.
We were doing maul practice, against the forwards. As you can imagine, the backs were continually being driven backwards, but during one such maul(ing) I had my head to one side; at which point one of the wingers who is very much in competition with me for the position, ran in head first and nutted me with all his strength. It was obviously a deliberate ploy, one to either concuss or otherwise subdue me, but he caught me in such a way that my jaw snapped shut, thereby chipping a couple of front teeth.
Unfortunately there's very little recourse in a team game with the physicality of rugby, and even if there were nothing would ultimately come of it. Take your lumps and move on, with an eye to making the offender somewhat more lumpy in the future. Watch out, son.
In less sinister news, this article is making my newly bruised plums ache in sympathy, while highlighting the inner hypochondriac as upon reading this, I immediately feared for my own.
At least we're all cursed with two; although I do wonder if he needs to take testosterone to supplement the loss?
In other news, freedom of speech has once again taken a knock. Not that we have any rights to our own opinions anymore, of course.
Yes, the guy is an asshole (no more so than any politician, he copied a shit joke from somewhere, a politician lies to your face, with a smile). I don't, however, think there are any laws that say, 'if you are an asshole, you will go to prison for 16 weeks.' Yet here we are, racists and assholes are now punished by abusing laws that had no intention of being used to form society in the way of Orwell.
Something I've known for a long time came to light today. We're all going to die, you are all horrible, horrible human beings and should be ashamed of yourselves. You are all filthy, disgusting non-parents who, after drinking a glass of wine as has been customary for people for thousands of years, you become a sub-species of worm, not fit to lay eyes upon.
Feel bad yet? The only purpose of this article is to make you feel bad about something that you have no right to be criticised for. I think that your kid turning into scum, or not turning, has far more deeply rooted origins than a glass of wine. Not causally related, people!
This made me laugh, so you can all watch it and laugh along. What a lot of people make the mistake of thinking is that everyone, everywhere, does whatever is suggested in news articles. Obviously this isn't true, and I've yet to see anyone in my local town start swimming around in that stupid gear. Presumably they have access to someone who does it in their spare time, and thought it'd make the chore of learning to swim in a comprehensive education setting less arduous.
It always amazed me how they could make something as fun and interesting as swimming, dull and laborious. I guess that's your tax dollars and public education system at work.
A really, really funny article about Mitt Romney, the berk who is running against the other berk in america. When I read the title I thought it was going to say that the president in running (I love how they always have titles like that, following on in the traditions of English servitude (maiden in waiting, second under butler to the queen etc.)) was actually a human being, and was going to reign in their enormous, untenable (both financially and morally) war spending.
No.
Oh, how wrong I was.
I honestly don't understand the american delusion. To quote the article:
Mr Romney said the US was missing "an historic opportunity to win new friends who share our values in the Middle East" and said there was "a longing for American leadership" in the region.
Okay let's dissect this shall we. The US set the friendship boat on fire by invading Iraq. Twice. And then Afghanistan. There are no friends to be won in the middle-east, you enormous baboon. You installed a puppet regime in Iraq, and even they don't like you. Surely that should alert you to your chances of winning over anyone else. Christ, obliviousness seems to be a pre-requisite for being allowed to live in america. Jesus.
Of the longing for american leadership part, if you need to make fun of this statement, I fear you are too dull. Seriously. Longing? Really. No.
Christ on a bike...
This unfortunate incident shows that large volumes of volatile liquids, when uncompressed, have the capacity to explode with a rare ferocity. Now, at this point I feel it pertinent to highlight the fact that I turn the sound off almost all the BBC videos. After the debacle whereby the BBC overlayed a video of a few men playfighting with cardboard boxes in Haiti, with words intimating that they were somehow actually fighting, I don't trust them. That and all the other lies. SO MANY LIES.
Anyway, it's a pretty hefty explosion.
I showed you guys this video a few years ago (I think) but felt it right to re-visit the issue. That, and it makes me laugh.
What a jerk.
And finally, something that vindicates my stance on posture (hehe). For my entire life, I've been told that I have a bad posture, and that tomorrow my spine will contort and twist in such a manner as to make living impossible. That, within minutes, due to my terrible form, I will at once be infertile, inebriated, broken, pulverised and dead, in no particular order.
I have always believed that if something is wrong, my body will tell me. When I sit upright, it hurts my back. When I sit properly, it doesn't. Guess which one I am going to continue doing? I also point to you, the fact that I have never had random back problems as most people in England have - mine have always stemmed from self-inflicted injury.
And that's everything. My gonads ache, my teeth tingle and my brain hurts. Another day in the life!
Showing posts with label bbc article. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bbc article. Show all posts
Monday, 8 October 2012
Sunday, 30 September 2012
Of Stupid Beards
As is common for this blog, the title refers to something that may (or may not, depending on how I feel) appear at the end, but certainly not the beginning.
So, once again, I've trawled the depths of the internet so that you don't have to. This trawling includes many game related websites, none of which will make it onto this page because you already think I'm nerdy enough, without me shouting out 'LOOK AT THE BUMP MAPPING ON THAT.'
Anywho, the first thing I saw on the BBC website was this article about piracy in Japan. Democracy in the west is predicated on the idea that if you piss enough people off, they won't vote for you. As such, the massively unpopular ideas rarely make it into law. As a prime example there have been many people who have advocated improving the NHS (an example plucked from the air) by changing the very system itself. As luddites, or 'voters,' as they're colloquially known, don't like change, the improvements have been vetoed in favour of spending eye-watering sums with no targets, aims or ideas. Of course there are the few who make substantial sums by virtue of having gone to school with some otherwise exceptionally well to do peer or lord, but the majority are lumped with a slow, inefficient system that benefits senior administrators financially, and no one else. The result is a system that doesn't work. Yay for democratic powers!
The alternative is Japanese democracy which works very much like this: I am the president of Japan. My friend who runs Sony, doesn't like people pirating songs. I will therefore enact a law that breaks the constitutional foundations of our country, because he will invite me to tea parties.
In many cases, the person who summons the idea is brazenly the same friend with whom we wish to dine, as in the case of this piracy law in Japan.
'This revision will reduce the spread of copyright infringement activities on the internet,' (ed - no it won't) said the body's chairman Naoki Kitagawa, who is also chief executive of Sony Entertainment Japan...' (ed - boldness added by the nobhead author)
So, they put someone who had clear ulterior motives, in charge of an organisation whose purpose is to lobby the government on behalf of a billion dollar company, in order to enact laws that are unjust, to further infringe upon the rights of the luddites. Of course, the 'voters,' in Japan are more placid than those in England even, meaning they can do whatever the hell they want; and make no mistakes, they do. Let this be a lesson for everyone in England - when you find yourself on the ass end of an unlawful arrest, with no access to a lawyer, food or water, and you're starved to death by a gestapo-esque secret police who are above the law, the incremental steps they took to get there could have been avoided had you decided to do something about it, instead of just sitting on your great big, gelatinous asses. Take heed. (Of course you won't, that's why 1984 is ever more referred to whenever someone mentions the state of human rights in contemporary society).
The next article is one about the EU. Apparently we've been pissing people off in Europe (hot news just off the press). The germans don't know whether to kick us out, the french have all but made up their mind (as this story, based off blogs of all things, seems to indicate). No one else seems to care. Should England sever all ties, it would of course be disastrous. We wouldn't be able to handle worldwide finances without incurring heavy levies and taxes and this would mean losing 99% of all our income. The other 1% are farmers, and they wouldn't be able to flog their stuff abroad, both because they'd be priced out of the market, and the government wouldn't be able to prop them up. Gutted. Should we abscond, someone else will take our place within four or five minutes, and we'd have permanently lost our source of income.
On the flip-side, screw the frogs and krauts, we don't need them as long as we have america. Oh, they don't have any money anymore. Well, maybe the chinese have forgotten about the opium wars by now? Well, there's always Iran...
In sporting news, Nicky Hayden is one of my new favourite riders. He is ballsy to the point of recklessness, and that merits a special place in my heart.
Take this for example:
He followed the above highside with this ballsy attempt at saving the bike. As the various commentators have noted, he could have bailed a dozen times before he hit the barrier and slid to a painful, if unspectacular stop. No one knows as of yet (as far as I know) why he didn't, but I suspect with his recent track record (pun) he was trying to save the bike to save the team from rebuilding yet another one.
It's worth noting that I've used the word ballsy so many times because it really conveys the kahoonas on this guy - gutsy or brave really don't have the same impact for my money. Again, he deserves respect, and gets it from me.
Everyone seems to think he's okay. Christ on a bike, the more I watch it the more horrific it gets. He damn near does two flips, and that's only at 40mph!
The next clip comes from the hyperbole machine that is the BBC.
A typhoon hit mainland Japan last night, making landfall at Okinawa some hours prior. By all accounts it was quite strong when it reached Okinawa, but when it came to mainland Japan it was weak and pathetic. Having said that (or written), it wasn't a particularly earth-shattering one even over Okinawa. They do like to hype these events though, so we got this self-evidently factually inaccurate report.
It's self-evident because the car is not in the air at any point, nor is it picked up.
It's made all the more hilarious by the slow-mo, as if trying to prove the validity of the headline.
Not funny for the man who owns the car though. Poor guy.
If you want to see something that's actually impressive, watch the first plane land here. That's a ballsy pilot. Ballsy again, see. Irreplaceable in the English language.
Nearly at an end now, this article makes me hate England. Then it makes me hate humanity. It turns out that dog-dirt sounds (not worthy of being called music) are enjoyed by people regardless of social upbringing, this pile of shit having bridged the language divide from korea to England. What a shithouse state of affairs you lot must be in if you listen to this utter tripe. Christ. Go take a long, hard, semi-suicidal look at yourselves, people of England.
If you were one of the morons who partook of this crime against humanity, take out the 'semi,' from the previous sentence.
And finally, onto the bit about the beards. In Japan, having a beard is sinful. The vast, vast majority of men are physically incapable of growing facial hair, so to save their blushes beards are considered unsavoury by the aforementioned vast majority.
This is a problem for me because I'm fantastically lazy. So lazy I can barely keep my eyelids open outside of rugby related activities. This is a high-priority concern because I grow facial hair at a rate that would make Rapunzel blush (presumably her facial hair grew pretty quickly too) and cannot be bothered to cut it every day. So far I've been getting by on weekly shaves that entail me looking like a spotty devil, rather like this, at the start of the week, then in the middle I look ruggedly handsome, and at the end I look like a stowaway aboard a transatlantic cruise powered by dreams. Think Tom Hanks, if he spent another eight or so years on the island.
I'm pretty sure I would get fired if I didn't shave at all, so I devised a cunning plan. If I shave just a little bit, to give the appearance of giving a flying one, they won't fire me. I don't have to spend the requisite hours shaving it all off, taking mere moments instead - and I get to look like a complete douchebag in the process! Bonus!
This came about from talking to someone who only shaved every time he scored a try, which was surprisingly often given his position. I vowed to do the same (only tries for Lion count) but wondered how to enact that plan without turning into cousin It.
Anyway, this first trial resulted in a loss of moustache, next week I might keep the tache attached to the beard, and shave it down a bit, hoping to look like this:
But more than likely ending up like this:
Why all the beard talk? Simple; I've nothing else better to talk about.
Bye.
#EDIT# I just noticed someone left me a message on the previous post:
hahahahahaha
where do you get the brilliant words? soooooo funny
There are two possible options here: He is a sincere fan, or a bitter, sarcastic dick.
Considering the fact that the kind of person who would sincerely leave a message of this kind probably isn't inclined to read anything I write (non-pop culture, non-fashion, non-celebrity) I have to assume he's option B.
In which case: Dick.
So, once again, I've trawled the depths of the internet so that you don't have to. This trawling includes many game related websites, none of which will make it onto this page because you already think I'm nerdy enough, without me shouting out 'LOOK AT THE BUMP MAPPING ON THAT.'
Anywho, the first thing I saw on the BBC website was this article about piracy in Japan. Democracy in the west is predicated on the idea that if you piss enough people off, they won't vote for you. As such, the massively unpopular ideas rarely make it into law. As a prime example there have been many people who have advocated improving the NHS (an example plucked from the air) by changing the very system itself. As luddites, or 'voters,' as they're colloquially known, don't like change, the improvements have been vetoed in favour of spending eye-watering sums with no targets, aims or ideas. Of course there are the few who make substantial sums by virtue of having gone to school with some otherwise exceptionally well to do peer or lord, but the majority are lumped with a slow, inefficient system that benefits senior administrators financially, and no one else. The result is a system that doesn't work. Yay for democratic powers!
The alternative is Japanese democracy which works very much like this: I am the president of Japan. My friend who runs Sony, doesn't like people pirating songs. I will therefore enact a law that breaks the constitutional foundations of our country, because he will invite me to tea parties.
In many cases, the person who summons the idea is brazenly the same friend with whom we wish to dine, as in the case of this piracy law in Japan.
'This revision will reduce the spread of copyright infringement activities on the internet,' (ed - no it won't) said the body's chairman Naoki Kitagawa, who is also chief executive of Sony Entertainment Japan...' (ed - boldness added by the nobhead author)
So, they put someone who had clear ulterior motives, in charge of an organisation whose purpose is to lobby the government on behalf of a billion dollar company, in order to enact laws that are unjust, to further infringe upon the rights of the luddites. Of course, the 'voters,' in Japan are more placid than those in England even, meaning they can do whatever the hell they want; and make no mistakes, they do. Let this be a lesson for everyone in England - when you find yourself on the ass end of an unlawful arrest, with no access to a lawyer, food or water, and you're starved to death by a gestapo-esque secret police who are above the law, the incremental steps they took to get there could have been avoided had you decided to do something about it, instead of just sitting on your great big, gelatinous asses. Take heed. (Of course you won't, that's why 1984 is ever more referred to whenever someone mentions the state of human rights in contemporary society).
The next article is one about the EU. Apparently we've been pissing people off in Europe (hot news just off the press). The germans don't know whether to kick us out, the french have all but made up their mind (as this story, based off blogs of all things, seems to indicate). No one else seems to care. Should England sever all ties, it would of course be disastrous. We wouldn't be able to handle worldwide finances without incurring heavy levies and taxes and this would mean losing 99% of all our income. The other 1% are farmers, and they wouldn't be able to flog their stuff abroad, both because they'd be priced out of the market, and the government wouldn't be able to prop them up. Gutted. Should we abscond, someone else will take our place within four or five minutes, and we'd have permanently lost our source of income.
On the flip-side, screw the frogs and krauts, we don't need them as long as we have america. Oh, they don't have any money anymore. Well, maybe the chinese have forgotten about the opium wars by now? Well, there's always Iran...
In sporting news, Nicky Hayden is one of my new favourite riders. He is ballsy to the point of recklessness, and that merits a special place in my heart.
Take this for example:
Fuck that for a game of soldiers
It's not tiddly winks, but goddamn that's a big one.
He followed the above highside with this ballsy attempt at saving the bike. As the various commentators have noted, he could have bailed a dozen times before he hit the barrier and slid to a painful, if unspectacular stop. No one knows as of yet (as far as I know) why he didn't, but I suspect with his recent track record (pun) he was trying to save the bike to save the team from rebuilding yet another one.
It's worth noting that I've used the word ballsy so many times because it really conveys the kahoonas on this guy - gutsy or brave really don't have the same impact for my money. Again, he deserves respect, and gets it from me.
Everyone seems to think he's okay. Christ on a bike, the more I watch it the more horrific it gets. He damn near does two flips, and that's only at 40mph!
The next clip comes from the hyperbole machine that is the BBC.
A typhoon hit mainland Japan last night, making landfall at Okinawa some hours prior. By all accounts it was quite strong when it reached Okinawa, but when it came to mainland Japan it was weak and pathetic. Having said that (or written), it wasn't a particularly earth-shattering one even over Okinawa. They do like to hype these events though, so we got this self-evidently factually inaccurate report.
It's self-evident because the car is not in the air at any point, nor is it picked up.
It's made all the more hilarious by the slow-mo, as if trying to prove the validity of the headline.
Not funny for the man who owns the car though. Poor guy.
If you want to see something that's actually impressive, watch the first plane land here. That's a ballsy pilot. Ballsy again, see. Irreplaceable in the English language.
Nearly at an end now, this article makes me hate England. Then it makes me hate humanity. It turns out that dog-dirt sounds (not worthy of being called music) are enjoyed by people regardless of social upbringing, this pile of shit having bridged the language divide from korea to England. What a shithouse state of affairs you lot must be in if you listen to this utter tripe. Christ. Go take a long, hard, semi-suicidal look at yourselves, people of England.
If you were one of the morons who partook of this crime against humanity, take out the 'semi,' from the previous sentence.
And finally, onto the bit about the beards. In Japan, having a beard is sinful. The vast, vast majority of men are physically incapable of growing facial hair, so to save their blushes beards are considered unsavoury by the aforementioned vast majority.
This is a problem for me because I'm fantastically lazy. So lazy I can barely keep my eyelids open outside of rugby related activities. This is a high-priority concern because I grow facial hair at a rate that would make Rapunzel blush (presumably her facial hair grew pretty quickly too) and cannot be bothered to cut it every day. So far I've been getting by on weekly shaves that entail me looking like a spotty devil, rather like this, at the start of the week, then in the middle I look ruggedly handsome, and at the end I look like a stowaway aboard a transatlantic cruise powered by dreams. Think Tom Hanks, if he spent another eight or so years on the island.
I'm pretty sure I would get fired if I didn't shave at all, so I devised a cunning plan. If I shave just a little bit, to give the appearance of giving a flying one, they won't fire me. I don't have to spend the requisite hours shaving it all off, taking mere moments instead - and I get to look like a complete douchebag in the process! Bonus!
This came about from talking to someone who only shaved every time he scored a try, which was surprisingly often given his position. I vowed to do the same (only tries for Lion count) but wondered how to enact that plan without turning into cousin It.
Anyway, this first trial resulted in a loss of moustache, next week I might keep the tache attached to the beard, and shave it down a bit, hoping to look like this:
 |
| I'm starting to get the old white hairs (hehe). It's indicative of imperfect cell division, don'cha know. |
But more than likely ending up like this:
 |
| You have to imagine green/black eyes instead. |
Bye.
#EDIT# I just noticed someone left me a message on the previous post:
hahahahahaha
where do you get the brilliant words? soooooo funny
There are two possible options here: He is a sincere fan, or a bitter, sarcastic dick.
Considering the fact that the kind of person who would sincerely leave a message of this kind probably isn't inclined to read anything I write (non-pop culture, non-fashion, non-celebrity) I have to assume he's option B.
In which case: Dick.
Wednesday, 14 December 2011
Situation NAFU
I remembered about the military lingo website I looked at a while ago. It had a ton of extra-linguistic direction, showing how to communicate in military sign language ala every action movie you've ever seen.
That last sentence had two red underlined words, try to guess which ones are spelled incorrectly.
Anyway, on this website (the information I gleaned ensures I can now competently hold my own in any hostage situation) there were some cool acronyms that have passed into everyday usage. One of the relatively common ones is SNAFU. I dearly love this word, because it could easily be a real loan word. The usage has changed somewhat, as a snafu is a tight situation, or a sticky one if you're so inclined. It's common enough that the red wiggly lines aren't showing up, but uncommon enough that I've never heard it in normal conversation. It essentially means: Situation Normal, All messFed Up.
I think this conveys a mixed message; do you want reinforcements or not? Who knows.
Anyway, my current situation is nowhere near nafu, it's probably best translated as simply SN. Therefore, to alleviate boredom (and give me something to write about) I've been trawling the darkest, foulest depths of the internet, resulting in many BBC hits.
This links to some rioting in china. This is something that happens dozens of times every day, so I don't know why the beeb chose to hone in on this example. There are thousands of reports of organised protests, by the communists own admission. This probably means the situation is far more SNAFU'd than we might expect, primarily because those damn commies never tell the truth. Damn them. Also damn the capitalists, who in their rush to deny every human being (except themselves) basic human rights, won't even let the poor crap in peace. It says a lot when it's cheaper to get a man to clean out your portaloo every week, rather than pay the equivalent tax to the government. The pipes that were laid costs a few dollars to maintain, it costs a few dollars to pay a man to flick some switches here and there, then it costs a few hundred dollars to make sure the mayor has enough cars, hookers and solid gold, ivory plated statuettes to impress the president when he video conferences.
In other communistical news, this article shows you how to create the perfect cigar. I'm waiting for some pompous fart to point out that tobacco is a drug, and in creating this slideshow the BBC is condoning the use of heroin, crack and/or marijuana, the well known ultimate super drug. Quick, no one point out that the ingredients are rather difficult to get a hold of, contained as they are on an island that some might call xenophobic.
I honestly didn't know that one should not inhale the smoke into ones lungs. When I move on from cigarettes and heroin, I'll be sure to heed the advice of this article. Of course, once I move on from heroin there is only one final destination, with a stopover at marijuana alley.
If you need a reason why religion should be banned, this is it. Among the crimes committed by the group of punks: looking unsavoury, asking for money, uhm. Thank christ (see what I did there?) these nutters aren't let loose in any built up area of England. 'Oi mate, got twenty pee, need some fags like.'
There are several terrible things about this story. Firstly, the people 'fighting,' for their rights think that becoming a punk and listening to shit music is a teenagers way of acting out.
Firstly, I don't know how many thousands of years people in Jakarta have been listening to punk music, maybe it is a part of their cultural heritage, but I seriously doubt it. It's yet another form of globalisation (yes, me teaching English, IRONY HAHAHAHAA. Sigh.) that undermines the traditions of the country.
Secondly, punk music is garbage, why would you want to do that? Why?
Thirdly, 'acting out,' didn't happen before the war, or even after the war, or even in the fifties. Those hippies have got a hell of a lot to own up to.
Fourthly, Muslims aren't even an ancient and historical part of Indonesia. They only recently decided to enact spastic, nonsense, made-up law, or as it's known elsewhere 'shariah,' law. This boils down to, essentially, the ten people in command can punish you for any action, and because there's nothing written down, the response can be anything we want it to be. Oh, and there are no trials. Nice.
Fifthly, 'They are Aceh's own children - we are doing this for their own good. Their future could be at risk. We are re-educating them so they don't shame their parents.' Okay, so that's obviously complete and total Orwell. Which one is it? Are you 'saving,' them, are you protecting their futures, or are you saving their parents. When you have to give three crappy reasons for illegally imprisoning your own population, I feel you're starting on the moral back-foot. Good luck to those who are being re-educated, and good luck to those making up and enacting these faux laws - I fear for your safety once these kids wake up and realise they live in a society that values you less than their mobile phones. Imagine a country like that eh, where people are the most common (and therefore cheapest) commodity available. They'd be downtrodden, ground into the dust. Going to work every day, without a soul, no sense of self. It'd like being on the tube in rush hour.
Lastly, this old article made me chuckle. At least the religious nutters in the land of kiwis have got a sense of humour (and no sense of self-preservation apparently).
That last sentence had two red underlined words, try to guess which ones are spelled incorrectly.
Anyway, on this website (the information I gleaned ensures I can now competently hold my own in any hostage situation) there were some cool acronyms that have passed into everyday usage. One of the relatively common ones is SNAFU. I dearly love this word, because it could easily be a real loan word. The usage has changed somewhat, as a snafu is a tight situation, or a sticky one if you're so inclined. It's common enough that the red wiggly lines aren't showing up, but uncommon enough that I've never heard it in normal conversation. It essentially means: Situation Normal, All messFed Up.
I think this conveys a mixed message; do you want reinforcements or not? Who knows.
Anyway, my current situation is nowhere near nafu, it's probably best translated as simply SN. Therefore, to alleviate boredom (and give me something to write about) I've been trawling the darkest, foulest depths of the internet, resulting in many BBC hits.
This links to some rioting in china. This is something that happens dozens of times every day, so I don't know why the beeb chose to hone in on this example. There are thousands of reports of organised protests, by the communists own admission. This probably means the situation is far more SNAFU'd than we might expect, primarily because those damn commies never tell the truth. Damn them. Also damn the capitalists, who in their rush to deny every human being (except themselves) basic human rights, won't even let the poor crap in peace. It says a lot when it's cheaper to get a man to clean out your portaloo every week, rather than pay the equivalent tax to the government. The pipes that were laid costs a few dollars to maintain, it costs a few dollars to pay a man to flick some switches here and there, then it costs a few hundred dollars to make sure the mayor has enough cars, hookers and solid gold, ivory plated statuettes to impress the president when he video conferences.
In other communistical news, this article shows you how to create the perfect cigar. I'm waiting for some pompous fart to point out that tobacco is a drug, and in creating this slideshow the BBC is condoning the use of heroin, crack and/or marijuana, the well known ultimate super drug. Quick, no one point out that the ingredients are rather difficult to get a hold of, contained as they are on an island that some might call xenophobic.
I honestly didn't know that one should not inhale the smoke into ones lungs. When I move on from cigarettes and heroin, I'll be sure to heed the advice of this article. Of course, once I move on from heroin there is only one final destination, with a stopover at marijuana alley.
If you need a reason why religion should be banned, this is it. Among the crimes committed by the group of punks: looking unsavoury, asking for money, uhm. Thank christ (see what I did there?) these nutters aren't let loose in any built up area of England. 'Oi mate, got twenty pee, need some fags like.'
There are several terrible things about this story. Firstly, the people 'fighting,' for their rights think that becoming a punk and listening to shit music is a teenagers way of acting out.
Firstly, I don't know how many thousands of years people in Jakarta have been listening to punk music, maybe it is a part of their cultural heritage, but I seriously doubt it. It's yet another form of globalisation (yes, me teaching English, IRONY HAHAHAHAA. Sigh.) that undermines the traditions of the country.
Secondly, punk music is garbage, why would you want to do that? Why?
Thirdly, 'acting out,' didn't happen before the war, or even after the war, or even in the fifties. Those hippies have got a hell of a lot to own up to.
Fourthly, Muslims aren't even an ancient and historical part of Indonesia. They only recently decided to enact spastic, nonsense, made-up law, or as it's known elsewhere 'shariah,' law. This boils down to, essentially, the ten people in command can punish you for any action, and because there's nothing written down, the response can be anything we want it to be. Oh, and there are no trials. Nice.
Fifthly, 'They are Aceh's own children - we are doing this for their own good. Their future could be at risk. We are re-educating them so they don't shame their parents.' Okay, so that's obviously complete and total Orwell. Which one is it? Are you 'saving,' them, are you protecting their futures, or are you saving their parents. When you have to give three crappy reasons for illegally imprisoning your own population, I feel you're starting on the moral back-foot. Good luck to those who are being re-educated, and good luck to those making up and enacting these faux laws - I fear for your safety once these kids wake up and realise they live in a society that values you less than their mobile phones. Imagine a country like that eh, where people are the most common (and therefore cheapest) commodity available. They'd be downtrodden, ground into the dust. Going to work every day, without a soul, no sense of self. It'd like being on the tube in rush hour.
Lastly, this old article made me chuckle. At least the religious nutters in the land of kiwis have got a sense of humour (and no sense of self-preservation apparently).
Tuesday, 27 September 2011
The Problem of Time
So I was reading this article from the BBC. It directly relates time to results, and number of graduates to quality of education; and by extension the viability of an economy.
With a few short sentences, let me quash this notion.
The most important idea stemming from this article is the need for education. Not just university education, but a high quality education throughout the formative years. They then throw this in:
In China, you see children going into school at 6.30am and being there until 8 or 9pm, concentrating on science, technology and maths. And you have to ask yourself, would European children do that?
Firstly, the kids in Japan do the same thing. china modeled itself on Japan after all. I can tell you, with absolute certainty, the kids here learn roughly nothing in every lesson. The reason they stay behind for so long (obviously not everyone does this, only the diligent students) is not to excel, but to merely keep up. The twelve hours the kids put in, relative to the six or so I did at school, do not equate to a doubling of performance in tests. They don't even equate to a furthering of ideas or techniques - kids here go into university with the same basic knowledge and skills as the UK. The extra hours are a vacuum, a time portal where nothing is achieved. I see this every day in English class, but also in the other classes I see, and the notes from other lessons splayed across desks. The maths classes in the second grade, for example, have been drawing the same graphs for three weeks now. That's not advanced knowledge or understanding; it's identical to my classes back when I was fourteen.
Then you realise they don't study the number of subjects we do, and the picture begins to look even less like asians are superheroes.
In England we study (for better or worse) English, Maths, Physics, Chemistry, Biology, (world) History, Geography, Art, Music, P.E, R.E and a modern foreign language. There might be more, but I can't remember them all.
Here they study: Maths, Physics, Chemistry, Biology, P.E (I haven't seen a P.E class in about 4 weeks though) Music, Art (looking good so far, isn't it) and then it stops. They are taught English, kind of. Geography and History are taught as one subject - they don't want their kids to know about things like nanjing or the second world war, so they don't teach world history so much as the foreigners and that lot did some bad stuff, but you should really know about Japan and our glorious history. That, of course, is somewhat too long a title to represent a subject, so they call it social studies instead.
An interesting side-effect is that Japanese people couldn't tell you a thing about the dinosaurs, where africa is, what a sedimentary rock is, or why the ground shakes underneath them sometimes.
What they can tell you: what the square root of pi over forty divided by the sum of three radii of circle diameter 42.
SO they study three or four fewer subjects than us, for much longer, but only achieve a few percentage points higher test scores, on average, than their western counterparts.
Unless it isn't abundantly clear by now; the workaholics carry this country, and their efficiency is appalling. It takes them nearly twice as long to learn the same amount of information as their western equivalents. This isn't because they're stupid. They're not smarter, but they're certainly not less intelligent. They simply don't utilise time well and suffer long hours instead.
This is mirrored in their sports activities. They train for hours every day in school, and they look well drilled. When it comes to actual competition they fall apart.
They have no intensity in any training, they only train things that can be performed rote.
And yet our politicians want to emulate them? Folly. Pure and simple.
They should hire my old maths teacher, whose motto was 'work smart, not hard.'
Or they already did, and the memo they sent around parliament was missing the smart part.
With a few short sentences, let me quash this notion.
The most important idea stemming from this article is the need for education. Not just university education, but a high quality education throughout the formative years. They then throw this in:
In China, you see children going into school at 6.30am and being there until 8 or 9pm, concentrating on science, technology and maths. And you have to ask yourself, would European children do that?
Firstly, the kids in Japan do the same thing. china modeled itself on Japan after all. I can tell you, with absolute certainty, the kids here learn roughly nothing in every lesson. The reason they stay behind for so long (obviously not everyone does this, only the diligent students) is not to excel, but to merely keep up. The twelve hours the kids put in, relative to the six or so I did at school, do not equate to a doubling of performance in tests. They don't even equate to a furthering of ideas or techniques - kids here go into university with the same basic knowledge and skills as the UK. The extra hours are a vacuum, a time portal where nothing is achieved. I see this every day in English class, but also in the other classes I see, and the notes from other lessons splayed across desks. The maths classes in the second grade, for example, have been drawing the same graphs for three weeks now. That's not advanced knowledge or understanding; it's identical to my classes back when I was fourteen.
Then you realise they don't study the number of subjects we do, and the picture begins to look even less like asians are superheroes.
In England we study (for better or worse) English, Maths, Physics, Chemistry, Biology, (world) History, Geography, Art, Music, P.E, R.E and a modern foreign language. There might be more, but I can't remember them all.
Here they study: Maths, Physics, Chemistry, Biology, P.E (I haven't seen a P.E class in about 4 weeks though) Music, Art (looking good so far, isn't it) and then it stops. They are taught English, kind of. Geography and History are taught as one subject - they don't want their kids to know about things like nanjing or the second world war, so they don't teach world history so much as the foreigners and that lot did some bad stuff, but you should really know about Japan and our glorious history. That, of course, is somewhat too long a title to represent a subject, so they call it social studies instead.
An interesting side-effect is that Japanese people couldn't tell you a thing about the dinosaurs, where africa is, what a sedimentary rock is, or why the ground shakes underneath them sometimes.
What they can tell you: what the square root of pi over forty divided by the sum of three radii of circle diameter 42.
SO they study three or four fewer subjects than us, for much longer, but only achieve a few percentage points higher test scores, on average, than their western counterparts.
Unless it isn't abundantly clear by now; the workaholics carry this country, and their efficiency is appalling. It takes them nearly twice as long to learn the same amount of information as their western equivalents. This isn't because they're stupid. They're not smarter, but they're certainly not less intelligent. They simply don't utilise time well and suffer long hours instead.
This is mirrored in their sports activities. They train for hours every day in school, and they look well drilled. When it comes to actual competition they fall apart.
They have no intensity in any training, they only train things that can be performed rote.
And yet our politicians want to emulate them? Folly. Pure and simple.
They should hire my old maths teacher, whose motto was 'work smart, not hard.'
Or they already did, and the memo they sent around parliament was missing the smart part.
Monday, 23 May 2011
Japanese Students
So Japan recently won the coveted 'best behaved students in the world,' prize.
Let me tell you, this is nonsense. There isn't a single class in any of the three schools I teach in, that isn't noisy. The truth of the matter is plain for all to see, noise is not indicative of learning achieved, nor of classroom discipline; yet this study used 'time taken for the class to quiet down,' as the objective measurement for this survey. I'm sure everyone can come up with a couple of reasons why this is ridiculous, so I won't bother stating them here. What I will say, however, is that roughly 75% of my classes are average/strong with regards to achievement of learning objectives - that is to say: I feel a sense of accomplishment when I walk out of those classes, I feel the students have gained something.
Being a student in England, my own sense of achievement would have been roughly 25% of lessons. This of course soared to 26% at the sixth form level, where the morons and unwilling were weeded out - leaving nothing but the rest of us.
University is dictated by your own standards and rules, so it's hard not to feel a sense of accomplishment in that kind of environment, and is the primary reason why I vehemently believe in higher education being a useful tool for anyone, regardless of intended vocation or course of study. If you can't handle it academically, then don't apply, but for everyone else - please go to university. Preferably a university outside america or England, so the tuition will be better and cheaper.
The point of all this? I don't doubt that Japan has a significant lead over the West in terms of educational aptitude (Notice how I am deliberately not saying their smarter? They're not. Much to the chagrin of Japanophiles and the department of education.) but not for their lack of noise in a classroom.
If a student is asleep in class, they are left to it. If they are noisy and disruptive, no attempt is made to settle the child down. There is no provision for mentally disadvantaged children. Let me just reiterate - no provision for ADHD, no provision for anger issues, no provision for any of the 'mild,' mental health issues that essentially nullify the ability of the child in question, or anyone within a forty foot radius, to learn. If a child can dress itself, control his or her body physically, and doesn't require a wheelchair ramp - they're fair game for the comprehensive classroom.
England tried doing this, I was part of the generation where ultra-liberal policy (inclusion of everyone in the classroom, everyone deserves to learn nothing afterall) was misinterpreted and implemented. Primary education sucked because we had to endure this nonsense, secondary education sucked through the compulsory period, and only became tolerable when we reached the sixth-form.
Japan may have the quietest students on average (I don't believe that for a second), and it may well produce perfectly educated clones - but it is not the 'best,' system because it doesn't cater to individual needs. It doesn't cater to special needs, it doesn't cater to the most able students, it doesn't even fulfil the remit of catering to the average (in this sense, average meaning the largest demographic of students possible, in order to include everyone) because the average is skewed by those are the top and bottom. It is by no means the best.
Schools in England are set - at least in core subjects; and this simple addition means that for these subjects, everyone is treated to the education they are capable of assimilating. This exceedingly simple process doesn't occur here, and as a result, Japanese universities receive clones, produce clones and nothing comes of it. Ever wondered why the top Japanese university doesn't even rank in the top 25 of worldwide universities, despite having the 'best,' students in the world, and being the most technologically advanced country in the world?
Then again maybe I'm misunderstanding the intention of Japan as a country. They don't care about international sport, they don't want to excel academically - perhaps striving to be average, with full body, mind and spirit, is the accepted way in Japan.
I know a lot of people will misunderstand this particular post, brought about by the wilfully misleading BBC cited article about global child 'behaviour.' Japanese students (for the most part) listen well, work hard and try their best. This rant is about the ridiculous basis for the article, and the inherent flaws in an education system whose remit is to provide an equal opportunity to learn for everyone. They've misinterpreted this statement, as has the UK, to mean everyone should be lumped in together, regardless of ability or disability. To my mind, it means that everyone should be equally able to access the information available, something that is impossible when the mentally retarded child in the class is equal parts punching the other boys, and pulling the girls hair for forty-five minutes, while screaming bloody murder. It's true, everyone in this scenario has equal access to education; but it's equal access to no education.
Let me tell you, this is nonsense. There isn't a single class in any of the three schools I teach in, that isn't noisy. The truth of the matter is plain for all to see, noise is not indicative of learning achieved, nor of classroom discipline; yet this study used 'time taken for the class to quiet down,' as the objective measurement for this survey. I'm sure everyone can come up with a couple of reasons why this is ridiculous, so I won't bother stating them here. What I will say, however, is that roughly 75% of my classes are average/strong with regards to achievement of learning objectives - that is to say: I feel a sense of accomplishment when I walk out of those classes, I feel the students have gained something.
Being a student in England, my own sense of achievement would have been roughly 25% of lessons. This of course soared to 26% at the sixth form level, where the morons and unwilling were weeded out - leaving nothing but the rest of us.
University is dictated by your own standards and rules, so it's hard not to feel a sense of accomplishment in that kind of environment, and is the primary reason why I vehemently believe in higher education being a useful tool for anyone, regardless of intended vocation or course of study. If you can't handle it academically, then don't apply, but for everyone else - please go to university. Preferably a university outside america or England, so the tuition will be better and cheaper.
The point of all this? I don't doubt that Japan has a significant lead over the West in terms of educational aptitude (Notice how I am deliberately not saying their smarter? They're not. Much to the chagrin of Japanophiles and the department of education.) but not for their lack of noise in a classroom.
If a student is asleep in class, they are left to it. If they are noisy and disruptive, no attempt is made to settle the child down. There is no provision for mentally disadvantaged children. Let me just reiterate - no provision for ADHD, no provision for anger issues, no provision for any of the 'mild,' mental health issues that essentially nullify the ability of the child in question, or anyone within a forty foot radius, to learn. If a child can dress itself, control his or her body physically, and doesn't require a wheelchair ramp - they're fair game for the comprehensive classroom.
England tried doing this, I was part of the generation where ultra-liberal policy (inclusion of everyone in the classroom, everyone deserves to learn nothing afterall) was misinterpreted and implemented. Primary education sucked because we had to endure this nonsense, secondary education sucked through the compulsory period, and only became tolerable when we reached the sixth-form.
Japan may have the quietest students on average (I don't believe that for a second), and it may well produce perfectly educated clones - but it is not the 'best,' system because it doesn't cater to individual needs. It doesn't cater to special needs, it doesn't cater to the most able students, it doesn't even fulfil the remit of catering to the average (in this sense, average meaning the largest demographic of students possible, in order to include everyone) because the average is skewed by those are the top and bottom. It is by no means the best.
Schools in England are set - at least in core subjects; and this simple addition means that for these subjects, everyone is treated to the education they are capable of assimilating. This exceedingly simple process doesn't occur here, and as a result, Japanese universities receive clones, produce clones and nothing comes of it. Ever wondered why the top Japanese university doesn't even rank in the top 25 of worldwide universities, despite having the 'best,' students in the world, and being the most technologically advanced country in the world?
Then again maybe I'm misunderstanding the intention of Japan as a country. They don't care about international sport, they don't want to excel academically - perhaps striving to be average, with full body, mind and spirit, is the accepted way in Japan.
I know a lot of people will misunderstand this particular post, brought about by the wilfully misleading BBC cited article about global child 'behaviour.' Japanese students (for the most part) listen well, work hard and try their best. This rant is about the ridiculous basis for the article, and the inherent flaws in an education system whose remit is to provide an equal opportunity to learn for everyone. They've misinterpreted this statement, as has the UK, to mean everyone should be lumped in together, regardless of ability or disability. To my mind, it means that everyone should be equally able to access the information available, something that is impossible when the mentally retarded child in the class is equal parts punching the other boys, and pulling the girls hair for forty-five minutes, while screaming bloody murder. It's true, everyone in this scenario has equal access to education; but it's equal access to no education.
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