Thursday 29 September 2011

Harry Potter. HARRY FRIGGIN' POTTER?

So I watched the second to last Harry Potter the other day.

I abhor Harry; I really, honestly, deeply, truly do.

What I don't dislike is the special effects department at whichever studio produced the second to last movie.  I had the opportunity, for the first time ever, to stream the movie in high definition.  Being able to stream movies in Japan is something of a hit-and-miss affair, with many of the bigger sites only allowing you to access content from within their country of origin.

As such, the ability to stream a 720p copy of any movie, without constant buffering and choppiness, was new to me.  I ended up watching the whole thing and thinking, for the most part, the quality was very good.  This is most certainly the future of content consumption, and the server-side file size wasn't bad either.  All told, it was around one and a bit gigs, which, over the course of two hours, isn't a terrible drain on bandwidth.

Please, content providers of the world, let's start using high definition for everything!

The film was still pretty terrible.  It reminded me why I read Tolkein, Prathchett and Dick, and watch things like this.

This post was originally longer, but blogger just deleted all my writing.

There were musings on the rugby, on my upcoming sevens tourney(s), one this weekend, one in a few weekends time.

All I will repeat is this:  England versus Scotland will be equally difficult for both teams, both teams being within a few points of Argentina means they're comparatively close; even if past performances indicate an England win, everyone seems to forget that this is a world cup.  It is, essentially, the beginning of the knockout stages and only one team can win.

Everyone has labelled the Wales pool 'the pool of death,' which is patently tosh.  Wales and SA are likely to go through, whereas England, Argentina and Scotland were always three teams capable of beating each other.  That is a real pool of death.

Tuesday 27 September 2011

The Problem of Time

So I was reading this article from the BBC.  It directly relates time to results, and number of graduates to quality of education; and by extension the viability of an economy.

With a few short sentences, let me quash this notion.

The most important idea stemming from this article is the need for education.  Not just university education, but a high quality education throughout the formative years.  They then throw this in:

In China, you see children going into school at 6.30am and being there until 8 or 9pm, concentrating on science, technology and maths. And you have to ask yourself, would European children do that?


Firstly, the kids in Japan do the same thing.  china modeled itself on Japan after all.  I can tell you, with absolute certainty, the kids here learn roughly nothing in every lesson.  The reason they stay behind for so long (obviously not everyone does this, only the diligent students) is not to excel, but to merely keep up.  The twelve hours the kids put in, relative to the six or so I did at school, do not equate to a doubling of performance in tests.  They don't even equate to a furthering of ideas or techniques - kids here go into university with the same basic knowledge and skills as the UK.  The extra hours are a vacuum, a time portal where nothing is achieved.  I see this every day in English class, but also in the other classes I see, and the notes from other lessons splayed across desks.  The maths classes in the second grade, for example, have been drawing the same graphs for three weeks now.  That's not advanced knowledge or understanding; it's identical to my classes back when I was fourteen.


Then you realise they don't study the number of subjects we do, and the picture begins to look even less like asians are superheroes.   


In England we study (for better or worse) English, Maths, Physics, Chemistry, Biology, (world) History, Geography, Art, Music, P.E, R.E and a modern foreign language.  There might be more, but I can't remember them all.


Here they study: Maths, Physics, Chemistry, Biology, P.E (I haven't seen a P.E class in about 4 weeks though) Music, Art (looking good so far, isn't it) and then it stops.  They are taught English, kind of.  Geography and History are taught as one subject - they don't want their kids to know about things like nanjing or the second world war, so they don't teach world history so much as the foreigners and that lot did some bad stuff, but you should really know about Japan and our glorious history.  That, of course, is somewhat too long a title to represent a subject, so they call it social studies instead.


An interesting side-effect is that Japanese people couldn't tell you a thing about the dinosaurs, where africa is, what a sedimentary rock is, or why the ground shakes underneath them sometimes.


What they can tell you: what the square root of pi over forty divided by the sum of three radii of circle diameter 42.


SO they study three or four fewer subjects than us, for much longer, but only achieve a few percentage points higher test scores, on average, than their western counterparts.


Unless it isn't abundantly clear by now; the workaholics carry this country, and their efficiency is appalling.  It takes them nearly twice as long to learn the same amount of information as their western equivalents.  This isn't because they're stupid.  They're not smarter, but they're certainly not less intelligent.  They simply don't utilise time well and suffer long hours instead.


This is mirrored in their sports activities.  They train for hours every day in school, and they look well drilled.  When it comes to actual competition they fall apart.


They have no intensity in any training, they only train things that can be performed rote.


And yet our politicians want to emulate them?  Folly.  Pure and simple.


They should hire my old maths teacher, whose motto was 'work smart, not hard.'


Or they already did, and the memo they sent around parliament was missing the smart part.

Monday 26 September 2011

Wrap Your Eyes Around This

So the write-up for the previous game in Tokyo never materialised (this happens at most clubs, as everyone is too busy doing other things).  I bugged the writer a couple of days ago, citing the need for an objective opinion regarding the matches, and frankly speaking, something to send mum to prove I'm not housebound and lonely.

Today Joffa, the writer and general coach/manager/forward of the team delivered.

Also, thanks be to him, as he obviously saw that I was down after the second match.

So without further ado, here are the (somewhat more) objective match reports.

The first match is here.

The second match is here.

You don't particularly need to read them in any order.

Sunday 25 September 2011

What I Done Did

So yesterday I played  match in Tokyo.  I wrote down my initial impressions of the match afterwards, and here they are:

The furthest I've been without using the bullet train, todays game was a twenty minute walk from Hodogaya station.  You can look up Hodogaya, because I'm having trouble pronouncing it, let alone writing.

They say the harshest critic is yourself.  This is rarely the case with most people I find, as everyone always looks for external mitigating factors that contribute to their lack of success.  These same people will, of course, congratulate themselves when success occurs.  I find myself being on both sides of this coin.  When success comes, it's all me.  When failure comes, it's all me too.

Today was certainly one for coin clips, and at first it fell very much on the negative side for me.  I didn't hit with authority, I only scored one try (taking my average to around 2.5 per game) and I missed a tackle, leading to a try.  Playing at full-back against a team that broke our line frequently, with a pack that lost every scrum and lineout, it was to be expected that I couldn't stop them all, but it's that mentality that pervades sport here; and in which sports are Japan genuinely world class?

I don't want to be a loser, even if I'm in a nation that's quite happy to be.

Of course absolute negativity serves no purpose, so as food for thought the previous leaves room for improvement.  Next week is a sevens tournament, and everything I lacked at full-back will need to be perfect.

I played at full-back, and despite two howlers early in the first (having the ball ripped by their number 8 when I was clean through (after bunker-busting three tackles) and not passing on another clean break for a certain try) my game picked up.  I was told their team liked to kick (hence why I was at full-back) but that threat never materialised (I assume the lie was purely ego-massage on my behalf).  Positives: I wasn't caught by the first or second tackler with ball in hand, all game.  Apart from one try, I did enough to stop everyone.  I scored a sneaky one on the blind side from a ball passed at the floor five feet in front of me.  I joined the line a bit and helped out.  I made lots of line breaks that started being converted in the second half.  Apart from the aforementioned two, I set our wingers up a number of times, and as I started trusting them and drawing defenders - at times lots of them - we made in-roads.

I was awarded man of the match by the opposition, which makes three in a row for the games I've played in Japan; but for all the good I still feel disappointed.  We won forty odd points to seventeen but our club acknowledged our no.7 as man of the match.  It's great the opposition found me to be intolerable - but a jury of my peers in my own club didn't see it the same.  That's extremely disappointing.  All the small malcontents, mistakes and disappointments have come together leaving me feeling rather annoyed with the result.  In this instance, the sum of the minor setbacks outweighs the greater body of positive good.

Friday 23 September 2011

Hard Disks

I just bought a couple of hard disks online.  The interesting thing?  The transaction was completed in Japanese, with liberal use of an online dictionary and free translation service.  It will be extremely interesting to see if anything turns up next week.

They came out to a hundred and fifty quid for the pair, two, three terabyte disks.  I don't trust large platter sizes as far as I can throw them, as the saying goes, which is ironic because modern hard disks weigh a ton - so they won't go far.

As such, I'll mirror them, copy all the important information over from my one terabyte external drive (which is nearly four years old, and has accompanied me across the globe) and then copy everything from my current drive worth saving.

I'll then erase the external and reformat my current drive, yielding one and a bit terabytes of 'secure,' internal storage space (mirrored) and the same again in non-mirrored internal and external drives.

I can finally stop deleting stuff!

Yes, I am a terrible hoarder of digital wares.

Wednesday 21 September 2011

Some Amount of Time (don't read while eating)

So for the next couple of weeks the elementary school I'm working at is conducting experiments on the pupils.

These experiments include trying to stack as many as possible on top of each other, or seeing how many synchronised collapses (between pods of four students) can be achieved in a limited time.

In other parts of the world this is called sports day.  Here, I am somewhat reluctant to call it that because no sports are involved.

They dance around to cutesy sounding (see: vomit inducing) songs while trying to maintain a semblance of synchronisation.  They all spend their time in front of TV's and computers, just like me.  Unlike me, they never leave this sedentary state.  Ever.  The result is, quite frankly, hilarious.

I'm (probably) contractually obliged to withhold laughter when I see twelve year olds picking up their lightest classmates (three of them picking one up, in a pyramid style formation) to quickly drop him, but I'll be damned if it isn't one of the funniest things to see the kid who was dropped, jump back up and kick the crap out of the inevitably larger people who dropped him.  After a few hits I intervene of course, but I fear the big kids won't learn the lesson of Napoleon without some peer-prompting.

The reason I mentioned computers and television?  The 'dance routines,' have nothing to do with strength.  They are entirely co-ordination and balance.  Upon seeing this, I was immediately worried.  Having seen the older kids in middle school struggle to stay on their feet when simply running a relay I couldn't see how the younger, naturally less well balanced, would fare while picking each other up.  My fears were proven.

No one has been hurt yet.

What none of the teachers seem to realise is, having the really fat kids (of which there are only, mercifully, a few) hold the bigger kids is a mistake.  It's about poise and balance.  The little kids are really good at balancing their peers on each others shoulders, but the fat kids wobble all over the place.

And they can't balance them either.

I question the point of having a sports event without sports, but the designers knew their stuff when coming up with things for the kids to do.  (Having been to a couple of these now, it seems the events are universally adopted across the prefecture, if not all of Japan.)  It is a crying shame the american passion for cheer leading and other pointless activities has leaked into Japanese society, but they do at least incorporate some traditional Japanese dances.  The one I linked a few weeks ago is quite popular - and it looks fantastic when done properly.  If you ever get the chance to check it out (I don't know why you would, but anyway...) I would definitely give it a look.

This week I have a cold, and as a result have been having a few nose-bleeds.  I assume brought about by sneezing my way through the day; although my head being nanometres from an explosion might also be the cause.  I suspect my eyes might be the weak-point through which the pent-up pressure will dissipate.  If you see a headline in the news akin to 'man explosively decompresses, makes terrible mess,' it will either be a food poisoning outbreak; or my head.

On the flip side, real-world considerations of an explosive nature were announced today.  The yanks are selling a number of upgrades for the Taiwanese air force.  Having been lucky enough to meet a number of Taiwanese people, I can safely say that Taiwan is a country devoid of respect for china.  As such, it is a country, not a protectorate of china.  It is not chinese Taiwan.  Every Taiwanese person thinks this, everyone in the world knows this - but china refuse to accept it.

Then again, I just remembered that china is the most powerful country in the world, who regularly employ cyber espionage specialists to steal secrets from other countries and ensure their name is not besmirched.

ALL HAIL CHINA, LEADERS OF THE (FREE) WORLD.

That should appease them for now.

The funny thing is that Taiwan is not worth as much money to america as china - so they get the shaft despite being an 'ally,' for decades.  China is sworn enemy number three behind Iran and North Korea, but they have all the money in the world; so let's appease them.

Capitalism, the finest example of hypocrisy this side of communism, which is itself the finest example of hypocrisy since capitalism, which is itself the finest example since hypocrisy since communism, which is...

Google, owners of everything (and that article is three years old (just skip to the list of companies, her writing is devoid of any merit)) are accused of being a monopoly and unfairly taking advantage.  If all the worlds searches are conducted through google, and google sites are some of the most visited on the interwebs, doesn't is stand to reason that they would, in essence, be linking to themselves.  This is an inevitable conflict of interests for the consumer, but one that can't really be legislated against.

I guess they'll have to pull a microsoft and split the company up.  There go a few hundred jobs.

In other news, it turns out Hugo Boss was a nazi.  I actually had to google who Hugo Boss is, then I found out he does perfumes or something.  I stopped giving a crap at this point.

Wikileaks founder and (almost) convicted pervert has written a book.  Interesting stuff, as is the constant insistence that this guy is a rapist.

There are very few cut-and-dried cases of media deception in this world.  Most are deliberately muddied in order to obscure the facts, and in the best case scenario, discredit all sides, leading to a stalemate.  As such, nobody ever knows what's truth and what's a lie.

The Assange case was one of the most blatant pieces of governmental pressure the world has seen, leading to false accusations and arrest warrants born of fictitious crimes.  Wikileaks launched, showing most of the world how corrupt, broken and vindictive the secret police of america are - then within hours he's a rapist.

Erm.

The guy probably isn't an angel (no one is) but I would be inclined to believe him, even if he murdered a goat, with his teeth, right in front of me.  If someone puts false claims like that around the world within hours of him becoming infamous, he has obviously done something extremely important.  If it shows the world how useless america, england, France, Germany and the Scandinavian countries are - more power to him.

The seriousness of female rights took a turn for the worse, with female soldiers reporting back that war sucks.  These are women who aren't fighting on the front lines, and they're getting PTSD.  I'm sure men who fill their roles also do, but the BBC doesn't do a report about a man who drives a sergeant to and from work every day getting PTSD.

This is all written about the american military, so I wonder how much of applies to the army, navy and air force back home.  The image I get is one of the american military basically being a militia of hooligans, whereas only our army falls into that category, and only then some of the time.  That's probably just media bias, and a skewed view of england.

Quote of the year comes from a certain Lei Chen Wong of WildAid.  Speaking in this article to the BBC regarding the de-finning of sharks, for the raw ingredient of shark fin soup.


"There is this myth in China that sharks will regenerate their fins, but that's not true. They actually die a very slow, painful and cruel death"


I refuse, outright, to believe that a human being could be so stupid as to think a shark would regrow its fin.  Honest to god, if I met someone who believed this, I have no idea whether I would be able to control my laughter before punching them in the face.


If I chop your leg off, will it grow back?


Jesus christ chinese people are stupid.


Another peach of a quote: 'Materialism is well developed in China but other things, such as morality, haven't progressed so well,' as if materialism was something to be encouraged along the lines of morality.  Astounding stupidity abound in this article then.


That's it for the news roundup; I'm tired from all the laughing and raging I've been doing.




The Japan Tonga game was something.  It was, essentially, a game of sevens perpetrated by a group of fourteen year olds, such was the level of control evident.

I personally love that kind of rugby, where turnovers happen every third play, and members of both teams are strewn about the pitch.



The second half saw things calm down and it was much less interesting from then on, but Tonga were most certainly worthy winners.  Whenever Japan got the ball they looked dangerous, until they passed the ball a second time; at which point they dropped it, or ran into someone twice their size and four times stronger, or they ran into touch, or kicked it.


Japan would have been a threat if they knew which way to run.  Unfortunately they didn't, and that ultimately cost them the match.


They look good in broken play, so I suggest they stick to sevens rugby.  I think it would suit their style much more than the full game.  It was a solid victory in the end, despite Japan beating them in the pacific nations cup not long ago.  Maybe it was just a fluke that time around?  The next pacific cup will show whether they're consistent contenders in that particular tournament.


For the state of Asian rugby, they really need to start pulling their weight - that means not just losing well, but winning too.


On a side-note, the saffers are playing Namibia today, which is the first time two African nations have met in the tournament.  It will be a resounding defeat for Namibia, but at least the claim that rugby is a global sport is starting to ring true.  Now we just need a fully competitive 20 team tournament, and rugby will be alongside football in that regard.

Tuesday 20 September 2011

SUPER MASSIVE (small to medium sized) TYPHOON

A typhoon is going to make landfall today, with strong winds (obviously) and lots of rain (obviously).  It's already been pretty wet today, and this is just the leading edge.

I fear for my house because it's made of paper, held together with nothing but hope and the building is administered by a crazy landlady who tries walking in whenever she feels like it.  Luckily, I've had my door locked ever since my second day of being here, when a random foreigner walked into my house of his own accord.

That seems to be commonplace here.

Of the typhoon; the temperature has dropped to the low 20's, which is glorious.  I hope it's a factor of the season rather than this weather event, but I suspect it isn't.  It's also heading up the length of the country (see the link).

It's only a small one so people aren't particularly fussed, although I am somewhat suspicious of the projected trajectory.  Look at the previous path of the storm and you'll see that it went around in a circle.  No way did anyone predict that; which means this, like an earthquake, is unpredictable at best.  I wouldn't be surprised if it missed Japan entirely.

As an addendum, the internet delivers when no question has even been asked!  That's what the graph in my previous post should have looked like, and that's why the chair, once it's attached to the machine, is a real bastard to pull loose.

#Update#

All the kids are going home in ten minutes because the typhoon is trying to kill people down south.

Initially I laughed because they have to ride home on their bikes if their parents won't pick them up; but then I realised that I'm obliged to stay until my contractually pre-arranged hour.  Why send the kids home?  Because they don't want the little brats caught in the strongest part of the storm, which will be from now, until who knows when (the centre of the storm is passing right over us, and it's not calm like a tornado) which means I will be riding home in the hell-storm.

That wiped the smile off my face.

Then again, IT WILL BE HELLA FUN!  I can't wait.

I want to go stomping around outside pretending to be a dragon, splashing around in the puddles roaring.

Then I want to play a game of rugby in this weather, for about twenty minutes I bet it'd be awesome.  No one would be able to pass the ball.  After that twenty minute period I'd be exhausted and go home.  Probably with polio.

Oh, Berlusconi

So the Italians are blaming each other for failing to predict earthquakes.

Much like alchemy and the hunt for lead-to-gold conversion, it's an impossible feat.  The nature of tectonics is one of mystery, not so much in the mechanics of plate movement, but more so the exact nature of what triggers the stored energy to release.

Plate tectonics is one of those subjects that I can absolutely see the appeal in studying.  I am a self confessed nerd, and playing with computer simulations while trekking around the world with laptops and sensors appeals to me.  The whole being imprisoned thing, not so much.

I find it incredible that we learn in school, around the age of fourteen, that earthquakes cannot be predicted.  We also learn that usually, but not always, tremors are a form of stress relieving quake that lessen the chance of a major earthquake occurring imminently.  Of course this doesn't always hold true and the only fact relating to earthquake prediction is that there is no accurate system for prediction.

I find it incredible because the entire Italian government was absent for that rudimentary lesson.  I find it incredible that a petition of five thousand scientists (not lay people) is ignored.

But then I find it incredible that global warming is attributed entirely to people, when I learned in school that we're still leaving an ice-age.  Ten thousand years is a long time for you or me, but not so much as a blink on the face of a planet.  Everyone has collectively forgotten about that fact, too.  Wilful ignorance.

The common factor behind both of these facts is money.  The government needs a scapegoat to keep Berlusconi in power and money, and Al Gore; well he certainly doesn't need any more money.  P.s He failed to gain the presidency of a country who elected George Bush twice.  That ruins any credibility he pertains to have.

While 'people like money,' is hardly a newsworthy headline, there have been some other developments in the world at large.  Primarily sporting, and largely due to rugby.

The non-sporting news that I found most interesting, aside from this fabrication (which I include for the insightful comment of a certain '3d,' in the comments section 4 posts down) - is this article from the BBC.  Showing that genetics is a dish best served cold, it proves that the world is can be a bizarre place.

I would like to think, however, that most people see the opposite as being true.  The fact their skin colour being different is in the news, shows that genetic quirks are very much the exception.  You are not unique, I am not unique, nor will your children be, or their children.  Stop pretending to be special, people!  (Hint: you're not.)

This fantastic invention is definitely in the 'why didn't I think of that,' category.  At least it would be, if we lived in a slum.  Then again, they have far more pressing things to worry about, so I suppose it's not really in that category at all.

I think fifty or sixty watts might be pushing it; then again it's literally impossible to tell with a camera what the exact impact is.  It would have been nice if the reporters did a direct comparison using the same sensitivity (or moving picture equivalent) but what can you expect, this is generic BBC reporting at its finest.

Well done to the designer for making it public domain.  It would be somewhat difficult to patent, but I'm sure an american would have found a way.

Graphene is a real technology, at last.  The single layer graphite material is touted as being the new magic material that will bring us kicking and screaming into the 25th century, today!

Childish tag lines aside, this new material is said to be a superconductor, among other things.  Currently superconductors are composed of elements that normally exist in a gaseous form, being cooled (or super-cooled, as the media like to super/extreme everything) to exceedingly cold temperatures.  They form liquids, which do not have a measurable resistance.  They are extremely useful for making magnets.  Not the kind of magnet to hold stuff to your fridge, but the kind of magnet to hold your fridge to stuff.

The reason they can't just turn the magnet off?  The superconducting part.  Once a current is passed through the superconductor, assuming it's a closed loop, it will just keep circulating until natural decay sets in.  You could warm the superconducting liquid up, but that would be like filling a bottle with water, sealing it and then heating it up.  If you can't imagine what this would do, go try it now.  Preferably in a microwave.

For the full effect, go take out a loan for five million dollars and set fire to it.



Graphene is also super-strong, super-flexible, super awesome!  It was only invented (I don't say discovered because it's a material in the same way that polyester is, and must be manufactured) in 2004, so this kind of turnaround, from invention to implementation is unheard of in this day and age.  I would assume a product of this potential would require at least a decade of cancer testing.

As an aside:

Skip to 2 minutes in this video.  Magnetic field strength decreases or increases with the square of distance - so the closer it gets, the less likely you will ever remove it.  Conversely, in the first video, the chair is easily removed once a wedge between it and the machine has been forced in.  The three extra centimetres mean the force felt by the chair is substantially weaker.  As the man drags the chair further away, it is subject to exponentially decreasing forces.

I don't know what this graph is for, but it demonstrates the principle.  There would only be one sector in the perfect example, but I'm too lazy to google that.

Similar to the graph above.  The high point is right next to the machine, the low point is in another country.

Alas I am running out of time to finish this post, so will postpone the rugby analysis.  I will however say well done to ireland, a country who have chronically under-performed in the past decade, finally made their mark. Unfortunately they might have only one big game in them, and should they make it to the other big hitters in the quarters or semis, might struggle.

They obviously played well however, and I won't begrudge them that.  Once again, well done.

Thursday 15 September 2011

The Problem with People

So I have to perform an open class ballet.  It's obviously not the dancing kind; but it requires jumping through a thousand proverbial hoops.

I was in a couple of practice classes today (as a foreigner I am incapable in everything I do, so half a dozen practice classes must be performed in order to reach acceptable standards) that entailed me being told to do something, then being told off for doing it.  Luckily I only have to perform this charade with one teacher.

Unluckily that particular teacher is a bag of nerves and emotion, who is struggling to contain it all.  If I hear of a murder-suicide spree at the weekend, I will know the perpetrator before the name is announced.

I am supposed to lead the class in English.  I have no problem with that, except the class has never been conducted in English before.  The kids are therefore bemused whenever I say something, because they've barely heard me speak up to this point.  The whole class is a lie, from the English speaking in class (which is nothing more than rote repetition in a normal class) through to my involvement in the teaching.  I am normally asked to stand still and do nothing, reciting a line on occasion.  The kind of job a robot will do in five years, and I'm certain robots are already doing my job in the private education sector.  Pointless doesn't cover it.

I have no problem being pointless, my work-related stress levels are somewhere below those of a pharmaceutical opiate tester - but I do object to the lies this particular teacher is feeding to those involved.  She knows I have no involvement in class, the students know, I know, yet she insists that we try to make it look like we're equals.

We're not.  On any level.

Couple this with a severe hormone imbalance, and the two practice classes were disastrous.

Considering how little this means to me, I feel she has a lot of work to do.  Have fun with that, woman who needlessly kept me for four hours unpaid overtime in the past two weeks.

Also of note - I am working in comprehensive schools.  Three of them.  My lesson plans were written by a man who thinks 'thru,' is the correct spelling for 'through.'

Needless to say, I end up re-writing most of the plans.  Perfect, my lessons are not.  An adventure into the unknown worlds of English teaching; they most certainly are.

Oh, and the kiwis to be fifty points clear of the japanese team come full time.

Tuesday 13 September 2011

Myth of the Day

I have to bust ridiculous myths every day.  The kids can't speak a lick of English, so these all come from the teachers, grown adults.  They're not quite 'is it true you bathe in the blood of animals you sacrifice to ramu,' they are however pretty stupid.  Today:  'Sam sensei, is it true English people eat five meals a day?'  I tend to eat whenever I have downtime, and I'm always hungry, so I assumed my own gluttony was assumed normal for the English.  'Oh, I read that English people eat tea and crumpets in the afternoon, and scones with jam after breakfast, before lunch.'

Yes.  Literally every person I have ever met does this.

I've never paid attention to the myths about asia, so I can't really contrast and compare.

What I learned today is, basically, the Japanese government has a massive funding crisis.  They haven't updated their textbooks since 1890, and they failed, at that time, to include how the 'average,' Englishman lives - instead preferring to focus on the queen.  I mean, come on; seriously?



Another myth that I feel like disintegrating - america is great.  Read this article from the BBC, and thank god that you don't live in america.  Sucks to live there and be average, I guess.

Sunday 11 September 2011

Rugby Bonanza

So at the weekend, there was more rugby around than you could possibly shake a stick at.

Not only that, but I played in only my second game on Japanese soil.  I played for Tokyo Gaijin Rugby Club.  Gaijin means foreigner in Japanese, so it's an exiles team, basically.

Match report first:

Coming off the back of a reasonable performance last time (playing for Sano club a couple of months ago, I scored four tries but missed a tackle) I was expecting to improve in all areas of the game this time around.

I was to play only a half, as our team had a total of thirty players, and everyone wanted to get onto the pitch.

I started on the wing, and was destined to stay there for the half I played.  The opening exhanges were forwards based, and the ball never made it past the outside centre.  Around five minutes in, our team (Tokyo Gaijin) kicked on and started putting some passes out wide.  A series of fine passes was undermined when the final two in the movement ended up behind the player, with me taking the ball with no momentum on the wing.  Luckily that didn't matter, and I pushed through the first tackle, dummied the winger, and left the full back on his backside to score next to the posts.  That was the first of three - but I can only remember two.

I was only called upon defensively a few times, but I managed to bundle two into touch, and turn over two balls in that time.  One turnover was a direct steal from one of their backs, the other was their number eight running into me, thinking he could bowl me over.  Unluckily for him we probably weighed the same, and I held him up to force a turnover from the referee.

The second try I honestly don't remember.  It might not even exist.

The third came in the form of a breakaway on the right, going through one and past another.  This one was notable only for the pettiness of their inside centre, whom I took objection to.  I had scored the try, and three seconds later he slid into my head, knees first.  I was already getting back up after the try at this point, and the lateness, coupled with the illegality, suggests this guy is a terrible loser.  Luckily I was still holding the ball and got it up to my head before his knees reached me.

Needless to say, I was less than impressed.  No punches were thrown however, and it was at this point the team was completely changed.  Over the next two minutes there were half a dozen changes, and I was taken off the wing.  It's a shame, because I'm sure I would have prevented the try down my wing, scored by their inside centre of all people; with around ten minutes to go.  I would have stopped that guy with vengeance.  I was so angry at that point, I probably would have stopped him with enough force to ensure he was also prevented from working for the next week.

The second half descended into an under 10's game with around twenty to go, with no structure present on either team.  It was quite entertaining to watch for that fact alone, but it shows what I've said about Japanese sports in general: defence is a lower priority in all their sports.

For the effort I got a man of the match award, which was my own personal aim prior to the match.  I was a little worried as being on the wing affords so little time with the ball, or even tackling for that matter.  I had stayed with the captain the night before (in one of the most plush apartments I've ever seen) and didn't want all the travelling to be wasted.  It ended up okay in the end, but I still want more ball!

That's one and a half games of rugby in Japan, seven tries, and half a dozen turnovers.  Tries being indicative of attack, turnovers being indicative of defensive work (it's not enough to make all your tackles, that's a given; good play hinges on providing something for your team), and nothing being mentioned of the heat.  It gets hot here, really hot.  (No sunburn this time though, yay!)

Thanks to Alistair Nimmo (whose nickname should most certainly be nemo) for putting me up the night before, and thanks to the team for a hot, but fun game of rugby.

I'll put the Tokyo Gaijin match report up here when it's written, and you can contrast and compare proceedings.  Obviously this blog is written by me, so it's ego centric...

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So of the internationals played this weekend.  Three games stood out for me.  The England Argentina game was as to be expected.  England ground out a win despite shoddy refereeing, and despite Wilkinson not being able to kick a thing.  To be fair, this entire tournament has been problematic for kickers, with percentages well below normal.

Talking of shoddy refereeing; the game I played in Tokyo had additional rules.  Firstly, all tackling must be conducted under the armpits.  Say what?  No shoulder to shoulder contact allowed.  That referee is obviously an ex-footballer (to be fair he was about 35kg's).  The second rule: no hand-offs in the face.  Chest only.

This one actually forced me to change the way I played the match.  Normally you hit up a straight line and then step while forcing the opposing players' face away.  This time, I had to push them backwards with a hand to the chest and hope the outside man didn't turn inwards.

Japanese fake rules do not make for interesting rugby.

It's not a safety orientated rule either, because our scrum half showed how easily a hand can slip to the face during a hand off, as the man tackling him stood bolt upright.  He couldn't grip the shirt and his hand went up as a result.  This happened a few times during the match, but was only penalised once.

Anyway; if anyone thought England would easily beat Argentina then they were deluding themselves.  Argentina are one of the top ranked sides in international rugby, and have emerged out of seemingly nowhere in the past decade to become a force to be reckoned with.  When they join the tri-nations next year, they will only become stronger.  I can't help but feel it's a trick the six nations missed, as their inclusion in any tournament greatly adds to its commercial viability.

Delon Armitage had a good game, showing an interesting aspect to having two full-backs on the field, as he was adept under the high ball.  Foden made some ground with limited ball, but in a game dominated by shoddy refereeing and forward domination, the backs didn't have any momentum.

The Wales South Africa game showed the importance of refereeing once again, as James Hook kicked a penalty for it to be disallowed.  In a one point match, that kind of mistake is rather important to the outcome.

The game actually mirrored the warmup match between England and Wales in which England lost. In that match, England had all the possession and all the territory, but still lost.

In this match, Wales had all the territory and all the possession, but still lost.  The northern hemisphere have a criminal inability to convert possession into points.  There were a dozen missed half opportunities, not just the penalties.

It was also telling that Wales took ten or more phases to march SA back twenty metres, turned the ball over and found themselves forty metres back in three phases.  The Welsh defence is not able to hold up against southern hemisphere attack.  The forwards stopped their counterparts most of the time, but the SA backs ran rampant.

The only back on the Welsh side who made in-roads was Jamie Roberts, (I think that's his name) who took a huge number of balls up through the middle, and consistently made ground on each.  Williams forgot he was playing with fourteen other people on the pitch and kept getting pushed back.  Stay on your wing, mate.

On the first match performances alone, Wales are looking the sharpest of the Northern Hemisphere teams, which is disappointing because they won't make it out of the quarter finals.

The last match of interest was Romania Scotland.  This match is significant because it illustrates something rarely seen on a world stage in any context.  Scotland has gone from being a tier one rugby nation, to now being tier two.  Romania were all over Scotland for the vast majority of the match, but ran out of steam in the last ten minutes.  For Scotland to rely on superior fitness means they don't have the skill to get results.  They have slipped, and only time will tell if they can stand up with the best once more.

Contrary to what most people are saying, I don't think the Japan France game shows us any more than we already knew.  Japan upped their game (expected - it's a world cup) and France were asleep for most of the game (expected - it's France).

That's it for the bumper rugby edition.  Phew.

(Boy do I ache today, I didn't even do that much yesterday!)

Friday 9 September 2011

Possible first match on Sunday. Preparations Afoot.

There's a fifty/fifty shot of a match down in Tokyo, this Sunday.  I've been hitting the gym hard in preparation, and I've been doing ridiculous amounts of running.  Mainly sprints one day, full on ball-to-the-wind running the next.  I had a rest day on Wednesday, and today ran up to the gym.  It's a 40 minute run, so it simulates a half quite nicely.  It also simulates the final moments of a match, because the last five minutes is up a beastly incline.  It's probably one hundred metres vertical, if not more, with a road that takes an agonising amount of time to navigate.

I rolled into the gym at around 8.45, drenched in sweat.  When I was in uni I used to workout with a guy that used to say, 'if everyone is looking at you, you're doing something right.'  I can't tell whether they were mortified or horrified at the big ugly foreigner messing up their sterile, exercise-free gym; but I was stared at for sure.

Tomorrow will be a rest and travel day, assuming I play.  If I don't then I'll watch all the rugby, then hit the gym.  Sunday will be a run, a run to the gym, or a sprints session.  It depends on how my legs are feeling.  Then Monday will be a rest, and possibly Tuesday, then back to the grind Wednesday at the latest.

If I help train the kids at the local secondary, Tuesday will be a grindstone day.  If not, a rest day.

I'm desperate to play, but the more I want to play, the more things transpire against me.  Fingers crossed for a repeat 4 try performance and man of the match award.  Two of those in Japan, and I think everyone will be confident in saying Japan really is a minnow rugby nation.

So my best friend in Japan is okay, and so is his wife.  They're pretty ill by all accounts, and they're on awesome sounding steroids.  He can't go to work, or play rugby.

I sent him this picture:


 and told him to make use of the steroids.  He replied with this:


A bit of work to go, but with a few weeks of steroids, he can do it!

I expect him to be fighting fit in no time!



Oh, and Sonny Bill Williams is the most overrated player since Gavin Henson.  He will not play a full eighty minutes against any of the big teams.

Tuesday 6 September 2011

The Importance of Getting it Right

So I just received a message that a fellow rugby player won't be helping me train the local kids because...  Well read it for yourself:

'Because my wife is decease.'

Now I really, really, really, really, really hope she hasn't died.  His level of English, and my level of Japanese means that I have sufficient cause to suspect he might have meant to write something else.

If ever there was a time for accurate communications, now is it.

Japanese People Eat Rubbish Up

So Japan is the perfect example of why recycling is useless, and an affront to personal liberties.

Every item has a specific day when the dustmen come to collect it.  They are as lazy in Japan as they are in England, but they have a terrible power than they lack in England - namely everyone writes their names and addresses down on every piece of rubbish they throw out.  This is so they can fine you when you fuck up.

Now, I've been throwing out rubbish willy-nilly for my entire stay here; but that has come to and end.  The landlord has finally addressed my inadequate faculties by explaining the rubbish situation (sic).  It's only taken someone FOUR MONTHS to do so.

Anyway, the upshot is that every time you throw something out, it costs you 10 pence in rubbish bag fees.  You basically have to throw stuff out every day, sometimes more than once.

So even if you dispose of rubbish properly, you're taxed out the wazoo on bags alone.

Then if you fuck up, as I'm wont to do, your fined.

The kicker is that I was quite happily sitting in my underpants minding my own business when the landlady deigned it fit to explain the situation to me; thus necessitating a quick re-drobing.  Damnit woman!

And like buggery am I going to write my name and address on the bags.  I have to pay taxes for those lazy bastards to go and fine me?  No, I'm fine without that, thank you.

If you ever think the rubbish situation is bad in England, or America, or Somalia.  Try Japan.

Well okay, probably not that last one.

Monday 5 September 2011

As Busy Days Go

So today I sent seven letters into the ether.  One was quite literally into the ether, as I had to e-mail a copy of the various university forms I must fill in every day.  I am honestly surprised it's so difficult to sign up at university, everyone is so cash-light at the moment that I half expected that I fill in credit card details first.

The other letters are winging their way to England and Korea.  My old boss is getting a letter, I started off at odds with her, but when nan died she did quadruple back-flips to ensure I got back to England in time for the funeral - from this point I realised that her heart was in the right place (I'll put the earlier disagreements down to cultural differences.)  Family will get the rest.

The only problem is that I wrote half a dozen messages over the course of six weeks, all failing to adhere to typical chronological structures.  They were a nightmare to piece together, and none of them read like a logical, coherent being wrote them.  They look like the beginning of a P.K.Dick novel.  In essence, indecipherable.

More embarrassing, I'm pretty sure I wrote about une fille charmant (my old housemate taught me how to say that around three years ago, thanks Josh.  Just remembered it for some reason) who is rather endearing, as they tend to be.  Alas, if that letter ends up with the wrong recipient, I will simply die of shock (in a desperate housewives voice).

However, in general, when I write letters I set out with an agenda, and then abandon it three lines in.

Much the same as this blog, if I'm honest.

If you're reading this Ria, this is both how to write a blog, and most certainly how not to write one.  Take inspiration/heed from the messages within!

So today was busy because I had to rush out at lunch to dispatch letters on a combined journey of around 20,000 miles, madness when you think about it.  50 pence each.  Utterly bonkers, but I imagine you can fit a large number of letter in a 747.

I also bid farewell to a pair of pants in the mail, but that is most certainly a story for another time!

My lunchtime finally over, I worked the final two lessons of the day, afterwards heading off to pay my insurance bill - only to find that they close at 4pm.  Bearing in mind no one works after 9 am, or finishes before 5 here; just as in England.  Opening at 9 am and closing at 4 pm is like driving an ice-cream van in front of a fat kid, just fast enough that he will never reach the infinite bounties held within.  Needless to say, as I was the fat kid in this scenario I was not amused.

I am that kid.  That poor, poor child.  As the expert commentator says, 'Ice Cream Denied.'

I'll have to think of something tomorrow.  Fat kids are devious, after all.

Talking of fat kids.  In a month or so, one of the teachers at the mountain school is having an open day for parents and teachers alike (it really is the smallest school) involving ice cream and fruits.  While I'm not too keen on the fruit idea, I'm all over the ice-cream.  Alas, it's being held on a Wednesday, which would require rejigging my schedule.  Now, obviously speaking, I'm all for that; and there is a precedent with such events.  The teacher at the middle school who proposes such matters is part of the anti-fun league, Japan chapter.  To be frank, he probably founded the organisation.  He's so typically Japanese in that sense, and his general demeanour, and his look, and his habits, that he's basically a racist stereotype of Japanese office workers.  Therefore, I doubt he'll grant leave, just for fun.  Being the devious fat-kid-at-heart that I am, I will think of something.  ICE CREAM, YES.  Fruit, meh.

That's all I can think of for now.  If you're family, expect some mail.  It (probably) won't be lethal, it's okay.

Friday 2 September 2011

The Morris Dance of Japan

Check out my previous blog entry here.  I've added a few words to the pictures I unceremoniously dumped last night.

So the tiny school I work at is holding a school event in a few weeks.

They're doing a wickedsick dance.  I can't fathom the reason for the dance, but the youngest (and fittest) teacher is performing with the kids.  I was lucky enough to witness the dance, and I must say that it's impressive to say the least.

She uses a number of resources to practice, but this video is the one she used to demonstrate.

The reason he one-arm standing chest presses the air a number of times?  To show how badass he is at lifting fish out of the net, that's why.

So this dance has a specific meaning - and it turns out that a lot of areas in Japan have them.  This particular one is from Hokkaido, and assuming you've watched it, what do you think it represents?

This is a fishermans dance, and once I learned that it made perfect sense.  The opening is him representing the waves.  The tugging is pulling in the net.  The scooping is him harvesting the bounties.

The female teacher showing me was extremely faithful to this guys representation, and she is extremely enthusiastic to boot.  I can't wait to see the finished production.

I showed a number of the teachers the English equivalent.  Of course, maypole dancing and morris dancing.

The rough translation for what they say while witnessing the spectale (not performed by my, mercifully.  Youtube is your friend) was something akin to 'man that looks gay.'

I concur.

I guess some things that are so old, just can't be left alone to die out.

Thursday 1 September 2011

Tokyo Disney Sea

Before we start: check out the recently added 'This Stuff Writes Itself.'  A website created by Ria Farrell.  Apparently the title was chosen ironically, as she is struggling to come up with day to day inspiration.  Perfect company!

So I've got a few HELLISHLY blurred photographs from Tokyo Disney Sea (it's a separate entity to Tokyo Disney Land).  They're blurred because I can't hold those tiny pocket cameras, it was dark, the ground was shaking from all the rides.  Essentially, every element outside of my control conspired to produce terrible quality photographs.

Before I upload them, there are none of me.


It's important to point out that I took around half of these photos (the blurry half) and the person I went with took the other half (the cutesy half).

As such, there is much inconsistency between photographs.


Nothing says Disney like Mickey Mouse flavoured windows.  This reminded me of the tree Grandad cultivated in his garden, in this very image.


And here is the mouse himself.


My least favourite part of the day was watching the shows, not because I'm inherently against fun, but because they were identical to what you might expect to see in america.  Therefore, giant burgers and chips were dancing around the stage half the time, with mostly nude faeries the other.  Way to show cultural understanding through adaptation, america.

I had to cringe, or find something else to entertain me for most of these.  Luckily we only saw a few in passing.  (Five minutes of this is enough to melt the hardiest brain.)


On the flip side (you'll see why that's a pun in half a sentence) the choreography and effects were magnificent. They were doing somersaults (there's the pun) and high diving tricks all over the place.  I can always respect someone who can perform physical feats that I'm unable to.


Here is a picture of the poor girl who offered to take me around the park.  I'll probably never see her again; my childish screams of excitement are not very attractive - I couldn't help myself.

I also selected those glasses, turned to present them to her and swiftly poked her in the eye.  Sorry about that...


So here begins the blurred section of proceedings.  All the lights are floating around on barges, and all the effects are carried around by boat.  The whole display was fantastic, not for the storytelling (I could give a rats-ass about a mouse) but for the technical prowess on display.  There were probably 50k's worth of fireworks, at least a million pounds worth of floating implement, and another million in extra effects (like the giant LCD island below).


This island was really well conceived, but for one slight flaw.  They were obviously still only running XP, because the animations kept sticking and desyncing.  The top half would display something different to the bottom, and the display would pause for a moment.

It would well have been intentional, but I doubt it.


These balls were inflated halfway through the display, and have a projector embedded inside.  They showed all manner of characters and funkadelic displays.  The display was based on fantasia, and was itself called fantasmic (I guess it's easier to say for Japanese speakers?).


I don't know how to edit the properties of this, or the next photo, so you'll just have to turn your head.


The mirror from so many fables, was a projector screen surrounded by light.  This gave everything a holographic feel that worked rather well.  It was also about 40 feet high.  They don't mess around, Disney.


That mountain in the background spits flames periodically.

Now, photographs aren't always the best form of conveying scales or measurements, but that mountain is 400 metres away (at the highest point) if it's a yard.  When that thing belched flame, you could feel the heat.  Let me emphasise that again.  That fake-ass looking mountain with a tiny bubble of flame emerging, produced enough heat that you could feel it from virtually anywhere in the park.  In fact, the first I knew of that mountain burping fire, was the heat I felt during a display earlier in the day.  I thought it odd that in direct sunlight, I should be feeling warmer on my left side.  I looked up just as the noise reached us, and it was periodically dispensing a million gallons of CO2 into the atmosphere.

A special invention!

This is a close-up of one of the floating orbs.  This gives you a sense of scale, as those people are clearly indicative of the size Disney operates at.  Then again, they might all be Japanese, which would mean the Western sense of proportion doesn't quite work here.

And that's it.  Hardly a bumper edition of photographs, but they're more interesting than a post with no pictures, right?