Tuesday 21 September 2010

Sitting in Dubai Airport.

Sitting here, wondering what to do.

I think I will write up a flow-chart on how to spot an Englishman.

The first line will be:  Are they wearing a football shirt? Yes -English No -Are they wearing crass gold jewellery all over their bodies?  Yes -English No -Are they covered in hideous tattoos? Yes -English No -See the first question.


























An Absence of Posts

You may have noticed (or you may not have) that there have been significantly fewer posts as of this month, than you might normally expect.  This is due to a number of factors, not least of which is my ever uninteresting life, that warrants no additional comment.

I am, however, sitting in the airport, ready to travel back to England for a few days.

I'm hoping to take some marmite back with me.  Luckily, it's not particularly popular beyond the shores of England, so I get to keep most of it for myself.  I'm in the process of thinking what else I should buy, but I'm not really sure at the moment.

Sunday 12 September 2010

The One MP3 Player

I am sometimes mocked for my technological preferences, namely the companies I choose to purchase various technology from.

While price and performance are primary considerations, there are times when similar products warrant an illogical deciding factor to dictate where cash should be splashed.

In this case, I'm referring to manufacturers.

A few people have a disproportionately advertised (we often hear of how good they are, despite low uptake in several key markets) love of Apple, and the inferior and overpriced products they peddle to ill-informed customers.  Unfortunately, Apple customers are the most vocal, so the fact that half of their ipods explode within six months due to faulty batteries, or they cease functioning for no apparent reason after two years, forcing the owners to purchase the latest model, rarely gets many technology column inches.

The reason I bring this up right now?  My own dad has been through dozens of Iphones, Ipods, I-these and those, through misuse and abuse, and through no fault of his own.  Yet I have recently dropped an MP3 player in a rain soaked road, where it was literally being washed away by the torrents - as cars and lorries were barreling overhead, and upon picking it up, water gushed forth as if it were a minuscule watering can.

An Apple product would have given up many years ago, owing to battery malfunction or outmoded interfaces.  My plucky little Sony Walkman Personal Media Player (/end plug) carried on trucking though, through thirty foot falls and weather that forced its' owner off, before it decided to quit, and now this devastating blow that would destroy all but the most hardy little media devices.

This little guy still works, still holds the five years of pictures I've taken, and still wants to eschew the sounds that beat all others.

I salute you, little media player; for you are a fantastically built, superbly crafted, one in a million device.

Friday 10 September 2010

Never Trust a Woman with Directions

Don't trust women with directions.  I've been walking around in the rain for two hours, trying to find this place.  It's 1.30 AM.  Actually, make that an hour and a half.

I had to wake up a work colleague in the dead of night, and I'm certain I've got myriad diseases.

I was trailing a comedy pool of water behind me, as I trudged up the final set of stairs.  My umbrella was soaked through, a sign that the waterproofing had been washed away; presumably when I took a swim in a giant puddle.

My MP3 player, housing all the photos I've taken in the last 5 years, went flying into the middle of the street, into four inches of water.  This, as a hundred or so cars went flying over the top of it.  When the traffic calmed down, I ran to retrieve the player, which was still in one piece.  The comedy continued however, as I picked it up and water came pouring out of the housing.  It's now a high-tech watering can - albeit of a limited capacity.  (It was only 16 gigs in the first place.)

So despite, misdirection, falling over, destroying all my year 6's homework (oh I forgot to mention, all their marking was in my bag, with the intention of finishing it on the homeward leg.) when I went for an impromptu swim, being soaked through for two and a half hours, waking up a colleague in the dead of night (hell is to pay, I'm sure) destroying my MP3 player with half a decade of memories on it, and getting a taxi with an imbecile who got lost twice, it was a fun trip.

On the plus side, a shining light came from an employee of seven-eleven, the ubiquitous convenience store from the states.  I couldn't find a single person to help, as they all shyed away from the big scary foreigner, or they just middle-fingered me because I looked like a hobo.  The one man in the convenience store, I salute you for letting me borrow your mobile phone.  (Everyone has several mobile phones here, so there are no payphones.) It turns out, the only nice Korean in Seoul, willing to help someone in obvious distress, was Australian.  Go figure...

Say what you want about Aussies, this guy is awesome.

Tuesday 7 September 2010

Two Typhoons, a Birthday, and Being Sick Everywhere

So I'm writing this during lunch, primarily because I can't face eating anything at the moment.

I'm feeling quite terrible, having eaten hateful chicken wrapped in hate and loathing.  At the time it tasted quite nice, but even as I was eating it something unpalatable crept along my spine.  This unpalatable feeling stemmed from the myriad diseases the establishment puts into the food.  The upshot is that I feel quite vile, but the life of a foreign teacher is irriplaceable - unless you die, there's no getting out of work.

In reply to the question about prior storms; yes we have had our storm.  It was pathetic.  We then proceeded to have another storm immediately following, seemingly along the same path.  In a sudden and unexpected turn (sic) of events, it altered heading and veered straight towards us.  In the first 'eye of the storm encounter,' (TM) I have ever had, wind speeds exceeded forty miles per hour.  That's nothing, frankly.  It didn't even turn my umbrella inside out, while walking along the street.

I was exceedingly disappointed, as per usual, but the rain was quite spectacular.  120 mm in two days, I think that's some kind of record, to be frank.  That's two to three months of rainfall, in a day.

What's even more impressive, is that the lag time between rainfall and peak river flow, from cursory observation, is exceedingly small.  This means that the vast majority of the rain that falls, finds its way into the rivers, and in short order.  I would imagine flooding is or was a major problem around Korea, as the abundance of steep-sided mountains means the rain is funneled extremely quickly into the rivers.  When we travelled over the river after the days work, it was extremely high (still nowhere near capacity) and by the next day it was back to normal levels.

And there ends the geography based geeky interest in the landscape of this island.

It rained a hell of a lot, for the summarised version.