Teeth and Testicles

So I went to training on Saturday with more than a dozen gumshields, sent to me courtesy of dad.  What I didn't do, was use any of them.  Now you might find this strange, or peculiar, or simply bad form - but in training sessions you are rarely put into a position as to require their use.

I should have put two and two together when I was first kicked, then punched in the testicles, however.  The first was painful, the second was excruciating, both were accidental.  After these unfortunate events, I should have seen that the rugby gods were not favouring me on that day, and put in one of the veritable collection I now own.  After these events, I tripped over and was folded backwards, having a prop sitting on me while precariously balancing upon two other forwards.  That was extremely painful, and should have been further indication of what was to come.

We were doing maul practice, against the forwards.  As you can imagine, the backs were continually being driven backwards, but during one such maul(ing) I had my head to one side; at which point one of the wingers who is very much in competition with me for the position, ran in head first and nutted me with all his strength.  It was obviously a deliberate ploy, one to either concuss or otherwise subdue me, but he caught me in such a way that my jaw snapped shut, thereby chipping a couple of front teeth.

Unfortunately there's very little recourse in a team game with the physicality of rugby, and even if there were nothing would ultimately come of it.  Take your lumps and move on, with an eye to making the offender somewhat more lumpy in the future.  Watch out, son.

In less sinister news, this article is making my newly bruised plums ache in sympathy, while highlighting the inner hypochondriac as upon reading this, I immediately feared for my own.

At least we're all cursed with two; although I do wonder if he needs to take testosterone to supplement the loss?

In other news, freedom of speech has once again taken a knock.  Not that we have any rights to our own opinions anymore, of course.

Yes, the guy is an asshole (no more so than any politician, he copied a shit joke from somewhere, a politician lies to your face, with a smile).  I don't, however, think there are any laws that say, 'if you are an asshole, you will go to prison for 16 weeks.'  Yet here we are, racists and assholes are now punished by abusing laws that had no intention of being used to form society in the way of Orwell.

Something I've known for a long time came to light today.  We're all going to die, you are all horrible, horrible human beings and should be ashamed of yourselves.  You are all filthy, disgusting non-parents who, after drinking a glass of wine as has been customary for people for thousands of years, you become a sub-species of worm, not fit to lay eyes upon.

Feel bad yet?  The only purpose of this article is to make you feel bad about something that you have no right to be criticised for.  I think that your kid turning into scum, or not turning, has far more deeply rooted origins than a glass of wine.  Not causally related, people!

This made me laugh, so you can all watch it and laugh along.  What a lot of people make the mistake of thinking is that everyone, everywhere, does whatever is suggested in news articles.  Obviously this isn't true, and I've yet to see anyone in my local town start swimming around in that stupid gear.  Presumably they have access to someone who does it in their spare time, and thought it'd make the chore of learning to swim in a comprehensive education setting less arduous.

It always amazed me how they could make something as fun and interesting as swimming, dull and laborious.  I guess that's your tax dollars and public education system at work.

A really, really funny article about Mitt Romney, the berk who is running against the other berk in america.  When I read the title I thought it was going to say that the president in running (I love how they always have titles like that, following on in the traditions of English servitude (maiden in waiting, second under butler to the queen etc.)) was actually a human being, and was going to reign in their enormous, untenable (both financially and morally) war spending.

No.

Oh, how wrong I was.

I honestly don't understand the american delusion.  To quote the article:

Mr Romney said the US was missing "an historic opportunity to win new friends who share our values in the Middle East" and said there was "a longing for American leadership" in the region.

Okay let's dissect this shall we.  The US set the friendship boat on fire by invading Iraq.  Twice.  And then Afghanistan.  There are no friends to be won in the middle-east, you enormous baboon.  You installed a puppet regime in Iraq, and even they don't like you.  Surely that should alert you to your chances of winning over anyone else.  Christ, obliviousness seems to be a pre-requisite for being allowed to live in america.  Jesus.

Of the longing for american leadership part, if you need to make fun of this statement, I fear you are too dull.  Seriously.  Longing?  Really.  No.

Christ on a bike...

This unfortunate incident shows that large volumes of volatile liquids, when uncompressed, have the capacity to explode with a rare ferocity.  Now, at this point I feel it pertinent to highlight the fact that I turn the sound off almost all the BBC videos.  After the debacle whereby the BBC overlayed a video of a few men playfighting with cardboard boxes in Haiti, with words intimating that they were somehow actually fighting, I don't trust them.  That and all the other lies.  SO MANY LIES.

Anyway, it's a pretty hefty explosion.

I showed you guys this video a few years ago (I think) but felt it right to re-visit the issue.  That, and it makes me laugh.

What a jerk.

And finally, something that vindicates my stance on posture (hehe).  For my entire life, I've been told that I have a bad posture, and that tomorrow my spine will contort and twist in such a manner as to make living impossible.  That, within minutes, due to my terrible form, I will at once be infertile, inebriated, broken, pulverised and dead, in no particular order.

I have always believed that if something is wrong, my body will tell me.  When I sit upright, it hurts my back.  When I sit properly, it doesn't.  Guess which one I am going to continue doing?  I also point to you, the fact that I have never had random back problems as most people in England have - mine have always stemmed from self-inflicted injury.

And that's everything.  My gonads ache, my teeth tingle and my brain hurts.  Another day in the life!