Friday 29 January 2010

Yes, England is just as Corrupt and Lie Encrusted, the Difference is; I can see This.

I was going to lead this post with my snookering exploits; but I instead lead with an interesting story.

I use QQ messenger; chinas' direct MSN equivalent.  This is legacy software from a past life, but it occasionally throws up interesting conversations.  This software isn't used outside of china; bar the abundance of middle-class chinese migrants scurrying around Europe and america.  As one of the few English speakers on their network; I'm something of a fascinating oddity for the two hundred million users in china.  Let me just say that again.  This software has 200 million active users.  That's around 1/5th of the worlds pc's, including home pc's, and commercial enterprise computers.  Pc's that aren't actually pc's, things such as PVR's are included in this figure.  This is, as sobering and literal as possible, the single most popular piece of software in the world; bar windows, upon which it runs.  People don't have a choice when it comes to windows though...

Anyway; I'm an oddity on this system, not having a chinese name or login; therefore tons of people add me to their 'buddy list,' and I have a cross-section of the chinese middle classes at my fingertips.

I've asked every person that's added me on QQ,

(I don't understand enough chinese to add anyone, so I'm reliant on curious individuals adding me instead.  This will obviously distort the nature of my anecdotal findings, purely because the type of individual inquisitive enough to add a scary foreigner will have had a different upbringing and psychology to someone who doesn't.  I only mention this, because it's good practice to be aware of limitations of interpretation throughout.  This is something traditional media conveniently forgets, by the way.)

a large number of china related questions.  Things such as, 'do you like china?'  And, 'do you think Tibet should be separated from china?'  Any number of things.  Out of the 100+ people who've added me; I've found that roughly zero have ever said anything remotely negative about china.

Anyway, I bring this up now because someone recently added me; and when confronted with the question of whether he liked china, (and some subsequent to-and-fro) he produced this:


'China's modern history is a history of humiliation. The Chinese people bullied by foreigners. Communist Party of China led the Chinese people defeated the aggressors and the Communist Party of China to the Chinese people have been bullied by the end of the day. I love the Chinese Communist Party Communist Party of China also love the Chinese people'


Now; this is quite the line; so I assumed this is an paragraph from a party speech, so inquired as to its' origins.  It transpires that the long pause was him writing and translating this himself.

I was intrigued at this point; so pressed onward.  After asking whether his government would also be capable of lying, I received this response:


'chinese goverment no lies,'


Not surprisingly it turns out that, 'i hate ur goverment,' was to follow this statement.  Having established that this guy loves china, and hates the rest of the world (except america.  This puzzles me enormously, but chinese love america, and hate Europe) he then goes ahead and shows me this video.  It's worth watching, because you have to travel across the pond for this kind of mindless patriotism.  It really is incredible that a human being could come up with it; but then again, it was probably against his wishes.

(I again interject to point out that Europe is the number one purchaser of chinese goods, products and services.  america is a paltry third, behind Japan.  Considering america hates them, and everything they stand for, one would expect a little more hostility.  This isn't the case however, and logic once again deflates in the face of human emotion (see:stupidity))

So having declared china masters of the universe, Tibet rightful property, and all other races (bar america) inferior, he drops this peach into the conversation: 'chinese love peace so china dont take over the world.... All of the world can be happy with life on this earth.... tibet belongs china forever.... The Tibetan people's life is very happy.'

At this point it's merely a pain to raise other factors in this conversation; but I will anyway:


China's modern history is a history of humiliation. The Chinese people bullied by foreigners. Communist Party of China led the Chinese people defeated the aggressors and the Communist Party of China to the Chinese people have been bullied by the end of the day. I love the Chinese Communist Party Communist Party of China also love the Chinese people


'NotAllama  4:24:25 PM
What is that?


itis the truth

Chat logs aren't very interesting, but here's another one anyway:

The Chinese people will always remember that period of humiliating history, so the Chinese people strive to build the motherland, and hope that their country could be more powerful. Only our country strong the Chinese people will not be bullied

When asked whether all chinese people could afford computers he replied:

NotAllama  5:17:34 PM
A computer costs a lot of money
X
no
NotAllama  5:17:47 PM
Yes it does
X
3000RMB
NotAllama  5:17:57 PM
Most chinese people cannot afford a computer!
X
IT IS IMPOSSIBLE
NotAllama  5:18:43 PM
What is impossible?
X
THEY CAN AFFORD A COMPUTER
NotAllama  5:20:49 PM
Every chinese person can afford a computer?
X
BUT THEY DONT WANT TO SPEND MONEY IN COMPUTER
X
NO
X
MOST OF CHINESE CAN AFFORD IT'



These ravings are uncommon in my experience, but are representative of the general blind faith.  Who needs religion?

It later transpired that he was, in fact, a she; studying politics at university, readying to become a fledgling member of the government.  The adage 'start them young,' has never seen a more appropriate usage...

Laugh or cry, it will be decades before some semblence of rationality is brought to those shores; I just hope I can visit someday, and escape with my life!

(I fully understand the chinese secret police will now murder me in my sleep; or simply ban me from entering the country)

Tuesday 26 January 2010

Compilation Post!

The excitement of my life is lacking to the point of requiring a compilation of ideas in order to create a single entry into this diary.

I'm going to follow a television news style approach to proceedings, by retelling the terrifying news first, then then light-hearted feel-good story last.

A small car nearly piled into the back of us today; on icy roads.  The lane we were travelling down had a closed intersection, due to another accident.  The cross-roads had a lot of standing water, frozen over by the sub-zero temperatures.  The guy behind was following rather close, and as we weighed anchors he went sailing past.  His proximity to us meant he had no way of stopping, with or without ice.

We were the only two cars on the road for approximately ten minutes in any direction.  His need to follow so closely derives purely from?  Who knows.  My guess is:  He was afraid of the dark.

It wouldn't have been a life-threatening crash, nor even a bone threatening one; but it would have hurt.  Thinking back to the times when I've drowned, ridden my bicycle into static objects (like the ground) and been valiantly dismounted by other motorists; I've pushed the boundaries of luck rather far.

Of course ultimately it doesn't  matter in the slightest, because I'm never going to die, and come dangerous driving or severe lack of breathable atmosphere, nothing will change that.

In the lighter news category:


This is one of the things I love about keeping in touch with people you're not going to see for a long time.  And keeping in touch with them properly.



I'm pretty sure this little guys' name is Ringo.  Pronounced in Japanese that would approximate to 'lingo,' and I've no idea whether they're Beatles fans, before you ask.  Was Ringo Star the Beatles?  I've no idea.  I've no care for pop-culture, and just because it's fifty year old pop-culture trivia doesn't give it an automatic pass into my brain.

Why is the liquid inside green?  It might be the light; although I've a suspicion that it might be bathing in Ocha, which is green tea to you or I.  Quick, hide this video from the RSPCA!  (I doubt they have a Japan chapter, thankfully.)

Thursday 21 January 2010

Somewhat Busy, but not Too Much So...

I've nothing to write about really, other than the film I recently watched and fell in love with all over again.

The director; Danny Boyle, preluded the film with an introduction commenting on the general process involved in making 'Sunshine.'  He likened the process to a more realistic take on science fiction, akin to the original Aliens, and I would draw a direct comparison with 'Event Horizon,' one of my favourite films.  The premise is that the sun is dying and a crew of eight are shepherding a small planetoid sized bomb to the sun, in order to get the old girl started again.

Where this film immediately differs from contemporary sci-fi, is the non-reliance on lengthy, drawn out scenes upon which premises are built.  The opening scene establishes all that need be known about the film, without a single line of dialogue.  Ultimately, the film is as much a cabin-fever story set in space, as a race to restart the sun.  As with all films set in tight quarters, the cast do not so much create the atmosphere through which the film runs; they are the atmosphere, and the tension, and everything between.  As such, the cast excel in all areas.  I particularly enjoyed the lead, acted by the exceptional main man in '28 Days Later,' Cillian Murphy (another exceptional film by the same director, and an actor/director partnership of significance) but I also enjoyed the earthmother character, Michelle Yeoh (real name Yang Zi Chong) who also performed in 'Far North.'  The characters were poles apart (sic) and yet similar in their protective roles.  She is responsible for ensuring crew survival by keeping a botanical section thriving, keeping oxygen supplies refreshed.  In Far North her role is mentor, protector and leader of a two woman tribe in the snowy wastes.  Indeed, her final act as Corazon is to craddle a new shoot, grown from the ashes and ruins of her botanical bay.  The symbolic significance is obvious, but her significance throughout is the very thing that means I've not seen her mentioned anywhere else:  Her lack of imposition within each scene.  She represents humanity and ultimately life, and her disappearing into the shadows mirrors the crews' demise.


The deeper the crew fall, the further away she seems.  Only when balance is restored, is her screen time and ultimately, her significance restored.


Another standout performance that's not been recognised (as far as I can tell) is that of the ships' counselor.  Unfortunately he dies quite early, however his job is shown to be exceptionally complicated after afray on the flight deck.  His character is akin to Icarus; he flies dangerously close to the feverish insanity that's prevalent in these conditions, and overcomes problems by confronting them with his own feverish mentality.


Cliff Curtis is the actor who performs the maniacal balancing act, threading between sanity and insanity.


The clever use of CGI ensures this film won't age like 'Avatar,' or other special effects laden nonsense; because the special effects are used in a minimalistic way that never impose, and will never be subject to full scrutiny by the viewer.


Overall, this film is on-par with Event Horizon, and scores 9.5 out of a possible 9.5.

Friday 15 January 2010

I came, I saw, I took a Few Photographs



So I headed to a relatively cold part of Europe for my latest trip.  I would call it an adventure, but it was short, and city bound; therefore disqualifying itself from such high praise.

It was a really fun trip however, and the biggest surprise to me was how taken aback I was by the general surroundings in which the average Berlin-bound German finds themselves.  When you think of Rome you think ancient buildings; when you think of Paris, romance and the champs elysees spring forth.  When you think of Berlin though, what exactly comes to mind?

For me, before I went, it was sausages and a couple of sights I'd seen on television.  What awaited me was something entirely unexpected however, as Berlin has some absolutely fantastic buildings, a plethora of statues, adorning even the most unassuming buildings, most of which are held together by some breathtaking modern design that is unique to Berlin.  I've never seen such a clever, well realised visual aesthetic in a city, and I doubt there is anywhere quite like it.

Like all cities it sprawls somewhat, and journeys can be exhausting (unless all direction finding is done by another, as was the case this time) because of the confused, mix and match nature of underground and bus systems; but the attention to detail in building and design goes beyond anything I've ever seen.  It must be a compulsion among the architects living there because, frankly, only an obsessive mind could create a cityscape like Berlin.

As with all modern design built around the old, personal preference becomes extremely important.  I found a few of the buildings to stand stark against the established order of a street, and while it's obvious that was planned from the outset, they felt a little forced.  Designing a fantastical building for the sake of designing a fantastical building may be the ultimate dream for any architect, but at some stage another set of eyes must rein them in.

Ultimately, the fact these people are allowed to exercise such flair in design means you will have a fantastic city, and because I or a few individuals dislike one or two buildings, it's a small price to pay in the grand scheme.  No one will like everything, but to be timid about things will end up creating a space like London, where everyones' dislikes are kept to a minimum, but no one actually enjoys the city as a piece of art.

Even though the gherkin is a hideous monster, it was an effort to do something interesting and moder inbetween all the historical sites.



Is this thing ugly?  Definitely.  Is there a reason for it to exist?  No.

But they tried, and where I don't like this one I enjoyed plenty of other objects.














There was a Veyron shell in one of the shop windows; an opportunity too good to miss.

What you don't expect when you see it on television is that it's small.  A lot smaller than you'd expect it to be.







Checkpoint Charlie.  It's amazing how ingrained the divide still in within Berlin.  Everything has some kind of reference to the wall, and what it represents; even if there is seemingly no link.  Pieces of the wall crop up everywhere, and are preserved along with an explanation of why that particular piece was saved, and a short history of the area in which it's found.

In terms of tourism, the thematic link between each piece gives a structure to the area that is quite unique.



This is the view from a famous bridge, the name of which I forget, but it did give an interesting view over the water.

The city is still surprisingly industrial, among the buildings.  It also has a ceiling the likes of which other cities don't, as everything seems to reach x storeys in height, and very few buildings breach that rule.




Just a random modern building.

This is to the left of the bridge, the building above is to the right.  They're essentially neighbors overlooking each other, but they don't clash, somehow.













This is the bode-museum.  One thing I noticed about the abundance of olde-worlde statues was their reliance on ancient mythology, and the relative violence of each depiction.  Every person was cowering, being impaled, or in a group of people impaling something heroic looking (a great serpent or buffalo for example).  The gods themselves were throwing thunderbolts, or looking menacing.  Benevolence is something they're not familiar with, evidently.











This is the same museum, with the name handily drawn across the top.

Notice the statues adoring the roof, looking imposing and menacing.








A long shot of a statue, typical of anywhere in this city.  Just the fact that these things are everywhere gives the city character.
















This is one of the few archways dotted throughout the city designed in a Classical style.  There are some apocalyptic horses and someone in a chariot steering them along.

If the rest of the city is anything to go by; the driver is probably heading to chop up some people.  He's a winged driver to boot.












The side of the reichstag.  We went into the reichstag to check out the viewing platform; but in order to get into the building a number of security checks must be carried out.

There were double doors enclosing a chamber, into which a group walks, the doors behind close, then, when a number of individuals (with one hand under the table, presumably on a weapon of some kind) deem the group fit, the front doors are opened and everyone files through the typical assortment of metal detectors and body scanners.









This is the front of the reichstag.

Their parliament sit in a circle, knights of the round table style.  You can see the actual room of action from the entrance, but it's behind eight inches of bullet/bomb/car/plane/superman proof glass.







Norman Foster designed the viewing platform as seen here.  The middle column reflects an image, through dozens of mirrors, all the way from the main parliament building.  When their leaders sit down and do their stuff you could, presumably, watch a horribly distorted top-down view of the action from up here.













Parts of the wall, with their historical significance printed to the sides.

All the graffiti is still there, as it's as much a part of the wall as the concrete.

It's absolutely impossible to imagine the wall, and the two different halves of the city, as they were.





These are right behind the pieces of wall, and are indicative of what I was talking about the mix of old and new.  The pieces of wall are surrounded by acres of glass.  Plus these buildings look awesome.















Rewind.

Another picture from inside the reichstag viewing platform.

It's all very artsy, and while I didn't particularly enjoy these grills (comprising around 10-15% of the inside dome walkway) they framed the rest of the dome perfectly.




Fast forward.

Next to the train station, the kind of modern architecture I particularly enjoy.









One of the best group of buildings were the Sony headquarters.

The roof is fabric, and suspended atop a large number of tall buildings.

It looks like an inverted satellite dish.














The final picture.  The other few days are hidden away on the camera, out of my possession, so maybe I'll get my hand on it in the future.















As it wasn't my camera, I was sharing with the person I went with.  Obviously then, the good photographs are mine, all the others are hers.

Thursday 7 January 2010

Germany いきましょ!

I think the title of this post means, 'Let's go to Germany!'  Germany, by the way, is: ドイツ。I think....

So I'm (hopefully) heading towards the land of litre-beer and sausages soon, in order to gain some insight into what makes the single largest portion of the EU economy tick.

Ok enough joking, I'm just going there to have a nose around, check out some museums, and eat some sausages.  Hopefully I'll be able to take some good pictures too; but there's no real guarantee about that.  Come to think of it, maybe that's what separates a good photographer from me - the knowledge that at any given moment a good picture will be taken, no matter the circumstances or situation.

What things are there to see in Berlin?  It's only a short stay of a few days, so I guess we can't duck and dive through the undergrowth, hoping to come across something good, a planned approach is necessary.

Any ideas, internet?

And here, without further ado, is stalking cat 2: Hi-Def.

P.S  This is the first hi-def youtube video that's actually worthy of the title of 'hi-def.'  I'm reliably informed that this is due to reasons of a source nature, that is to say; while many cameras will shoot at a higher resolution, they sacrifice picture quality to do so.  Being Japanese, the camera this guy is using is probably a few years from market here, so this is the future!  Revel in its' glory.

Monday 4 January 2010

Trade Agreements

A deal struck a few years ago, affecting some 2 billion people, came into effect on the first of this month.  I've not heard anything about it in the news, so here's a little investigative journalism of my own.

It's a deal between a large number of Asian countries, reducing trade tariffs on select goods, in order to promote trade between them.  Much like the EU, it's designed to increase the competitiveness of the area as a whole, and therefore benefit individual members.

The different approaches to world domination seem to strike an interesting comparison.  america bullies everyone, invading anyone who has anything of value.

The EU tries to be the friend of everyone, with no clearly defined leadership (the epitome of democracy, with all the benefits and flaws that brings) while this new 'alliance' of sorts takes a communist approach to EU style trade wrangling.  That is to say, do what china tells you.

"The average tariff rate on Chinese goods sold in ASEAN countries decreased from 12.8 to 0.6 percent on 1 January 2010 pending implementation of the free trade area by the remaining ASEAN members. Meanwhile, the average tariff rate on ASEAN goods sold in China decreased from 9.8 to 0.1 percent."


This means that china gets everything for .1% of previous prices, while charging .6% of previous prices.  So while they still threaten other countries with force, as america does, they also screw other countries over financially, as america also does.  Who knew communism and capitalism were so similar.  It's also interesting to note that china always had a sweet deal.


It begs the question 'why?' though, because china is only a decade away from being the most powerful country in the world, and no one will stop them; so why bother striking up these deals?  Presumably the money they lose in these deals goes towards securing their neighbouring countries favour.  I doubt the likes of Vietnam could hate the americans any more though, so it all seems rather pointless from a chinese perspective.


One final tidbit:  The ten largest economies in the world, in their relative positions.



Will everyone please now realise how insignificant England is in terms of the world; but how important the EU really is.


The reason why we get crappy laws implemented unto us by the EU is because we are unimportant.  Realise this.

Sunday 3 January 2010

End of Year Tops

So far I've resisted the temptation to draw up a top 'X' list of what's passed; but now have succumbed due to the brainwashing power of television.  I watched a 'top 100' list of youtube videos on the gogglebox.

They got it all wrong of course, showing a few of the good videos, but misplacing importance and, therefore, numerical rankings.

So, here is my Top 'X' (the final number is subject to change.)

Although no numbers will be assigned, the last video will be the absolute, no questions asked, best youtube video of the moment.

Due to the transient nature of the youtube 'scene,' it will only be the best at the time of publishing, not a second after.  Get used to it, the internet changes quickly!

First up, we have:



Jeremy Clarkson beatbox.  'Swedemason,' secretary of the Swedish chapter of our very own freemasons, presumably, has taken a vast number of clips and soundbytes, and spliced them together with an attention to detail that screams: 'Obsessive compulsive disorder.'  However - to create something that can even be considered music, and I do consider it so, from the inane ramblings of Mr. Clarkson, is a feat of patience and genius.  Good job.

Considering this is a family-friendly top 'X' I am sticking with the cutesy videos.  In that vein, there is this:



It was a close call between the video above, and this: Link.  I chose the one above because it's a genuine youtube, and therefore internet, breakthrough; whereas I suspect the linked clip to be taken from a 'you've been framed' style show.

Another cat that does deserve a mention however is this Japanese one.  From the land of ninjas I present to you:



I think this cats' name is Daruma.  A daruma is this.  You paint one eye before the new year, and then the other on new year for good luck... Or something like that anyway.  I can't remember the dates and whatnot.

Anyway; ninja cat.  Awesome.  Enough with cats now!

This next clip isn't; it's a genre.  The genre in question is the overexploited category of 'crazy Japanese gameshows.'  Producers and writers in the West are notorious for their chronic cranial malady, and this produces a lack of creativity, inspiration, energy, drama and so on.  This leads to the pathetic televisual experience we now have.

The very few things that are worth watching, however, can be traced directly from the above genre.  And now the videos.  In order to demonstrate the genre to its' best, a few different videos are required.  Remember, this is merely the tip of the iceberg.  (I realise these clips may or may not be thought up in the land of the rising (I've genuinely no idea whether they were) but I have an affinity for that area, so let's pretend they were.  Plus the Japanese have a reputation for this kind of thing, and one must earn any reputation.)



The precursor to our own 'hole in the wall.'  No adlib dubbing from Craig Charles is necessary.

For the next clip, they're wearing binoculars...



This.  Is.  Genius.  This is, literally, wet your pants funny.  And I think everyone will agree.  It's not often you get to watch something this funny, and the whole family can watch, appreciate, and enjoy the humour in it.

In this next clip let me forewarn you:  They all run like uncoordinated fools.  And that is how the average Japanese person actually runs, I've witnessed 'the platform run,' several times!



Ok, so this next one doesn't really need introducing, but I will anyway.  Japanese gameshows have their own subgenres, such is the volume, they need subdividing and classifying.

This falls into the ever popular - 'laugh and get a forfeit, don't laugh and get cake,' sub-genre.  The forfeit is usually extremely painful, and, depending on the time the show is aired, may or may not result in groin based pain.



This next video.  Still on the Japanese gameshow theme.  Think a light-hearted version of the Johnny Knoxville classic.  Chicken or the egg?



This next clip.  Yeah...  It's brilliant, but I'm not going to introduce it; self-titling removes the need for any introduction.



It's when he arm swings straight through and only clips them.  That's got to hurt.  That's got to hurt like nothing else in the world.

The next clip demonstrates why Japan so desperately needs English teachers.



Why didn't they hit the guy who screwed up?  Oh that's right, it's ok to screw up, but don't laugh at him!

One of the many similarities between our countries:  Men dress up as women a lot on television, yet no one asks why.


Ok.  Moving further down (or up, depending on whether you live in the southern hemisphere) the list; the two chinese students, who, bored one day; mimed the backstreet boys.  They gained infamy in china, and commercial success, with adverts and sponsorship.  Considering the extremely tight communist control in that country it's amazing.  Chinese people can't even watch youtube!  It's restricted from within the mainland!  How did these guys get so famous?  Probably a youtube style ripoff hosted within the borders.  Anyway; the guy in the background is playing counterstrike, (version 1.6 (oldschool)) and was implemented to create a 'living background,' instead of just a static background.  In the outtakes, in case you can't read chinese, someone knocks on the door asking for a towel or something, one of them misses his cues, and something else happens.  I forgot what though.



They do a rendition of a popular chinese song, where the leading lady is dying from a terminal illness.  In the original video she has a nosebleed that is faithfully recreated using ketchup.  The out-takes are something else entirely for that video.

I was going to finish this today, but it's late and I want to head to bed, so I'll upload the absolute, unquestionable number one at a later date.