Weather

So there's nothing much to report.  It's currently -14 degrees in Seoul, which means about -8 here.  I'm making some burgers for a midnight snack.

It's the New Year.

Happy New Year everyone.

...

That's just about it.

I found a picture that sums Korea up nicely.

The Reasons Why I Haven't Posted

My boss made me do some bullcrap pointless work that's now, not five days after being implemented (that took two months to finish), been taken down.  This is reason number one as to why I've not been posting.

This then gave way to a fierce sickness.  That's reason number two.

My laptop mysteriously stopped accessing the internet, but still allowed me access to skype.  Reason number three.

These three reasons cover the past three weeks of zero posting.

Now, for the past few days I've slept terribly.  In normal human beings, being insanely tired would lead to a good nights sleep somewhere along the line.  Obviously, being the human freakshow that I am, I'm not allowed to sleep.  It's Christ knows when in the Christ knows when, and I can't sleep.  So the photos I uploaded Christ knows when go another few days without being illustrated.  Obviously illustrated is the wrong word, but I don't know what the correct word is.

When you have a picture and you write words to describe the picture, or what's happening within the picture.  Like illustrating a narrative, but in reverse.  I don't know what it's called.

The particularly frustrating thing is, I obviously do know what the word is, I just can't access it.  Being stupid is one thing, forcibly becoming stupid due to inherent genetic deficiency is quite another.  Ignorance is only bliss when it's not optional.

Another fantastic thing is that I went to the gym today.  I'm physically exhausted, and due to crappy sleep for the past few days, mentally exhausted.  The good news is that because I went to the gym I ache.  I ache really badly.  The fantastic news is that my exhaustion and fatigue have left me with no apetite, so my body has nothing to repair itself with.  This will lead to me aching for the next few days instead of hours, as it should be.

This physical and mental self-destruction is a generally fantastic way to go about life, and I  recommend everyone deprive themselves of sleep and food as I have.  I foresee it becoming the next fad diet.  It's all the more beneficial if a third party forces it upon an unwitting subject without knowledge or consent.  I find it all the more effective this way.

I can't wait to relapse into illness again, because the system shock of zero food and sleep makes my body shut down.  Yay, a solid month of undoing all the gym-work, fitness and health I've cultivated up to now.  Woo hoo.

This is one of the few times I will say this.  This post will have spelling mistakes, punctuation errors and grammatical anomalies.  I do not care.  I defy anyone to write in this condition and make sense.

The Wedding

So we had to get up extremely early in order to go to this wedding.

We were up at around 10 AM!

Unbelievable right?

When we arrived the bride was waiting in a small room.  She was already doled up and looking rather nervous.

On a side-note, the venue we were in consisted of four separate wedding areas.  Are they chapels?  I don't know.

Each area had two weddings, totaling eight.  I don't know how much each wedding cost, but I think it's a fair assumption that they make an awful lot of money!

On a personal note, I rather like this picture.  This is the groom (is that how you spell it?  I've never read about, willingly listened to or thought  about a wedding before, so I've not a single clue about wedding terminologies.) amid the sea of chaos that is his wedding.

I'd never met either of them before, but they're awesome.  (I went with Amanda, who knew the bride from her previous job.)

I don't know what the groom is looking at *ahem*.

The man in the picture is the official photographer.

I was the unofficial photographer.

I wanted to show you the camera he was holding, and at some stage link the camera I was using.  Serious penis envy.

I wanted to get in close for this picture, but then you miss the psychadelic background and their literally perfect attire.

I know people go to all kinds of trouble to get the perfect look for their wedding, but jees, this must have taken hours to put on.

Not the hair though, Koreans love making their hair look like this every day.  (It's the same with the Japanese!)

There were some obligatory cutesy photographs.

Interestingly they both work with foreigners, I believe teaching English (don't quote me on that) so their views are quite progressive.

Therefore this display of Asian cute was rather embarrassing for all involved, but I guess the real photographers picture was good enough.

If I had access to a computer with some kahoonas I would edit the following orange images, levelling the colour balance and making them substantially less orange.

On the flip side, I enjoy these pictures because of the way in which their standing, and general composition.

I took a few different shots at different zoom levels to try and find what worked best.

The further out you go with the zoom, the more distorted things look.  This is obvious (look at the crazy toppling buildings you see with small numbers on your own cameras!) in theory, but leads to some complicated effects in practice.  I guess the difficulty comes in knowing when to use these different properties and when not to.

Another shot with Amanda and the bride.

I probably should have placed them both central - something I could do in post using any photo editing software.

If only I had a computer!

Now this is the real reason I agreed to take photographs!

Korean hanbok (sp?) is the traditional clothing in Korea.  Unlike Japan however, you rarely, if at all, see people wearing them.  Just like Japan they're extremely expensive; unlike Japan they're somewhat plainer albeit more frilly.  To clarify, I mean plainer colour wise.)

After talking to the bride for a few minutes, I realised what this recessed cave actually was.

It's a picture frame!

This would work a little better if your eye wasn't immediately pulled through the illusion to whomever is sitting inside; as the frame requires a wider perspective.

Nice idea though!

Being forced to sit for hours on end must be tedious; but there were no shortage of people on hand to ensure not a single strand of hair was misplaced.

I'm serious.  It was immaculate.  Perfect.  Whenever a hair fell out of place, three people jumped up to correct it.

Having never been to a wedding myself, this was the first time I'd seen the procession.  (Is it called that?  I honestly don't know)

I'm not entirely sure what was happening, but someone (presumably her dad?) walked with the bride to the altar, a lot of talking was done, and then everyone left.  (There were a number of photographs taken not including the man and wife.)  (I assume they're man and wife at this point, and not simply bride and groom?)

This was the best part!

The food was pretty nice, but I was forbidden from taking the free beer that was on offer home.  It was three PM, and I simply couldn't stomach the thought of drinking then; so I wanted to take a few bottles (that no one else was drinking either) home.  I was told off.

I wasn't told off by staff or bouncers or anyone official - but by my date.  How very galling.

In a random segway, here is a woman on the wii fit.

We went Christmas shopping after the wedding, and they were advertising the wii fit.

I've seen this thing in four different countries now, and the buxom wenches always wear the same thing.

I wonder if they ship the clothes around the world to save buying new ones for all the people who do displays for them.

She wasn't exactly enthralled by her positions as head performer of monotonous tasks, but she was good.

Really good.

How good?

See if you can do the 'stand on one leg while bringing your other leg up to your chest and holding it there for five seconds,' routine and get a score this good.

I defy anyone to.

Above:  A random building that looked cool, lit up like that.

This is a random picture I took of Amanda looking out of the window on the bus.  The  bus ride was looooooooong, so there was tons of time to mess around taking pictures and generally annoying the Koreans - who think it's a national crime for a Korean person to date a foreigner.

Interestingly, she's not Korean.  The dumbass Korean folk can't see outside of their little country though, and assume everyone who looks asian is Korean.  Statistically speaking, they're more likely to be chinese.

Learn some maths please, Korea.

This is the disfigured cake that was eaten afterwards.

There should be an extra ear and paw, but I got hungry and started eating.

I was rather enamored with this particular cake, hence the multitude of pictures.

The pink tasted like strawberries!

 

And finally a picture of the happy couple and an intruding presence.  They changed from their wedding garb to these matching, traditional  hanbok in record time.  I'm told that some weddings can necessitate four or five clothing changes, depending on which religion(s) they're choosing to observe.  I suppose your best bet is to always appease as many gods as possible; especially with divorce rates being what they are now.

Latest

So I've not been able to update my blog for the last week or so, because  I've been incredibly busy.  I've also missed going to the gym.  I'm also sick.  I've busted my ass off doing my boss favours, like building a basic website for the english department, and making videos of the kids so we actually look like more than a ragtag bunch of chancers.

Being the only idiot willing to do this hasn't paid off, as she cancelled a half day (a week ago) tomorrow.  When asking her why she promised us a half day that she had no intention of keeping (it turned out that this full day seminar was planned three months ago) I was labelled ungrateful and told that many other teachers don't get breaks over Christmas.

I should, apparently, be grateful that I now have to sit in a crowded minibus with five people I loathe for two hours on the way to some god-forsaken place in the ass-end of nowhere, to look at a couple of books.  Then spend an hour travelling to the outer recesses of the ass end of nowhere to watch a half an hour class demonstration, to then travel three hours back to the literal arse-hole of nowhere (Geoje).  It turns out, the one nice Korean person; the person who I'd assumed everyone that I hadn't met in Korea was like, is actually abhorrent too.

Some countries have no redeeming qualities.  I give up.

I hate Koreans.  I hate Korea.

There I said it.  War is probably the best thing these morons can hope for.

Just start it when I'm not here, please.

Wow that actually makes me feel a lot better.  Maybe I can make it through the thirteen hour day tomorrow by repeating that phrase over and over to myself.  Or maybe I can play table tennis halfway through the day, to give me some energy?

You Son of a Bitch

So let me regail you with a short story.

This happened not long ago, in a land far away.  (This land happens to begin with a k and rhymes with diarrhoea).

I was playing table tennis, when a Korean arrived.  I suggested we play together, and he beat me two full sets.  The first was decided, 21-19.  The second 26-24 (roughly speaking; a number of extra points were played).  I decided I'd had enough, so proceeded to annihilate him, 21-10.  Having agreed to play five games/sets, he valiantly decided to call it a day, and left the table.  He didn't say a word, put his bat back or the ball.  He just left.

Asshole.

Although he won more games, I completely destroyed him mentally - and, afterall; isn't making new friends what internationalisation is all about?

(He was good at table tennis though, I'll give him that.)

(And he took about five forehand smashes to the face, so fair play to him for lasting that long.)

When People Mention Room Temperature

So I was reading an article about one of the attributes of quartz crystals being their relative indifference to room temperature; i.e they don't change shape much when room temperature changes.  I looked over to my thermostat and it's currently 11 degrees celsius in my room.

I didn't even realise that I'd forgotten to take my coat off after work.  Whoops.

So Much Table Tennis

So we met a Korean down the gym today.  He plays amazing table tennis.

Essentially he kicked the two Korean guys (who we were playing) off the table and started kicking us all over the table.  I played him to eleven twice, the first time I got two points, the second time I got seven.

This isn't a fair indication of our relative abilities, he was infinitely better than us.

He then proceeded to berate us, throwing all kinds of shots at us, telling us to forehand topspin everything back to him.  At first I thought it was arrogance, simply showing that he was better than us.  After half an hour of beating the orange from the ball though, I realised he was just training us.  My partner left, leaving me to continue battering the ball for another forty minutes.

As a result, I now have an extremely competent (and powerful) forehand topspin.  There's also an extremely discoloured matte part of my bat, on the forehand side.

If I can work on my backhand topspin, I think I'll be a force to be reckoned with.

The way my colleagues play is short and finicky, so we don't get much chance to practice the long game; so this was a refreshing change of pace.

A nice Korean! (Kind of)

Never Before Seen

So here are a few never before seen pictures that I've taken on the island.  They're all random ones taken with a colleagues phone.  Until now they've been unaccesible.

 This is from my ill-fated attempt at american football.

The particularly frustrating thing is that it wasn't ill-fated because of me; but because Koreans are Koreans, and there's no helping that.

 This is me in the gym the other day.  There's a video to go with this picture, but it's temporarily unavailable.

That's 280Kg's on the machine, in case you're wondering.

(7*20Kg weights on either side.)

 And this is on the extension phase of the above exercise.

My aim is for 300 Kg's.  By next week.

The local cake shop had this in their store.  I was a little bit too large to fit behind it, to properly fit my head inside (a small child came up afterwards and showed me that it was certainly intended for tiny people) but the effect is equally ridiculous, either way.












I love how all the Christmas stuff in that particular shop says, 'you are not alone.'

They're either fearing alien attack, or loneliness.

5Km Run, Cancelled

It turns out the deadline for the 5Km run application was at the beginning of the week.  Due to some crazy stuff that happened in the office, my boss wasn't able to spare the time to complete the application.

I was up to 4.25 Km at 13 Km/h.  This equates to a substantially lower speed when not on a treadmill.

I was sad that I couldn't participate, so I bought myself a gingerbread man shaped cake.  Alas, I have no camera on hand to take the picture, so you'll have to imagine it.  It's Christmas themed, with a bread cane, earmuffs  and a little present (also some kind of bread product) underneath.  It has a delirious smile.

In other news, it's rather cold now.  No snow, as of yet (I think England wins on the cold and snow front right now) but I'm hopeful.

5KM in Under Twenty Five Minutes

So as of a few days ago, I'm invited to a 5KM event, marking the creation of a new bridge linking the island to Busan.

It will open at the weekend, and I have had the past few days to train for the event.

My aim is to run the 5KM in 25 minutes or less.

The only problem is, I don't know what my average speed should be.  I went balls out on the treadmill, only to fail at 3.75 KM.  It later transpired that my pace would have put me in a sub-twenty minute zone, should I have succeeded.

I therefore need the internets to work out what my average pace should be.

One man, a weeks training and ten thousand won.

Can he do it?  Only time will tell.

The Korean Logic

So I play internet games at lunchtime while I relax, eating super noodles or the like.  This has been frowned upon by my boss; not because I'm playing games at lunchtime (it's time off afterall) but because the guy sitting next to me has taken my doing so to mean that it's okay to play games throughout the day, instead of working.

Now, he obviously a moron, but there's more.

My boss asked me to refrain from playing games at lunchtime in order to stop this other idiot playing games.  I said I would stop, with no intention of doing so.  Without any warning however, my boss has decided to cut off my internet, in order to send a message to the moron on my left.

In what universe does that make a lick of sense?

Only in the universe inhabited solely by Korea.

The Ice-Cream Cake to End All Cakes

 I'm going to start this miniature edition of the blog with an extremely cute dog.

Some of you may be wondering why I chose this mini dog.  It's extremely cute, but cute counts for little in my world; why the dog Sam?

 Well the dog has some internal assets that no other ice-cream cake in the shop possessed.

Firstly, it was one of the largest.  This isn't necessarily apparent in the photo, but the spherical dome and cylindrical body mean that a large amount of ice-cream is held within.

Secondly, the ears are made of chocolate, as is the little heart message at the bottom right, as is the pink flower thing.

All this chocolate adds up.

 Finally, and most importantly: IT HAD CHOCOLATE INSIDES.

It was an entirely chocolate ice-cream, with a pretend coating of strawberry ice-cream.  I like strawberry ice-cream, I like chocolate ice-cream, ergo I like this cake.

It was the only chocolate one they had of this size.

Plus it looks cute.

 Ok, so, now you're wondering why this particular cake deserved my hard earned money.

I'm going to let you into the thought process for picking chocolate cake here in Korea.

Firstly, is it chocolate?  If yes, proceed to question number two.  If no, find another cake.

Secondly, is is circular?  If yes, try to find one of the shape above.  If no, proceed to question number three.

Thirdly, does it have awkward angles?  If yes (as pictured) buy this cake.  If no, look for a cake that fulfils all requirements.

The reason for wanting awkward angles might not be apparent at first.  Underneath the chocolate coating is a layer of chocolate icing.  This coating and icing are applied after the cake is made (naturally).  The reason for wanting to purchase a bizarre shape becomes apparent when you cut into the cake, as awkward angles are difficult to coat with icing - you end up with an inch thick layer of icing around the difficult pointy bits.

 And here is a close-up of the edible pilot.

I think his name is Biggles.

I didn't actually eat him, but I did lick the chocolate from his boots.  (Look at his boots and the chocolate that's accumulated behind them.)

This is a picture of the  technology corner of my room.

Notice the plethora of wires, the random computer(s) I've managed to accumulate (they're both turn of the century models, so I can't really use them for much.  Is it too soon to refer to the year 2000 as the turn of the century?) and the refrigerator with all the Mandarin I'm currently learning.  It's really basic, but I can speak about five times more Mandarin than Korean.  A hint to xenophobes everywhere: Unless you are willing to teach foreigners your language, you have no right to complain when they don't speak it.  It's impossible to learn without help from someone.

Right now I'm going to look at a photo exhibition, then I'm off to do some shopping.  When I get back I'm going to apply for my Masters course (the form is formidable) and by the time that's half done (I don't expect to finish that until next weekend) it'll be time to do my ironing for the week, then bedtime.  The fun is never ending.

And that's the miniature edition of the blog.  Sorry there aren't more interesting pictures, I'll try and go/do something interesting sometime soon.

Stuff That Makes Me Smile

The first thing I came across that made me smile this week was this.

Seeing as I have two random junker PC's in my room, I want to try something like this.

The second thing that made me smile was this website.

The best way to surf this website (just like wikipedia) is to click on every term that you're unsure of, placing it in a new tab at the top of your browser.  When you're done reading the page, close it and move onto the next.  By the end of several hours, you'll have fifty pages yet to be read, and for every page you read you'll open up a couple of new pages.  If, however, you read in a niche with enclosed definitions, after a solid four or five hours reading you can become an internet expert in the given subject.

After doing this a few times you are ready to print out this certficate, and hang it on your wall.

On the TVTropes website, note the inherent sarcasm evident in a number of the posts.  An inherent sarcasm is what, I feel, Wikipedia is missing.  Also note the clever reimagining of old cliches in some of the Trope titles.  Diabolus ex Machina is one of my favourites.

On a lighter note; pictures will be uploaded during the next instalment.  I don't have time to do it this time around.

As of Writing

As of writing, I have nothing to write about.  I usually just write a random selection of words, and the first idea that comes to mind is elaborated upon.

This time, however, nothing springs to mind.  Apart, that is, from a number of criticisms I've received over the number of commas I put into my writing.  These are often voiced by dad, but my addiction has also been noted elsewhere.

Interestingly, (I find) my verbose tendencies put me at odds mainly with my co-workers.  This is interesting because americans pride themselves on rote memorisation of huge lists of words.  Spelling competitions are a source of pride within america, and being wordy is considered a key facet of intelligence.

It seems however, that no-one told them that knowing the entire oxford dictionary, while impressive, doesn't eschew intelligence.  Being able to utilise the dictionary in an interesting manner impresses far more than simply listing words ad nauseum.

The reason I'm being so pompous today?  One of my colleagues keeps taking sly looks at my screen, and I hope he/she may well learn that snooping isn't necessarily the fastest way to a mans heart.

(Make me something delicious and I'll like you far more.)

(That is more of a hint than a demand, in case you were wondering.)

The weekend was good, I'll post some picatures (sic) when I get them.  I used a nice camera again, so hopefully one or two will be decent.  Also, I ate a cartoon dog-head ice cream cake.  Look forward to pictures of that one!  (That one was a demand.)

Birthdays.

It was Gabes birthday today, so we went out for an 'as much as you can eat,' style birthday party.

Or as they call it in america; a birthday party.

We ate pizza (four slices, for myself.)  Crazy burger.  (Two burgers and a plate of chips for myself.)  Macdonalds; (a burger, six chicken nuggets (I loathe the word nuggets, it sounds awful) and a large portion of chips for myself.) then onto a donut joint, (a small spherical donut for myself.) and finally an ice-cream.  (mint choc-chip for myself.)

The calorific intake will be somewhere near the six thousand, all things considered.

To cut a long story short - I'm going to the gym tomorrow.

How to Conceal Your Privacy, Korean Style.

So Koreans have love hotels just like Japan.  There's not enough space for fornicating, these buildings are everywhere.

In Japan there are myriad pieces of metal to place in front of your car license plates, so that you don't get caught cheating on your wife.

In Korea, they have hanging ropes to stop you being able to see the owner of any cars.  The problem is, the ropes only reach down to the bonnet.  (They keep their license plates in the same place as us...)

I don't understand why they try to hide their rampant social problems.  They're only lying to themselves.  (They're not fooling anyone either.)

On second thoughts, the ropes could be suspended to keep the rats out (they're huge.  One was squashed in the middle of the road, it was cat sized.)

Why Korea is so Messed Up (Socially Speaking) Reason Number 54.

Make your own captions for the cop and the woman being served dinner.  Blow it up to full size for a clearer view (4mb).

The winner gets it posted as the official caption for this picture.

It's Not a Font, It's the Shape of the Letters

So I just heard a fantastic quote from my Korean boss.

After four hours of semi-relaxed (see: we're all slacking, the designer isn't) design work, a final version (post-beta) of the school open-class invitation was created.

Some problems arose, and the integral portion (the font) was questioned, ultimately it was decided the font must change.

This caused suicidal thoughts within the creator (not me, before you ask).

Then, my boss chips in.  'You don't need to change the font, just change the erm...'  A minute passes, everyone waits with bated breath.  The anticipated answer is one of saving an hours further work.  Finally, a spark emerges from some dank recess of the mind.

'It's not the font, it's the shape of the letters.'

I nearly wet myself.

And this was my day.

Explain to me Why.

Just a quick observation.

Can someone explain to me why running an unadulterated version of Ubuntu (10.10) from an SD card with a persistence setup, is faster than running a notebook variant on an SSD?

This I don't understand.

That is all.

Breaking News: China is Mad.

China recently published its version of the traditional maritime map, for the South-East Asian seas it falls into.

The yanks have now moved to contain China, by befriending all the people that China have pissed off by declaring planet Earth theirs.

Except Vietnam of course.

I'd imagine it would take a lot of empty promises and back-handers to smooth things over with them

Of course China as a collective have nothing to fear.

America couldn't contain a paper bag.

Of Americans; Living Upstairs

So I was woken up last night, and couldn't get back to sleep for some hours.

Ignorant americans upstairs are to blame, and every time I'm woken up it's them.

The previous tenant of that room was somewhat noisy, but never after a certain time.  These guys are obnoxious even past two in the morning.  So, naturally, I went and shouted at them.  That shut them up this time, but I doubt it will be a permanent solution.

Everyone knows americans are stupid, but I'd wager not many people know how annoying they are to have living above you.  It's beyond farcical when they're teaching words like, 'respect,' to the kids, (upper level ones, of course) and running around upstairs on the night before a workday, keeping me and two others awake.

They're a couple, and the man is a complete waster.  He followed his girlfriend here, obviously not wanting to.  Unfortunately for him, he's a 5/6 out of  ten, where his girlfriend is an 8/9.  If they break up, he is never going to get a girlfriend this attractive again, so his hands are tied I suppose.  He just has to hang on until she wakes up and realises he's a scumbag.  He's not got a job, drives around on an illegally purchased motorcycle, with no insurance or license.  They smoke drugs in their apartment (drugs are a way bigger deal here than in England.  Penalties include never being able to come into the country again (even for recreation (sic)) and massive fines.) and generally behave the way that grants the locals every right to hate foreigners.

Three hours sleep, let's go to work.

/End rant/

House

I've put off watching the latest releases of House, because watching them in a row, only to find that you're at the end of a series with no more to watch - sucks.

At least a year has passed, and to that end I'm now watching a full series and a half in order.

It seems to me that House is one of the few series going that doesn't wane over time.  It has good episodes and bad episodes, but each one has enough differentiating it to create a whole new image for itself.

Of course analysing each episode individually you quickly see that this isn't the case; but watching them back to back in a string of seven shows or so, there will always be one or two that break up the typical flow of the show, creating something that breaks from the mundane.  This is one of the reasons that watching them back to back is a joy.

The other joy of the show is the subtle comedy in addition to typical drama.  There are certainly moments that are contrived purely for comedic purposes, but the additional touches, the small elements make it stand out from the crowd.  That's certainly what Hugh Laurie brings to the table.

Series six, halfway complete, eight out of ten.

God Giveth, and he Most Certainly Taketh Away

So in general conversation today, my boss mentioned that she had two junked PC's in her room, and that I was welcome to have them, should I wish to try and fix them.

I got one up and running, (which I'm now writing this entry on) and I suspect a faulty power supply is the reason the other isn't working.  I'll go into work on Monday and try t source one from the school.

The PC's are both P4's, early generations to boot.

The one I'm using is a 1.7Ghz monstrosity, with half a gig of ram and an onboard graphics processor.  It's slow, but still faster than my laptop.

And so I mention my laptop.

I dropped it.

I snapped the attached USB stick.  The operating system was installed on that stick.

To get the PC running I installed a version of linux.  To do so I had to overwrite the SD card I used to install the original version of linux on my laptop.

Therefore, in totality, god gave me two extra PC's, one of which works, the other doesn't.

He then took away my laptop.

And then he took away half of the PC that IS working, because my linux install has corrupted.

Man, unlucky or what?

Why You Have to be a Mug to do What I do.

I just found out that a Korean person can get paid seventy pounds more a month as a teacher, for teaching ten hours a week.

I am working for the 14th straight hour today.

I do this at least once a week.

I get paid three pounds an hour, for the four hours overtime I pull each week.

This is why no one likes Koreans.  They are liars, (the whole department is promised things on a weekly basis that never arrive) they cheat whoever they can (but not other Koreans, of course!) and they are generally an unpleasant people.

If you are considering being a teacher here, don't.  The extra money isn't worth it.  Trust me.

Korean TV and Other Things.

So Korean television is primarily nonsense, just as in England.  This is compounded by the (seeming) relative lack of funding their television programs receive.

A typical show in England will be a talent show, in which all entrants are welcome.  They host the show in a big studio, with a respectable budget pushing proceedinngs.

The Korean equivalent will be hosted in a shed, by a washed up celebrity paid in his or her addiction of choice.

There is however, one shining light in the cesspit of television.

That shining light adheres to the same monetary constraints as other shows; but overcomes their weaknesses with bags of charm.

Hosted by a jolly man who goes  by the name Kang Ho Dong, this show follows the single simplest format I've ever seen.

The show is called Two Days, One Night.  The premise is this:  A group of comedians and celebrities, (around six or seven of them) travel to a predetermined location, and compete to earn their dinner.  If they fail in a task, they go hungry, or have some unknown forfeit.  One forfeit, for example, was having to eat their entire dinner in under a minute.  After the minute the food was (in some cases) forcibly taken from them.

They then stay the night in a famous  location within Korea (or somewhere particularly hospitable - hence why they've never been to Geoje) and compete in a challenge the next morning for their breakfast.

They usually compete to decide where they sleep too.  During one episode they failed to complete a challenge and were woken up every hour, driven to a bizarre location and forced to sleep there.  (Of course you can't force someone to sleep, but a couple of  days with no sleep will render most people comatose, so it worked surprisingly well).

This particular forfeit resulted in them sleeping in a side-street at the crack of dawn, as many people meandered past beginning their daily routines.

Priceless.

To show the simplicity of this program, here is one final example.  In order to obtain dinner during one show; they had to push a car that was in neutral, with no brakes, to a spot marked on the ground.  Imagine curling, but with a car.

I don't know why I love this show, but it's amazing.

In other news, I tried a couple of new cakes over the weekend.

 The panda seemed to enjoy this one.

Out of ten, I would rank this cake nine.  The extremely high score is attributable to the entirely chocolate bow on top.  It was a delicious addition, and was clearly not american chocolate.

I think this is the first time in a while that I've had chocolate that's not american in nature, and it was good.

 This is a close-up to show the exquisite decoration around the side of the cake.  Most, if not all of the cakes I purchase have this decoration, and this particular brand of chocolate flavouring  is delectable.

 This is the second dessert I partook of this weekend.  Not technically a cake, but close enough that I don't mind being incorrect on this particular matter.

 

 The ice-cream/cake pictured is an extremely fatty blend of cream, chocolate chip ice-cream and toffee with peanuts.

Obviously the peanuts detracted from what would otherwise be a perfectly acceptable combination, but such was my ice-cream deficiency at the time, that I couldn't have cared less.  In hindsight I should have opted for something without any fruits or vegetables.

This alternative view highlights the toffee cylinder of ice-cream.

There was a copious amount of chocolate sauce in the pictured chocolate cup; fantastic.

 Just to prove that it was, in fact, less healthy than I've previously tried to convey - here is a side shot of the chocolate sauce drizzled on straight cream, with the chocolate cup filled with chocolate sauce in the background.

This was enough for two days, believe it or not!

 Even though it looks small, it packs a chocolatey punch.

Take it from someone who can (and regularly does) eat his own bodyweight in chocolatey desserts; this thing is not to be trifled with (sic).

It looks like a few bites in, but this is no ordinary dessert.

It's the dessert that keeps on giving!

Why Korea is a Third World Country: Reason No. 354

To tell whether a country is in the third world (as various global organisations must) you should follow a predetermined set of criteria.

I think it's a more personal approach, however, that truly decides whether a country is part of the 'civilised,' world.

In my case, I have found both sides of this particular coin to be true.  The telecommunications network is the most advanced in the world.  The road network is sublime (especially considering the terrain they must traverse) and buildings are demolished and erected in days - not months as is the case in England.

Problems arise when you look at the people however.  Disease and illness are exceedingly high, because the quality of life for working people is poor.  Everyone works far too hard for relatively little pay.  The upshot is stress-related illness.

There are an increasing number of elderly out of work, relying on picking up garbage to sell to scrap dealers.  The fact that dozens of carts (cobbled together from scrap wood, metal and tyres - immediately recognisable as transport for recyclable goods) are parked along our road suggests this is a common activity.

Complaints are rife that England is a 'booze nation,' because every Friday signals the beginning of a weekend bender.

Every day is a booze fest here, with people drinking and passing out on a regular basis.  The town is relatively small, but there are around one hundred bars (a rough estimate) in this area alone.

Then we come to the people.  Using the Korean teachers as an example: they are beyond stupid.  They are so dense you could use them as paper weights.

The Korean teachers complain every day about us receiving over-time.  (Which is paid at 3 pounds an hour, by the way)  Their argument is that we use overtime to complete lesson plans, which they manage to do without overtime.

This sounds reasonable, except that they get over 12 hours a week (during school) without students, with which they can do their lesson plans.

We get zero hours a week.

This comes about because their kids are sent to music classes, English classes, art classes, gym classes and so-on.

They also complain that we get free apartments.

Again, a reasonable concern.

Except that they earn four times more than we do.  An entire nation of lobotomised individuals?  Incredible.

Then they complain that we get a free bus in the morning; they have to pay for it.

Another valid concern.

Except they all drive cars.


Christ almighty, these people are so moronic they make americans look like Nobel Prize candidates.

And they smell of cigarettes and alcohol.

In the Market for a New MP3 Player

So my venerable Sony Walkman Mp3 player is on its' last legs.  The fact that it's been on its' last legs for the past three years is neither here nor there...

The fact is I'm worried that it's going to give up in the middle of a file run (carrying files from home to school or vice-versa) and drop me in a pile of the sticky stuff.  The obvious question is 'why don't you just use a pendrive?'  This question can only be answered by looking at my current PC setup.  I've an SD card in the back of my laptop running a flavour of Ubuntu, a pendrive that's essentially keeping all the files not critical for booting the operating system, and a few other pendrives that are burned out or full - lying around the place.  I go through portable storage like meals.

At least, I do when the device is primarily used for storage.

For some reason my MP3 players have always been a reliable way to carry files; at times the fringe benefit has been playing music, rather than the other way around.

There are tons of options on the market, and going through them all would be impossible, so I won't even try.

My criteria for the player are extensive, but could be (somewhat) boiled down to capacity, flexibility, (the range of file formats it supports) and modability.

Since I've been using linux I've found myself modifying things a lot more.  My PS3 and Xbox can run video and music from a media server.  In most cases this means 'Windows Media Centre.'  If you buy a fresh network storage device (like a mybookworld) you can often modify it to run as a media server.  This is possible because they all run some version of linux natively.  You just crack it open (metaphorically) and change the program it runs.

Alas, I couldn't change my own NAS because it would mean wiping the whole thing and starting again (which I'm not prepared to do), but after installing a media server on my baby laptop (just to see if it could be done) I think I'm ready to do something more ambitious.

Being able to play all my media files without converting them would be a boon, and I think it would only be viable with a hacked player.  Which players natively support .ogg for example?

So the challenge has been set, internet.  Go find me a huge, highly modable solid quality Personal/portable Media Player for a decent price.



On an unrelated note: the weather is insane here.  Yesterday I was wearing a t-shirt under my school shirt.  It wasn't particularly cold, warm enough to stay outside at least.

Tomorrow I will be wearing my skiing jacket, and it will be zipped up.

Fastest changing weather in the world?  I think so.

Stitches and the Avoidance of.

I keep getting stitches when I try and run on the treadmill.  How do I avoid this?  Any and all thoughts welcome.  (Except telling me to run through it, I've tried, it does not work, and it's not fun...)

Kids Fall.

So one of the other teachers had a horrific experience today.

A kid fell off his chair, hit his face on the corner of a desk and lost his adult front tooth in the process.

Tons of blood apparently.

I was in half a mind to carry some of my kids into the room, to warn them that's what happens when you swing on a chair.  I'm certain it would make no difference to any of them though.

As dumb as bricks has become my new favourite saying.  I think it applies in this case.

Beware, Dehumidifier Users. And, My Boss is Trying to Kill Me.

So my boss put out a dehumidifier for everyone to enjoy in the office.

Being the child that I am, I was messing around with it, blowing into it and being all silly for the kids.

Within hours I had a sore throat.  The next day I lost my voice, and now I have a chest infection.

My boss didn't clean it.  It had stale water in it for a year, and she thought it would be okay to simply swap the water.

Asians are still stuck in the dark ages when it comes to the understanding of bacteria and viruses.  I'd imagine their comprehension of things fungal isn't up to much either.

It's 3AM and I can't sleep on account of my chest infection-irific cough, and the worst sore throat I've ever had.

I've had my throat scraped with a spade, and this is still the worst sore throat I've ever had.

My boss is a dumbass...

Royal Navy Cuts

While I think we should just cut all our armed forces, and have a minimalist self defence force (consisting of a few drunk men, and pointed sticks), most have eschewed that in favour of big, expensive ships and aircraft.

I keep reminding people that England doesn't matter anymore, and we should stop poking our noses in where it doesn't belong.  This falls on deaf ears mostly, but the new defence review has ordered the scrapping of the HMS Ark Royal.  Our biggest ship.

The Ark Royal is:

• 211 metres long
• Has a maximum beam of 36m
• Has a draft of 8.4m
• Displaces 20,000 tonnes
• Full complement of 682 sailors
• Can carry an additional 668 aircrew and Royal Marines

This sounds extremely impressive.  Let's see how this stacks up against the american equivalent:

Displacement:	100,000 to 104,600 long tons
Length:	Overall: 1,092 feet (332.8 m) Waterline: 1,040 feet (317.0 m)
Beam:	Overall: 252 ft (76.8 m) Waterline: 134 ft (40.8 m)
Draft:	Maximum navigational: 37 ft (11.3 m) Limit: 41 ft (12.5 m)
Propulsion:	2 × Westinghouse A4W nuclear reactors 4 × steam turbines 4 × shafts 260,000 shp (194 MW)
Speed:	30+ knots (56+ km/h; 35+ mph)
Range:	Essentially unlimited distance; 20 years
Complement:	Ship's company: 3,200 Air wing: 2,480		Why

Why don't we just call it a day on all this meaningless posturing?

In Lieu Of

Real presents are hard to find, and even harder to ship.

On this miserly note; happy birthday Ray!

I'll cook a funny picture up at a later date.

(I've set my kids on the task, and will hopefully receive a dinosaur car themed happy birthday, or something equally ridiculous.)

Pictures, And What I Can't Do

So I recently took a couple of photos of my kids.  They were all dressed up in the traditional Korean clothing (called Hanbuk), and they looked pretty smart.

My original plan was to share them on here.

If you asked someone to name the traditional Japanese clothing you'd get a mixed response; some would name it directly, others would skirt around the correct name.  The constant is that everyone would describe it, to a greater or lesser extent.

Now ask people to name the traditional Korean dress.  Any takers?

Describe it then.

Still no one?

One tentative hand goes up in the back row - and  that about sums up Koreas contribution to the world.  It would be nice to share the traditional Hanbuk with people back home without resorting to a supermodel swaying along a catwalk.  No one looks like that, and fewer women walk like that.  They really do look splendid, and are a direct contrast from the Japanese muted dress.

Perhaps that's why my opinion on Hanbuk changed when I saw the kids wearing them; they're colourful and vibrant in the way the people simply aren't.  A form of expression perhaps?

If you want to know what they look like however; stick to google.  I'm sure I'd be placed in a deep pot of steadily boiling water if I were to post pictures of the kids on the internet, and someone were to find out.

(The only way they'd find out is if they searched for my name on google, I'm sure.)

Should Probably be Working

So the first period of teaching isn't happening today; the kids are gallivanting.

This leaves me time to say hello to everyone.

Hello.

That is all.

Some Photos From England

This is part of the ropes course.  I can assure you, it's far more uncomfortable than it looks.  Sitting in that harness for a couple of hours is painful enough; the added fear of knowing that it's your own setup, that's a killer.

Terrifying.

 This will be some kind of traversing wall, when the handholds have been completed.

I was only there for one day, so I couldn't help with much more than the cargo net.

 This is the bespoke cargo net.

Hand-crafted in England, guaranteed for at least one use.

I hope it doesn't fall apart - there are a lot of screws in there that I don't want tighten again!

 I would like to point out that I had no hand in building this; it's on here purely because it looks cool.

An alternative angle of the traversing wall.  I'd love to give this a go when it's finished.

Next time I'll have a couple of rifles slung over my back, one shotgun in each pocket and a short axe in each hand.

Zombie survival plan complete.