Wednesday 17 June 2015

Music, Ranked

So I was watching James Bond last night.  I don't know why, but I wanted to re-see Skyfall (the latest bond movie, and a superb one at that) so I had it on in the background while I made some dopey stuff on the computer and I realised that the soundtrack to that movie, specifically the theme tune, is also brilliant.

So I started listening to the themes from all the bond movies.  I found a surprising number that are pretty good.  I say surprising because movie music isn't usually my kind of thing, then again I can't stand almost any kind of music.

Anyway, in the style of the modern internet, internet 2.0, here's the TOP 10 JAMES BOND THEME TUNES YOU'LL NEVER BELEIVE WHAT SHE DID NEXT YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT HE SAID AFTER CLICK HERE FOR FREE HERBAL WEED CLICK HERE FOR CHEAP ANYTHING



So in at number ten, in a surprise twist of expectations:

Duran Duran and A View to a Kill

The music is garbage, but THE HAIR, man.  The hair.  Holy guacamolee.  That is some hair right there.  And also the special effects are something else.  It's not even a bond theme tune, not really.  They drop the iconic sound in right at the end but that's about it.  And those CG/video effects.  Wow.

P.S. This is not the James Bond intro (no shit, Sherlock) which is actually decent enough as old Jimmy Bond openings go.  Creepadelic is how I would describe it.  The above video has the aforementioned wicked CG though, so it's the one that gets in.

Number Nine:


I don't think this is a widely respected Bond song, but I don't mind it.  It's certainly better than the smoking crater that is the Duran Duran song.  Wowzers.


NUMBER EIGHT


I can't really explain why I like this one, I guess it's the fact that it's almost music!

That's not being fair, it is music, and it's alright.  It helps that the singer has some attitude and works well with the saxophone or whatever does the little flourish after the 'goldfinger,' line.

GOOOOOOOOOOOLD FIIIIIIIINGER.  He loves gold.

Number Seven:

This one is definitely not Diamonds Are Forever.  That is some hot rubbish. The CG and editing almost pushed it onto the list, but it's a pretty naff song.

It's also not Live and Let Die.  Paul McCartney.  What in the world were they thinking.  He has an unbroken record of making pants music.  DECADES without a good song.  Good job.  It's the most frustrating song I've heard in a really long time because it almost, almost, bursts into a frantic paced topsy turvey alternate reality James Bond theme tune, but then doesn't.


Number Seven is actually:


I don't think I've ever seen Golden Gun, but if this theme music is anything to go by it'll be stupid.  The music is sub par, but I like the lyrics.  I don't know.  Moving on!

Number the Sixth:


She's got a voice.  It's not for everyone, but if you have an ear for it, she's great.  Nuff said.

The Fifth One:

The iconic Jimmy film from when I was a kid, and the film responsible for dragging the franchise into relevance for a modern generation.


As with number seven, the singer has a voice, but this one is more palatable.  It also has a nice ramp to it, she doesn't jump straight into glass shattering territory from the start, giving you a chance to readjust the volume before she starts in earnest.

Also spawned the most overrated game to ever grace a console.

The Fourth:


Obviously this isn't the intro, but the music is the same.

I really like this song.  As a song it's something slightly different, it doesn't have the soaring 'High's,' (TM) Copyright Shirley Bassey, but her voice is just so James Bond.  It's such a great pairing!

The Third:

THIS IS THE CONTROVERSIAL ONE.  This is the one where you throw the computer out of the window, hunt me down and bean me with a copy of this track burned onto a CD (because who buys CD's anymore?  Nerds, that's who).

As a preface, I think the computery voiced bits are dumb as shit, and the short voiced overlay (what's an audio overlay?) are stupid and pathetic, but they fit the theme of the movie so I get why they did it.

It's:


Die another day.  It's a pop song.  I get that.  I know it's not really a James Bond affair, but that's that.  There's no accounting for taste I guess.

The Third Degree:

Ok damn, this might actually be the controversial one.  Goddamnit.  So I also really, really, really like this as a song.  Whereas D.A.D. (that acronym) has nothing to do with Bond (hence the stupid voiceovers (oh, I guess a voiceover is an audio overlay) to tenuously link the music to the film), this one still sounds like Jimmy to me.  It's just so good.


It's good.

The Runner Up:

Ok crap, I miscounted and I actually have eleven entries.

So the joint number two's are:

The singer has a brilliant voice (something they're pretty consistent with in regards to bonds) and I'll be damned if the design team hasn't kept pace with modern aesthetics and tastes.  That intro is faaaaantastic.  It's still trippy Bond, but it's modern at the same time.  I'd love to work making something like that.  Then again I'd never keep up with the 'drinking,' required.  They're obviously super high on 'drinking,' when they come up with these things that I wonder if their 'livers,' are able to take all the 'alcohol.'

I could totally colour balance the final cut though?  Actually the room would probably be too smoky from all the 'drink,' to actually get anything done.

THE OTHER NUMBER SECOND:


I actually know the name of this song.  It's called 'know my name,' and it's by a dude.  A dude with one of those 'voices,' (TM) Copyright.  It's all boulders and gravel.  Anyway, talking about slickness of production, this one goes right to the top of the list with Skyfall and Quantum of Solace.  They've really upped their intro level for the recent films, although I do wonder if I'll look back in twenty years and see all the obvious signs of old CG.

NUMBER ONE



This is THE James Bond theme tune.  It's the one that started it all, and it is iconic in a way that none of the others are.  You could listen to some of the others as part of a normal playlist (not the Duran Duran one, you couldn't listen to it outside of a prison environment) and not feel it was out of place, but this one is so Bond, so unbelievably James Bond that it isn't really a suitable piece of music for any other occasion.  It goes a bit weird and bongo drum at the end, then turns full wackjob when it turns into a west indian folk song.  Weird.

2 comments:

  1. you leave dyran duran alone - and there's no such thing as cg back then

    ReplyDelete
  2. No, Duran Duran deserve it!

    ReplyDelete