Monday 30 November 2009

If You Want My Advice...

So my phone self-destructed when I was in Japan; so I requested a replacement from three mobile, along with a new simcard.

The replacement arrived a week or two ago, and was broken.  So I sent it back, received a new one, and surprise of all surprises, this one is broken too.  Both are refurbished models, however; it's extremely (see:here) unlikely both phones are faulty.

I fully understand that they are reading from a script when answering calls, and will be fired for showing any insight while helping the customer; but it seems plainly obvious to me that the mobile phone is not the problem.  The significantly cheaper alternative (for them) would be to send me a replacement simcard and be done with it.  Of course, this is a logical course of action, and large companies rarely do things the easy way, preferring to alienate everyone instead.

If you were wondering, my phone of choice is an 'INQ' (in capital letters no less) made by the telephone company who shows an outstanding propensity for creativity; 'INQ incorporated.'

And no, you should not buy this phone.  It is slow, the UI was obviously hand-crafted by a five year old with no access to a pencil sharpener, (presumably the closed blade in such a device poses a discernible health risk, discernible to someone, anyway) and the buttons are 'squishy.'  Yes that is a technical term, and no the buttons are not broken.  The 'squishiness' is designed into the very fabric of the phone, and epitomises the lacklustre effort of everyone involved in the creation of this monstrosity.

New mobile phones tend towards having a killer feature.  The iphones' was a price tag only a sheikh could afford, and a host of accompanying bloatware that would make even Bill Gates blush.  Ok, so that's not really a killer feature, but I can only presume these are the reasons for its' continued success.

The blackberry does... Something.  It's big and ugly, and business types like it so, if a gadget reflects its' owner, we can assume the blackberry steals taxes and buys overpriced Mercedes, to impress its various mistresses, before heading back home to the wife blackberry and doing a thousand pounds worth of drugs and alcohol.  I can only assume this is true based upon the news however, as I have no insider knowledge of their lives.  Or the life of a blackberry.  Wait, was anyone still following that pretence?

So this post turned somewhat more sinister than I initially planned, but that's what the news does to a person I suppose.

As a summary I guess you could conclude that: You should not buy the INQ, Blackberry, or iphone; go with something opensource like android.  You may well consider 3 mobile as your provider when you are next surfing for a change; they are rather helpful on the telephone, once you get past the ubiquitous robot woman, although you will find them extremely difficult to understand due to their being Indian outsourced.  They're generally nice to talk to, but they are as impotent as any other large company, due to their being structured by a sadist.


Luckily there are only a handful of idiots stupid enough to ask for this phone; so it will be a failure and the company will go bankrupt soon.

It doesn't affect me, being one of the idiots in question,  because my simcard is broken and I can't use it anyway.

Small miracles, eh.

Friday 27 November 2009

Four Thousand Page Views and....

Well my little page counter is telling me that this little blog has had four thousand visits so far.  These are not unique individuals of course, and the vast majority are myself, editing and re-uploading pages.

The other little secret to this number, is that I have reason to suspect some kind of attack on blogspot, (the page counter went up 1,000 overnight early in this blogs' history, and again midway through) therefore the actual number of hits is actually uncountable, and because of the idiot-friendly nature, and closed systems of blogspot, I cannot trace traffic; basically, no one will ever know how many views these pages have had.

In unrelated news I've started writing my autobiography!  I've always threatened to write about myself, (my own ego dictated that this be the first port of call in any attempts at writing) and now seemed a logical time to start.  I have an inordinate amount of time to myself, and reflection is almost inevitable in such circumstances.  To show the pre-empted nature of such writing, I even took a module in autobiographical studies at university.  Autobiography is an overlooked form, but pre-existing works outline any number of ways approaching such writing.  As usual I've just conglomerated every 'style,' creating a bastardised English that is actually rather difficult to follow.

I'm still debating whether to keep what I've written, as it realistically reflects me, but will (probably) make very little sense to anyone else.  It's also extremely interesting to find myself reading what is already committed to page and thinking; christ, this is difficult to read.  I've often criticised other writers for having styles that are almost impossible to read fluently, requiring an adept cipher inside ones' mind, rather than a curious mind.  They are essentially the kind of books that egoists and pretentious prattlers love so much - apparently I secretly fall among their ranks.  Of course the egotistical nature of my personality is not surprising, anyone who writes about themselves at any length has an ego measurable on the richter scale; but I've always tried to avoid pretence in everything I do, or write.  Except within my family and close friends, maybe.

On another tangent, christmas beckons.  No jobs as of yet, some presents purchased, the dole beckons, and tensions are (as always) frayed within all family departments.  This is pretty much par, for the circumstances I find myself in.  JET scheme (an ephemeral shadow organisation, spear-headed by God or the devil, depending on whether you've been accepted or not) has recieved my application and is now reviewing it.

And that, as they say, is that.

Wednesday 25 November 2009

Songs, Pictures and... The Other Stuff

I recently sorted out my music collection, because I found it quite challenging to locate anything of interst.  This collecting involved a program download, and an awful lot of collating, on behalf of rhythmbox.

It turns out that my music collection is now 115 gigs in size, containing 15,000 songs; totalling a staggering 45 days worth of music, on continuous play.  It was at this point I hit the random play button, and am working my way through the music as I write.  I'll tell you what my collection is like, in a few months.

I've also set myself the arbritrary target of a full years worth of music.  This is my intended music target, and will cost me roughly 850 gigs of space.  I intend to achieve this target within a year.  How's that for life ambition, eh?

On another media related note, I keep receiving great photographs from the people back in Japan.  It's interesting to see how they actually use their mobile phone cameras, and send photographs to each other without a care for expense.  This is probably to do with their inexpensive infrastructure, however it's so damned complicated that I can't make head nor tails of how it is actually charged.




Birds, birds and trees.  It's a bit odd to see the similarities in seasons between here and Japan; but it's yet another common factor between both countries.




I don't know whether animated gifs work either, but here is rirakuma, doing what he does best.  (That's relaxing, not drinking per se; you cynical bunch)


This is the kind of idyll that exists in any country with a history, and some means of preserving that history.  Thinking about this, these criteria narrow the possible venues for this scene down to the developed European countries, Japan and Korea perhaps.  I wonder why we take these kinds of views for granted, when you can only see them in a handful of countries?












Another really nice picture.  Thanks for all of them guys!


This is mado-chans' cooking prowess, for all to see!  How amazing do they look!!!  I'm not sure why she's made so many mushrooms though; perhaps a Freudian allusion to their mind altering nature!  Who knows...

All I know is, they look delicious!






This is another angry looking chap.  Does he have wings?  Or is my mind playing a trick on me?










And we end tonights presentation with another cute animated gif.  I get sent literally a couple of these things, every week; so I've built up an extensive collection already.

It appears that animated gif's don't work, but you get the idea anyway...




And to end with...

Monday 23 November 2009

JET Application Then

So I finally handed in my second JET application.  As with all of them (I presume) it took a long time to get sorted; and the very fact I managed to pull the barrels of information together is a minor miracle.  Thanks to all those who helped, I wouldn't have come this far without everyone.

If anyone is watching from JET, please please please please please let me go to Japan...


This is what a room of JET application looks like.  All this goes into a giant envelope and is whisked away to the embassy in London.

My stomach is turning already, simply thinking about how (if) my application will be received.  As with all these things, something will almost certainly have been forgotten or lost either in creating the folder, or in translation.










This is the thickness of all the papers required for application.  This isn't the complete pack, it only gets thicker.

I would be interested to know how much of a backside ailment the original scheme was, in terms of forms and filing.  The infamy of Japanese beaurocracy leads me to believe that it was always, and always will be this annoying.


Check out the TV times in the background too.  Please don't steal all the sensitive information that is (probably) present in these pictures.  Ok then, you can steal my identity, but can I have it back when you're done?

Saturday 21 November 2009

Hull University.

So I went back up to Hull in order to retrieve a few pieces of paper, that were otherwise not forthcoming.  After a couple of weeks of telephoning anyone who would listen on university grounds, and sending a number of e-mails, I eventually gave up and headed up there.

It took me five minutes to get these pieces of paper, because of the stellar direction given to me by Matt, the prince of (the) English (office).

The train journey was originally going to cost me £200, so I obviously got a different train.  The journey up was relatively uneventful, but the journey down sucked.  It took me about 5 hours, whereas the opposite journey took me three.

Anyway, seeing as I was in Hull for three years, with no kind of definitive (positive) memory being created while I was there, I felt it fitting to take some pictures and write about it.

The university itself is quite good.  Depending on the department you'll either be enrolled in the middle of the pack (in terms of all English universities) or somewhere further down the ranks.  Luckily for me the English department ranked extremely highly in England, and therefore ranked highly within the university itself.  I don't know where it is now; but I have a funny feeling it will have slipped now a few of their more prominent (see:amazing) students have left.  (Me of course.)

The facilities are pretty good, with sports on tap for those who want to participate in organised events, and a well equipped (if small) gym for those who like individual exercise.

The whole place is clean, and the library (where you'll spend your entire third year and masters year(s)) is extremely well equipped.  Unfortunately there are far too few computers in the building itself, so you'll need to bring/buy a laptop in order to use it to its' full potential.

The town itself is as horrible as people say it is.  There are certain areas that are completely rundown, in the most spectacular sense of the word.  If you like hardcore drugs, crime and occasionally murder, these areas will be your second home.

The town centre has been newly renovated, but as was expected, it's already starting to become a bit ragged around the edges, even though it's only a couple of years old.

I guess any university experience comes down to what you make of it, and to that extent, to be perfectly frank, it doesn't matter in the least bit which university you decide upon going to, because if you throw yourself into it, you'll have fun either way.  As such, Hullian accommodation is extremely cheap, and living there is cheaper than anywhere else in England.


This is the English department.

The guys and girls of the English department office are awesome.  They epitomise the friendly Hull ethic you hear others always talking about, and basically make administrative tasks pleasant.  Other departments torment you at every turn, the English department helps you all the time, no matter what th problem is.  Fantastic.  There are a huge number of companies out there that should wake up and take note of the customer service of this particular group.  Seriously.


This is the central boulevard, as it were.  This walkway links all the major parts of the university, from science departments to computer centres.  The Library is on the left, well hidden behind the moulting tree.

The new parts of the university, such as the busines school occupy a giant concrete wart just behind the library, and are best avoided if sanity is something you value.



The university is situated a fair distance from the city centre.  Around forty minutes by foot, or fifteen to twenty on a bus.  As such, I chose to take no pictures of the town centre, in favour of plotting my route back home.  I made this journey almost every day for a couple of years.  It's really strange to think that I did that and have no real emotion towards the university itself; bar the people I worked with, or had dealings with.

Some say inanimate objects take on a life of their own, but I think this only applies to cars, or vehicles.





This is the complete journey from university to house.  The photo above is looking back towards the university, and the one here is forward looking, onward to my (old) house!














This is looking down Newland avenue.  My (old) house is right at the end of this road, and then at the end of another road.

All I could think about when I was walking down this road was chenzi, and what a waste of a year that was.  It's unfortunate when bad memories are stirred up by simple sights such as this, but I guess it serves as a warning and reminder to my future self.

All the little things brought back memories for me, and all I could think was how big a waste of time she was.  Sigh.









This is halfway down the street, past her house, and nearing the right angle left hand turn that signals disembarkation from Newland avenue.

The houses on the street in which I lived are quite enormous, Victorian style beasts.  In true Victorian style they seem to have been engineered to withstand nuclear attack, even though they couldn't have perceived this threat during their construction.  You can tell modern construction, simply because it is flimsy in comparison to the building it's placed upon.


Left turn at the bottom of Newland, and we're halfway there.

This part is the most treacherous when there are fewest cars, because most people think they can take the corner at forty, despite being in a van or similarly ill-equipped vehicle.  This has led to more than a few near-death pedestrian experiences.

Luckily, all my bikes got stolen in Hull, so I rarely had the opportunity to traverse this particular corner by bicycle.  The extraordinary crime rate of Hull probably saved my life.





There's no one preparing, selling or taking drugs in this little cut-through alleyway, so it's not really a true depiction of my walk home.















Hang a left out of the drug addled alleyway, onto the street of no return.

















From the street of no return, one must turn right onto the street of concrete bleakness.


This street is often ravaged by wild gangs of youths, wearing nothing but tracksuits; it is my belief they are attempting to emulate their parents, however more study must be done in this field to ascertain the true reason for the northern obsession with tracksuits.









To highlight the concrete bleakness that is this road, I took three photographs at three distinctive point along the road.

They are distinctive in that they are points through which other road intersect, and are a five minute walk apart.

The reason for the three photographs?










Essentially it's a game of spot the difference.

This road looks exactly the same, from one end to the other.  It is a horrific eyesore, and the only saving grace (a park on the left hand side, for about 3/4 of the road) is blocked by trees and hedges...  Good work, city council planning.











This is the thoroughly pleasant road I lived in for two years, enjoying a lot of what it has to offer.

Now I can't remember anything about it, or the house I lived in.

It's not even non-descript!  It has character!











So I spent a couple of hours with Josh and Joe.  A couple of beers for the trip home, and all is good.  Except of course the two hour stopover on the platform because no alternative arrangements were made by the train company.













And Joe, the monster from the deep.

He pretends to be English, but he's actually chinese, even though he's still learning the language.  (He's from Hong Kong.)

See: This for more information about what just happened.  (Joe got racially bullied, on the internet.  This is against new government guidelines on living, as outlined here)





And that was my trip to Hull, for a day.  It bought back a number of bad memories, a few good ones, rekindled my belief that Hull is the friendliest place in the universe; and revealed my apparent apathy to life.

Wednesday 18 November 2009

Puri Kura!

Here are some pictures we took while we were in Japan.  Puri kura (print club) are the photo booths used for passports, only they are stickers, and you can add whatever accoutrement's you wish.


This is the inside of the print club!  It's not as bright as this picture makes it out to be, but it is almost like being in some kind of inquisition...

The machine has some kind of pheremone excretion device, that secretes a small that cannot be resisted by women.  They flock from all around to take pictures in these things.











Here is my lovely assistant!

Displaying the money required to satiate a Japanese girls' desire to be photographed.










I had to stealthily take this picture while we were in the arcade.  No photographs allowed!  Except for the ones inside the booth...

Cute rules, remember?!














And here are the pictures I took from inside the booth.

They're now stuck on my computer, good memories.

Friday 13 November 2009

So Twitter Then.



I want to know what it does.

http://twitter.com/NotAzebu

I quickly cut out some pictures and stuck them on there, and having done this I moved onto the main site, to try and familiarise myself with the design.  The only problem is I don't know what it actually does.

What is it?

What does it do?

Can someone please tell me this!  I am confused!

In other news:  Me and my friends from university were playing a game that involved cartoon style graphics.

It has planes, but they're really difficult to control, the challenge:  Fly upside down, picking up passengers under a bridge.  The results:  Somewhat mixed.




And this is how it should be done:



The fun we have...

Thursday 12 November 2009

A Heads Up!

Should anyone be reading this in England.

There are absolutely tons of really good films on film four in the upcoming week!

Check it out after 8PM, almost every day.  There's Tokyo Sonata, Death note and Kamikaze girls, to name a few.  I've not seen the last one yet, but it sounds pretty interesting.

I'll probably review it if it's any good.  Or if it's terrible.

On another note, the JET application is coming on a pace, but it does look like I'll have to visit Hull.  What a pain in the backside.  Maybe I'll make a special guest appearance if I have to go up there.  Drop by the house, all surprise like.

Monday 9 November 2009

A Shrine to my Travels

A collected all the items I had acquired during my all too brief stay in Japan and made a little shrine out of them.

I feel kind of strange putting all these things together, because they take up hardly any space at all; and far from epitomising my trip, it sits on my desk mocking me, whispering in my ear that it's an inadequate grouping of insignificant items.

Ok, so it doesn't whisper to me, because that would make me certifiable.  But this small collection of items is only a small gateway into the experiences of all those decades ago.

Wait, I only travelled there... How many days ago was it?  And I guess this is my worry.  Like my (minor) Japanese language skills, I feel the experiences and memories will wane over time; I don't know what will be left after the lighter, less significant memories evaporate.


And here is the travels corner of my room.

The swiss made, chinese, swiss army knife from chenzi; the sphinx head from Egypt, the chinese dolls from the budding doctor I met in america, all those years ago.

And now the Japanese accoutrements.

It looked a little bare before, but the Japanese elements, with their personal touches, make this corner of my room all the more inviting.

Saturday 7 November 2009

What is there to Write about in England?

So I'm debating whether to keep this blog running.

My thinking is that, generally speaking, there are very few interesting things to write about while in England.  This is not to say England is disinteresting.  I'm sure it's got a lot to offer anyone who is interested and willing to put themselves out and about; I am not one of these people however, and I feel a blog of my time in England would simply deteriorate into a monotonous, moan laden diatribe.

On the other hand - a moan laden diatribe posted on the internet would plot my trajectory perfectly.  The highs of Japan will contrast the monotony of England perfectly; and everything has highs and lows.  A skewed view of my situation may give rise to resentment at a later stage, and should I ever feel Japan has treated me badly, I can look back at my diary and see just where it ranks among past experiences.  Should I find myself unemployed while in Japan, I can look back at the job I will (hopefully) hold in England, and say: 'well teaching here is a damned sight better than stacking shelves in England.'  Or I might say, 'well teaching here is a damned sight worse than winning the lottery in England.'  Of course, one might be wishful thinking, and the other might be wishful thinking.

So for this episode of 'Sam, the chronicles thereof,' I'm going to show you all some pictures of my journey homeward bound.

I flew back on a jumbo jet which was nice, although I did pay a premium for this.  I think I've finally made some sense of the pricing system put in place by the airline companies.  Essentially, the bigger the plane you fly on, the more expensive it is.  The size of the plane is dictated by the length of the journey.  Therefore, a journey with a stop costs less!  My theory is being patented as we speak.


There's a cartoon called 'gundam,' over in Japan, and it has a dozen different spin-off series.  It's so popular that a giant life sized robot (the series' trademark) was erected in Tokyo.  Unfortunately it was dismantled a month before I arrived, but it was enormous.

Anyway, the reason I bring this up:  This ship (see: train) looks like it has been styled on the mythical gundam.  It's due to hit the rails in  2010, and will serve as one of the express trains (I think.)

I can't wait to hop on one of these mean looking things when I come back!







The last thing you see before boarding the plane back home...

Hope to see you soon too, Japan... *cry*











This is the plane I flew back in on.

This is taken from Heathrow, and for possessing a camera inside an airport, I was half expecting to be shot on sight.

Luckily I survived, to bring you this.

My views on HSBC have changed somewhat since they refused to send me a replacement card in Japan. The world bank, my arse.  They tried their best to strand me in the middle of Japan with no money.  Good going, guys.
Boycot all HSBC products people!

The plane was comfortable though, and crewed by a large number of very nice people.  Even though none of you will ever read this, thank you very much.


The reason the checks will take longer.  Not because they're making it harder to get in.  Not because they're turning away more people.  Not because there's more, harder work to be done in order to arrive in England.

It's because they want to ask more questions.

Good going guys.

And on that note; this is the end of my travel home section.

Or is it?

Thursday 5 November 2009

Back in England.

So I'm back in England now...

So...  When can I go back to Japan then?

Anyway, seeing as nothing interesting is happening here, I'll put up some photographs and videos of my last day in Japan.


I can't remember what Fumie was trying to explain here, but it's an interesing picture.  Well done for ignoring all the flashes, Fumie!

Nice jumper too...














I don't remember what was happening here.  I think it's something to do with one of the Japanese classic TV series.  It was the progenitor of american shows like Power Rangers and things of that ilk.  Uramon, I think.

Looking good...





The next Calvin Klein models.

It took a few attempts to get this photo.  Japanese people can pose like no others, I take a few attempts though...  Sorry about that.

Also, Mado-chan is wearing full kimono, and it looks fantastic.

What you can't see in these photographs though, is the underwear worn with kimono is another full size kimono, and the example she was wearing was even prettier than the outer kimono!

A lot of effort goes into wearing these things.



In this photo, slap bang in the middle, is a real life geiko.  In order to become a geisha, (of which there are only a thousand or so in Japan now), a girl must start as a trainee of sorts, then become a maiko, then a geiko, then a geisha.  She's going to be a geisha someday, and it's an incredible privilege to spend time with her, in an incredibly informal and fun situation.

Tourists spend weeks looking for a geisha, to no avail.  Meeting one in this situation, how lucky am I?!?  And spending time with a Buddhist monk.  What an amazing place Kyoto is...


A nice picture, with everyone in...

Except mado-chan, who is taking the picture.











Looking good; guys.  This is how an upalupa looks, in case you were wondering what's going on.

Upalupa is especially vigorous in her depiction of her namesake.

Again, looking good guys :)







Look at the flowers behind Takako's head.  This was unplanned, but looking at the video of her singing, is entirely appropriate.

(Check out the video at the end of this post.)

It's worth noting that geisha even look elegant when drinking.






It was a couple of days after halloween, so there were a few trinkets in the house.  These  devil horns made a few interesting pictures...
















Cute.

The hat never comes off though, I think it's glued to her head.















This is one of my favourite pictures.

The pumpkin hat did the rounds, just like the horns.

This is also the default face of Takako, if she isn't smiling then something is seriously wrong.












I don't know what that hand is doing...

And where is that hand coming from as well?

I'm pretty sure it's not mine.








And then it all comes a cropper.

















Nice hat there, Mado.

There are lots of photographs, so there's a lot to get through...

Fumie is looking miffed, or drunk or something...  Cheer up!








We had an excellent guitar accompinament for the whole night, thanks to the extra housemate Oishibashi picked up while I was away.

Obviously, the entire night was fantastic fun.  Thanks everyone!






So the layers when wearing kimono are:

underwear
under-kimono (I've forgotten the name)
kimono
Obi (this is the orange belt, and has several more layers of its own, including a hard board to keep the shape)
haori

This is why it takes an hour to put everything on.







 The girls by candlelight.

Nice picture.













Hello there, upalupa-chan.

Looking good there, for a Japanese lizard thing!
















OH MY GOD!

AVERT YOUR EYES!!!!!!

It's a monster from the deep!














Ok so now onto the videos:










This is a game I taught everyone; originally it was a rugby drinking game, but I adapted it for the housemates.

Unfortunately, they were all a lot better at the game than I was.  This is basically the reason for me taking this video, because I was immediately eliminated.

As you can see from everyones reactions, it is a lot of fun.

The second video requires something of an introduction.  Mado told me that Takako was a terrific singer, so I asked her to show everyone.  We all thought she was going to do some karaoke style pop singing.  Click on the video now please.



It's only thirty seconds, and the sound quality is abysmal; but jesus.  She is absolutely fantastic.  Amazing.  Superlatives run out...

I want to go watch her live somewhere.