Buying Power

So people buy stuff with money all the time.  Some very rich people buy other people with money, and this happens all the time too.

Just look at the Japanese whaling industry, a veritable case study in corruption and scandal that dates back decades, and apparently the doctrine FIFA has used to conduct business for some time now.  Namely, the liberal use of briefcases and envelopes stuffed with wonga, mainstays of Japanese corruption scandals, found their way to the FIFA trials too.

The following is shamelessely stolen from a website called Deadspin, an american sports site that has suddenly taken an interest in football now that they have a chance to redeem themselves in the eyes of the world (by destroying Sepp Blatter). 

This is taken from court proceedings:

At one point, WARNER also directed Co-Conspirator #14 to fly to Paris, France and accept a briefcase containing bundles of U.S. currency in $10,000 stacks in a hotel room from Co-Conspirator #15, a high­ ranking South African bid committee official. Hours after arriving in Paris, Co-Conspirator #14 boarded a return flight and carried the briefcase back to Trinidad and Tobago, where Co­ Conspirator #14 provided it to WARNER.

And this tidbit showing that envelopes aren't only fashionably in heist movies:

... certain CFU officials, including an official of one of the member associations of a United States territory (“Official #1”), went to the appointed conference room, as directed by the defendant JACK WARNER. The officials were instructed by CFU staff members in the room to enter the room one at a time. Inside the room, CFU staff handed each official an envelope bearing the name of the member association that he represented. Inside each envelope was $40,000 in United States currency.

Prior to entering the conference room, Official #1 was advised that he must enter alone, and could not be accompanied by any other officials from his delegation. Upon receiving his envelope, Official #1 was directed by CFU staff to open it while in the conference room. Official #1 was further instructed not to discuss the payment with anyone.

It's absolutely crazy that people still use briefcases and envelopes to transfer massive wads of cash.  I thought the current trend was backpacks and shoes boxes.  Never trust hollywood, they always lie, their special effects are BS and their grasp of current money trafficking techniques is lacking.

I didn't bother writing about the election because everyone seemed to think it was a foregone conclusion (which, as it turned out, it was) but these new happenings are too funny to overlook.  When he eventually swans off into the sunset (no one actually thinks he's going to prison right?) his will his replacement automatically be the Jordanian prince who was running against him, or will they stage new elections?

In what world would you have thought that a middle eastern prince would be the least corrupt choice in a vote of two?

The Earth is a topsy turvy place.

Oh Football, How You Make Us Laugh

I'm going to dive straight in with a quote that destroys any credibility the Argentinians had:

'With the English [2018 World Cup] bid I said: Let us be brief. If you give back the Falkland Islands, which belong to us, you will get my vote. They then became sad and left.'


How the FUCK did we ever get the Olympics?  No, seriously.  We own the Falklands, and previously owned half the world.  If the rest of the world took the same stance as the Argie delegation, we would already be down 50% of the votes.  We must have won over everyone else with the Olympic bid.


Either ours rocked, or everyone else sucked.  (I suppose a little from column A and B is possible.)

This picture from the daily mail website shows how the democratic process perfectly.


Good job, free and fair elections.


(P.S  DON'T SHOW AMERICA FOR CHRISTS SAKE.  They will bomb us in the name of democratic freedom.  (Us being Europe, because this idiot is based in Europe.))





Next quote (from the daily mail, not a person specifically (so take it with a grain of salt)):


The chairman of the ethics committee - the watchdog group set up in 2006 to deal with claims of malpractice in FIFA - will in future also be elected by the congress.


So, let me get this straight.  The organisations that are being paid by Blatter, and those who are his cronies, will decide who becomes the person to investigate their corruption.


That can't possibly go wrong.  There is literally no way that any human being could possibly abuse that system.  I cannot see a single thing, literally not one, that might stop that from being the best plan ever made by a dictator democratically elected and representative group of people.


In other news.  Something that I am not impressed at all by happened.


Why did it take him three years to plan this?  It would be infinitely impressive if he'd landed a backflip from 4000m.  That would have been cool.  This is just a (rich) lazy mans motoX.


This, on the other hand, is awesome.  A bloody good excuse to dick around on a motorbike, if you ask me.


As is this.  When do they stop increasing the number of rotations?

Oh Football...

So there's a nutcase in charge of FIFA, apparently.  Having no idea what's happening in the land of spheres, I happened upon an article describing power struggles in the world of football.

I then read this statement, by the current head of FIFA:

"I thought we were living in a world of fair play and respect and discipline.

I unfortunately see this is no longer the case because the famous Fifa pyramid is suddenly unstable and there is a danger.

On Wednesday I will speak to you on this danger that is lurking, and tell you how we can fight and work against this threat."

Now I admit I know nothing of football, but did FIFA elect Colonel Gaddafi as president?  He acts like a despot, talks of plans to destabilise his regime, like a despot, and crucially, holds elections like a despot.  That is to say, he is a dictator:

'Blatter is the only candidate as his rival Mohammed bin Hammam is suspended.'

I find it incredible that we get outraged, as a nation, by despotism in other countries - but actively endorse and fund despotism in sport.  (Of course I'm not so naive to believe that we don't fund criminal dictators in other countries, of course we do, but at least that serves a national purpose.  Pouring advertising revenues and government funding into a corrupt, incompetent fools lap, while everyone is watching, is criminal genius.)

This man is, plainly and for all to see, a genius.  He runs an organisation that employs thousands of people worldwide, is guaranteed to be re-elected for as long as he feels like, makes an absolute packet, secures his legacy (to be remembered as the hero who saved football), and takes bribes.  It's a challenge to pull this off when you're running a country, but when you're running a sporting organisation, it's a cakewalk.  You don't even have to do much killing and maiming.

What do I want to be when I grow up?  Either Chairman Cat, or Sepp Blatter.  Both men are criminal geniuses.