This is the current state of the melons. There's not much left. I'm desperately clinging to the hope that there will be one tiny, miniscule protomelon so I can say I'm a farmer, but it's not looking likely.
There's nothing else left in the WORLD!
I don't think it's over watering because there are holes in the bottom of the bag and the soil isn't saturated, not to mention that the damn things grew like wildfire up until last week. Damnit!
For some reason they're far more green in this picture than they are in real life, where they're mostly black with hints of dust.
They're all dead. Super, duper wicked dead. My great melon owning dream is over! Noooooo!
I can't believe they all bit it so quickly.
Basically, I've either sprinkled radioactive waste among the roots, the blackfly invasion, or some unbeknownst disease has ravaged them. You can take your pick as to which it might be.
They went from being healthy to dead in about three days which has to be some kind of world record, and due to the quickness I can't see it being anything other than disease. They were dying before the insects really took hold and I haven't even obtained the shipment of bomb grade plutonium from my Saudi contact yet.
Anyway, this years dream is done (I'm still watering them in hopes of some last minute resurgence that yields a single fruit, tennis ball sized) so it's onto planning next years fruitdeavour. Definitely strawberries, but I also need a big ticket item to get the farming business underway. Something that has the shock value of a 1,000kg pumpkin but isn't completely lame.
So I was watching James Bond last night. I don't know why, but I wanted to re-see Skyfall (the latest bond movie, and a superb one at that) so I had it on in the background while I made some dopey stuff on the computer and I realised that the soundtrack to that movie, specifically the theme tune, is also brilliant.
So I started listening to the themes from all the bond movies. I found a surprising number that are pretty good. I say surprising because movie music isn't usually my kind of thing, then again I can't stand almost any kind of music.
Anyway, in the style of the modern internet, internet 2.0, here's the TOP 10 JAMES BOND THEME TUNES YOU'LL NEVER BELEIVE WHAT SHE DID NEXT YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT HE SAID AFTER CLICK HERE FOR FREE HERBAL WEED CLICK HERE FOR CHEAP ANYTHING
So in at number ten, in a surprise twist of expectations:
Duran Duran and A View to a Kill
The music is garbage, but THE HAIR, man. The hair. Holy guacamolee. That is some hair right there. And also the special effects are something else. It's not even a bond theme tune, not really. They drop the iconic sound in right at the end but that's about it. And those CG/video effects. Wow.
P.S. This is not the James Bond intro (no shit, Sherlock) which is actually decent enough as old Jimmy Bond openings go. Creepadelic is how I would describe it. The above video has the aforementioned wicked CG though, so it's the one that gets in.
Number Nine:
I don't think this is a widely respected Bond song, but I don't mind it. It's certainly better than the smoking crater that is the Duran Duran song. Wowzers.
NUMBER EIGHT
I can't really explain why I like this one, I guess it's the fact that it's almost music!
That's not being fair, it is music, and it's alright. It helps that the singer has some attitude and works well with the saxophone or whatever does the little flourish after the 'goldfinger,' line.
GOOOOOOOOOOOLD FIIIIIIIINGER. He loves gold.
Number Seven:
This one is definitely not Diamonds Are Forever. That is some hot rubbish. The CG and editing almost pushed it onto the list, but it's a pretty naff song.
It's also not Live and Let Die. Paul McCartney. What in the world were they thinking. He has an unbroken record of making pants music. DECADES without a good song. Good job. It's the most frustrating song I've heard in a really long time because it almost, almost, bursts into a frantic paced topsy turvey alternate reality James Bond theme tune, but then doesn't.
Number Seven is actually:
I don't think I've ever seen Golden Gun, but if this theme music is anything to go by it'll be stupid. The music is sub par, but I like the lyrics. I don't know. Moving on!
Number the Sixth:
She's got a voice. It's not for everyone, but if you have an ear for it, she's great. Nuff said.
The Fifth One:
The iconic Jimmy film from when I was a kid, and the film responsible for dragging the franchise into relevance for a modern generation.
As with number seven, the singer has a voice, but this one is more palatable. It also has a nice ramp to it, she doesn't jump straight into glass shattering territory from the start, giving you a chance to readjust the volume before she starts in earnest.
Also spawned the most overrated game to ever grace a console.
The Fourth:
Obviously this isn't the intro, but the music is the same.
I really like this song. As a song it's something slightly different, it doesn't have the soaring 'High's,' (TM) Copyright Shirley Bassey, but her voice is just so James Bond. It's such a great pairing!
The Third:
THIS IS THE CONTROVERSIAL ONE. This is the one where you throw the computer out of the window, hunt me down and bean me with a copy of this track burned onto a CD (because who buys CD's anymore? Nerds, that's who).
As a preface, I think the computery voiced bits are dumb as shit, and the short voiced overlay (what's an audio overlay?) are stupid and pathetic, but they fit the theme of the movie so I get why they did it.
It's:
Die another day. It's a pop song. I get that. I know it's not really a James Bond affair, but that's that. There's no accounting for taste I guess.
The Third Degree:
Ok damn, this might actually be the controversial one. Goddamnit. So I also really, really, really like this as a song. Whereas D.A.D. (that acronym) has nothing to do with Bond (hence the stupid voiceovers (oh, I guess a voiceover is an audio overlay) to tenuously link the music to the film), this one still sounds like Jimmy to me. It's just so good.
It's good.
The Runner Up:
Ok crap, I miscounted and I actually have eleven entries.
So the joint number two's are:
The singer has a brilliant voice (something they're pretty consistent with in regards to bonds) and I'll be damned if the design team hasn't kept pace with modern aesthetics and tastes. That intro is faaaaantastic. It's still trippy Bond, but it's modern at the same time. I'd love to work making something like that. Then again I'd never keep up with the 'drinking,' required. They're obviously super high on 'drinking,' when they come up with these things that I wonder if their 'livers,' are able to take all the 'alcohol.'
I could totally colour balance the final cut though? Actually the room would probably be too smoky from all the 'drink,' to actually get anything done.
THE OTHER NUMBER SECOND:
I actually know the name of this song. It's called 'know my name,' and it's by a dude. A dude with one of those 'voices,' (TM) Copyright. It's all boulders and gravel. Anyway, talking about slickness of production, this one goes right to the top of the list with Skyfall and Quantum of Solace. They've really upped their intro level for the recent films, although I do wonder if I'll look back in twenty years and see all the obvious signs of old CG.
NUMBER ONE
This is THE James Bond theme tune. It's the one that started it all, and it is iconic in a way that none of the others are. You could listen to some of the others as part of a normal playlist (not the Duran Duran one, you couldn't listen to it outside of a prison environment) and not feel it was out of place, but this one is so Bond, so unbelievably James Bond that it isn't really a suitable piece of music for any other occasion. It goes a bit weird and bongo drum at the end, then turns full wackjob when it turns into a west indian folk song. Weird.
So I didn't play this weekend. I had a slight strain of the calf over the week from the last game, so they rested me for this match.
My right knee has been bunk for months which, when strapped, is unbalancing my gait and putting additional stress on all kinds of interesting places in my body, resulting in small strains and minor stress all around the shop.
Something unexpected came of it:
I was promoted to groundskeeper for the game, bringing me back to watering mums garden.
One of the new arrivals this year, Pat.
When the teams were playing I was relegated to ball boy, only in charge of one ball at a time. No more.
Trying to roll up 50 metres of hose, a three man operation. I managed to cut myself quite handily on an old rusty connector. Tetanus hoooooo!
So I'm making a music CD (welcome to the year 2000 I guess?) for the third year (year 9 ish?) classes I teach. They have a five minute period before the class where they finish up homework, ask questions and generally potter about in English. During this time they listen to English language music, so far it's been all Queen. I've nothing against queen, they have some great songs and it's not a terrible introduction to music outside of Japan. The problem is that they've heard all the songs already, not to mention that Queen is adored here and is subseuently cut into every third commercial and every fifth TV program.
As such, I feel it is my duty to introduce some easy to understand English langauge songs. Remember, the only music available to anyone in Japan is this. Or this.
They are the only options. No other music exists. This is not hyperbole, they don't have any other music. Sometimes, rarely, those over one hundred years old will listen to enka, but that's not fashionable for any other demographic.
The problem is simple. If you've only ever listened to one type of music for your whole life, all your peers know only that music, and your parents and elders know only that kind of music, there's no way in hell that you're going to like anything other than that. It would be like introducing orangina to a drought bound tribe in the deepest deserts of Tanzania, they wouldn't know what to do with it and would immediately reject it.
As such, this is not a mission to enlighten the students, even marginally, no. It's a mission to give me something interesting to listen to that has a tenuous link to the English language. That means no swearing and lyrics that are mostly audible.
To pre-empt the comments and e-mails about how awful my taste in music is, I will say this: I don't know music. I literally searched online for songs for foreign language students, and these are what came up.
ALL SUGGESTIONS ARE WELCOME. New stuff and old stuff. Bizarre stuff is particularly appreciated, as long as there's a viable amount of English involved. I would love to jazz out to some Mars Volta before class, but they're Spanish (?) so no can do.
Anyway, my list so far:
Michael Jackson -> Smooth Criminal, Heal the World
Jackson 5 -> ABC
Phil Collins -> Dancing in the Air Tonight (if this one gets by the censors (by censors I mean the Japanese English teacher) I will be ecstatic)
The Police -> Every Breath You Take (I don't know why this was on that website, the owner must have been high when she added this one)
Pharrel Williams -> Happy (the theme of a 'dumb fun,' Summer animated movie, I quite like the song)
David Bowier -> Ground Control to Major Tom (this one is mine, an inspired pull from the memory banks, if I say so myself)
REM -> Man on the Moon (never heard of it)
Frank Sinatra -> Fly Me to the Moon, My Way
The White Stripes -> Seven Nation Army
Travis -> Sing
Amy Winehouse -> Rehab (This one is the wildcard, designed to throw the censors off and make them think they've done their job when they inevitably eliminate it, thereby allowing others to pass)
Coldplay -> The Scientist
Bare Nakes Ladies -> If I had a Million Dollars (added for the name of the band alone)
And that's the list so far. There's nothing particularly interesting on there, and only a couple of 'new,' songs, so any suggestions are welcome.
So people buy stuff with money all the time. Some very rich people buy other people with money, and this happens all the time too.
Just look at the Japanese whaling industry, a veritable case study in corruption and scandal that dates back decades, and apparently the doctrine FIFA has used to conduct business for some time now. Namely, the liberal use of briefcases and envelopes stuffed with wonga, mainstays of Japanese corruption scandals, found their way to the FIFA trials too.
The following is shamelessely stolen from a website called Deadspin, an american sports site that has suddenly taken an interest in football now that they have a chance to redeem themselves in the eyes of the world (by destroying Sepp Blatter).
This is taken from court proceedings:
At one point, WARNER also directed Co-Conspirator #14 to fly to Paris, France and accept a briefcase containing bundles of U.S. currency in $10,000 stacks in a hotel room from Co-Conspirator #15, a high ranking South African bid committee official. Hours after arriving in Paris, Co-Conspirator #14 boarded a return flight and carried the briefcase back to Trinidad and Tobago, where Co Conspirator #14 provided it to WARNER.
And this tidbit showing that envelopes aren't only fashionably in heist movies:
... certain CFU officials, including an official of one of the member associations of a United States territory (“Official #1”), went to the appointed conference room, as directed by the defendant JACK WARNER. The officials were instructed by CFU staff members in the room to enter the room one at a time. Inside the room, CFU staff handed each official an envelope bearing the name of the member association that he represented. Inside each envelope was $40,000 in United States currency.
Prior to entering the conference room, Official #1 was advised that he must enter alone, and could not be accompanied by any other officials from his delegation. Upon receiving his envelope, Official #1 was directed by CFU staff to open it while in the conference room. Official #1 was further instructed not to discuss the payment with anyone.
It's absolutely crazy that people still use briefcases and envelopes to transfer massive wads of cash. I thought the current trend was backpacks and shoes boxes. Never trust hollywood, they always lie, their special effects are BS and their grasp of current money trafficking techniques is lacking.
I didn't bother writing about the election because everyone seemed to think it was a foregone conclusion (which, as it turned out, it was) but these new happenings are too funny to overlook. When he eventually swans off into the sunset (no one actually thinks he's going to prison right?) his will his replacement automatically be the Jordanian prince who was running against him, or will they stage new elections?
In what world would you have thought that a middle eastern prince would be the least corrupt choice in a vote of two?
So the other day a magnitude 8.5 earthquake hit off the coast of Tokyo. By off the coast, I mean a bloody long way away.
Take a look at this map:
It shows what I would consider to be a 'normal,' earthquake, whatever normal means in the context of the earth trying to undress itself. You can see the key on the bottom, the epicentre was miles and miles away from land, but the effect were still somewhat apparent. I don't remember this one, which means it was probably too small for humans to notice. (I'm incredibly sensitive to earthquakes. For whatever reason I'm always the first person to notice them in a room.)
Now compare the above with the earthquake that happened the other day:
Something of a difference. The epicentre was once again bloody miles away, but it shook the whole country an awful lot. I was in one of the yellow zones, making it about a 5.2 where I was. Let me tell you, a 5.2 is pretty big (these scales are logarithmic) and quite interesting on the fourth floor. I can only imagine what one of those is like when you're a hundred storeys up. Then again, any building that size will have a counterweight or massive shock absorbers, so I doubt they'd rock and roll as much as I might imagine. A lot more than when a big lorry goes past your house though.
The thing this image doesn't convey is how long they last. I've found that the bigger shakes last longer, and this one was upwards of a minute and a half. It started relatively small but conitnued for a while, building to a crescendo before shaking a small amount for a while. I've found that if a small shake lasts for a while, it usually means there's a lot more coming your way. I've not come across any that start abruptly, they always seem to lead into it.
If you're wondering, the worst part is when the ground goes up and down. There's no stomach turning feeling like that you might experience in a plane, it just kind of jostles a bit. The reason that's the worst though, is because I can't imagine many materials being designed to withstand variable forces both laterally and vertically, it's not a typical building requirement. If you get caught in the wrong place at the wrong time, the ground can move vertically by metres, hence the formation of waves that cause tsunamis. I don't think this particular episode caused any tsunamis, but I'm not exactly Mr. Ear To The Ground in that regard. Now that I think about it, I'm not that in any regard.
If you're wondering where I got this information from, it's this website:
You can get information about quakes in Japan, as they happen, from this site. They keep records too, so if you hear about an earthquake in Japan you can check it out and see where was affected and how big it was.
