5KM in Under Twenty Five Minutes

So as of a few days ago, I'm invited to a 5KM event, marking the creation of a new bridge linking the island to Busan.

It will open at the weekend, and I have had the past few days to train for the event.

My aim is to run the 5KM in 25 minutes or less.

The only problem is, I don't know what my average speed should be.  I went balls out on the treadmill, only to fail at 3.75 KM.  It later transpired that my pace would have put me in a sub-twenty minute zone, should I have succeeded.

I therefore need the internets to work out what my average pace should be.

One man, a weeks training and ten thousand won.

Can he do it?  Only time will tell.

The Korean Logic

So I play internet games at lunchtime while I relax, eating super noodles or the like.  This has been frowned upon by my boss; not because I'm playing games at lunchtime (it's time off afterall) but because the guy sitting next to me has taken my doing so to mean that it's okay to play games throughout the day, instead of working.

Now, he obviously a moron, but there's more.

My boss asked me to refrain from playing games at lunchtime in order to stop this other idiot playing games.  I said I would stop, with no intention of doing so.  Without any warning however, my boss has decided to cut off my internet, in order to send a message to the moron on my left.

In what universe does that make a lick of sense?

Only in the universe inhabited solely by Korea.

The Ice-Cream Cake to End All Cakes

 I'm going to start this miniature edition of the blog with an extremely cute dog.

Some of you may be wondering why I chose this mini dog.  It's extremely cute, but cute counts for little in my world; why the dog Sam?

 Well the dog has some internal assets that no other ice-cream cake in the shop possessed.

Firstly, it was one of the largest.  This isn't necessarily apparent in the photo, but the spherical dome and cylindrical body mean that a large amount of ice-cream is held within.

Secondly, the ears are made of chocolate, as is the little heart message at the bottom right, as is the pink flower thing.

All this chocolate adds up.

 Finally, and most importantly: IT HAD CHOCOLATE INSIDES.

It was an entirely chocolate ice-cream, with a pretend coating of strawberry ice-cream.  I like strawberry ice-cream, I like chocolate ice-cream, ergo I like this cake.

It was the only chocolate one they had of this size.

Plus it looks cute.

 Ok, so, now you're wondering why this particular cake deserved my hard earned money.

I'm going to let you into the thought process for picking chocolate cake here in Korea.

Firstly, is it chocolate?  If yes, proceed to question number two.  If no, find another cake.

Secondly, is is circular?  If yes, try to find one of the shape above.  If no, proceed to question number three.

Thirdly, does it have awkward angles?  If yes (as pictured) buy this cake.  If no, look for a cake that fulfils all requirements.

The reason for wanting awkward angles might not be apparent at first.  Underneath the chocolate coating is a layer of chocolate icing.  This coating and icing are applied after the cake is made (naturally).  The reason for wanting to purchase a bizarre shape becomes apparent when you cut into the cake, as awkward angles are difficult to coat with icing - you end up with an inch thick layer of icing around the difficult pointy bits.

 And here is a close-up of the edible pilot.

I think his name is Biggles.

I didn't actually eat him, but I did lick the chocolate from his boots.  (Look at his boots and the chocolate that's accumulated behind them.)

This is a picture of the  technology corner of my room.

Notice the plethora of wires, the random computer(s) I've managed to accumulate (they're both turn of the century models, so I can't really use them for much.  Is it too soon to refer to the year 2000 as the turn of the century?) and the refrigerator with all the Mandarin I'm currently learning.  It's really basic, but I can speak about five times more Mandarin than Korean.  A hint to xenophobes everywhere: Unless you are willing to teach foreigners your language, you have no right to complain when they don't speak it.  It's impossible to learn without help from someone.

Right now I'm going to look at a photo exhibition, then I'm off to do some shopping.  When I get back I'm going to apply for my Masters course (the form is formidable) and by the time that's half done (I don't expect to finish that until next weekend) it'll be time to do my ironing for the week, then bedtime.  The fun is never ending.

And that's the miniature edition of the blog.  Sorry there aren't more interesting pictures, I'll try and go/do something interesting sometime soon.

Stuff That Makes Me Smile

The first thing I came across that made me smile this week was this.

Seeing as I have two random junker PC's in my room, I want to try something like this.

The second thing that made me smile was this website.

The best way to surf this website (just like wikipedia) is to click on every term that you're unsure of, placing it in a new tab at the top of your browser.  When you're done reading the page, close it and move onto the next.  By the end of several hours, you'll have fifty pages yet to be read, and for every page you read you'll open up a couple of new pages.  If, however, you read in a niche with enclosed definitions, after a solid four or five hours reading you can become an internet expert in the given subject.

After doing this a few times you are ready to print out this certficate, and hang it on your wall.

On the TVTropes website, note the inherent sarcasm evident in a number of the posts.  An inherent sarcasm is what, I feel, Wikipedia is missing.  Also note the clever reimagining of old cliches in some of the Trope titles.  Diabolus ex Machina is one of my favourites.

On a lighter note; pictures will be uploaded during the next instalment.  I don't have time to do it this time around.

As of Writing

As of writing, I have nothing to write about.  I usually just write a random selection of words, and the first idea that comes to mind is elaborated upon.

This time, however, nothing springs to mind.  Apart, that is, from a number of criticisms I've received over the number of commas I put into my writing.  These are often voiced by dad, but my addiction has also been noted elsewhere.

Interestingly, (I find) my verbose tendencies put me at odds mainly with my co-workers.  This is interesting because americans pride themselves on rote memorisation of huge lists of words.  Spelling competitions are a source of pride within america, and being wordy is considered a key facet of intelligence.

It seems however, that no-one told them that knowing the entire oxford dictionary, while impressive, doesn't eschew intelligence.  Being able to utilise the dictionary in an interesting manner impresses far more than simply listing words ad nauseum.

The reason I'm being so pompous today?  One of my colleagues keeps taking sly looks at my screen, and I hope he/she may well learn that snooping isn't necessarily the fastest way to a mans heart.

(Make me something delicious and I'll like you far more.)

(That is more of a hint than a demand, in case you were wondering.)

The weekend was good, I'll post some picatures (sic) when I get them.  I used a nice camera again, so hopefully one or two will be decent.  Also, I ate a cartoon dog-head ice cream cake.  Look forward to pictures of that one!  (That one was a demand.)

Birthdays.

It was Gabes birthday today, so we went out for an 'as much as you can eat,' style birthday party.

Or as they call it in america; a birthday party.

We ate pizza (four slices, for myself.)  Crazy burger.  (Two burgers and a plate of chips for myself.)  Macdonalds; (a burger, six chicken nuggets (I loathe the word nuggets, it sounds awful) and a large portion of chips for myself.) then onto a donut joint, (a small spherical donut for myself.) and finally an ice-cream.  (mint choc-chip for myself.)

The calorific intake will be somewhere near the six thousand, all things considered.

To cut a long story short - I'm going to the gym tomorrow.

How to Conceal Your Privacy, Korean Style.

So Koreans have love hotels just like Japan.  There's not enough space for fornicating, these buildings are everywhere.

In Japan there are myriad pieces of metal to place in front of your car license plates, so that you don't get caught cheating on your wife.

In Korea, they have hanging ropes to stop you being able to see the owner of any cars.  The problem is, the ropes only reach down to the bonnet.  (They keep their license plates in the same place as us...)

I don't understand why they try to hide their rampant social problems.  They're only lying to themselves.  (They're not fooling anyone either.)

On second thoughts, the ropes could be suspended to keep the rats out (they're huge.  One was squashed in the middle of the road, it was cat sized.)

Why Korea is so Messed Up (Socially Speaking) Reason Number 54.

Make your own captions for the cop and the woman being served dinner.  Blow it up to full size for a clearer view (4mb).

The winner gets it posted as the official caption for this picture.

It's Not a Font, It's the Shape of the Letters

So I just heard a fantastic quote from my Korean boss.

After four hours of semi-relaxed (see: we're all slacking, the designer isn't) design work, a final version (post-beta) of the school open-class invitation was created.

Some problems arose, and the integral portion (the font) was questioned, ultimately it was decided the font must change.

This caused suicidal thoughts within the creator (not me, before you ask).

Then, my boss chips in.  'You don't need to change the font, just change the erm...'  A minute passes, everyone waits with bated breath.  The anticipated answer is one of saving an hours further work.  Finally, a spark emerges from some dank recess of the mind.

'It's not the font, it's the shape of the letters.'

I nearly wet myself.

And this was my day.

Explain to me Why.

Just a quick observation.

Can someone explain to me why running an unadulterated version of Ubuntu (10.10) from an SD card with a persistence setup, is faster than running a notebook variant on an SSD?

This I don't understand.

That is all.

Breaking News: China is Mad.

China recently published its version of the traditional maritime map, for the South-East Asian seas it falls into.

The yanks have now moved to contain China, by befriending all the people that China have pissed off by declaring planet Earth theirs.

Except Vietnam of course.

I'd imagine it would take a lot of empty promises and back-handers to smooth things over with them

Of course China as a collective have nothing to fear.

America couldn't contain a paper bag.

Of Americans; Living Upstairs

So I was woken up last night, and couldn't get back to sleep for some hours.

Ignorant americans upstairs are to blame, and every time I'm woken up it's them.

The previous tenant of that room was somewhat noisy, but never after a certain time.  These guys are obnoxious even past two in the morning.  So, naturally, I went and shouted at them.  That shut them up this time, but I doubt it will be a permanent solution.

Everyone knows americans are stupid, but I'd wager not many people know how annoying they are to have living above you.  It's beyond farcical when they're teaching words like, 'respect,' to the kids, (upper level ones, of course) and running around upstairs on the night before a workday, keeping me and two others awake.

They're a couple, and the man is a complete waster.  He followed his girlfriend here, obviously not wanting to.  Unfortunately for him, he's a 5/6 out of  ten, where his girlfriend is an 8/9.  If they break up, he is never going to get a girlfriend this attractive again, so his hands are tied I suppose.  He just has to hang on until she wakes up and realises he's a scumbag.  He's not got a job, drives around on an illegally purchased motorcycle, with no insurance or license.  They smoke drugs in their apartment (drugs are a way bigger deal here than in England.  Penalties include never being able to come into the country again (even for recreation (sic)) and massive fines.) and generally behave the way that grants the locals every right to hate foreigners.

Three hours sleep, let's go to work.

/End rant/

House

I've put off watching the latest releases of House, because watching them in a row, only to find that you're at the end of a series with no more to watch - sucks.

At least a year has passed, and to that end I'm now watching a full series and a half in order.

It seems to me that House is one of the few series going that doesn't wane over time.  It has good episodes and bad episodes, but each one has enough differentiating it to create a whole new image for itself.

Of course analysing each episode individually you quickly see that this isn't the case; but watching them back to back in a string of seven shows or so, there will always be one or two that break up the typical flow of the show, creating something that breaks from the mundane.  This is one of the reasons that watching them back to back is a joy.

The other joy of the show is the subtle comedy in addition to typical drama.  There are certainly moments that are contrived purely for comedic purposes, but the additional touches, the small elements make it stand out from the crowd.  That's certainly what Hugh Laurie brings to the table.

Series six, halfway complete, eight out of ten.

God Giveth, and he Most Certainly Taketh Away

So in general conversation today, my boss mentioned that she had two junked PC's in her room, and that I was welcome to have them, should I wish to try and fix them.

I got one up and running, (which I'm now writing this entry on) and I suspect a faulty power supply is the reason the other isn't working.  I'll go into work on Monday and try t source one from the school.

The PC's are both P4's, early generations to boot.

The one I'm using is a 1.7Ghz monstrosity, with half a gig of ram and an onboard graphics processor.  It's slow, but still faster than my laptop.

And so I mention my laptop.

I dropped it.

I snapped the attached USB stick.  The operating system was installed on that stick.

To get the PC running I installed a version of linux.  To do so I had to overwrite the SD card I used to install the original version of linux on my laptop.

Therefore, in totality, god gave me two extra PC's, one of which works, the other doesn't.

He then took away my laptop.

And then he took away half of the PC that IS working, because my linux install has corrupted.

Man, unlucky or what?

Why You Have to be a Mug to do What I do.

I just found out that a Korean person can get paid seventy pounds more a month as a teacher, for teaching ten hours a week.

I am working for the 14th straight hour today.

I do this at least once a week.

I get paid three pounds an hour, for the four hours overtime I pull each week.

This is why no one likes Koreans.  They are liars, (the whole department is promised things on a weekly basis that never arrive) they cheat whoever they can (but not other Koreans, of course!) and they are generally an unpleasant people.

If you are considering being a teacher here, don't.  The extra money isn't worth it.  Trust me.

Korean TV and Other Things.

So Korean television is primarily nonsense, just as in England.  This is compounded by the (seeming) relative lack of funding their television programs receive.

A typical show in England will be a talent show, in which all entrants are welcome.  They host the show in a big studio, with a respectable budget pushing proceedinngs.

The Korean equivalent will be hosted in a shed, by a washed up celebrity paid in his or her addiction of choice.

There is however, one shining light in the cesspit of television.

That shining light adheres to the same monetary constraints as other shows; but overcomes their weaknesses with bags of charm.

Hosted by a jolly man who goes  by the name Kang Ho Dong, this show follows the single simplest format I've ever seen.

The show is called Two Days, One Night.  The premise is this:  A group of comedians and celebrities, (around six or seven of them) travel to a predetermined location, and compete to earn their dinner.  If they fail in a task, they go hungry, or have some unknown forfeit.  One forfeit, for example, was having to eat their entire dinner in under a minute.  After the minute the food was (in some cases) forcibly taken from them.

They then stay the night in a famous  location within Korea (or somewhere particularly hospitable - hence why they've never been to Geoje) and compete in a challenge the next morning for their breakfast.

They usually compete to decide where they sleep too.  During one episode they failed to complete a challenge and were woken up every hour, driven to a bizarre location and forced to sleep there.  (Of course you can't force someone to sleep, but a couple of  days with no sleep will render most people comatose, so it worked surprisingly well).

This particular forfeit resulted in them sleeping in a side-street at the crack of dawn, as many people meandered past beginning their daily routines.

Priceless.

To show the simplicity of this program, here is one final example.  In order to obtain dinner during one show; they had to push a car that was in neutral, with no brakes, to a spot marked on the ground.  Imagine curling, but with a car.

I don't know why I love this show, but it's amazing.

In other news, I tried a couple of new cakes over the weekend.

 The panda seemed to enjoy this one.

Out of ten, I would rank this cake nine.  The extremely high score is attributable to the entirely chocolate bow on top.  It was a delicious addition, and was clearly not american chocolate.

I think this is the first time in a while that I've had chocolate that's not american in nature, and it was good.

 This is a close-up to show the exquisite decoration around the side of the cake.  Most, if not all of the cakes I purchase have this decoration, and this particular brand of chocolate flavouring  is delectable.

 This is the second dessert I partook of this weekend.  Not technically a cake, but close enough that I don't mind being incorrect on this particular matter.

 

 The ice-cream/cake pictured is an extremely fatty blend of cream, chocolate chip ice-cream and toffee with peanuts.

Obviously the peanuts detracted from what would otherwise be a perfectly acceptable combination, but such was my ice-cream deficiency at the time, that I couldn't have cared less.  In hindsight I should have opted for something without any fruits or vegetables.

This alternative view highlights the toffee cylinder of ice-cream.

There was a copious amount of chocolate sauce in the pictured chocolate cup; fantastic.

 Just to prove that it was, in fact, less healthy than I've previously tried to convey - here is a side shot of the chocolate sauce drizzled on straight cream, with the chocolate cup filled with chocolate sauce in the background.

This was enough for two days, believe it or not!

 Even though it looks small, it packs a chocolatey punch.

Take it from someone who can (and regularly does) eat his own bodyweight in chocolatey desserts; this thing is not to be trifled with (sic).

It looks like a few bites in, but this is no ordinary dessert.

It's the dessert that keeps on giving!